One is the loneliest number

The ratings are in for ABC's much-vaunted The One: Making of a Music Star -- and they stink. In Canada, last night's two-hour debut simulcast on CBC-TV eked out an average 236,000 viewers per minute according to the Nielsen overnights, leading into the bumped edition of The National at 11 which earned 556,000. (The other telecasts of The National on Newsworld and the main channel managed another 150,000 each, clearly demonstrating that Canadians are desperate for news about the mess in the Middle East.)

As for The One's ratings in the U.S., they too sucked, fitting for a show that blew.

“One” became the lowest-rated new summer reality series debut this season, more than half a point below the debut of CBS’s “Tuesday Night Book Club” last month.

The program dipped all the way to a 0.9 rating in its second half hour before rebounding to a 1.2 at 10 p.m. It finished behind even Univision during its two-hour run.

“Club” and “Guy” were both yanked after a handful of outings. “Champions” remains on the schedule after dipping to a 1.2 last week.

“One,” which is based on a Spanish-language series from Endemol, puts 11 wannabe singers in a house and watches them compete both on and off the stage for a recording contract. It’s different from “American Idol” in that cameras follow the contestants 24 hours a day, meaning the show is a blend of singing and soap opera.

Perhaps ABC simply premiered the show too late. There are already three summer programs, NBC’s “America’s Got Talent,” Univision’s “Cantando Por un Sueno” and CBS’s “Rock Star: Supernova” showcasing wannabe singers.

The One is an absolute disaster. Everybody I have talked to today feels terrible for host George Stroumboulopoulos -- or George S. as ABC prefers him here. What happened to his nose ring? His hanging wallet on a Home Hardware neck chain? His t-shirt look? As one friend put it, they put him in a strait-jacket, literally and figuratively, with an uncomfortable looking black sports coat that he fiddled with all night.

But, and it's a big but, he is the only thing worth watching on the show. I only hope he survives the experience and makes a stink about the inanities he is obviously forced forced to perform.

The judges ''Mentors'' came straight out of American Idol central casting, and they love themselves a little too much. The contestants are pathetic. The music is dated. The sound, as one viewer wrote, ''is so low and buried that it's as if it was an afterthought, sounding like one of those background house bands 30 years ago on the Sonny and Cher Show or The Osmonds."

As for the message boards, OMG. Do the kids ever hate this show!

All this is up against a truly good reality show, Mark Burnett's Rockstar on CBS, the real deal. It sounds amazing, the house band rocks, the judges know what they're talking about, and the production and website are vastly superior.

How does CBC get out of this mess? What happens when ABC starts bouncing it around its schedule in order to save it? Will the Canadian version be doomed because of the stench around the ABC edition?

Looks like CBC-TV executive row has a steaming pile sitting right on its front step.

UPPITY DATE: CTV just put out a release boasting of its ratings last night. Compare and contrast!

Last night's Canadian Idol Results Episode was the most-watched prime-time program in Canada. The episode, in which Top 10 finalist Kati Durst was eliminated, was watched by 1.24 million viewers (2+), 32 per cent more viewers than watched Rock Star: Supernova (Global, 9-10 p.m. with 938,000 viewers) and 424 per cent more viewers than watched the series premiere of The One (CBC/ABC, 9-11p.m. with 236,000 viewers).

Overall, CTV delivered the Top 3 most-watched primetime programs last night (Canadian Idol, Law & Order: SVU at 1.12 million and Criminal Minds at 943,000) and the most watched program of the day CTV Evening News (1.29 million).

