Sibling Troubles

We are now well into the school year and I finally feel like we've established some kind of routine in the mornings.
However, my soon to be 6 year old is feeling left out. We've been encouraging her to make her bed and get dressed in the mornings since the end of September in an effort to teach her responsibility and to make her feel more grown up.
However, pretty much everyday we have a fight about it. She screams that she can’t do it and I am now beginning to think that she resents the time I spend with the baby when she is at school and is not getting enough attention from me.
I've been at my wits end. When my husband leaves for work - his departing words are "good luck". It has gotten so bad in the mornings that I don't want to get out of bed and I am in such a bad mood, I don't feel that I'm any fun to be around. It is amazing how children figure out so quickly how to push our buttons!
So this week I've decided to try something new based on conversations I've had with other moms. I have suggested to my oldest that after school we are going to vary our routine. She can have a snack, watch her hour of television and then around 5:00 p.m. we'll have story time or do a puzzle or make a craft.
She thought that this would be a good idea but wanted to know where the baby would be. I said she would be with us but is pretty good about independent play. We're going to give it a try and see how it works.
I really didn’t expect this reaction from her with the coming of a new sister. As an only child growing up I had all of my parent’s attention and only saw how other families worked from the outside. My best friend had 5 other siblings! This has been a real eye opener for me.

I Don't Want To Go To Polish School!

I had a really interesting conversation with my neighbour the other day about her kids and their Polish school. I also have a friend whose kids go to Lithuanian school and church every weekend. It seems that it is really important for the parents that their children attend these special cultural schools. But as the kids get older, their interest wanes.

The learning of another language was so important to my parents that they founded a school to teach French many decades before the advent of French immersion.

We are no different. Our eldest daughter goes to Mandarin classes every Saturday morning and 2 weeks of Mandarin camp in the summer. Right now she really likes it. We have a wonderful teacher who is patient and understanding and has become a friend. She just became a Canadian citizen with her husband and son in February and they are always included in our Chinese celebrations. There are about thirty families with children from China who take lessons from her.

This group of people is very important for us for several reasons and I know many of them share our feelings. We all want our children to have the knowledge of their birth country's traditions and customs. We celebrate the Harvest Moon Festiaval and Chinese New Years together.

In addition, our children see that our families are not so unusual. At birthday parties and our other celebrations, there is often a 50/50 split between families with children from China and those with a more traditional Canadian family.

We also share an experience which draws us close and can be helpful when dealing with difficult parenting issues.

I'm not sure what we're going to do when we eventually hear - "I don't want to go to Mandarin class anymore!" It's going to come. I know but I hope that it won't be for many many years.

Hi I'm Back!

Hi - After a wonderful summer of getting to know our new daughter and having a couple of weeks of the school routine under our belts, I'm ready to get back in the work and blogging routine.
Our baby is now 18 months old and seems to be developing normally. According to my parenting books, she is achieveing all the benchmarks that she should be.
One interesting thing is language acquisition. She is babbling and making appropriate noises. She understand English and will follow basic commands. What is interesting that every once in awhile, I'll recoginze a word in Mandarin. So she may in fact have a large vocabulary than we realize.
In addition to updates on the journey our family is taking together, I would like to open this blog up to discussions about adoption and the challenges and joys that brings with it.
When we were in China, someone wrote in wondering why only girls were available for adoption in China. There appears to be many reasons for this. Because in China there is no social safety net or old age pension, it falls to the children to look after the parents as they age. In the past and even now, this responsibility lies with the son. In addition, traditionally, when a daughter married, she would leaver her family and go to live with her husband and his family. So as a result many little girl babies were abandoned and available for adoption. China is changing and more daughters are being kept by their families, the one child policy is being relaxed and more and more Chinese babies are being adopted domestically.

We're Home!

It is hard to believe we've been home for two weeks! I couldn't do my blog in Beijing because the Business Centre hours (where the computers were) were 10: 00 a.m to 7:00 p.m. which limited my opportunities to access the internet.

Beijing was terrific. We had a great time - went to the Great Wall, a jade factory, saw the Olympic site, visited Tienamen Square and the Forbidden City. We also went to the Silk Market (the former Silk Alley in a brand new, air conditioned building with 5 floors of vendors). Our guide said that the Chinese don't go there because of the tourists but we got some great gifts and souvenirs.

We also took a tour by pedi-cab of one of the remaining Hutongs. With all the construction in the city inspired by the Olympics, these ancient neighbourhoods are being destroyed. It was very interesting. We didn't take this tour the last time we were in Beijing and I am glad we did this time because who knows if they will be there when we go back for a Homeland Visit. We also had the opportunity to visit a junior school and saw children age 3 to 8 in their classrooms. I had a great conversation with a couple of little boys in Sr. Kindergarten! Maya had a wonderful time playing on the trampoline and the play ground - the first one we'd seen since Hong Kong.

