Extra Votes for Parents, Healthy Body Image, and Fish Art

Newswire

Extra Votes for Parents?

"If [governments] are not ready to stand up proudly and give voice to the rights of children, then they should put into place reforms that magnify the voices that already exist. The most important would be reforming an electoral system that disenfranchises all those younger than 18 by allowing their parents to cast additional votes for each of their children. Maybe only then when they have to actually look their electorate in the eyes will there be sufficient resolve to make child rights the priority that a commitment [the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child] made 20 years ago stated it should be."
- Miles Corak, former research coordinator and lead researcher of the 2005 UNICEF Report Child Poverty in Rich Countries, writing in yesterday's Toronto Star

A Powerful New Anti-Bullying Tool:
Positive Body Image

Reflections of Me: Body Image and Self-Esteem (a preventative educational program designed for use from kindergarten through Grade 8) is one of the tools Ontario teachers are using to combat bullying in the classroom. It is designed to teach children to accept differences in others and to resist harassment and bullying based on body image.

The curriculum – which was developed by the Elementary Teachers Federation of Ontario (EFTO) – recently won the Canadian Medical Association's Award for Excellence in Health Promotion. It consists of a video, curriculum materials designed for each grade level, and a brochure for parents.

According to the EFTO, parents play a key role in determining how children feel about their bodies and in promoting healthy body image in general. Parents can remind kids that genetics have a lot to do with a person's weight, size, and body type; reinforce the idea that all bodies are acceptable; challenge put-downs related to physical appearance and be a positive role model with regard to body image; encourage kids to tune into their own internal hunger and fullness cues; promote exercise and healthy eating as ways to nurture your body; and celebrate the uniqueness of all people.

Related:

Body Talk: The Straight Facts About Fitness, Nutrition, and Feeling Great About Yourself by Ann Douglas and Julie Douglas

One Fish, Two Fish, Rainbow Fish, Whitefish....

The Ontario Ministry of Natural Resources' Kids' Fish Art Contest is back for its 7th year. Kids in grades 4 through 12 have until December 18th to submit a drawings of one of this year's official fish -- the rainbow fish or the whitefish -- in its natural habitat, along with an essay about habitat protection (see official contest rules for details). The winning design will be used on the 2010 Young Angler's License.

From Mean Girls to Perfection Pressures to Baby Names

NEWSWIRE

A roundup of essays, opinion pieces, and/or noteworthy news items about all things parenting.

THE MEAN SCENE

“Girls are not brought up to be assertive. They’re raised to be nice and pretty and have lots of friends. But they themselves recognize meanness as an integral part, even a normal part, of their growing up....It’s what girls do to get by. They need to dress the part and look the part and gather their army of friends around them. Their capital is their friends, their hair, their name-brand clothing – that’s power for them.”
- Nicole Landry, research coordinator with the Department of Community Health and Epidemiology in the Faculty of Medicine, Dalhousie University, and author, The Mean Girl Motive: Negotiating Power and Femininity (Halifax: Fernwood Publishing), quoted in "Survival of the Meanest" by Marilyn Smulders at dalnews.dal.ca.

LITTLE MISS PERFECT

Researchers at Dalhousie University in Halifax have come up with a theory to explain the vicious cycle that can link perfectionism to binge eating. Psychologists Simon Sherry and Peter A. Hall analyzed the daily behaviors of undergraduates and discovered that students who binge eat use the experience of eating to block out overwhelming feelings of loneliness, failure, and sadness. The relief is only temporary, however, as those emotions are replaced with longer-lasting feelings of guilt and shame. Learning to modify goals and expectations to better reflect what's realistic and achievable can reduce the desire to binge eat as a way of coping, leading to a happier and healthier individual, they concluded. The study was published in a recent issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

PARENT LAB

Noteworthy research from the world of parenting.

GREAT NAME, HAPPY LIFE

There's a lot on the line when it comes to naming your baby. A recent study conducted by researchers at Cardiff University has confirmed what kids on the playground have known forever: it's easier to lead a happier life if your parents gave you the gift of a great name.

