Parenting Predictions: The Top Three Parenting Trends for 2009

Here are my picks for the top three parenting trends for 2009.

The Year of the Parent Activist

2009 will be the year of the parent activist.

Now don't get me wrong. Parents have always been activists: the ones organizing playground fundraisers and food-drives at schools; advocating for their kids' within the educational, social service, and/or health care systems (a slightly crazy-making experience at the best of times); and showing up at city hall en masse to work for the betterment of their neighborhoods.

But we'll see that mom-and-dad activist activity ramp up like never before as the 60's-style citizen activist and political movement from south of the border catch fire up here as well.

Frankly, it can't come quickly enough -- at a time like this when economic change is fast-moving and ruthless and the environment is being seriously harmed; we need to reinvent our cities and suburbs; social justice issues are demanding attention; and one of our most valued sources of information is under siege -- again.

Who can afford the luxury of standing on the sidelines at a time like this?

As Dan Carter, a one-person activist movement based out of hard-hit Oshawa, likes to put it: the time is now. In other words, if you're waiting for the economy to improve to start working for change, forget about it. Bad times are the best times to work for change. (Watch for my profile of Dan in my next column.)

A Get-Real, Let's-Work-Together Parenting Style

Parents will continue to gravitate to what can best be described as a progressive parenting style.

This style has been emerging since the mid-1980s and now it has become a full-blown parenting movement that recognizes that all family members, especially children, deserve to be treated with respect; and that family life is immensely richer when relationships are based on love, not fear.

This style of parenting recognizes that there are real problems to be deal with in our society and in our families and that the only way to deal with these problems is by acknowledging that they exist (as opposed to playing ostrich).

This style of parenting is consultative rather than dictatorial (input from all family members is sought, where appropriate: the three year old doesn't get to choose her bedtime because she doesn't have the same understanding of child development as the grownups who've been given the privilege and responsibility of raising her); and parents welcome input from a variety of sources so that they can benefit from a variety of ideas and then decide what will work best for their families.

Celebrity Baby Bumplets

The celebrity baby bumps will dwindle into celebrity baby bumplets. Consider what this LA plastic surgeon had to say about the nouveaux conceived recently: "Women are just not gaining as much weight as they used to. Particularly in LA - you can't even tell they're pregnant." That will either increase the pressure on ordinary moms to look freakishly non-pregnant from conception through delivery day -- and to bounce back Hollywood-style. (That means with the help of a nutritionist, a personal trainer, and -- if necessary -- a post-baby "mommy makeover" plastic surgery package.) Or it may convince ordinary moms that celebrity pregnancy has finally gone to far. (Or not far enough on the weight gain front.)

The Stepford Guide to Getting Your Body Back After Baby

I figured by now I'd stumbled across most of the advice that could be offered about getting in shape after baby.

Guess what? I was wrong.

In this article, a cosmetic surgeon shares the advice that he offers to celebrity moms who are determined to lose their baby weight by the time their baby announcements hit the newswires. Here's what he has to say, in a nutshell.

• If breastfeeding and using a breast pump don't produce the desired results, consider a "mommy makeover" featuring "a tummy tuck, breast lift, and lipo combo."
• Wait six months before scheduling your surgery. You'll be working with your nutritionist and personal trainer in the meantime and you probably won't have that much weight to lose. ("Women are just not gaining as much weight as they used to. Particularly in LA—you can't even tell they're pregnant.")
• Be grateful for small weight loss miracles, like a c-section. When you have a caesarean, you're on a liquid diet for a few days and your body burns extra calories while your tissue is healing. Lucky you!

The entire article makes for fascinating reading (in the most bizarre anthropological sense). However, it's disturbing to think that some women (celebrities or otherwise) might stumble across this advice and think it represents the current thinking in the world of pregnancy. (As if.)

The fact that advice like this can still find a home in the mainstream media tells us that the women's health movement still has a lot of work to do in raising awareness of what real women look like after they've just had a baby and in helping new moms to love and accept their bodies for the living miracles that they are.

It's also a reminder that as a media consumer, you have to think critically about the information you're consuming -- in the very same way that you carefully scrutinize product labels. You want to know what food you're feeding your body -- and what information you're feeding your brain.

Onwards!

Related:

Mommy's New Face -- a children's book about cosmetic surgery (article from blog archive)

DIY Placenta Pinatas and More. Much More.

It's always fascinating to watch the merging of concepts and brands that occurs in the online world.

iTunes meets education and you get iTunes University (one of the most addictive places to delve for podcasts, btw, if you haven't already found it).

The handmade crafting world meets the ecommerce mall and you end up with Etsy.com.

Well, today, I spotted one of these online cross-pollinations that kind of blew me away -- and, trust me, I'm not easily blown away at this point.

Combine funky DIY projects with reproductive health and you get Instructables.com's project area focusing on sex, pregnancy, birth, and beyond.

Here are some links to prove to you that I am not making this up -- instructions for real projects that you can tackle that tie into the above-mentioned theme. (You'll have to search for the extra-racy ones yourself. Just use your imagination and let the search box at Instructables.com see what it can dig up on your behalf.)