We had a traditional Peking Duck dinner with the group. It was delicious but I was coming down with a severe migraine which limited my enjoyment of the rest of the trip. It was a good thing that my husband was feeling his usual self because on Wednesday afternoon after we returned from The Forbidden City, I went to bed and didn't get up until the next morning. The head ache lasted until the Sunday after we got home.

We left on Thursday, June 26 at around 7:00 p.m. and flew for 12 hours and arrived on Thursday, June 26 at around 8:30 p.m. Because we had arranged for the baby to enter the country as a Canadian citizen, going through Customs and Immigration was a breeze. All we had to do was get her passport stamped and we were done. No line ups and no follow up paperwork! Of course I burst into tears. I seem to be doing that a lot lately!
I managed to get some sleep on the plane with the two girls. My husband took a picture of us on the plane. The baby in my arms and Maya sprawled across my lap. No wonder I woke up sweating and stiff!!

As we landed, I could see Toronto growing bigger and bigger and I reallized how happy I was to get home and what a momentous thing we had done. I remeber feeling the same way when we returned home with our first daughter.

A group of friends from our Mandarin class greeted us at the airport as well as my parents who were driving my sister home and our friends who were bringing us home. They brought food and flowers and hugs - it was a wonderful homecoming.

Our house was still standing, the mail was sorted and things were well taken care of. Our nephew did a fantastic job looking after the place.

Because we got home so late, we climbed into bed, had some munchies and fell asleep! We had had a wonderful time but it was sure nice to be home.

We're off to Beijing Today

After 7 days in Chongquing, we're off to Beijing today on our last lap of our China adoption trip. The provincial paperwork is complete and our documents are ready to be submitted to the Embassy in Beijing.

The government department presented us with a beautiful keepsake photo album with pictures of the formal adoption ceremony which took place on Tuesday, photos of the orphanage, a couple of pictures of the baby playing at the orphanage and a family picture taken at the time of the ceremony with the baby crying of course. While she is very photogenic, she does not like to have her picture taken by government officials. I have to say that the entire process was extremely well organized and professional.

We've had a nice stay in Chongquing.

On Wednesday, we went to a park on top of one of the hills in the city that gave us a spectacular view. We were very lucky that the sun was out and the sky was blue. We climbed a tower in the park which gave us even more of a bird's eye view. As space is limited and the population is so vast, most of the residential buildings have beautiful roof top gardens something that we could use in Toronto. After the visit to the park we went to a silk factory where we got a coles notes tour about how silk is made and then had the opportunity to purchase some silk stuff. My husband got a beautiful scarf to match his winter coat and I got a duvet and cover for our friends J&K. It is being shipped and should arrive back home in August.

In addition, Ican't say enough about the architecture. The Chinese are very imaginative and even the most boring residential and business skyscrapers have beautiful detailing and interesting shapes. Toronto could take a page out of China's book.

We took some excellent photos from our hotel room of the skyline. It was a good thing we did because Thursday was pouring rain. We took a bus drive to where the city's two rivers meet. The difference in colour was astounding between the two as they merged together. This was also the place where we boarded our boat on our last trip to sail down the Yangze River to the 3 Gorges Dam. We then drove to the former city hall and square, which is where we also visited the last time. It was evening then and we saw thousands of people line dancing in the square. Very interesting. On Thursday, it was raining and empty. Oh Well! We visited an art museum and purchased some more gifts and souvenirs.

The term museum is not the same here as it is at home. Unlike the ROM and the AGO, this museum was primarily for shopping. Again we recieved a brief introduction to Chinese painting and then were encourage to purchase things. All the paintings on the walls had price tags and I bargained for the things that I bought.

My husband has not been feeling well and so did not come with us on Thursday. He has had some bowel problems that Imodium hasn't been able to fix. He went to the clinic in the hotel yesterday and got some antibiotics which should help clear up the problem.

Friday, we had more papers to fill out. This time for the embassy and citizenship process. Let's hope all goes well with that process once we get to Beijing. We also recieved the babies' Chinese passports so  we can fly today.

It was also raining on Friday but we arranged to go to the local zoo. We saw pandas, tigers, hipos and Tibetan bears. It was nice to get out of the hotel and stretch our legs and the kids had a great time.

The "getting to know you" phase is going well. The baby seems to recognize her name which is marvelous and know who her big sister, mama and daddy are. Her appetite is good - amazing actually. I don't remember Maya eating as much and she is sleeping through the night and is regular in her diapers. Actually so regular, that each time I change her, she goes again!

Big sister has been changing her diaper and pushed her in the stroller at the zoo. There are moments when she is completely fascinated by the baby and other times when she wants to go off and play with the other little girl on our trip. A normal reaction.

