Hyper Parents & Coddled Kids: Review of Documentary (Airs on CBC Next Week)

The Art of Parenting

Hyper Parents & Coddled Kids zeroes in on what is commonly referred to as helicopter parenting: the tendency of some parents to hover over their kids. (Did you know that helicopter parents are known as curling parents in Sweden? That's one of the interesting pop culture tidbits that you can pick up while watching this documentary.)

The documentary describes the phenomenon in detail and features interviews with parents, a psychiatrist, and other cultural commentators, including Carl Honore, author of Under Pressure: Rescuing our Children from the Culture of Over-Parenting. Notably absent is Lorene Skenazy, whose book Free Range Kids is widely considered to be the unofficial manifesto of the anti-helicopter parenting movement.

The documentary is at its best when it focuses on the lives of kids who are heading off to university or landing their first job. According to a variety of sources who are interviewed on camera, hardcore helicopter parenting types apparently think nothing of calling up their kids university profs (or the president of the university) to argue about grades; or of making contact with their kids' employers, if junior's performance review hasn't been sufficiently glowing.

The documentary is less convincing when it focuses on the lives of the over-privileged (parents who can afford to drop $4000 on birthday bash for a one year old) or the just-plain-clueless (parents who don't seem to be able to think critically about any product or service that promises to give their kid an advantage over the next family's kid). Very few parents bought into the helicopter parenting phenomenon to this degree, even when the trend was at its peak. Becoming a parent isn't correlated with a sudden increase in wealth or an immediate loss of your critical thinking abilities, after all.

There's also the issue of timeliness. This documentary would have been more timely a few years back, when parents were more inclined to want to micromanage their kids' lives. Since that time, there has been a growing backlash against helicopter parenting. The recession has accelerated this trend by giving parents something else to worry about (finding the money to pay the bills) and reducing the income available to fund that faux-perfect family lifestyle.

Since environmental concerns heightened and the recession hit, parents have been simplifying their lives (including managing the avalanche of parenting advice information that can leave them feeling helicopter-parented by the parenting experts), simplifying their kids lives (allowing lots of time for unstructured outdoor play: an old-fashioned idea that never quite went out of style), and enjoying time as a family (relaxed time for fun, not time that is driven by an agenda). And I can tell you one thing. No one is eager to hop back on board that helicopter anytime soon.

The documentary is worth watching, if only as a reminder of where we've been and how far we've come in rejecting the consumerist parenting style that views parents as manufacturers and kids as products to be paraded before the neighbors and the relatives. They are individuals in their own right: not branch plants belonging to Mom or Dad Inc.

Hyper Parents & Coddled Kids airs at the following times:

Thursday, February 4, 2010 at 9 pm on CBC-TV

Friday, February 5, 2010 at 10 pm ET/PT on CBC News Network.

Comments

[kgirl]

Fantastic article. I will probably watch the documentary, less as a general interest piece or cautionary tale, and more as a way to reaffirm that, in contrast, I'm doing a pretty good job at this mothering thing ;)

[Ann Douglas]

Thanks very much for your comment, kgirl! I really appreciate it. I love watching documentaries and I found I had a lot to say about this one. (It's a topic I've thought about a lot.)

[stillLearning]

Nice to see your review on this documentary. I wasn't sure what to expect because it seemed like the parents throwing that party were well intentioned. It seems like a lot of money but I know a lot of families who throw parties like that. Not because they want to show off or make things as lavish as they can be, but because it is a big family event and a tradition among asian families. The first daughter, the first granddaughter, the first time that family and friends have been together in awhile... there are many reasons for a big party but this documentary probably won't show it. These documentaries only show a snapshot of their lives and don't show that the next year is a lower key event instead of it being like this every year. It also doesn't show that the costs are split among family. It doesn't show that the princess is there to entertain many kids instead of just the 1 year old. I hate when documentaries like this demonize parents who want to celebrate their children and only show a small snapshot of the actual event.

My little rant now over - I'm interested in seeing more and hoping that it doesn't confirm my rant!

[Helen]

Love, love, love Carl Honore's sons response to him being gifted in art. Have heard it before and we use it to help us along. Ex. the other day our son was playing ice hockey at the local playground. He's really good...our thought, he NEEDS to go in it. So...where is that $2000 coming from AND all the time that it takes away from the family!

[coffeewithjulie]

Hi Ann - Thanks for giving me the heads-up on this documentary. I caught it last night and I found it really interesting! It got me thinking about a whole bunch of things ... especially my own potential to be my child's worst enemy. Julie

[Parenting Old School]

This phenomena is rather astonishing when you think about it. It crosses socioeconomic boundaries and has created a society of very "special" children. 20 years later we are only starting to see the ramifications. Friend of mine who was in the documentary says it can only get worse in his industry as these princes and princesses enter the work force. I as a teacher deal with this on a daily basis and can tell you that he is absolutely right.

[Ben]

It seems like "helicopter parenting" and spoiling your child with things like 4000 birthday parties is turning all or most of of our nations youth into a bunch of snobs. If theres one thing that build character and spirit its a good dose of reality.

[Karen]

So...how do we address this issue, starting within our communities?