For CTV, Canadian Idol continues its ride as Summer's #1 program. Monday's Top 10 performance episode attracted a season-high 1.96 million viewers, peaking at 2.2 million in the last half-hour. Now halfway through the 2006 Summer Season, CTV programs account for all 10 of the Top 10 programs in Canada. They are:

1. Canadian Idol (Performance)   1.7 million

2. Canadian Idol (Results) 1.6 million

3. CSI 1.413 million

4. America's Got Talent (Performance)   1.405 million

5. So You Think You Can Dance (Thurs)           1.39 million

6. Law & Order: SVU           1.37 million

7. CTV Evening News        1.29 million

8. CSI Miami 1.28 million

9. CSI: New York      1.22 million

10. Gameshow Marathon (Thurs) 1.01 million

Source: Nielsen Media Research, June 5/06 - July 16/06 (6 wks)

And here's the Global spin:

-Rock Star: Supernova both won the night as the #1 program nationally among adults 18-49 - topping Canadian Idol and The One - AND dominated the 9pm-10pm time period nationally for Tuesday, July 18.

-Notably, 'Rock Star' outperformed CBC's The One by more than 3 to 1 in total viewers and 5 to one amongst A18-49 nationally.

-In addition, last night's highly anticipated third week of 'Rock Star' performances featuring Vancouverite Jenny Galt and Torontonian Lukas Rossi, bested its own winning ratings from last week by 19%.

(Source: BBM Canada - 2+ - unless otherwise stated)

Bottom Line?

The One ain't.

UPMOST DATE: Here's the official word from CBC's official blog.

Stroumboulopoulos seemed like a natural on set — even bold enough to cut off the judges (Favourite Strombo line: "Okay! We get it, we get it, we get it, we get it!") . In the show message boards, he was pretty much ignored, though, except for one chatter who liked him.

    ABC, on the other hand, managed to screw up the critical opening minutes of the live show with major production glitches like mics shutting off, the video feed dropping right out, and levels between singers in the opening song varying wildly. It looked like a show that had been rushed into production without much opportunity for rehearsal. The crew seemed to get it together in the last half.

Judging from the comments, most CBCers seem ashamed.

George, we still love you.

Step on it!

You can bet General Motors is not going to like this entry in their SUV ad contest. See it here before they kill it. Which should be any second now!

Hat tip: Dana O'still

Hardware Hoedown

Lucky you. You can party and watch the show. Me, I have to stay as straight as the nominees for Brokeback Mountain.

I'll be live-blogging just below. This post is for your comments.

So please ... think of this as potluck blogging. Bring your own Oscar dish! The more spice and vinegar, the better.

Oscar and the Grouch

8:00 Opening animation, or If we give you Toto and Kansas right off the top cut to the tune of ''Hurray for Hollywood'' maybe Middle America will watch all these Godless gay America-hating Democrats parade their tatas on international TV.

8:05 Dream lovers. Omigawd. Jon Stewart and George Clooney in bed together! Can I get inthere????

8:11 Deadeye Dick Joke. It was inevitable. Host Jon Stewart took aim at the vice-president and Bjork's infamous dying swan dress a few years ago. "She was trying on her Oscar dress when Dick Cheney shot her."

8:52 You coulda been a contender. Ah Russell Crowe. Cute but no cigar. Too bad because, as Jon Stewart said, even Cinderella Man sounded gay.

8:13 Is that a gun or are you just happy to see me? My daddy, who wanted to be Gary Cooper, would have been outraged at the montage of classic western clips outing John Wayne, Gregory Peck, Charlton Heston and all the other horse opera stars. Middle America just went into cardiac arrest.

8:19 Looney over Clooney. He's gorgeous, he's talented,he's classy, he's outspoken, he's funny. Who could ask for anything more? That said, I think Matt Dillon should have won for Crash.

8:21 Car sick. Toyota launches its Village of Want and Need mini-movie commercials for Toyota Camry. This two-minute extravaganza should have come with barf bags.

8:26 Green Lantern. Ben Stiller should have said: "Get me rewrite!"

8:29 Set piece. Boring visual effects acceptance speech. Perfect time to comment on the incredible retro set with the marquee. But must we have that tinkly background music with every speech?

