Middle School Meets YouTube - and It Ain't Pretty: Cyberbullying Goes Video

I just finished watching a series of videos that have left me feeling grateful that I'm heading into middle-age rather than heading into middle-school.

You know what? You couldn't pay me enough money to live through adolescence in the age of YouTube (.pdf) – not when it's this easy to upload a hate-filled rant slamming another teen -- in this latest high-profile case, a teen whose only crime was that she dared to diss teen celebrity Jason Bieber.

"I don't care if you hate Justin Bieber – I don't care," the video's creator, Hannah (MissVideo28), declares, staring intently into the camera. "But you don't need to post it on YouTube."

[Warning: Some of the language in this video may offend some viewers.]

 

 

A flood of angry responses to her initial video leads to a follow-up video, which is more an attempt to take her commenters to task than to offer a bonafide apology:

"I've gotten a lot of hateful comments on that video....You don't need to hate me for that....I'm just really disappointed in the people who commented. Frankly, it's just really horrible, okay?"

 

 

It's not until you view her most recent video that you start to get a sense of what YouTube has to offer her this young girl: an audience.

Consider the way she interacts with her viewers ("It's that time to ask for more views on my videos and more subscribers") and how she responds to her viewer mail: ("'I dare you to pie yourself with a massive shaving cream covering your face and your hair'" someone has written. She responds: "I'm going to do that, more than likely when I get my new apartment - when my mom and I get our new apartment. So that should be funny. I'm up for anything, really I am. In-box me: tell me what would be interesting.")

 

 

The effect is sad and pathetic. Instead of viewing her as the mean girl – the effect that came across in the first video – and the angry girl – what came through in the second video – she comes across as someone more worthy of pity.

I can't help but wonder if the adults in her life know she is putting these videos out there, sharing pieces of her soul with he world, where they can be commented on and mocked by strangers.

I worry about what will show up in her in-box next: how far she will go to get her next hit (her next audience hit); where she will draw the line ("I'm up for anything, really I am").

And I wonder how many other young teens are bartering bits of their souls for attention.

When I was a middle-schooler, I wrote in a diary, and guarded the contents of that diary with my life. (I was so paranoid that someone might read my diary that I wrote my entries in code.) And yet this generation of preteens and teens entrusts its most intimate thoughts and feelings to the Internet, forgetting that the Internet can bite back and the Internet can tell secrets years later. Would you want your middle-school diary to track you down today?

Back to School Parenting News: Bullying, Breakfast, Grades, and Sensitive Kids

It won't be long until the kids head back to school (although it pains me to think of that because I'm still very much in mid-summer mode myself). But with September just a few weeks away, I thought you might enjoy this roundup of back-to-school parenting news. (If you're not ready to face back-to-school quite yet, bookmark this item and come back to it in another week or two. I will totally understand.)

Bully to You....

Most bullies are motivated by the pursuit of status and the desire to be liked by others. That's the key finding to emerge from a study of nearly 500 9-to-12 year olds conducted by researchers at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands. The researchers found that bullies attempt to gain status by dominating their victims; but, because they want to be liked by other children, they choose to pick on children who are weak and who don't have a lot of friends. Gender also factors into bullying activity. When boys bully boys, it doesn’t matter whether girls approve or disapprove, the researchers discovered. The same holds true for girls. What's more, boys will bully only those girls who aren’t well liked by other boys, regardless of what girls think about it, and girls will do the same in their bullying of boys. “To understand the complex nature of acceptance and rejection, it’s necessary to distinguish the gender of the bully, the gender of the target, and the gender of the classmates who accept and reject bullies and victims,” notes René Veenstra, professor of sociology at the University of Groningen, who led the study.

Managing the School Day Munchies

Breakfast really does matter. In a recent study published online in the International Journal of Obesity researchers examined the impact of a protein-rich breakfast on adolescents who traditionally skipped breakfast. When the study participants ate a protein-rich breakfast the researchers observed that the teens were less hungry and ate approximately 130 fewer calories at lunch. The takeaway message? A protein-rich breakfast improves appetite control.

