The Pill, The Big Sell, The Unexplainable: Worth Quoting

THE PILL

 "It was the feminist movement that opened [the] doors [to new career opportunities for women]. The Pill allowed women to walk through."
    - Elaine Tyler May, discussing her book America and the Pill: A History of Promise, Peril and Liberation at the University of Minnesota website. (Read excerpt from her book at PBS.org.)

THE BIG SELL

"Commercialism is a factor in many of the public health and social problems facing children today. Childhood obesity, discontent about body image, eating disorders, sexualization, youth violence, family stress, underage drinking, and underage tobacco use are all linked to advertising and marketing. So is the erosion of creative play - the foundation of learning, creativity, and the capacity to make meaning of life. The underlying message of commercial marketing - i.e. the things we buy will make us happy - is a major factor in the acquisition of materialistic values, which has been linked to depression and low self-esteem in children."
    - Susan Linn, EdD, "The Commercialization of Childhood and Children's Well-Being: What is the Role of Health Care Providers?" Paediatrics and Child Health, April 2010.

THE UNEXPLAINABLE

...."I went to your mother’s room to try to explain the unexplainable. I saw your mother on her bed, still groggy from the medications, and my professional demeanour disappeared. A tiny baby blanket was spread on the little bed where you should have been ... At that moment, I was no longer a doctor. I was a mother facing another mother in distress. We didn’t know if you would pull through, and I couldn’t make any promises. We would have to see how the next few hours would unfold. I felt helpless and sad."
    - Christine Motheron, MD, "A Letter for You," Canadian Family Physician, January 2010.

The Worst Moms: What is it With Our Fascination With The Underbelly of Motherhood?

Oh how the Internet loves its lists. It particularly loves lists of the awful, the bizarre, and the outrageous. And if those lists of the worst of the worst happen to feature celebrities and/or people who could be your next door neighbor behaving badly, well, all the better, it would seem.

So it's hardly surprising that lists (or video clips) of parents doing incredibly stupid things have become an online phenomenon.

The "worst moms" genre appears to be particularly popular, highlighting the dubious achievements of all kinds of moms: fictional, famous, and newly infamous. Time Magazine's list of the Best and Worst Moms Ever draws from the world of entertainment and features Mrs. Robinson and The Mother from Pink Floyd's The Wall. Meanwhile, Momlogic.com's list of the 10 Worst Moms in History includes the wolf spider (infamous for eating its young). And Bookfinder.com's list of the 10 Worst Mothers in Literature features scary fairy-tale moms and freaky horror-novel moms alike.

So what types of sins against motherhood have these moms, real and imaginary, committed in order to score a mention on one of these lists? Everything from maternal disinterest to being too sexy to not having the perfect family to behaving like a garden-variety sociopath (or worse).

And what is it that fuels the fascination with the worst of the worst? A little homegrown parenting anxiety, perhaps?

As MomLogic.com Teresa Strasser columnist noted in the introduction to her feature, The 10 Worst Moms in History, "At seven months pregnant, coming up with this kind of list makes me feel better about my own mom potential. Thank you for lowering the bar, worst moms in history."

The Downside of High: Documentary Review (Airs Thurs on CBC)

The Art of Parenting

I came close to not watching The Downside of High at all -- close to writing the documentary off as an updated version of the 1950s anti-drug propaganda flick.

I'm glad I decided to tune in because the documentary provides some important information that parents and kids should know.

The Downside of High tells the story of three young people from British Columbia who, along with their doctors, believe that their mental illness (schizophrenia or bipolar disorder) was triggered by marijuana use.

As the documentary points out, scientists are buying into that theory, too. They believe that while most people who light up a joint will enjoy a pleasant buzz, an unfortunate few will be sent into a state of psychosis. And teenagers are at particular risk. (If you use marijuana before the age of 16, you are four times as likely to become schizophrenic.)

Today's super-potent pot may be too blame. THC levels in marijuana have increased dramatically in recent decades. In the 1960s, THC levels averaged 1 to 3 percent. Today, those levels average 18 to 25 percent.