The researchers also found that people who really, really, really liked their name (like who were totally in love with their name) tended to score highly for self-deception. So if your friend Toaster insists that he absolutely adores his name, you might conclude that the dude protests too much.

The study was published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

RESOURCE SWAP

Parenting resource swap.

BABY NAMES

Let's continue the chit-chat about baby names by making it the subject of the first Resource Swap.

If you've written a blog post on the subject of baby names and you're particularly proud of it OR you've got some baby naming resources to recommend, email me so that I can include your recommendations in the initial roundup of resources.

If you miss this initial call for posts and resources, don't panic. You can add your links/resources once the post goes live on Thursday. In the world of parenting, deadlines have to be flexible, right?

~ ~ ~

PS: Thanks very much for the comments on Thursday's post. I really appreciate your feedback on the new blog format. I also received some very positive tweets. Those were much appreciated, too. Hope you're all enjoying a fabulous Canadian Thanksgiving holiday weekend with friends/family. Thank you for being part of my blog family year in and year out (and, in the case of many of you, for many years running, from blog to blog). I am very grateful for your loyalty and your friendship.

From Airbrushed Photos to Motherhood Realities to a Quiet Fish

NEWSWIRE

A roundup of essays, opinion pieces, and/or noteworthy news items about all things parenting.

PICTURE TOO PERFECT

"When writers take a news item or real event and considerably embellish it, they are required to alert readers by calling the work fiction, a novel or a story based on dramatized facts. Why should it be any different for photographs?"
- French Parliamentarian Valérie Boyer, quoted in France Considers Warning Labels for Airbrushed Photos, Time, October 5, 2009

"Cosmetic surgery rates are rising dramatically as are the numbers suffering from eating disorders. We need to bring some honesty into advertising."
- British MP Jo Swinson quoted in Lib Dems Call for Ban on Airbrushed Photos, guardian.co.uk, September 19, 2009

PARENTING GRAPEVINE

A roundup of parent wisdom via parent blogs and/or Twitter.

ANGER

"I haven’t been blogging lately because I’ve been angry," Tatiana writes in her blog Was It A Very Good Year. Then she goes on to explain why. The result is a powerful post about motherhood, womanhood, and wanting more from a world that too often disappoints.

BEDREST

"What started as a very cutting edge pregnancy -- all those high-tech fertility interventions! -- has ended up an anachronism," writes Deborah Siegel (formerly Girl w/ Pen, now Mama w/ Pen). "I now understand, in a very personal way, why pregnancy was once called 'confinement,' or 'lying in.' Hospitalized for early contractions at 30 weeks, I’ve spent the past 3.5 flat on my side.... "

RELATIONSHIPS

"I'm still coming down from the buzz I felt this past weekend," confesses Carly Cooper, Balance the Mother Load columnist at SweetMama.ca. "And it's not from the dessert wine I learned to love after my dinner. My husband Marc and I took a much needed mini-vacation. For the past six months, life got in our way. Work was demanding (spring and summer are Marc's busiest time), stress and overwhelm took over and as a result our relationship got off track. We knew things had to change."

WORK

Home-based business owner and mother Michele Dortch wonders, in her blog The Integrated Mother, if she should stick with the life she had created or go back to the traditional workforce. "I love my flexible, work-at-home lifestyle. But in the last year, there’s been a distant whisper that’s beckoning me to return to the “traditional” workforce. Whenever I hear it I think, “No way! I’ve been on my own since 2003. It’ll be impossible to go back to…that.”

ONE-QUESTION INTERVIEW

A one-question interview about something to do with parenting.

Today's interviewee: Andrea of A Peek Inside the Fishbowl -- a very popular Ottawa, Ontario, blogger (and blog).

ANN: I can't remember exactly when you launched your blog or how it got its name. All I know is that it was one of the first blogs I started reading -- and that I've never stopped reading it -- and you've never stopped writing it. Obviously, you're enjoying writing your blog as much as your readers enjoy reading it. I'm hoping you will answer this question for me: How has blogging made your life better as a parent and a writer?

