$100 a Month to Watch Your Kid Be Parented By Big Brother? I Don't Think So

I know we parents seem like easy marks at times. We are known for scooping up too-cute baby outfits and kid toys that we secretly want for ourselves. But we aren't total pushovers. Sometimes we'll read a marketing pitch that's designed to pull at our maternal or paternal heartstrings and we'll say, "Come on. Someone would actually pay for that?"

I came across just such a pitch on Facebook today. Of course, the fact that it showed up on one of the pages I was viewing tells me that Facebook has me pegged as a prime target for this particular pitch: a parent with kids headed off to college and university. And perhaps, because I have indicated that I have more than a passing interest in parenting (okay, I've "Liked" most pages on the site that have something to do with parenting), Facebook figured I was a natural for this product that has been designed to allay the fears of parents who are worried that Junior will crash and burn during his first semester away from home.

The online program is designed to teach students how to improve their academic performance, manage their emotions, take care of their physical health, and make wise choices while living on their own. The program sets out goals and activities and allows students (these are young adults, remember) to earn points that are redeemable for whatever the parents want to offer in exchange for Junior spending an hour a week online working through the program. (The terms can be set out in an optional Rewards Contract.)

Parents have their own separate log-in, which includes a dashboard which allows them to monitor their child's progress. They also receive separate emails from the system and, should they decide to hire a certified coach to work with their coach (for an additional fee, of course), they will receive progress reports from the coach, too.

There are two things that bother me about the program. First of all, there's the price tag. One hundred dollars a month (or $1000 a year, if you go for the bulk discount) is an obscene amount of money to pay for access to common-sense advice. Load up on a couple of self-help guides and highlight the relevant pages for your child and you'll save yourself about $950. And then there's the fact that you're spying on your child while he is remotely parented by software that's filling in the parenting gaps for you. Creepy.

If you're worried that you've failed to teach your child everything he needs to know to survive in the real world, have some heartfelt conversations right now (in person, by phone, via Skype – whatever). Or write your child a few emails passing along the wisdom you've been meaning to pass along, but never quite got around to sharing. It will mean a whole lot more.

Since Facebook Says You're in a Good Mood....

I was in a good mood this morning: in such a good mood, in fact, that I posted, "I feel like "liking" everything" as a status update to Facebook. (Okay, I admit. It's not the most inspired thing I've written. But when you're in a really good mood, you don't stop to play editor, now do you?)

I didn't think anything of my update once I posted it. I simply went on with my (deliciously awesome) day. But then I received a text message from one of my kids that started off like this:

"Since Facebook says you're in a good mood..."

You have to understand that this particular kid is our resident tech genius. Why wouldn't he rely on technology to read my mood (and then use that information to his advantage)? We used to try to read our parents' moods too, remember? (Imagine how amazing it would have been to have a tool to do the analyzing for us.)

It turns out that technology also provides our kids with valuable feedback about themselves. When I mentioned to my son that he was talking too quickly, he responded by citing his Starcraft actions-per-minute metre. (Apparently he plays the game as quickly as he talks.)

* * *

Back when I was a kid, articles about the future of computers emphasized practical functions: how the home computer of the future would take inventory of the contents of your refrigerator and freezer. The articles didn't talk about how computers would revolutionize the way we communicate with one another and think about ourselves. That's where the real revolution has occurred -- and it's mostly been for the better, I believe.

There are so many ways I can communicate with each of my kids that it's difficult for us to have a total communication breakdown, even on days when one or the other of us is feeling frustrated. A one-word text message or impromptu photo with a note in the subject line can help to resolve a parent-teen impasse. I am grateful to have these tools available to me today. How did previous generations of parents ever live without them?

Back to School Parenting News: Bullying, Breakfast, Grades, and Sensitive Kids

It won't be long until the kids head back to school (although it pains me to think of that because I'm still very much in mid-summer mode myself). But with September just a few weeks away, I thought you might enjoy this roundup of back-to-school parenting news. (If you're not ready to face back-to-school quite yet, bookmark this item and come back to it in another week or two. I will totally understand.)