Within the next five to ten years, it may be possible to develop a genetic test identify those kids who should never smoke pot, due to the increased risk of marijuana triggering an episode of psychosis. In the meantime, we can make our teens aware of the factors that increase the risk of such an episode:

History of psychosis

Family history of psychosis

Using other drugs

Difficulty relating to others

Childhood trauma

Living in an urban area

To learn more about this issue, tune into The Downside of High. Better yet, watch it with your kids so that you can talk about what you learn and how they might apply this new information to their lives.

Premiering: Thursday January 28, 2010 at 8 pm on CBC-TV

Repeating: Thursday February 4, 2010 at 10 pm ET/PT on CBC News Network

Best Summer Ever: Day 59

August 28
Become the Poster Parent for the Joy of Learning

One of the most powerful things you can do to raise a child who is is to model that excitement yourself.

You want your child to see you reading books, newspapers, and magazines on a daily basis; researching issues that matter to you; and watching documentaries on topics that you are passionate about.

With you as a living example of the joy of learning, how can your child help but get the message that learning is something that takes place anytime, anywhere; and that it continues throughout your entire life?

Image: Created using the motivator tool at BigHugeLabs.com.

Best Summer Ever: Day 42

August 11
Hold on to Summer

Don't let back-to-school shopping erase what's left of summer.

Unless your kids have outgrown all of their clothes this summer, they don't need an entirely new wardrobe for school.

It's nice to head back to school with a few new things, but if you make a list of what your kids actually need before you hit the stores, you'll be surprised of how little you actually need to buy.

Photo Credit: Ann Douglas, 2009.

Best Summer Ever: Day 30

July 30
Do Some Big-Picture Thinking

Start thinking about the kind of fall you'd like to have with your family.

Summer won't last forever, after all. (Sob.)

It's a great time of year to start musing about changes you might want to make to your family's usual school-year routine - changes that might help to make the work-school-family juggle a little less crazy.

You might want to consider...

....decluttering now to reduce the amount of stuff in your life. The more stuff you have, the more stress you have.

....setting a budget for back-to-school shopping so your kids will know how much they have to spend on necessities and anything-but-necessities before they step foot in a store. It's easier to have this conversation at home than in the middle of a mall.

...limiting the number of extracurricular activities each kid can sign up for so that time for outdoor play doesn't get squeezed out of the schedule altogether. Unstructured play is what childhood is all about.

...acknowledging the effect that over-scheduling has on you as a parent; and how that, in turn, affects the rest of the family. (If you're stressed out because there's no breathing space in your schedule, what are you going to have left for yourself and everyone else?)

...spending at least 30 minutes together as a family every day is important. It doesn't matter when or where you reconnect -- over dinner or a book. What matters is that it happens.

Related:

Bankrate.com: How to survive piano lessons and hockey practices

Best Summer Ever: Day 5

July 5
Add politics to the family dinner menu

Encourage your kids to become passionate and informed citizens by discussing issues that really matter to you.

Elizabeth May, leader of the Green Party of Canada, discovered while researching her book Losing Confidence: Power, Politics, and the Crisis in Canadian Democracy, that young people raised in families where politics is discussed at the family dinner table are far more likely to vote than those who haven't benefited from such lively discussions with family members.

You can also extend the conversation by watching documentary films together, ensuring that your kids have access to plenty of books and magazines (either via your in-home collection or via regular trips to the library), and by participating in community events.

The opportunities to grow and develop as a family committed to a better world are endless, once you start seeking them out.

"I surveyed a lot of youth in writing my book to seek answers for the lower level of youth voting,. The results are completely unscientific, but many of the young people with whom I spoke, who are engaged, say their interest in politics started in the home over energetic family debates."
- Elizabeth May, Q & A: Canadian Democracy in Crisis? Toronto Star, April 21, 2009

Related:

DocumentaryFilms.net: A website that features detailed reviews of documentary films.