ANDREA: My blog got its name from my business, quietfish, which comes from a line in a Dr.Seuss book called My Many Colored Days: “Green Days. Deep deep in the sea. Cool and quiet fish. That’s me.”

Blogging has had an immensely positive impact on my life. It’s opened up many new opportunities for me as a writer but it’s also my community. I’ve connected with other parents, challenged my creative brain, and gotten a boost when I needed one. I love to write.  I love being a parent. Combining the two has made me a happier person. Vive le blog!

PS -- Let me know what you think of the new/evolving blog format. As I noted in a recent post, I'll be rotating a variety of different departments in and out of the blog, to mix things up a bit and bring you more of what you want (according to the results of the recent reader survey). - Ann

What I Did With My Summer Vacation

September 1st is here, which means it's time to put the best summer ever series to bed. (This is Day 63, if you're still keeping track.)

The summer of 2009 may not be officially behind us for another 21 days, but there's something about the arrival of September that signals that it's time to shift modes.

Those of us who have kids heading back to school in another week (or who have already heeded the call of the school bus or the carpool) are already marching to the beat of the fall routine.

I like the routine and structure of fall, and yet I'm already missing the more improvisational rhythm of summer. I love the spontaneous, unexpected, the unplanned.

My main goal, this summer, was to indulge in the freelance writer's equivalent of a sabbatical (self-funded, of course). I set up a reading and writing program for myself, one that took me boldly where I had not gone before as a writer, but where I will be hanging out on a regular basis from now on. There's no going back once you've sample certain writerly delights, you know.

But before you get the idea that this summer was All About Me: well, reality check time. I'm still very much part of a family. (Status Update: Mom of four; married; many other relatives; etc.)

It was an awesome summer on the kid front. I had the opportunity to watch my four kids thrive and take bold steps of their own. My daughter decided to listen to her inner artist and start studying photography this fall, abandoning the college program that might have put money in the bank, but that would have made her miserable. My oldest son took a journey that demonstrated that he is willing to put heart and soul into going after what he really wants out of life. His passion really shone through as he found a focus – a motivation – to move him to action. My next youngest son demonstrated that he is able to juggle multiple commitments without missing a beat, online or offline. And my youngest son took a giant step from childhood to that in-between stage that will soon lead to the teen years. He can drive a boat, he can build benches and sheds, and he can advocate for himself and others in powerful ways. How far he has come in the past two years. I am so grateful to the people who helped cushion his fall and helped him find his way again.

My husband, who desperately needed some downtime this summer, managed to escape from the office every now and again to spend time at the cottage. He continues to try to cope with the pressures of being an only child caring for aging parents in another city (a complicated situation that won't be easily resolved). Maybe, now that all our kids are doing well at the same time (a major miracle in this family), we'll be able to enjoy more time as a couple this fall. Sure there are my pregnancy book revisions (very tight timeline) , his job (insanely busy at the best of times), and our volunteer commitments (we are both active volunteers in our community), but I have this feeling that we're coming back into our own again. It will be our 23rd wedding anniversary in October – and we've together since I was in Grade 10 and he was in Grade 11 (that was in 1978).

I think I'll make this my goal for fall: to find ways to spend more time with this fellow who gives so much to our family; to try to lighten his load a little; and to let him know in my oh-so-subtle ways (like that blackboard-sized neon pink heart that I drew on the blackboard in his Grade 11 math class one Valentine's Day long ago) that after four kids and all these years, I still want his coffee cup next to mine.

Best Summer Ever: Day 42

August 11
Hold on to Summer

Don't let back-to-school shopping erase what's left of summer.

Unless your kids have outgrown all of their clothes this summer, they don't need an entirely new wardrobe for school.

It's nice to head back to school with a few new things, but if you make a list of what your kids actually need before you hit the stores, you'll be surprised of how little you actually need to buy.

Photo Credit: Ann Douglas, 2009.

