Mother pimps daughter for political gain
Here's a taste of today's treeware column on the matter.
In 1992, when Mike Myers, then the basement-dwelling Wayne of Saturday Night Live's "Wayne's World," mocked Chelsea Clinton's looks, cruelly comparing her to Al Gore's daughters, I shrank back into the couchmaster feeling sympathy for the awkward 13-year-old who had been thrust into the public spotlight.
It was just the beginning for the only child of President Bill Clinton and Hillary (Rodham, only when it's politically expedient) Clinton.
Even Republican Sen. John McCain, who plays a nice guy on Jon Stewart's Daily Show, reportedly joked about her: "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
"Because her father is (former Attorney General) Janet Reno."
Imagine how it felt to be that girl, the first child in the White House since Amy Carter, and the first to grow up in the glare of 24/7 cable news and the Internet right-wing hate machine.
All this as your father is revealed to be a guy who dipped his cigar in many a humidor.
(Need I remind anybody that Clinton was impeached for lying about a blow job? Meanwhile, President George W. Bush still sits all peachy-keen after lying about why he wanted to blow up a country.)
One reader emailed this morning to accuse me of making even more ado about Chelsea, saying I was just as bad about writing about the coverage of her as the people who were writing about her.
But at least I got in one major point the celebrity profilers have ignored. Republican contender Mike Huckabee's son David, who strung up a stray dog and killed it, who last year got caught with a loaded Glock at airport security, is being ignored by the mainstream press his holy roller dad is attracting.
There. Heh. I mentioned it again.