8:31 Tribal humour. Jon Stewart comments on Stiller's, um, panty line in his green unitard. That's the second Jewish joke of the evening. Think I'll start a drinking game with the Manischewitz.

8:37 Deadly weapons. All that talk of Winchesters before. Now we get Dolly Parton's Colt 45s.

8:47 Tuxedo junction. Aw cute cartoon characters reading out the nominees. Do you suppose that, when they drag out the inevitable penguin presenters, they'll be in black tie?

8:48 Costume drama. Jennifer Aniston, still seeking a movie career, presents the clothing design awards in a monotone voice that displays her full thespian range.

9:06 Best supporting undergarments. Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardener) can display Oscar on her cleavage. Gotta say: I was cheering for Michelle Williams of Brokeback Mountain, if only because she looks like a cute little pumpkin in her gown.

9:12 Femme noire. You know how to wolf whistle, don't you? Wow. Lauren Bacall can't read a teleprompter but she can still command a stage.Every woman needs a sleek black dress pantsuit in their wardrobe. You can never go wrong.

9:17 Foreign affairs. What? No jokes about those Best Documentary Short nominees? Can't find a laugh in Rwanda or Sudan? No, of course not. But what a missed opportunity. They said "attention must be paid," and indeed it should be. But it would stop the show. Literally.

9:22 The woman in black. Most of the actresses seemed to be dressed in black. Just now Charlize Theron joined the funereal procession. Maybe it's a tribute to Johnny Cash who sang, ''I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down, Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town ...'' As if.

9:38 Another shot of courage. Awwww. A montage of supposed ground-breaking films with social messages. Racism, anti-Semitism, homophobia etc. Hollywood is so brave. As Jon Stewart said, and I paraphrase, none of those issues were ever problems again.

9:49 The producer must be gay. You know, this show may be light on the crass but it sure has a lot of class.

9:51 Twelve million bored husbands return to the TV room. Jessica Alba is coming up next.

9:56 With a twist of Jack, er, Jake. So that's how you pronounce Gyllenhall Gyllenhaal.

10:00 Clip job. Stewart mocks the montages. Says the clip cupboard is bare. Send more. He doesn't care if they're ''on beta.'' To be honest, I am looking forward to the tribute to Robert Altman which is coming up!

10:05 Alt-film. Shhhhh. Everybody quiet!! Robert Altman, maker of many of my most favourite movies, M*A*S*H, The Player, Short Cuts, McCabe and Mrs. Miller and, my NUMBER ONE MOVIE OF ALL TIME, Nashville. What a brilliant presentation by two of his regulars, Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep.

10:19 Pimp my outfit. Rapper Ludacris (Hustle & Flow) dresses with restraint. After what we saw on the Grammys, I was expecting something more, um, colourful. As for the nominated song, "It's hard out here for a pimp," that woke everybody up.

10:24 Explicitly excellent. It deserved to win.

10:28 Stunt doubles. Jennifer Garner, looking tres lush post-baby, almost face plants. Frankly, I think she would have bounced back up off the floor.

10:31 I see dead people. Stewart was wrong. There are more clips in the film can. Too bad they had to use George Clooney, one of the funniest men in Hollywood, to set up this sad segment.

10:39 International incident. Best Foreign Language Film was one contentious category, thanks to the Palestinian-Israeli film about a suicide bomber Paradise Now. The win by South Africa's Tsotsi neatly sidesteps the issue.

10:43 Cutting comment. My favourite film of the year, Crash, deservedly picks up the award for editing. See it and you'll see how each shot leads to the next. Amazing.

10:35 Dark clotheshorse. Has anybody kept count of all the black gowns?? Hilary Swank, Queen Latifah, Rachel Weisz ...

10:48 Mama's boy. Best Actor winner Philip Seymour Hoffman thanks the woman in his life.

10:55 Alien Invasion. Tom Cruise wasn't available so John Travolta was taken out of the Church of Scientology closet.