National Film Board: You can search National Film Board (NFB) films by title. There are 660 films available for viewing online. (You'll definitely recognize some of these films from your school days. Prepare yourself for a blast-from-the-past experience.)

ReelLearning.ca: The Toronto International Film Festival's film literacy and learning site for children and youth. "We believe film is a tool that can give a voice to students, bridge cultures and transform the way students see the world," the site declares. "Written literacy was the focus of twentieth-century education; media literacy will be the focus in the twenty-first!"

Magazines Canada: Get the scoop on hundreds of Canadian magazines you may want to start reading, if you're not already.

Note: Just as an aside, if you're a fan of small/literary magazines, you may want to find out about a new Heritage Canada funding policy that may be putting some low-circulation, but culturally significant Canadian publications in peril. Quill and Quire wrote about the new arts policy - and a Facebook group was formed in response - recently.

Photo Credit: Ann Douglas, 2009.

Best Summer Ever: Day 1

July 1
Happy Birthday, Canada!

Play Gordon Lightfoot's Canadian Railroad Trilogy, eat red-and-white foods (strawberries with ice cream or a cake inspired by this design), and find other fun ways to celebrate Canada's birthday.

Related:

Best Summer Ever Series (63 Days, 63 Tips): Make This Summer Really Count for Yourself and Your Family: Over the next 63 days, I will be featuring a tip a day for parents who are hoping to make this summer really count for themselves and their families.

O, Canada! 7 Sensational Ways to Bring History to Life for Your Kids: Tips on making history come alive for your kids in fun and fabulous ways.

How Perfect Do Reality TV Moms and Dads Have to Be?

It's not enough to be super mom or super dad anymore. You've got to be super parent and super couple, too -- at least on reality TV.

Face it. It’s not a fun time to be living in the Reality TV bubble.

As Jennifer Wilson-Speedy has noted, even Jon and Kate Gosselin -- the stars of Jon & Kate Plus 8 -- have fallen out of favor with the the ever-fickle viewing public (a public that continues to be rather unforgiving of parents who make mistakes).

Here’s the thing. In order to immerse themselves in the reality show experience, fans have to buy into the fantasy that the producers are selling them: in this case, that Jon and Kate are not only capable of surviving the pressures of raising eight very young children: their family and marriage are thriving.

Of course, there’s also the matter of the very unrealistic lifestyle being portrayed (at least as compared to Joe and Jane Average). Jon and Kate and their kids do fun and exciting things, like going on outings and taking trips. They don't stay home and deal with the hassles of getting the kids to daycare and doctors' appointments. That wouldn't make for very exciting TV. (Can you imagine an entire episode where the siblings are fighting in the waiting room at the dentists' office or wriggling in line at the bank? That would be bonafide Reality TV, but it wouldn't attract much of an audience (or, more critically, any sponsors). That's the irony of reality TV, isn't it: reality TV has become anything but.)

And so the viewing public appears to be falling out of love with Jon and Kate. It could be that shows about people who appear to be independently wealthy or whose lifestyle is being bankrolled by corporations simply doesn’t play as well in recessionary times.

There’s also the Octomom backlash to consider. Nadia Sulleman's pregnancy made people stop and ask questions about fertility drugs and family size in a way they really hadn't before. If we're starting to think about ways to walk more lightly on the planet, reality shows featuring families with huge families might not exactly be in tune with the times.

Could it be that the gossip magazines were just waiting for an excuse to pounce on one of reality TV’s once-favored families?

Here’s the sad truth.

Reality shows have a tendency to devour their participants. Did we honestly think things would be any different for Jon and Kate: that they'd be granted immunity forever?

If we did, perhaps we’re the ones who need a reality TV check.

Barbie vs. The Moms

So Barbie has been painting the GTA pink in celebration of her big 5-0. You had to know she'd mark this milestone birthday in style.

She may be an icon, but it's difficult to know whether she's best described, at this point in her life, as

1. a retro doll on a comeback tour
2. the great pink peril (an eco-feminist disaster)
3. a mega-brand doubling as a fashion industry stimulus package.

