Sydney

A girl's best friend.

How do you know when it's time for your beloved dog to go? How do you know?

UPDATE (22/8 @ 12:58 a.m.): Thank you so much for your comments and emails.

I spent the last four hours at the Veterininary Emergency Clinic and left Sydney (who is a girl!) there. It was the best thing to do. She is in tremendous pain, unable to walk, stand or even turn her head. She does not appear to be a good candidate for surgery. They'll run some tests, do x-rays, put her on major painkillers via IV and bring in the neurologist in the morning. But it doesn't look good.

It doesn't look good.

I think nature will make the decision for me.

UPDATE (22/8 @ 10:30 a.m.): Just talked with Dr. John Reeve-Newson at the Animal Clinic, Syd's regular vet. (Both he and Dr. Clifford Mardinger, also at the Clinic, were available to us last night from their homes.) We're waiting to hear from Dr. Sue Cochrane, Syd's neurologist. (Yes, she has a neurologist.) But Dr. John wasn't very encouraging, and I didn't expect him to be.

I won't do anything invasive. I just hope I make a decision I can live with.

I've been at these crossroads before, and had planned for this one long ago. But the deal was always to have her here at home with me when it happened. This does not look like it's going to happen. She's in too much pain to be moved.

I am going to take a long walk now. More posts, about other matters in a little while.

Or not.

Depends on what happens.

Thank you for your comments and private emails.

Comments

[Mark-Alan Whittle]

After my son Logan's funeral last Saturday I was sitting on the balcony watching the rain drops fall, I’ve come to know each one is important to the balance of life.

Seems every breath we take, every grain of sand we walk upon, every droplet that quenches our thirst, and every teardrop that falls changes the world, and it turns you inside out.

In a heartbeat, they put wings on an Angel to take flight.

Each moment one falls to mother earth It is all that I gave to my son, all that I did for my son, all that I did with my son.

They flow like a river for every smirk and giggle my son Logan enjoyed, for those 10 years of love, of heartaches, ten years of companionship and challenges, and the joy of the life force that he was.

That's how you know when it's time AZ.

[arthurdecco]

When the pain they experience obscures the pleasure they desperately want to provide.

[estragon]

I had to put my cat down a few years ago. He got sicker and sicker, skinnier and skinnier, and finally was almost completely unable to move around or eat. It felt like it was time because he just stopped being himself.

But on the day I took him to the vet, he was comparatively bright-eyed and bushytailed, more aware and affectionate. I felt like I was committing a horrendous crime, even though I knew his condition would only get worse, and he would be in more and more pain. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

There is no easy way.

Is your vet able to give you some guidance as to how uncomfortable Sydney might be?

How sad for you Antonia. My heart goes out to you, and to anyone who finds themselves asking this question. I don't know if I've ever really been sure when I've been in a similar situation; I just don't think you can ever know for sure.

It's one of the most painful things to contemplate and the responsibility is horrible. The thing is, we all go sometime but when you have to make the decision to end a life, you always wonder "what if...". What if you make the decision too soon, and could have given your wonderful companion a few more good days, or weeks? But what if you're making your beloved pet suffer needlessly because you couldn't bear to make the decision?

Bear in mind that Sydney is blessed to have someone agonizing over this on his (her?) behalf. So many animals don't.

[splunge]

as trite as it sounds to say...you just "know". after living with a dog for so many years, you can tell he/she's not liking life any more.

my sympathies. i've been there.

[Simon]

How sad Antonia, I'm so sorry.I know how you feel.I know how painful losing a furry companion can be. I'll keep my fingers crossed that Sydney makes a miraculous recovery.But I'm sure she had a great life with you. You're doing all you can. She knows you love her just like she loves you.
That she's a lucky dog. And that's the main thing...

[Bill-Muskoka]

Antonia,

The impending reality will come, and I have found the best thing to do is accept it, remember the happy times, and go on with living. Let it flow out and it purges the soul. Holding it in contaminates one's soul!

We have emotions because they are a gift without which we would not be alive!

[Tina Chaulk]

I am so sorry you have to make this decision. I know from sad experience how hard it is. But I also know that sometimes the greatest gift you can give your dear friend is to help her move past the pain and sickness and onto the Rainbow Bridge. I hope you find peace in your decision.

[jiminy C at the other daughters]

You had seen this day coming for several weeks, but I'm sure that doesn't make it any easier.
I'm in in a 4-week limbo between homes - and have had 4 cats locked in a very small laundry room for the last 3 - their collective morale is at its nadir right now - but at least in a week they can be released into an earthly heaven - even if they don't appreciate it (or me) yet!
I trust Syd is now bounding from fluffy cloud to fluffy cloud, earthly pain and suffering behind her!

[Big G]

Sorry to hear about the Sydney.
Although we always wanted a dog, our family schedule would've left it alone for more than 9 hours a day, which wouldn't be nice for the dog.

It's nice to see some pics on your blog

[congee]

I'm so sorry, Antonia. We, too, had the same decision to make with our beloved dog of 15 years. My heart goes out to you.

[Dana]

I'm so sorry Antonia...I'm so glad I got to meet her and see her play in the water and get younger.

[Antonia Z.]

I should say that frequent commenter Mark-Alan Whittle lost his young son Logan last week.

http://theworldaccordingtomaw.blogspot.com/2006/08/logan-alan-whittle-has-passed-away.html

Also: Dr. Dawg and his lady Marianne are currently battling her pancreatic cancer.
http://drdawgsblawg.blogspot.com/2006/08/goodbye-for-while.html

The entire blogosphere, left and right, is praying for them. Amazing how it comes together despite its (often vicious) differences.

[Sandi]

What a sad, sad time for you. Your instincts will tell you the right thing to do and you will be at peace because you care so much you did the right thing.

My heart goes out to you. I just put one of my cats down (he was suffering so much) and over the years I've had to put down dogs and cats.

I have one cat left (his brother) and after this no more. I just can't take the pain.

[Bob LeDrew, blogmeister, Flacklife]

I've been where you are, Antonia, with two beloved cats, and I know how hard the road is to walk.

Sometimes it seems the pain of loss is in direct proportion to the amount of love and pleasure that the animals we live with give us.

Courage.

[Bill-Muskoka]

Antonia,

I, too, have been there, and far too many times now!

I was with those beloved pets when the time came to end their suffering. They looked at me with knowing relief! They simply go to sleep and make a great journey. We remain and cry, but it is a reality we accept when we become their best friend.

Goodbye Sydney!

[carolg]

Antonia, I have spent my life with dogs and have had to make this decision too many times, and will face it again. I've been asked by others"How will I know?" and my answer is, "Your dog will tell you."

Listen to Sydney.

All my sympathy.

[DGR]

Hard. Damn hard.

Like many here, I have dealt with this. I woke up to go to work about 5-years-ago to find my too-cool-for-this-world cat Athena dead in my living room. It was one of the worst days of my life. Made worse by the insensitive idiots at work who made me come in for my shift.."what, it's just a cat."

In some ways, I think, dealing with the death of a pet is harder than dealing with the death of a person because people won't let you mourn.

For what it’s worth (which may be nothing) you have my permission to mourn.

And never trust anyone who doesn't like animals. It's a good philosophy to live by.

[Mark Bourrie]

Your dog had a beautiful smile.
Dog love is such good love. I hope you're OK.

[Lene]

I've been thinking about Sydney since you last posted about her, wondering how she was doing. I am so very sorry for your loss.

[Johnny Maudlin]

Sorry for your loss.