Meeting the Mark

How quickly they expect to receive their grades may influence how students perform. Psychological scientists Keri L. Kettle and Gerald Häubl of the University of Alberta discovered that students who were told they would receive feedback quickly on their performance on an oral presentation earned higher grades than students who expected feedback at a later time. What's more, when students expected to receive their grades quickly, they predicted that their performance would be worse than students who were to receive feedback later. "People do best precisely when their predictions about their own performance are least optimistic," the authors explained in the journal Psychological Science ("Motivation by Anticipation: Expecting Rapid Feedback Enhances Performance").

Why Sensitive Children Are Like Orchids

"Sensitive children, like orchids, are more challenging to raise and care for,
but they can bloom into individuals of exceptional ability and strength
when reared in a supportive, nurturing, and encouraging environment."
- Jelena Obradović, an assistant professor
in the School of Education at Stanford University

FilmPossible, Grandparent Care, and Teen Brains

FILMPOSSIBLE

Holland Bloorview is putting a call out to budding film-makers to enter filmpossible, a unique online video contest which will showcase the possibilities for children living with disabilities.

Film-makers have until Aug. 31 to submit their videos.

"Filmpossible is a unique opportunity for film-makers to dispel myths, perhaps by showcasing achievements or showing changes we can make," says Christa Haanstra, Senior Director, Communications and Public Affairs. "By entering this contest, you can help Holland Bloorview change the way the world views childhood disability."

I don't know about you, but I love the idea of this contest: putting the focus on the possible. After all, the world tends to do quite the opposite when your child is diagnosed with a disability: focusing on what may no longer be possible (at least according to some study or statistic). To find out how to enter, what you could win (yes, there are all kinds of fabulous prizes), and how the entries will be judged, visit the project's website, filmpossible.ca.

GRANDPARENT CARE

A recent article by BBC News education reporter Katharine Sellgren noted that the UK is lagging behind other European countries by failing to recognize the important role that grandparents play in providing childcare. (One in three mothers in the UK relies on her children's grandparents to provide childcare.)

According to Sellgren, steps taken by other EU countries to assist grandparents in providing care to their grandchildren included "allow [ing] parents to transfer parental leave to grandparents, letting working grandparents take time off if their grandchild is sick and, in some circumstances, paying them for the care they provided." (via Workplace Flexibility 2010.org). 

TEEN BRAINS

"One of the big discoveries [about adolescent health] has been about brain development. During adolescence there’s a massive pruning of the synapses [neural connections] of the brain, and this process doesn’t really stop until around age 24. And the last part of the brain to develop is the prefrontal cortex, which helps us in cognitive thought and making good decisions in our behavior. So that partially explains why teenagers are sort of known worldwide for their risk-taking behavior."
- Center for Adolescent Health director Freya Sonenstein, PhD, Director of the Center for Adolescent Health at the John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, quoted in the current issue of John Hopkins Public Health Magazine.

Note: The Center for Adolescent Health has just published a guide to adolescent health entitled The Teen Years Explained. You can download a copy of the book (in .pdf format).

This is What Excellent Health Care Looks Like: Snapshot From My Family Album

My son had dental surgery earlier this week. Because he has a seizure disorder, everyone involved agreed that the best way to proceed would be to have the two teeth that needed to be removed taken out under general anesthetic at the local hospital.

The day before his surgery, he and I took a tour of the out-patient surgical department so he would know exactly what to expect before, during, and after his surgery.

We talked about what he'd experience once he was admitted to the hospital, who would be taking care of him, what types of anesthetic he would be receiving (a combination of skin-numbing cream, a needle, and nitrous oxide via a mask), and we walked the route he would be following on surgery day.

Everyone did what they could to help him to prepare, in other words.

But when it came time for us to part ways at the double-doors that led to the operating wing, he became upset. I hugged him and tried to reassure him.

At that point, a nurse interrupted me and told me I was welcome to go into the operating room, too. Someone handed me a giant blue bag. I started to put my briefcase and my purse inside it.

Apparently the bag was a not a bag. It was a pair of one-size-fits-some overalls. I was supposed to put it on over my denim skirt (no easy task, that) and don the matching hair net.

My son found this hilarious.

I was the last one to make it into the operating room, as a result of my wardrobe challenges. Things were moving quickly by this point. I stood beside my son's left shoulder, echoing the reassuring words of the nurses and doctors. "You're strapped on the table because they don't want you to fall off." "The doctor needs you to breathe deeply so you can get some of the anesthetic into your lungs." "I know it's scary." "I'm right here." "I'll be waiting for you when you wake up." "It's okay." "I love you."

