Hamlet, the Facebook news feed edition.

By Sarah Schmelling, author of Ophelia Joined the Group Maidens Who Don't Float: Classic Lit Signs on to Facebook (2009), via McSweeneys.net, where the work appears in its entirety.

Hamlet thinks it's annoying when your uncle marries your mother right after your dad dies.

Hamlet and the queen are no longer friends.

Marcellus is pretty sure something's rotten around here.

Polonius says Hamlet's crazy ... crazy in love!

Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Hamlet are now friends.

Hamlet wonders if he should continue to exist. Or not.

Polonius thinks this curtain looks like a good thing to hide behind.

Polonius is no longer online.

Hamlet added England to the Places I've Been application.

Ophelia joined the group Maidens Who Don't Float.

Laertes wonders what the hell happened while he was gone.

The king sent Hamlet a goblet of wine.

The queen likes wine!

The queen, the king, Laertes, and Hamlet are now zombies.

Horatio says well that was tragic.

Fortinbras, Prince of Norway, says yes, tragic. We'll take it from here.

Denmark is now Norwegian.