11:00 Reese's piece. She was amazing, and she starrred in the closest thing to a "feel-good movie" in this batch of nominees. Now, watching her onstage, I realize that playing June Carter Cash was not much of a stretch. Born performers, both. Now make sure you see the movie.

11:02 Reese's Piece continued.

11:03 Reese's piece. Still going on.

11:08 Dusted off. In keeping with the gay theme of the night, Dustin Hoffman -- who was nominated for playing a guy playing a woman in Tootsie and for a kinda gay guy in Midnight Cowboy -- presents the best adapted screenplay award to the writers of Brokeback Mountain.

11:13 Golden girl. Uma Thurman wins Looking Most Like a Movie Star.

11:14 Smart talk. YAY!! Crash wins for best original screenplay. This is the script that Canadian writer/director Paul Haggis literally dreamed up. Now please see it!

11:21 Any takers? Here's my bet: They gave Best Direction to Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain. But he won't get Best Picture. Can we hope it's Crash?

11:23 CRASH!!!! Canada's Paul Haggis brings home the gold. Seriously, this film, about race relations in California (which really simplifies the plot), took my breath away. When I left the theatre, all I could say was ''Wow." And tonight, it's ''wow'' again.

11:30 Red carpet burn. All in all, relatively painless, not too boring, and, thankfully, not too long.

Clipping File

Sorry kids: Slow start today, no thanks to the Typepad software.

Just want to point you to some good media reads from your daily papers today.

My Martini-swilling buddy Vinay Menon landed an interview with John Roberts, who is quitting CBS for CNN.

So would he have stayed if CBS had offered him the anchor job?

"Well, they didn't," he said. "So it's a moot point."

Meanwhile, the musical Greg Quill nailed the whole Howard Stern-is-coming-to-town controversy.

The cost of carrying Stern in Canada, said by radio industry insiders to be prohibitively high, was not a consideration in Sirius's delayed decision, (Sirius Canada president Mark) Redmond said. Nor were concerns that the Canadian satellite radio operation had, in effect, driven an estimated 60,000 potential customers into the illegal "grey market" where Canadian subscribers with U.S. billing addresses can purchase the U.S. Sirius package with 130 channels, including Stern's.

Redmond would not say how much Sirius Canada is paying Stern, nor how many subscribers have signed on to the Canadian service.

"We are a private company and details of our contracts and revenues are private. When it's time to start talking about numbers, we'll be forthcoming. Two months into our launch, I can say we have exceeded all internal projections, and that we're confident we'll reach the same proportion of the market as Sirius has in the U.S."

Which kind of confirms what I have been saying all along, doesn't it?

Meanwhile, over at the sort of competition (sort of because Torstar which owns the Star which owns this blog which owns me now owns 20 per cent of Bell Globemedia, subject to regulatory approval of course, which owns the Globe and Mail), Gayle MacDonald interviews Kirstine Layfield, CBC-TV's new programming chief.

The 38-year-old Layfield, who most recently was a senior vice-president in charge of lifestyle content for the lifestyle channels at Alliance Atlantis Communications, said yesterday she has the grit, determination and experience to take on this new role. "CBC came knocking, which was interesting and flattering," said Layfield, who is married to a high-school teacher and has two young daughters. "Here [at Alliance Atlantis] I have a good track record of ratings increases, year after year, that far surpassed the industry average. I see that as the direction they want to go in."

Layfield added she was drawn to the public broadcaster because it was "an opportunity to try something new . . . and bring a fresh eye to the CBC programming and lineup. I bring international, domestic and U.S. experience to the table. I want to make some great Canadian programming that resonates with an audience. And I am very audience-centric."

And now we return to our regularly-scheduled blogging ...

Frank Incensed

Will this bitchslaparama never end?