"He's asleep," the nurse said. My eyes were watery and my voice was shaky when I left the room and surrendered my blue suit. But I was grateful.

I can't imagine how much more afraid he would have been if I hadn't been able to talk to him, hold his hand, and pat his chest while he was trying to make sense of the scary sensations of going under general anesthetic for the very first time.

Actually, I can. I remember what it was like, a generation ago, when kids had to make that journey through those doors in the company of strangers, without the reassuring presence of mom or dad. We are lucky that providing health care to a child today emphasizes the care as much as the health. That's how it should be.

Time Crunched? Oh, Yeah. Our Family Can Relate to New Study from Canadian Index of Well-Being

My husband is on his way home from work right now. He's planning to pick up some clothes, turn around, and drive back across the city so he can take care of his father while his mother is in the hospital. She's had another bad fall (the last one landed her in hospital for a month) and his father isn't able to live on his own. My mother-in-law, who is in her early 80s, is the sole caregiver for my father-in-law, who suffers from dementia and other serious health problems.

My husband is stressed to the max.

My stress level is on its way down, as of the past few days. (It's almost as if I, being finished with the stress baton, was kind enough to pass it along to him.)

I've spent the past 10 weeks trying to figure out what to do about our youngest son's school situation: a situation that went from bad to worse to untenable during this past semester. It's tough enough changing schools at the best of times, but when you're trying to find a school that is a good fit for a child on the autism spectrum, the search is that much more difficult because your options (or at least the options that you are willing to consider for your child) are more limited, particularly if you live in a medium-sized city.

Sometimes it can feel like there are no options at all: that you and your child will never find a school that can accommodate (let alone understand or appreciate) what your child has to offer. But it can happen. And when it does happen, you may be astounded by your willingness to put your trust in another school once again. (Where does this endless reservoir of hope come from, I wonder?) 

* * *

What a strange day it has been. In addition to fielding a call from a television reporter who had wanted me to be a guest on a TV segment discussing the latest study about time-crunched Canadians (I had to decline because I don't have time to make it to a TV studio today), I've had to (1) fill out paperwork related to an upcoming hospital visit for one of my kids; and (2) go grocery shopping so that I'd have food to serve the guests attending a fund-raising event I'm hosting tonight.

Are all days like this? Thankfully not. If they were, I'd have waved the white flag long ago. But enough days involve dealing with issues related to my youngest child's special needs or meeting the needs of other family members that I can never count on clocking 40 hours of work in a standard work week. It's taken me a while to figure this out: to realize that I need to adjust the too-high goals I have been setting for myself. Those goals might be attainable if I didn't have four kids; a husband who works long and unpredictable hours, and who is the sole caregiver to two aging parents with complex health needs. But given the choice between being able to be there for my family when they need me or knocking a few items off my to do list a little more quickly, well, there really is no choice to be made.

I do, however, wish that the system (educational, health care, social services – you name it) was more in synch with the needs of real families: that families didn't have to fight the same battles over and over in order to obtain badly needed services for their children or their aging parents. That would make advocating for a child with special needs and caring for aging parents a whole lot easier. And it would leave those of us who get stamped with that generic "caregiver" label with a little more time to nurture our relationships and ourselves.

Those are some of the issues that Caught in the Time Crunch (report) talks about (the report the television reporter wanted to interview me about). And that's what many of us who are living in the Land of Perpetual Time Crunch about talk about – and wish for – every day: a society that truly valued the work that parents and other caregivers do. The report has a lot of terrific recommendations and resources. And it's only 32 pages long. I hope you'll read it – when you can find the time.

Related:

Quiz from the Canadian Index of Wellbeing: Are You Caught in the Time Crunch?

The War on Moms: An Interview with Sharon Lerner -- Part II of II

Sharon Lerner is an American journalist who specializes in writing about women and politics. The War on Moms: On Life in a Family-Unfriendly Nation (Wiley, 2002) -- a meticulously researched book that should be considered required reading for every mother or mother-to-be on either side of the border -- is her first book. I had the opportunity to interview Lerner via Skype earlier today. What follows is the second part of our interview.