Best Summer Ever: Day 30

July 30
Do Some Big-Picture Thinking

Start thinking about the kind of fall you'd like to have with your family.

Summer won't last forever, after all. (Sob.)

It's a great time of year to start musing about changes you might want to make to your family's usual school-year routine - changes that might help to make the work-school-family juggle a little less crazy.

You might want to consider...

....decluttering now to reduce the amount of stuff in your life. The more stuff you have, the more stress you have.

....setting a budget for back-to-school shopping so your kids will know how much they have to spend on necessities and anything-but-necessities before they step foot in a store. It's easier to have this conversation at home than in the middle of a mall.

...limiting the number of extracurricular activities each kid can sign up for so that time for outdoor play doesn't get squeezed out of the schedule altogether. Unstructured play is what childhood is all about.

...acknowledging the effect that over-scheduling has on you as a parent; and how that, in turn, affects the rest of the family. (If you're stressed out because there's no breathing space in your schedule, what are you going to have left for yourself and everyone else?)

...spending at least 30 minutes together as a family every day is important. It doesn't matter when or where you reconnect -- over dinner or a book. What matters is that it happens.

Related:

Bankrate.com: How to survive piano lessons and hockey practices

Best Summer Ever: Day 13

July 13
Get Cycle Smart

Host a bike rodeo in your driveway or at a nearby park so your kids can work on their bike safety skills.

Then teach them how to do some basic maintenance on their bikes so that their bikes will be ready for the next family cycling adventure.

Related:

Canada Safety Council: What to Teach Your Children About Bicycle Safety

Utah Department of Health: Bicycle Rodeo Skills Packet (.pdf)

Cascade Bicycle Club: Organizing a Bicycle Skills Rodeo (.pdf)

Photo Credit: amandabhslater "Cycle Path," 2008 (Creative Commons).

Best Summer Ever: Day 12

July 12
Share Yourself

Share an important personal experience with someone you care about.

Not only will you be connecting with that person in a powerful way: you might even inspire that person to find creative ways to use his or her own experiences to help others.

Who knows? You might even manage to trigger a life-changing chain reaction amongst the people you care most about: one in which once-painful secrets lose their ability to control and limit lives.

Related:

After Baby Body.com is an example of a website that was born out of two mothers' desires to help other mothers:

"What the heck happened? So that’s basically how I felt after I popped out my first kid nearly seven years ago. I had a forceps delivery with a third degree tear. Of course at the time I had no idea. I thought the resident just REALLY enjoyed perineal needle point. I did know this: things “down there” were NOT THE SAME."

That's how the first entry in the After Baby Body blog begins. Website founders Andrea and Kira explain elsewhere on the site that they created After Baby Body to offer information and support to other moms experiencing post-childbirth complications like urinary incontinence, anal incontinence, a prolapse, or painful sex.

The result is a mom-friendly, informative site that will reassure you that you're not the only one feeling like your pre-baby perineum has gone AWOL, while offering helpful advice on getting it back.

Photo Credit: Ann Douglas, 2009.

Barbie vs. The Moms

So Barbie has been painting the GTA pink in celebration of her big 5-0. You had to know she'd mark this milestone birthday in style.

She may be an icon, but it's difficult to know whether she's best described, at this point in her life, as

1. a retro doll on a comeback tour
2. the great pink peril (an eco-feminist disaster)
3. a mega-brand doubling as a fashion industry stimulus package.

Maybe she's all that and more.

That got me wondering: has Barbie managed to make peace with the modern mom? Or is she still the iconic symbol of every feminist mom's worst nightmare come true. (Nancy White’s classic song “Daughters of Feminists” instantly comes to mind.)

Let's face it, Barbie didn’t do much to further her cause as a toy you'd want around your daughter, what with the math incident and the lingerie Barbie line. ¹ What were those people at Mattel thinking?

And yet, young girls have always been (and still are) drawn to Barbie.

