It was Michael Ignatieff's coming-out party last night at the annual "Leader's Dinner" in the Canadian Room of Toronto's grand old hotel. Oodles of fun, I say. (A heads-up this post is not overly serious. But if you want the inside scoop, read on.)
The scene: The place is packed with Liberals with modified thousand-yard stares scanning for familiar VIP faces. Most necks crane for Iggy and Belinda Stronach, whose complexion is wondrously shiny. (Please — it is, plus I describe men physically all the time.) Anybody who's anybody is here, even John "Chick" Turner and his wife, Geills. (Remember when every Liberal on Parliament Hill used to be afraid of her? Ah, good times.) Eventually, party wranglers herd all the doggies dogies in for dinner and The Speech and real fun begins.
We're in a crowded banquet room, with quipster co-hosts Stronach and Peterson taking the stage after national director Rocco Rossi. He is a big man and gets things rolling by warning Conservatives to "be afraid . . . be very afraid." Ominous. He's joking, right?
Suddenly, the mood is turning sombre. Jean Augustine leads us in prayer. (Yes, that Jean Augustine, she who gave up her Etobicoke-Lakeshore for Iggy.) A long prayer.
Then, Peterson keeps everyone on their feet for the National Anthem. There is a mass movement to be seated, but, "No," says the former Prem, a toast first. We all raise our glasses (well, except for media wretches) to Canada. Fair enough. Another rustling, bottoms beginning to touch chairs. "Please remain standing," says Peterson, for a moment of silence for Doug Frith. Giant photographs appear on the screens of the late Mr. Frith, who passed away last month. He was a former MP, lobbyist and most likeable man. A boy from Sudbury, after all.
No disrespect to Doug, but here it's feeling like Lenny Bruce and his "Comic at the Palladium." routine. You know (or the seven of you crazy about Lenny who do) when the bad Vegas comic comes rolling onstage (DA-da-da-da-DA) at the posh London Palladium after a singer has done her "Goodbye to Dunkirk, Hello God" number. It's just a little melody for "the boys who went to Dunkirk and never came back. And why did the boys never come back? Because the boys are dead."
You get my drift. The mood, not so festive anymore. You know, some are sobbing openly, others groping for digitalis and the man of the hour isn't even near the stage yet. But first, as Q would have it, a detour down memory lane with Peterson, who introduces foe-turned-best pal Bob Rae. "By any, standards, one of the best and brightest" in the country. Bob's smiling so I guess all's well. No more hard feelings.
Rae introduces Ignatieff. He's got a couple of jokes, one pretty funny. His wife Arlene Perly Rae told him to keep it short, reminding him the night isn't about him - "as if I needed reminding."
The other? Rae tells the crowd: "Michael Ignatieff has written more books than the Conservative caucus put together."
He's joking, and to a Liberal audience. But that's the kind of line that could get voters thinking those darned Liberals sound uppity, doncha think? Lots of of smart, creative Canadians aren't wild about reading books, writing them or reading translations of Russian classics out loud to their wives, as tempting as that sounds of an evening.
Boy, the crowd is raring to go now.
* * *
For this Toronto gala debutante moment, it's a good speech. Small problem. Ignatieff also reports his wife, Zsuzsanna Zsohar, told him to smile and keep it short. Why don't they listen. They never listen. I mean, okay on the smile but the speech — not that short. 8 1/2 pages double-spaced and that's a fair bit to deliver. Seems Iggy realizes this as he goes along and compensates by hurrying us all along at a brisk pace.
The reception is good too, but not overwhelming. Even the standing ovation at the end isn't a wild affair. It's obvious this crowd of Liberals really wants to be wooed by their guy — and maybe that will come. Perhaps he's just not used to a teleprompter for big speeches and hasn't worked out the bugs yet.
He's at his most relaxed — and comical — when he talks about how Conservatives are sitting around in some basement somewhere going through everything he's ever written (16 books, the 17th ready to be launched soon), looking for dirt. He isn't in a rush; the laughter is hearty. He's also good on the insight that the "secret" of PM Stephen Harper's economic action plan is "its author doesn't believe in it. And when you don't believe in what you're doing, you can't do it well." Makes sense, at a gut level. You can tell the PM isn't crazy by nature about gobs of stimulus spending.
The funniest moment, if unintended, comes at the end when he says he'll conclude with an incident that occurred that very afternoon at the Ottawa airport when he was going through security with staffer, Zeena.
Ignatieff is getting into it: "The young woman patting me down after the scanner said.. . . "
The crowd breaks up.
He looks confused, then embarrassed. This isn't supposed to be funny. Seems he hadn't thought about the "patting down" line or the collective image we're all sharing. There's heady expectation in the air, like the punch line's coming and it's going to be sexy. Hey, how's Zsuzsanna reacting? The crowd waits and . . . awkward silence, Ignatieff quickly picks up the pace and zips through his account of how Zeena said he'd done something right. "Thank-you, Zeena," he replied. The name tag.
You know what she told him then?
"You're doing well. . . The Liberals are coming back. You're the party for us, the party of the people."
Just like that. Can you believe it?
* * *
Look, don't mean to be a big wet blanket here. The dinner was surely was a success; people were positively giddy, More than 1,100 people sardined themselves in, a great number of them forking over $1,000 for a Laurier Club VIP party membership and chance to cozy up to Iggy over cocktails, Or, peer in the general direction of the top of his head. Or maybe Belinda's. In political party terms, that's success. The man can draw a crowd; national director Rossi was thrilled.
Moreover, these Liberals seemed exceedingly favourably disposed towards Ignatieff. The Vancouver convention at the end of the month — where he graciously accepts being formally acclaimed by his party — will be a love-in, even if Iggy-mania isn't exactly sweeping the land.
Moreover, it was a strong speech on paper, with good lines that would have sounded strong if he hadn't hurried. Maybe the room was only booked until 9 p.m., dunno.
* * *
Liberals also have reason to be happy about the latest numbers from Elections Canada. Over a million Liberal voters didn't turn out in the last election and that hurts when the government starts sending out the cheques, which are calculated through voting numbers. But the numbers, released yesterday, don't look too bad for them.
Elections Canada announced quarterly payments to federal parties, based on voting numbers in the Oct. 14 vote. Each party is given $1.95 per valid vote. Here's an Elections Canada site if you are such a political junkie you want to see exactly how it's done. Otherwise, here's the breakdown:
Bloc Québécois: $673,781
Conservative Party of Canada: $2,543,328
Green Party of Canada: $457,790
Liberal Party of Canada: $1,773,903
New Democratic Party: $1,228,089
Another option is to go to the Elections Canada general website and try to figure things out for yourself. Good luck! It can't be overly emphasized how complicated this site can be; I'd even say user unfriendly.
* * *
Me, I was tickled pink to get an added treat to the Iggy speech last night by catching a nice chunk of "Leonard Cohen, Live in London" on CBC TV later. Walked in half-way through, "Hallelujah!"
Oh, man.
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