Sharon Lerner's book is filled with stories about the fallout of what she calls "life in a family-unfriendly nation." During our interview, I asked her which of those stories would be most likely to stay with her over the long run. She told me about her visit to a childcare center in Florida.

I asked Lerner whether moms need to become more political in order to make change and, if so, what that might mean, given our crazy/busy lives. (I told her that I had multi-year-long blank spots in my political memory, corresponding with the years when my children were very young.) She pointed out all the various ways in which people can be political.

While Lerner devotes a large chunk of her book to documenting the need for more family-friendly policies, she continues to believe that change is possible. "Sometimes people think my outlook is bleak," Lerner says. "But it's not. I think there are great possibilities for improvement." That's one of the reasons she wrote her book, after all: to hint at the possible in an effort to inspire mothers and lawmakers to action.

In the Epilogue of her book, she stresses that "this rare political moment" provides reason for optimism:

"While families across the country carry on with their own shifts and struggles, the most important change that's taken place nationwide is a political one. With a swing-set behind it and dozens of parents of young children working within, the White House is now more receptive to family issues than it's been in years."

At the same time, Lerner is all-too-aware that, in the wake of the global economic crash, families could be asked to put their needs on hold once again:

"Even as the floundering economy has made some of the problems facing families worse, some lawmakers have worried about spending our much-depleted public funds to "bail out" American families. As we wait to see whether this potential turning point will be squandered like previous ones, the gap between us and the rest of the developed world should remind us that, even if it's hard to scrape up the money to move forward, we can't afford not to do it."

* * *

It would be easy for those of us in Canada to act a little smug: to assume that, because we have universal health care coverage and that $100-a-month payment that has been sold to us as a "universal childcare plan," that Canadian families will never experience the same dire poverty as American families who lose their jobs or experience a health crisis.

To some extent, that may be true (we may not bottom out to the same degree or quite as often); but what about the Canadian families who end up selling their homes - or couch-surfing - because a particular drug or therapy that their child needs isn't covered (or isn't fully covered) by the provincial health plan? And what about those families who can't afford to work, because their childcare costs are so high; but who can't afford not to work, because their rent and living expenses necessitate that they hold down a job or two? 

The War on Moms isn't just a US phenomenon. It's happening here, too. It's simply much more under the radar right now. Consider this your wake-up call - unless, of course, you're already wide-awake and on mother-alert, like many moms and dads have been for quite some time. In that case, we're happy to have you join us. It's going to take some time to turn this situation around and create a Canada that works for all families.

Related Reading:

Elizabeth May. Losing Confidence: Power, Politics, and the Crisis in Canadian Democracy: See this  book review penned by Tom Graff of the Vancouver Observer for an overview of what the book is all about.

Marci McDonald: The Armageddon Factor: An expanded and up-to-date version of this October 2006 article that McDonald wrote for The Walrus. If you're wondering what this has to do with your life as a mother, read Antonia Zerbisias' no-holds-barred analysis from earlier this month.

The War on Moms: An Interview with Sharon Lerner -- Part I of II

Sharon Lerner has some reassuring words for you, if you're struggling to pay your bills, find time for your family, and do a good job at work, too: this problem is so much bigger than you.

 "Perhaps you yourself work so hard, you don't have enough time for your family, let alone for yourself," she writes in the introduction of her brand new book, The War on Moms: On Life in a Family-Unfriendly Nation (Wiley, 2002). "On the other hand, you might have ample time with your children but feel edged out of professional life, unable to earn any money -- or enough of it to avoid sinking into a financial hole. Or maybe you work hard and still find yourself barely getting by. Any of these scenarios is common. What's far less likely is that you have both financial stability and all of the time you need to care for your family. That's because such balance has become a rare privilege in this country. And while it's easy to feel personally responsible for failing to achieve the elusive mix of work and family within your own life, the problem is far bigger than you....

"To say there is a sinister plot against American women is both overblown and exactly right. Technically speaking, there is no War on Moms, of course. There is no concerted effort to kill or main women who have children. But if some sinister think tank had spent the last thirty years cooking up the ideal way to make American women miserable, it likely couldn't have served up more unpleasantness than women now encounter on a daily basis."

Lerner is an American journalist who specializes in writing about women and politics. The War on Moms: On Life in a Family-Unfriendly Nation (Wiley, 2002) -- a meticulously researched book that should be considered required reading for every mother or mother-to-be on either side of the border -- is her first book. I had the opportunity to interview Lerner via Skype earlier today. What follows is the first part of our interview.