Back in its earlier treeware incarnation, the satirical and scurrilous Frank magazine would refer to punkalitico lawyer blogger author bandleader etc. Warren Kinsella as "Wornout'' or some such clever thing. Then, when eFrank (sub. req'd) launched two months ago, complete with a renewed attack on Kinsella, Warren posted this (scroll down to Oct. 3):

My goodness! Frank magazine is back, sort of, and I hear candy man Mike Bate is annoyed with Yours Truly in the latest Hill Times. That's quite upsetting.

Let's have some fun with them - just like the fun they have with others!

If any of you pay to subscribe to the new online Frank magazine, I can advise that a few public-minded citizens will shortly publicize email addresses where folks can send the entire contents of every new Frank issue. Someone will then, um, ensure they get posted somewhere safe - in The Grand Caymans, perhaps - and you can read it all for free!! Forget this $120 a year stuff!

Hell, it's what we all did in magazine stores, anyway, back when it was printed on paper. Why pay?

It'll be fun, and I'm sure the fellas won't mind one little bit!

Well, seems they did. So much so that they -- or at least Frank publisher Michael Bate -- complained to the Law Society of Upper Canada, contending that Kinsella was advocating the theft of copyright. That's because eFrank's juicy content is totally protected from printing out as well as cutting and pasting. If you want to read it, you must either subscribe or stand over the computer of somebody who does.

So, when Kinsella blogged his little call to lift and share the copy, thereby depriving Bate of the fruits of his investment and hard work, the latter got a tad miffed and went running to lawyers.

Which, Kinsella tells me, is "a bit rich'' considering how Bate "complains about people going to lawyers all the time'' and has been known to infringe on the copyright of others.

"Hypocrisy, thy name is Bate," Kinsella thundered over the phone to me.

In the end, the Law Society booted the complaint, saying it was out of its purview.

The Law Society does not have the authority to intervene in legal issues that are for the court's determination. If these issues are raised in court, and the presiding Judge makes negative comments regarding the professional conduct of Mr. Kinsella, then we ask that you provide us with copies of the relevant transcript pages or the Judge's endorsements.

If you need a lawyer, here's a number, good luck and buh-bye etc. etc. inter alia without prejudice yada yada.

Emailed Bate to me in response to all this:

As Wornout is a proven lawyer, I thought it a bit much that he would be promoting the violation of the copyright act on his blog ...

Incidentally, how this hare-brained idea of "posting free in the Caymans" was going to work is a mystery to me.

Maybe because it was, like, a joke? Okay, a stupid joke. But a joke nonetheless.

I'd use Bate's trademark "Er, that's it" as a closer here but I suspect that this isn't ''it'' at all.

Let the thwacking resume.

Over the top

Yeah, yeah. I know you probably didn't watch The 20th Annual Gemini Awards on Global Saturday. After all, it is Hockey Night in Canada, or party night in Canada, or rent a DVD and stay home night in Canada.

But the show was pretty good, although you couldn't tell from John Doyle's after snark in the Globe and Mail. CanWest Global's National Post gave back-of-the-arts section play to the winners, essentially a sidebar to a self-congratulatory piece (sub. req'd.) on Global's ET Canada's red carpet coverage. Plus there was an A2 piece entirely devoted to Kevin Newman's win as best news anchor.

''This is a shock, it really is,'' Mr. Newman said, in accepting the award at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. ''I want to thank you for giving me the Peter Mansbridge Award.''

Nothing like that cross-promotional convergence thing.

Best moment of the night was Mary Walsh's raucous turn at the podium when she picked up the Gemini for best individual performance in a comedy program or series. As Doyle put it

Along came Mary Walsh who delivered a blistering, sarcastic lecture to the audience. Essentially, she dismissed the usual platitudes about "telling our own stories" and poured scorn on Canadian TV people who congratulate themselves for doing it. "Just grow up out of it," she said.

But that isn't the whole story.

Not only did Walsh's brimming bustier almost malfunction, she also fired off a few f-bombs. Here's how the Star's Rob Salem politely heard it, as he praised the glitz and the glam of the evening.