Thank goodness for Auntie who has done yoeman's service entertaining and swimming everyday. With a husband who is not feeling well and a new baby, I'm not sure how I would have coped!

It is 7:30 am here, and 7:30 p.m. there. We are down to our last few days in China. I have mixed emotions because I am having a good time here but also want to back home in our own house with familiar things around us. Thanks to our nextdoor neighbour, I've been having regular reports about the house and the weather. I gather it is cool in TO. Don't worry, we'll try and bring the warm weather with us home - without the rain of course! Talk to you in Beijing!

It's Official - She's Ours!

We just got back from the Ministry of Marriages and Adoption Affairs and it is official. She is ours! We're very excited and a little tired.

We held her in our arms for the first time yesterday (Monday) morning. We were taken as a group on a bus to the Ministry. We were to leave at 10:30 a.m. but our bus was delayed because of the Olympic Tourch Relay (You'd think they could have consulted with us before scheduling it - Ha!) The babies were also late arriving at the ministry and were rushed in two-by-two in the arms of the nannies. There was one crying but the rest seemed pretty calm.

The ministry is in the heart of downtown and in a modern building on the 14th floor. As you can imagine we were all a little excited. I actually thought that I was going to throw up on the bus. I was also crying as Mary our National Guide was teaching us some basic Mandarin to speak with children. Of course it went in one ear and out the other.  She was very patient about explaining what the procedure was to be so there were no surprises.

One by one the families were called to the door of the room where the babies were. As they were brought in we all tried to figure out which one was ours. We saw a little one who looked bigger than the rest so we thought that as our little one was the oldest, she would be the biggest. Well we were wrong about that.

Our wonderful little daughter, 16 months old, was the one crying. She was a little stunned when they put her in my arms but then proceded to cry for the rest of the time we were there filling out paper work, etc.

Our one concern was the reaction of Maya our oldest. Rather than being afraid, little sister went immediately to her big sister rather then to us. The nannies gave us a bottle to feed the babies and we have a wonderful photo of the two girls together! What a joyous moment.

We returned to the hotel around 1:00 p.m. and had a little rest and begin to get to know our newest family member. She did stop crying and started to take an interest in her surroundings and us.

While Maya and my sister stayed behind, my husband and I then bundled the baby into the snugli and went off to the Trust Mart to get supplies - bottles, juice, baby blankets, etc. Boy was it hot. A grocery store not unlike No Frills but in a basement with no air conditioning!

We had room service for dinner and the baby went to sleep about 8:00 p.m. with relatively no fuss when my husband put her to bed. We were all asleep by 9:30 p.m.

This morning at 10:00 a.m. my husband and other families went to a conference room where they filled out the forms for the formal adoption. That was done by about 11:00 a.m. I stayed in the room and the baby had a nap for about an hour and 1/2. My sister, another young woman also with our group entertained Maya and the other little girl (age 6) with a swim, colouring and other activities.

At 1:30 we left for our return visit to the Ministry where the formal adoption was to take place. Our forms were completed, the government fees collected (adoption, passport, ministry, etc.) and formal photos taken. We've concluded that our new daughter will not be a conformist or follow government regulations because any time we had to get our photos taken our fill out a form she started to cry! While we were waiting, she was happy to play, walk around and explore.

There was a formal ceremony where each of the families was called up to the front. We were asked by a young woman ministry official to promise to care for our daughter (which we did of course), we then put our finger prints by our signature and the baby's hand print by her photo. All the while having our picture taken and the baby crying!

You'll be wondering what she is like...Well,l she is tiny and very cute. The 18 month aged clothes that I brought are too big. She does laugh. She has excellent manual dexterity, she is walking and talking a bit and seems to be at the normal stages for a 16 month old. We think we've heard her say "Mama" and "Baba" (Daddy). She is aware of her surroundings and learns very quickly. I'm sure my mother-in-law will think we've got another genious on our hands! She has a terrific appetite and has had a couple of poos and pees - which is very good considering the trauma she has experienced. Leaving a place that she has lived for her entire short life and been thrust into the middle of 4 other people.

Needless to say we are very happy and proud new parents. Maya is being very good with her and my sister is also fascinated by this new addition to our family. As she said when we returned to the hotel "Now we are five!"

Father's Day in Chongquing

Happy Father's Day to everyone! We are in Chongquing now. Guilin was wonderful and the flight here was short (only an hour gate to gate) with the smoothest landing. We were met at the airport by Charlie a local guide who drove us to our hotel.