Motherhood Research and Parenting Studies

My in-box is overflowing with research requests related to birth, parenting, and motherhood. If you want to contribute to what is known about any of these subject areas (either by being interviewed by a journalist, offering to be a research participant in a study, submitting an article to a journal, or speaking at a conference), there are certainly opportunities galore. Here's a roundup of the latest requests.

BIRTH EXPERIENCES

The Toronto Star would like to interview new moms about their birth experiences. Did your labour and delivery go as planned? How did you feel about your experience? Contact reporter Francine Kopun at fkopun@thestar.ca by May 10. With your permission, your story may become part of a Living feature in the Star.

CARING FOR A PERSON WITH AN AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER (ASD)

The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health is conducting a survey of family needs associated with caring for a person with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD). If you are a family member of an adult or youth with ASD, your participation would be appreciated. The purpose of the survey is to find out about how you and your family handle stresses, how you feel, and what kind of services you use. The survey is confidential. In order to understand families' experiences, family members are asked to complete an online questionnaire. Participation takes approximately 30 minutes. Please call 416-535-8501, ext 7813, or email yona_lunsky@camh.net for more information. To participate, go to www.familyprojects.ca (The Family Study).

BULLYING AND AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS

The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health is conducting an online survey to learn about the experiences of bullying in children and youth with Autism or Asperger Syndrome. They are interested in interviewing parents of children with Autism or Asperger Syndrome. The focus of this project is to better understand the experience of bullying among students with Asperger syndrome and Autism across Canada. The research is being conducted primarily by a doctoral student, Catherine Cappadocia, and researcher, Dr. Jonathan Weiss, from York University. The online survey takes approximately 30 minutes to complete. Any questions or concerns about this project can be directed to Catherine Cappadocia, M.A., Project Coordinator by phone at (647) 283-2585 or by email at catcap@yorku.ca. To participate, go to www.familyprojects.ca (The Family Study).

MOTHERHOOD RESEARCH

The Association for Research on Mothering has been reborn as The Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (MIRCI). It is continuing its proud tradition of research into motherhood with an impressive publishing and conference schedule for 2010. If you write or speak about motherhood, you'll want to check out these recent calls for submissions (see partial list below); and to plan to attend MIRCI's upcoming Gala Literary Night Fundraiser on May 21, 2010, from 7 pm to 10:30 pm at Ryerson Oakham House.

° Motherhood and the Economy: The Economics of Mothering (Conference: October 21 to 24, Toronto, Canada): Deadline for Abstract and Bio: August 1, 2010.

° Mothering, Bereavement, Loss, and Grief (journal): Deadline for Submissions: June 1, 2010.

° Mothering: Anthropological Perspectives (anthology): Deadline for Submissions: July 1, 2010.

° Black Motherhoods (anthology): Deadline for Submissions: September 1, 2010.

The Sex Ed Files - Part III of III in a Series About Sex Education

Want to do more homework about sex ed? Here are some additional resources you may want to check out as you research the sex education issue.

What Kids Have to Say About Sex Ed

Poll question: Do you feel like you were given the sex education you needed?

66% of 848 site visitors responded negatively. The responses were as follows:

• 45% (381 votes) "I'm still waiting to get the education I need and/or I had to just find it myself
• 21% (178 votes) "Too late; I felt I needed it before I received it."
• 23% (197 votes) "At exactly the right time: I think I got it just at the age I needed it."
• 11% (92 votes) "I felt too young for the education I was given."

Source: Scarleteen.com  Poll results as of 8:52 pm Sunday April 25, 2010.

The Big Talk

"Parents are often reluctant to talk to their children about sex. When they do, the information they provide is often more about physiological changes than about the emotional terrain that accompanies sexuality or about managing one's own sexuality appropriately and healthfully."
- Youth, Pornography and the Internet by Dick Thornburgh and Herbert S. Lin, editors. Quote is taken from Chapter 5: Children, Media, and Exposure to Sexually Explicit Material.