For a moment, I forgot where I was. It was starting to look like a typical L.A. industry party. And that sense was even stronger Saturday night, as first-time awards host Global TV seized the opportunity to sex up the cocktailer pre-party with all the unapologetic Hollywood-style glamour one would associate with its slickly franchised ET Canada.

Now, I hesitate to even make that comparison, Mary Walsh having so eloquently (and, God bless her, profanely) affirmed, in a rousing end-of-show speech, that only Canadians would use Americans as any sort of example to aspire to. But if there is one thing that they do better than anyone else in the world, it's celebrating celebrity. It's a lesson I think we are now finally ready to learn.

Walsh has the right attitude. It's about effen time we stopped worrying about draping our effen roots all over the branches and just effen got on with making the best TV we can.

Speaking of which, here's today's treeware column on a related subject.

Sinking Feeling

The shrieks you hear today coming from the ladies' rooms at CBC's Broadcast Centre in Toronto are the sounds of women staffers confronting ads for Trident Splash gum above the vanities.

Let me repeat that: The public broadcaster, which has been posting ads on its website for the past few months, now accepts advertising in its loos.

No wonder so many Canadians fear that senior management is sending CBC down the toilet.

Ding dong ...

... The Dirt is dead.

The weaselly blog, which purported to have the inside scoop on the nation's newsrooms, quietly buried itself over the weekend. Run by "Dirty Don" -- perhaps one or more people who had ties to the old Frank magazine forum and/or perhaps a certain circle of hipper-than-thou Toronto journalists -- it was an anonymous source of nasty and vaguely amusing musings about media types read by other media types.

Well, as soon as even the vaguest threat of legal action was raised, Dirty Don and company scattered like cockroaches under the kitchen sink when the cupboard door is opened.

Amateurs.

Some readers have asked me if I know what happened. I don't, although I was following this interesting thread over the past couple of days. It may illuminate this murky situation. Or not.

UPPITY DATE (15/11/05): This morning I found a lot of new comments that, quite frankly, I did not want soiling this blog. I killed them.

Note that I have also purged some other comments that attempt to ''out'' anonymous posters here and elsewhere. I am not in the business of outing people. I will leave that to others in other fora. (Unfortunately, as part of the purge, I had to drop some legitimate posts that, in context of other comments, also out people. Sorry Douchie!)

I am well aware of what is happening here. I want no part of it. This is not a forum for flame wars, personal attacks or gossip, especially if they come from anonymous people who would not want themselves to be outed. I mean, how weaselly can you get?

Comments are closed. Now run along and play somewhere else.

Mark your X

The B.C.-based Sex Party has launched its online bi-weekly journal The Tattler which features "original reporting on sexual politics in Canada."

I'll raise a skirt to that.

The e-mag skins the media, which usually discuss sex as a health issue or crime issue instead of as recreation for procreation -- or for just plain fun. But maybe there's a reason for all that, um, rigidity.

Here's an excerpt from the latest issue:

Kudos to Vancouver Sun reporter Denise Ryan for providing rare insight into the sexual attitudes of her colleagues. No wonder the sex-positive community often has a hard time finding any sympathy in the media, when one reads stories like this.

Ms Ryan reviews the Vida Wellness Spa and her treatment that included a mandarin sugar scrub and a full-body hot oil massage. (Tattler staff look forward to the day when they get such journalistic assignments.) She clearly enjoyed the experience.

But she leads into the review with an interesting admission; while she imagined that her colleagues would relish doing such a story, she could not find a volunteer. "In fact, I discovered than many of the Vancouver Sun's Arts and Life staff don't like to get naked at all. Ever. 'I'd rather eat live cockroaches than take off my clothes,' said one reporter."

Geez. All that hot oil would be really tough to wash out of one's outfit, no? And speaking of washing ... ?