A placenta-shaped pinãta -- the placenãta: "Whether tossed out with the trash, buried in the backyard, or mixed into your favorite soup recipe, the placenta is an organ worth celebrating over. The following tutorial outlines how to combine the ultimate party favor, the pinãta, with the ultimate afterbirth."

A crocheted childbirth education doll with accompanying placenta. (Anyone noticing a trend?) Note: The doll is pretty fascinating, but the introduction isn't exactly pro-birth (e.g., "This is Ida Faye. She is a midwife, educator and mother. She loves to educate little ones about the reality of birth. Yes, she agrees it is a beautiful miracle, but it is also messy and weird and sometimes scary.") Uh huh.

A knitted uterus prop used for a scene in The Vagina Monologues. ("This skit is written by a woman whose mother taught childbirth classes and used a knitted uterus. My friend wanted a uterus as a visual and asked for my help.")

A boutique-style diaper cake (as opposed to a non-boutique style diaper cake).

It's cool to see what an online meeting of minds and a merging of concepts can create. I'm not necessarily planning to tackle any of these craft projects myself (I'm more of a paper and scissors type, for starters), but I'm very interested in watching this particular pregnancy and parenting | diy mashup evolve throughout 2009. Fascinating stuff.

Perfectly Fine: How a Wrong Note Can Set Just the Right Tone

Your child's 15 seconds of first grade fame have arrived. She struts across the stage with the rest of her classmates, dressed like a snowflake and carrying a set of bells to jangle as the class launches into a hearty rendition of Jingle Bells.

Then it happens.

Her jangling is so enthusiastic that the bells fly out of her hand and scoot across the stage of the school auditorium, exiting stage left.

The expression on your child's face says it all:

I'm only six years old and my life is ruined.

I've witnessed variations of this scene play out over the years. I'm sure you have, too (either from the vantage point of a parent or, if you roll back the memory tape a little farther, when you were a kid yourself).

 A piano performance ends on a sour note.

The curtain can't come down on a school drama performance soon enough.

You know the drill.

Then a child turns to a parent, looking for a way to make sense of a day gone horribly wrong. With any luck, something suitable pops into the parent's head at that crucial moment in the life of that child.

You didn't ruin the concert/play/show. People loved it! They couldn't stop clapping.

No one but you noticed that the line was different than what was in the script. 

You handled everything like a pro. You picked up your sheet music, found your page, sat down and started playing again.

The sound of those bells scooting across the stage reminded me of a story I read about reindeer....

The words you choose don't have to be timeless or profound. What matters is that your child ends up with the message that his performance doesn't have to be perfect and that he doesn't have to be perfect, on stage or off.

Everything is perfectly fine.

Modern Gratitude: Putting Thank You Notes Under the Microscope

What constitutes an appropriate expression of kid gratitude, circa 2008? And how do the rules of thank you note writing evolve as kids grow older?

With the season of gift-giving now upon us (and, with it, the simultaneous arrival of the motherlode and fatherlode of intergenerational holiday expectations), here are some tips about kids, thank you phone calls, and thank you notes (whether sent by email and snail mail). [And if my Dad happens to be reading this, I know one of my kids owes you a thank you for a birthday gift. I'm following up again right now.]

Encourage your kids to say thank you sooner rather than later. Some parents ask their kids to take care of the thank you notes before they start using their new gifts. After all, it's a lot easier to make that thank you phone call or to write that thank you note while they're still excited about the gift (and they can still remember who gave them the gift) than to try to do so a month after the fact, when it can be awkward to explain why it took so long to say thanks – or why the gift is now missing in action or broken. (Yikes.)

Expectations of what constitutes an acceptable thank you tends to rise as your child grows older. When your child is very young, you'll tend to take care of the thank yous for him. Once she is old enough to understand what thank you means, she can draw a picture (which you can scan and email or mail to the gift giver) or she can get on the phone to say thank you to a far-flung – and doting – friend or relative. Or, if you're a digital camera lover, you might take a photo of your child wearing his new outfit or playing with his new toy and zip that photo across the wires to the gift giver. As your child learns how to write letters himself, you can help him to send an email or to write a letter than can be popped in the mail.

A thank you note isn't always required. If your child opens a gift in front of the gift giver, that generally eliminates the need to send a thank you note – unless, of course, your child wants to do so. (You'd hate to discourage such a spontaneous expression of exceptional gratitude, wouldn't you?)

If your child is having a difficult time deciding what to say in her thank you notes, you can help her get started by writing out the basic message for her. That way, she can start with these few key words ("Thank you for the _____") as she writes out each note, as opposed to having to start from scratch each time. Staring at a blank piece of paper can be just as intimidating for kids as it is for adults.

Make a point of writing your own thank you notes as well. And don't limit yourself to expressing appreciation for material things. Show your child that you take time to thank people for kind acts and thoughtful gestures. You want your child to grow up understanding that there's more in life to express appreciate for than just stuff.

So what's the thank you note protocol in your house? Do your kids tend to follow through on their own or do they need a bit of coaching from you? Who ends up getting the heat from relatives if the thank you notes don't arrive on time -- or ever?