The Abstinence Debate

2007 Study on Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage Education Programs

A nine-year congressionally mandated evaluation of U.S. federally-funded abstinence-only-until-marriage education programs has found that they have no beneficial impact on young people’s sexual behavior. "Program recipients were no more likely than non-recipients to delay sexual initiation, and when they did become sexually active, program recipients had the same number of sexual partners and were no more likely to use condoms or other forms of contraception.... Comprehensive sex education has been shown in numerous studies by well-respected researchers both to delay sex and to increase contraceptive use."

2010 Study on Abstinence-Focused Education Programs
A smaller study conducted by Professor John B. Jemmott III of University of Pennsylvania and published in the Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine looked at abstinence-focused programs for sixth and seventh graders at four public middle schools serving low-income African-American communities. The study found that one-third of the sixth and seventh graders who finished the abstinence-focused program started having sex within the next two years, as compared to almost half of the students who had other sex education classes (information about both abstinence and contraception), who became sexually active within two years.

Planned Parenthood of Houston and Southeast Texas issued the following statement in response to the release of the University of Pennsylvania study:

"This new study highlights a program that is very different from the failed 'abstinence-only' programs that teach misleading information, including assertions that condoms don’t work. Unlike traditional “abstinence-only” programs, the program in this study emphasizes abstinence, but does not disparage condoms, does not use a moralistic tone, and does not contain inaccurate information. In fact, this program would not have been eligible for Bush-era “abstinence-only” funding because it was not designed to meet the federal criteria for “abstinence-only” programs. This program would likely be eligible for the new sex ed/teen pregnancy prevention programs under the Obama administration, since it is medically accurate. This study adds new information to the library of existing research on the types of sex education programs that are effective and those that are ineffective. Planned Parenthood has always advocated for teaching sex education that emphasizes abstinence as the best way to avoid unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, but that also provides young people with medically accurate, age-appropriate information about healthy communication, responsible decision making, contraception and disease prevention."

Planned Parenthood of New Jersey: Abstinence-Only Sex Education
A history of abstinence-only sex education in the U.S., as provided by Planned Parenthood of New Jersey.

Sex Education: News and Trends

Vancouver Sun: Ontario's sex-ed controversy nothing new: Experts

"Studies in different parts of the country have consistently found that more than 85 per cent of parents support sex-ed programs and that a majority of parents approve of topics that range from puberty and reproduction, to birth control and sexual orientation."

Harassment by Q & A: Initial Thoughts on Formspring.me by Danah Boyd
Emerging issues related to sexual bullying and gender identity, as detailed in a brand new essay by social anthropologist Danah Boyd. "Formspring was not designed as a place for harassment, but some teens have clearly leveraged it to do precisely that, while others are using it to continue the long history of quizzes and surveys.  Why the different practices?  I'm not at all surprised that semi-anonymity results in people asking crass questions, but why are teens responding publicly for all of their peers to see?  What is it about today's cultural dynamics that encourages teens to not only act tough when they're attacked but to actively share the attacks of others as a marker of toughness pride?"

Proposed Changes to the Ontario Sex Education Curriculum

Three page summary (.pdf) of the proposed changes to the curriculum. For a more detailed analysis, see Part I in this series. You'll also want to read ParentCentral.ca editor Brandie Weikle's editorial on this subject.

Facebook Group: I Support Sexual Health Education Changes in Ontario:
A discussion group for those who support changes to the Ontario sexual education curriculum.

Petition in Support of Changes to the Sex Education Curriculum: The petition text reads as follows: "We, the undersigned, call on Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty and the Ontario government to go forth with intended changes to Ontario's sexual education curriculum beginning September 2010."

The Sex Information and Education Council of Canada
The Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN) is a national registered charitable organization founded in 1964 to foster professional education and public knowledge about sexuality and sexual health. SEICCAN publishes Sexual Health Education in the Schools: Questions and Answers. You can download a copy (in .pdf format) from the organization's website.

Shaping a Culture of Respect in Our Schools: Promoting Safe and Healthy Relationships: Safe Schools Action Team Report on Gender-Based Violence, Homophobia, Sexual Harassment, and Inappropriate Sexual Behavior in Schools (.pdf)
A report, submitted to the Ontario government in December 2008, which makes specific recommendations about preventing and addressing gender-based violence, homophobia, sexual harassment, and inappropriate sexual behaviour by students towards other students and removing barriers to reporting such incidents in order to help students succeed and re-engage in school.