Competitors with the most noble of intentions have found it almost impossible to steal away any of Barbie's customers, as I discovered for myself when I tried to do the feminist mom thing when my daughter was of Barbie age. I bought my daughter the Barbie alternative (a more realistically proportioned doll named Happy to Be Me that promised to enhance girls' self-esteem), only to have my daughter hand her back, pronto, complaining that Happy had a big butt.

I headed online to chat with some moms on Twitter (a great way to sample opinions on any topic, by the way). I wanted to know where things stood in the battle between Barbie and the Moms. Here's what I found out.

Barbies aren't as bad as Bratz. “As an aunt, I'd much rather my nieces play with Barbies than Bratz.” says @twhitneyshan. “I find Barbie a little more wholesome.” @cathyempey shares that view. “I am okay with my daughters playing with Barbies. [They are] way better than Bratz. I do not allow those dolls [Bratz] into our home.”

Your house, your Barbie rules. Depending on how you feel about Barbie, that may mean hanging a Barbie welcome sign on your front door; having a no way, no how policy where Barbie is concerned; or allowing a Barbie or two to inflitrate the premises (to stop Barbie from becoming forbidden fruit). “I'm not keen on my daughter (age 3 1/2) playing with Barbie,” says @traceyibrahim. “But I don't [prevent] her.

You don’t have to buy into the (cradle-to-grave) Barbie marketing hype. “The consumer part bothers me the most," says @radmama. Her solution? Make way for vintage and hand-me-down Barbies rather than buying new.

Remind yourself that Barbie is a plastic toy, not a cult leader. Our daughters have the power to make their own choices (with us providing them with guidance in becoming strong, happy, healthy girls who won't let an artificially-proportioned toy mess with their heads). And sometimes what they choose to do with Barbie makes Sid from Toy Story seem like a toy-manitarian. (“I only cut off my Barbie’s hair,” confesses @radmama. “My sister painted hers silver and wrapped her in wire.")

So don’t write off those “Daughters of Feminists” too soon, Moms and Dads. They may be marching to the beat of their own drummer -- and using their Barbies as drumsticks.

Note:
1. The official Barbie Collector site features some demure looking pictures of lingerie Barbie - with suitably demure copy (Barbie "looks darling in delicate pink. Intricate pale pink lace accents her heavenly bustier ensemble. Pink peek-a-boo peignoir floats over soft pink, feminine underpinnings. Sheer pink stockings and sling back high heels add flirtatious finishing touches" etc.) - and indicates that lingerie Barbie and other Barbies in the Fashion Model Collection are no longer available.
     A commentator at the Blog Sisters blog reacted to the parental outcry at the launch of lingerie Barbie in November 2002 as follows: "I've long been a big UN-fan of Barbie in general, but this new model doesn't bother me so much: she's kind of just a blatant example of what, to me, Barbie is about anyway. The angry dad on the news was upset about the sexual suggestiveness of the toy, but apparently has no problem letting his daughter play with lots of blonde, unrealistically shaped dolls that promote sexism in a more insidious way."

Related:

Body Talk: The Straight Facts on Fitness, Nutrition, and Feeling Great About Yourself: A self-esteem book for preteens and teens that I wrote with my daughter, Julie. (Maple Tree Press, 2006).

* * *

I'm hoping you'll continue the conversation with me, adding your two cents in the comments section below, taking the discussion to your own blog, and/or catching up with me via Twitter (@anndouglas).   >> This may be my space, but it's our conversation. <<

Use Your Super Powers: A Workshop for Girls 8 to 12 - April 18, 2009

I've just developed a brand new workshop for girls 8 to 12 years of age + the very influential females (VIFs) in their lives. I'm going to be delivering the workshop for the first time on April 18 from 2 to 4 pm at the Uxbridge Public Library. Tickets are $15 (for a girl + a VIF). Full workshop details can be found below.

You can download copies of this poster to share with a friend or to post at your workplace or local library. Please note that enrollment is limited to 24 girls and the VIFs (very influential females) in their lives, so please sign up early to avoid disappointment. Poster Page 1 (.pdf) | Page 2 (.pdf)