Maybe she's all that and more.

That got me wondering: has Barbie managed to make peace with the modern mom? Or is she still the iconic symbol of every feminist mom's worst nightmare come true. (Nancy White’s classic song “Daughters of Feminists” instantly comes to mind.)

Let's face it, Barbie didn’t do much to further her cause as a toy you'd want around your daughter, what with the math incident and the lingerie Barbie line. ¹ What were those people at Mattel thinking?

And yet, young girls have always been (and still are) drawn to Barbie.

Competitors with the most noble of intentions have found it almost impossible to steal away any of Barbie's customers, as I discovered for myself when I tried to do the feminist mom thing when my daughter was of Barbie age. I bought my daughter the Barbie alternative (a more realistically proportioned doll named Happy to Be Me that promised to enhance girls' self-esteem), only to have my daughter hand her back, pronto, complaining that Happy had a big butt.

I headed online to chat with some moms on Twitter (a great way to sample opinions on any topic, by the way). I wanted to know where things stood in the battle between Barbie and the Moms. Here's what I found out.

Barbies aren't as bad as Bratz. “As an aunt, I'd much rather my nieces play with Barbies than Bratz.” says @twhitneyshan. “I find Barbie a little more wholesome.” @cathyempey shares that view. “I am okay with my daughters playing with Barbies. [They are] way better than Bratz. I do not allow those dolls [Bratz] into our home.”

Your house, your Barbie rules. Depending on how you feel about Barbie, that may mean hanging a Barbie welcome sign on your front door; having a no way, no how policy where Barbie is concerned; or allowing a Barbie or two to inflitrate the premises (to stop Barbie from becoming forbidden fruit). “I'm not keen on my daughter (age 3 1/2) playing with Barbie,” says @traceyibrahim. “But I don't [prevent] her.

You don’t have to buy into the (cradle-to-grave) Barbie marketing hype. “The consumer part bothers me the most," says @radmama. Her solution? Make way for vintage and hand-me-down Barbies rather than buying new.

Remind yourself that Barbie is a plastic toy, not a cult leader. Our daughters have the power to make their own choices (with us providing them with guidance in becoming strong, happy, healthy girls who won't let an artificially-proportioned toy mess with their heads). And sometimes what they choose to do with Barbie makes Sid from Toy Story seem like a toy-manitarian. (“I only cut off my Barbie’s hair,” confesses @radmama. “My sister painted hers silver and wrapped her in wire.")

So don’t write off those “Daughters of Feminists” too soon, Moms and Dads. They may be marching to the beat of their own drummer -- and using their Barbies as drumsticks.

Note:
1. The official Barbie Collector site features some demure looking pictures of lingerie Barbie - with suitably demure copy (Barbie "looks darling in delicate pink. Intricate pale pink lace accents her heavenly bustier ensemble. Pink peek-a-boo peignoir floats over soft pink, feminine underpinnings. Sheer pink stockings and sling back high heels add flirtatious finishing touches" etc.) - and indicates that lingerie Barbie and other Barbies in the Fashion Model Collection are no longer available.
     A commentator at the Blog Sisters blog reacted to the parental outcry at the launch of lingerie Barbie in November 2002 as follows: "I've long been a big UN-fan of Barbie in general, but this new model doesn't bother me so much: she's kind of just a blatant example of what, to me, Barbie is about anyway. The angry dad on the news was upset about the sexual suggestiveness of the toy, but apparently has no problem letting his daughter play with lots of blonde, unrealistically shaped dolls that promote sexism in a more insidious way."

Related:

Body Talk: The Straight Facts on Fitness, Nutrition, and Feeling Great About Yourself: A self-esteem book for preteens and teens that I wrote with my daughter, Julie. (Maple Tree Press, 2006).

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I'm hoping you'll continue the conversation with me, adding your two cents in the comments section below, taking the discussion to your own blog, and/or catching up with me via Twitter (@anndouglas).   >> This may be my space, but it's our conversation. <<