Perfectly Fine: How a Wrong Note Can Set Just the Right Tone

Your child's 15 seconds of first grade fame have arrived. She struts across the stage with the rest of her classmates, dressed like a snowflake and carrying a set of bells to jangle as the class launches into a hearty rendition of Jingle Bells.

Then it happens.

Her jangling is so enthusiastic that the bells fly out of her hand and scoot across the stage of the school auditorium, exiting stage left.

The expression on your child's face says it all:

I'm only six years old and my life is ruined.

I've witnessed variations of this scene play out over the years. I'm sure you have, too (either from the vantage point of a parent or, if you roll back the memory tape a little farther, when you were a kid yourself).

 A piano performance ends on a sour note.

The curtain can't come down on a school drama performance soon enough.

You know the drill.

Then a child turns to a parent, looking for a way to make sense of a day gone horribly wrong. With any luck, something suitable pops into the parent's head at that crucial moment in the life of that child.

You didn't ruin the concert/play/show. People loved it! They couldn't stop clapping.

No one but you noticed that the line was different than what was in the script. 

You handled everything like a pro. You picked up your sheet music, found your page, sat down and started playing again.

The sound of those bells scooting across the stage reminded me of a story I read about reindeer....

The words you choose don't have to be timeless or profound. What matters is that your child ends up with the message that his performance doesn't have to be perfect and that he doesn't have to be perfect, on stage or off.

Everything is perfectly fine.

Comments

[Annie]

I agree that sending the message of unconditional love in those situations in important. However, I also think it is important to not dismiss your child's feelings. If they are disappointed, it is important to validate that feeling and help them work through it rather than just dismissing everything as "perfectly fine".

[Ann Douglas]

I agree, Annie. That's a given. That's so much of who I am as a parent -- and what I advocate as a parenting author -- that I don't always spell it out anymore. :-) Thanks for reminding me that what's in my head isn't on the page. (That's a good reminder for all of us, actually. What's in our heads isn't clear to our kids unless we pass it along.)

Happy holidays, everyone!