Note: (Parts I and II in this series also contain links to some other resources that you may find useful.)

No Need to Get Hot and Bothered About the New Sex Ed Curriculum – Part I of II

I don't know about you, but I don't like other people speaking for me when it comes to issues involving my kids. So when I heard that some parents were up in arms about the proposed changes to the sex ed curriculum for Ontario schools, I decided that I needed to research those changes for myself.

Getting my hands on the documents wasn't easy. The moment Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty pulled his initial support for the changes and announced that the curriculum changes were being put on hold, pending further review and consultations with parents, the documents were removed from the Ministry of Education website.

It took a bit of detective work, but I managed to track down a copy of the documents via the I Support Sexual Health Education in Ontario Facebook Group. I then proceeded to pour through the document, page by page,  zeroing in on the most relevant sections (download copy of chart).

This progressive, health-oriented curriculum – which covers so much more than sex education, incidentally – has the potential to change (and even save) kids' lives. If we can convince the government to go ahead with the curriculum as is (as opposed to bowing to pressure to water down the content), our kids will learn some very important lessons, starting at a very early age.

They will learn that every person is worthy of respect. This principle is all-inclusive and it permeates the entire curriculum. It applies to what they learn about body image, about physical fitness, about sexual health, and about healthy relationships. Here's a snippet that sets the tone for the rest of the document:

In an environment based on the principles of inclusive education, all students, parents, and other members of the school community – regardless of ancestry, culture, ethnicity, sex, physical or intellectual ability, race, religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, or other similar factors – are welcomed, included, treated fairly, and respected. Diversity is valued, and all members of the school community feel safe, comfortable, and accepted. Every student is supported and inspired to succeed in a culture of high expectations for learning. In an inclusive education system, all students see themselves reflected in the curriculum, their physical surroundings, and the broader environment, so that they can feel engaged in and empowered by their learning experiences. (57)

They will learn that they don't have to tolerate bullying or abuse; and what healthy relationships are all about. They will learn that they don't have to tolerate being bullied because of body size or physical abilities or race or sexual orientation (or because they belong to a family that doesn't conform to the 1950s definition of what a Canadian family should look like: an image that continues to be over-reflected in our media); that they have the right to say no to being touched in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable (and what words to use to describe their body parts so that they can make it clear to adults and peers what body parts are off limits); and that healthy relationships at school, at home, and in the community are every child's right.

"Healthy relationships are based on respect, caring, empathy, trust, and dignity, and thrive in an environment in which diversity is honoured and accepted. Healthy relationships do not tolerate abusive, controlling, violent, harassing, or inappropriate behaviours." (55)

They will be given the information they need to make informed choices about their sexual health. In order to make the decision not to be sexually active until they are ready, kids have to have accurate information about what sex means—what it is.  This generation of kids may sound like they're in the know (based on the snippets of information that they've culled from the Internet or from a supposedly savvy peer), but that doesn't necessarily mean much. A 2006-2007 study conducted by researchers from Planned Parenthood, York University, the University of Toronto, Wilfrid Laurier University, and Toronto Public Health found that Ontario kids are far less informed about sex than we think they are. "Very surprising to us was that many kids were unsure about whether they had had sex or not," one of the study's authors, Sarah Flicker, a professor of environmental studies at York University, told CBC News at the time "And even among those who were unsure, some reported that they had engaged in oral sex, anal sex or vaginal sex."

That study recommended sweeping changes to the way sex education is taught in schools, including kicking off the conversation as early as kindergarten. That's what this curriculum is attempting to do (although starting at the Grade One level): to give our kids the information and self-advocacy skills they need to be informed, stay healthy, and develop loving relationships.

This sounds to me like the recipe for a healthier, happier generation of kids and a much less messed-up world.

I hope that vote-seeking politicians and special interest groups don't mess this up for our kids any more than they already have.

There's far too much at stake for the people in charge to lose sight of what really matters here: the health and well-being of the up-and-coming generation of kids.

Related:

Facebook: I Support Sexual Health Education in Ontario: A Facebook group for supporters of the new sexual health curriculum in Ontario.

NOTE: Stay tuned for Part II. I'll be interviewing Heather Corinna, founder of Scarleteen: Sex Education for the Real World, one of the most popular sex information web sites for teens, about why sex education matters.