New Year's Stress Resolutions: Resolving to Become a Less Stressed Out Family in 2010

Resolving to become a less stressed parent - or to have a less stressed out family - in 2010?

You're certainly in good company.

Stress levels in Canada have sky-rocketed since the start of the recession, with 36 percent of Canadians reporting an increase in stress and 28 percent reporting a drop in employment income, according to an annual survey conducted by Desjardin Financial Security. The top three sources of stress, according to survey respondents, were money (30 percent), work (25 percent), and family responsibilities (10 percent).

In 2008, 28% of Canadians between the ages of 35 and 54 reported that most days were extremely or quite a bit stressful. (This is the age range when family and career responsibilities peak, according to Statistics Canada.) Women were more likely than men to report that most days were quite a bit or extremely stressful.

Juggling work and family can be stressful. Families with children may face a particular set of challenges related to work–life balance when one or both parents are working long hours. Families with children are less likely to have both parents working consistently standard schedules (14%) than families without children (21%). Concern about how school-aged kids are faring during the hours after school has become so severe that it's earned its own acronym in recent years: parents' after school stress (PASS). A 2006 study concluded that parental after school stress affects the psychological health of a large number of employed parents of school-aged children.

Are we having fun yet?

Parenting is stressful for dads. A 2006 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association found that 43 percent of fathers feel overwhelmed by the demands they are shouldering at work and at home.

Parenting is also stressful for moms -- and not for the reasons media stereotypes would have you believe. (It's not about the carpools.) A 2006 American Psychological Association survey found that stress is higher for the parent who makes the health care decisions for other family members, including children, and women disproportionately serve that role for their families (73 percent versus 40 percent of men). This also explains why stress levels soar even higher for mothers (and fathers) of children who have special needs.

Being a kid is stressful, too. What stresses kids out may be different from what stresses us out, but they need to know that we care about what's going on in their lives and that we'll help them with their problems, large or small. Having that kind of caring connection to at least one adult means everything to a child; and determines to what extent that child thrives in the world.

Related Resources:

• Canadian Mental Health Association Stress Test: Just how stressed are you? Find out by completing this online quiz.
• Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Centre of British Columbia: Tips on coping with stress.
• MayoClinic.com: Relaxation techniques: Learn ways to reduce your stress
• Health is Cool: Back to School Stress brochure: Available for Download (pdf).

Witnessing a Mother's Fear

There were a few frantic moments at a family get-together I attended last summer.

A 15-year-old relative, who is autistic and unable to speak, disappeared from one minute to the next.

His mother – my cousin – was frantic. All the party guests were enlisted to find out whether the 15-year-old was still in the house or whether he'd wandered up the street toward the school or behind the house and into the marsh that backs onto Lake Ontario.

Fortunately, the 15-year-old was located in a matter of minutes. He was in the basement, searching for a set of DVDs he'd spotted on a previous visit.

My cousin was so relieved that she started to cry.

Today, as the story of another family and their son makes news across the country, I'm reminded what it was like to witness my cousin's fear – the fear that she lives with from day-to-day.

It's easy to overlook the role that luck plays when kids manage to stay safe for another day.

If it were all about good parenting, keeping kids safe would be so much easier.

Related:

Facing Autism in New Brunswick: James Delorey, 7 Year Old Autistic Boy, Has Passed Away

Trouble in Toyland, Short Kids, A School that Could Rock the 21st Century

Newswire

Trouble in Toyland

Innocent companies can get hurt by the backlash that happens following a recall. That's one of the key findings to emerge from a study of the highly publicized 2007 toy recalls. Toy companies who were not affected by the recalls had their sales drop by 25 percent as consumers' confidence in toy products overall spiraled downward. "In this industry, one firm's offence seems to penalize other players," said Mara Lederman, a professor at the Rotman School of Management and one of the study's three co-authors.

Parenting Lab

Short Kids

Parents may worry about kids who are shorter than average, but the experts say the kids are doing just fine. A University of Michigan Health System study found that shorter kids do just as well in terms of popularity, social support, and optimism as their taller peers. It just goes to prove that Randy Newman had it all wrong. 

The Big Idea

School That Could Rock the 21st Century

Students need to master the art of compassion if they're going to be ready to take up the challenges of 21st century citizenship. That means that they should be spending more time acquiring such skills as mindfulness and contemplation (so that they can tune out distractions and focus on what really matters, like meeting the needs of those around them). The current system, which promotes competition rather than cooperation in the classroom, tends to foster inequality and unhappiness. According to Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th dalai lama, who was one of 20 panelists at a recent conference, "Educating World Citizens for the 21st Century," co-sponsored by the American Psychological Association, most people are willing to settle for a definition of education that involves memorizing facts and passing tests, as opposed to contributing to life-long happiness and well-being. "We are social animals," Gyatso told the APA Monitor. "Individuals' happiness depends on the community's happiness."