Bully to You....

Most bullies are motivated by the pursuit of status and the desire to be liked by others. That's the key finding to emerge from a study of nearly 500 9-to-12 year olds conducted by researchers at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands. The researchers found that bullies attempt to gain status by dominating their victims; but, because they want to be liked by other children, they choose to pick on children who are weak and who don't have a lot of friends. Gender also factors into bullying activity. When boys bully boys, it doesn’t matter whether girls approve or disapprove, the researchers discovered. The same holds true for girls. What's more, boys will bully only those girls who aren’t well liked by other boys, regardless of what girls think about it, and girls will do the same in their bullying of boys. “To understand the complex nature of acceptance and rejection, it’s necessary to distinguish the gender of the bully, the gender of the target, and the gender of the classmates who accept and reject bullies and victims,” notes René Veenstra, professor of sociology at the University of Groningen, who led the study.

Managing the School Day Munchies

Breakfast really does matter. In a recent study published online in the International Journal of Obesity researchers examined the impact of a protein-rich breakfast on adolescents who traditionally skipped breakfast. When the study participants ate a protein-rich breakfast the researchers observed that the teens were less hungry and ate approximately 130 fewer calories at lunch. The takeaway message? A protein-rich breakfast improves appetite control.

Meeting the Mark

How quickly they expect to receive their grades may influence how students perform. Psychological scientists Keri L. Kettle and Gerald Häubl of the University of Alberta discovered that students who were told they would receive feedback quickly on their performance on an oral presentation earned higher grades than students who expected feedback at a later time. What's more, when students expected to receive their grades quickly, they predicted that their performance would be worse than students who were to receive feedback later. "People do best precisely when their predictions about their own performance are least optimistic," the authors explained in the journal Psychological Science ("Motivation by Anticipation: Expecting Rapid Feedback Enhances Performance").

Why Sensitive Children Are Like Orchids

"Sensitive children, like orchids, are more challenging to raise and care for,
but they can bloom into individuals of exceptional ability and strength
when reared in a supportive, nurturing, and encouraging environment."
- Jelena Obradović, an assistant professor
in the School of Education at Stanford University

Scavenger Season

It's scavenger season at our place. If you have a son or daughter who is heading off to college or university, you should know exactly what I'm talking about. It's the nesting instinct reborn in your very own offspring. And, as they start to hunt and gather the goods they will need for the upcoming school year (whether that will be a year in residence or in an apartment shared with friends), things at home that they've rolled their eyes at forever become newly chic because they're free.

Case in point: we almost had a bidding war over a third-hand TV set that can only be turned on using the remote. (All of the shiny silver hardware on the front of the set had long since been been rendered useless by the time we inherited the set from its previous owner, who was only too happy to put the circa 1980s beast out to pasture at our cottage.)

Of course, you have to understand that the siblings don't use anything as crass as currency to bid on items that are up for grabs. They use their debating skills. The most popular debating category by a mile? Who is most deserving of the item in question (the ultimate parental Catch 22).

One of the contestants has found a way to do an end run around his siblings when it comes to scoring the best back-to-school bling. His strategy? Go shopping with a parent and ask that parent to pick up the tab for his basket of high-priced toiletries. (If you're not going to see him for the next few months, how can you begrudge the kid one over-priced package of razors? Etc.)

I can't figure out why one of the hottest items available in the family surplus department has yet to be scooped up by anyone: an almost-brand-new set of non-stick pots and pans (used once, on Canada AM, during a parenting segment about preparing healthy snacks for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers). Apparently, everyone has been able to beg or borrow nicer pots and pans from other scavenging sources. I can't help but feel a little bit offended. My pots and pans aren't scavenge-worthy? Thanks. Thanks a lot.

There is, of course, a method in our parental madness: we're hoping that the scavengers will leave us with what years of intermittent decluttering has not: a house with a lot less stuff. So keep shopping at home, kids. But move quickly. With prices this great, this stuff won't last. Take, for example, this amazing set of pots and pans.....