The place is fantastic. Many thanks to Chia at Children's Bridge. We've got a suite - the nicest place we've ever stayed. Two beautifully appointed rooms with a corner view of downtown Chongquing and the Yangse River. In addition to the crib which is standard in adoption hotels, there is a stroller (so we don't have to buy one) and a baby bath. In our check-in package they gave us information about local shopping (particularly for infants), the play centre on the third floor and the rooms assigned for the rest of our group once they arrive. 

When my sister saw the crib and the other baby stuff, she started to cry. (Just a little) I had the same reaction. It made it so real! I remember feeling the same way when we arrived in the hotel in Changsha for our first daughter.

Everyone is due to be here by the end of the day. We're looking forward to seeing the Toronto families that we had dinner with on Victoria Day weekend and to the others from across Canada who we have not yet had the opportunity to meet.

As you can probably imagine the excitment level in our small family party is simmering very close to the surface. My daughter can hardly sit still. We've planned to have a rest day and go swimming and just relax waiting for the arrival of the others.

We are hoping that we get the babies tonight after everyone arrives but on our itinerary it says tomorrow morning (Monday). As I was running/walking on the treadmill this morning, I realized that we had not got bottles, formula, baby food, etc! Of course, I knew that we were going to get that stuff here but all of a sudden it has become a necessary, not just a thing to do at some later time!

We called home last night and spoke to our parents. It was good to hear their voices. Technology is wonderful. I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has e-mailed me - particularly friends and family members. We're not that great with sending post cards so this blog has made keeping in touch much easier.

I'm working in the hotel's business centre and there is a wedding going on outside. A beautiful bride in a white dress with a long train with her new husband getting their pictures taken with every guest. Lots of noise - kids running around like crazy.

Of course it was raining when we woke up (it is the rainy season after all!)but it seems to have stopped now so we can go for a swim in the pool and then do our errands.  The theme of this trip for us is water - torrential downpours and ferries in Hong Kong, flooding and river cruises in Guilin and rain in Chongquin.

Guilin

Well we arrived in Guilin on Wednesday evening and today is Friday. It has been raining here. There is much flooding. The Li River which runs through the city is flooding in places. There is a fitness/aquatics club across from our hotel and I watched as four men dove into the rapidly flowing water for a swim downstream. We drove through a huge flood on the way back from a tour down the LiLiang River (which feature the peaks and mist that one typically associates with China) yesterday.

Last night we had a delicious dinner and went to an acrobatic show. The show was amazing. The Chinese are known for their acrobatics and this was a ballet/acrobatic show that told the story of the River Li. My daughter was frightened at first and then entranced by the skill and agility of the performers.

The sun is out today and we are taking some rest time. We'll write some post cards and take a swim in the pool. Tomorrow we depart for Chongquing. The baby is getting closer and although we are not talking about it, I think we are all thinking that it is only a couple of days away.

Hong Kong

We continue to have a great time in Hong Kong.

On Monday, a national holiday in celebration of the Dragon Boat Festival, we went to The Peak by tram car with 1,000's of others. The tram, which was first built in the 1800's, goes straight up the side of hill and at the top the view of the harbour is spectacular.

The people of Hong Kong love their dogs it seems. We had a snack in a fancy restaurant and the people a couple of tables over had their dogs sitting on chairs beside them! I can't imagine our 100 lb Rhodisian Ridgeback at the table with us!

Yesterday we took the ferry to Lamma Island. An island off Hong Kong that is a curious mixture of old and new. There are no cars only bikes and electric golf cart type cars. A beautiful beach with a huge factory and ocean going ships within sight. Modern houses mixed with old.

Today we're off to Guilin. I was reviewing our itinerary this morning and realized that in only a few short days we will be getting our baby! After such a long wait, I can't believe it is really going to happen.

We Made iT!

Well we're here in Hongkong the first leg of our adoption trip. Our flight was 15 hours. We arrived during a thunderstorm so didn't see much of the area as we landed. Crossing the international dateline is always confusing because we chased the sun. We left at 9:40 on Thursday, June 5 and arrived at 1:00 p.m. Friday, June 6 without going to sleep. The flight was long. My daughter was bored. Thank goodness my sister is very patient and entertained her when her parents became impatient with her.

It turned out that the storm we landed in was the beginning of the worst rain storm that Hong Kong had experienced in 30 years. In this part of the world they have rain warnings the way we have forest fire warnings. Amber, red and black. Black being the worst... and it was. We woke up yesterday morning and the sky was dark grey and it rained, and rained. Hong Kong is a wonderful city however. Very modern with lots of sky scrapers and tall elegant buildings.

Today, we went to the Dragon Boat Festival. It was wonderful to watch. Teams from around the world competing. It was on the island of Hong Kong so we took a ferry and then a 1/2 hour bus ride to Stanley. It was humid. 29 degrees and sticky. Tonight, after a swim in the pool, we're off to the night market to eat and shop.