Online Q&A: Peer Pressure

That's it for the education Q&A today. Thanks for participating. Our next topic and expert profile will be posted Friday. Please join us again next Tuesday for questions and answers.

This week's expert was Dr. Marshall Korenblum, a child psychiatrist who specializes in the issues of peer pressure, social anxiety and making friends at school.

* Please note this forum is intended only to provide general answers to readers' questions. Those experiencing difficulties should contact their family physician or seek counselling.

Q: My son is soon turning 6, and just started in Grade 1 this year. He has a few friends that I know of. My concern is that he is unwilling to go to his friends' houses for playtimes, instead he's always asking if his friends can come over to our house. When I ask him why he doesn't want to go to their houses, he answers "I don't know." Is is normal to have a good group of friends, but be very shy about going to their houses? He has no concerns about going to school, why houses for playtime?

A: This is indeed a bit of a mystery. It sounds like the beginning of mild separation anxiety, which is not unusual in a 6-year-old. Has he ever slept away at a friend's (or even relative's) house? If so, did anything bad ever happen? If not, he might just be a sensitive kid who, one month into school, is showing a bit of "mummyitis." Fears and phobias commonly appear at this age. Has he watched or heard news reports of kidnappings or the like? Is your neighborhood safe? If these leads are negative, I wouldn't push him to go, but I would accompany him for a few times, and see if you can make him feel comfortable with the experience. If he absolutely refuses, leave it alone and try again in a few months. In the meantime, invite his friends over to your house so you can observe his interactions directly, and get a sense of how shy he really is.

Q: I have a preschooler (four years old) and he is generally well-behaved. The friend he most enjoys playing with is not, and after visits I feel like I have to de-program my son because he starts acting out too. How should I handle this or is it better to end the friendship?

A: I would speak to the parent of the friend and honestly express your concerns. Ask if that parent has noticed any behaviour problems when their child plays with other children. This may strain the friendship with the other parent, but in the long run (if they're a good friend), they will thank you for it.

In the meantime, don't let them play unsupervised. Make sure you are close by so you can intervene if necessary. If things don't change after a few weeks, I would start limiting the contact with the friend.

Q: My daughter and her friends aren't making very good life decisions right now. What is the best way to help your teen make the best choices? Do you go with the "live and learn" approach, or do you need to step in and try to take control of situations?

A: The younger the teen, the more you need to step in, because younger teens really do have poor judgement, due to lack of experience and impulsivity spurred by hormones. If they're older, however, they need to start accepting the consequences of their actions, and you shouldn't rush in to rescue them from themselves.

The bottom line is health and safety -- if you, as their parent feel that their safety is being jeopardized, then you should step in, but only after drawing it to their attention and trying to make it a "teachable moment." Convey (if you can) that you're not just trying to prove who's more powerful, but you're attempting to teach them lifelong lessons about self-care and good judgement.

Q: My oldest child is in Grade 3, and already uses foul language around her friends at school, although not at home. I was told this by another mother and I don't know what to do about it.

A: I don't know what your "culture" is at home, regarding the use of profanities. There are many reasons why a child might swear. Peer acceptance is one of them -- if it's "cool," then it may help them feel as if they belong.

To me, what's more important is how they swear -- i.e., is it being said in the heat of anger and/or in a hurtful or defiant way? If so, it needs to be curbed, and the child encouraged to express their feelings in other ways. If, however, it's simply used as a colourful adjective to tell a story, and because "everyone else is doing it," then I would basically ignore it. It will disappear on its own.

Q: My daughter began senior kindergarten this year, and she's already come home in tears because the other girls "don't want to be her friend." I am shocked this behaviour has started so young. I honestly didn't expect it until middle school. Is this unusual? What can I do? What can I help my daughter do?

A: I share your upset. Most instances of "bullying by exclusion" begin around Grade 3-4 and peak around Grade 6-7. However, we are seeing all sorts of problems starting earlier and earlier. I would call the school immediately both to inform them and to get their take on what's going on. Has this happened to other girls? Are there identifiable bullies in the class? If so, they should be dealt with by the teacher. An even better approach (so that your daughter isn't singled out as "the snitch") would be for the teacher to raise the issue of friendships and inclusion with the class as a whole.

In the meantime, ask your daughter if she has any idea why the girls might be doing this? Nothing justifies hurtful exclusion, but if your daughter lacks social skills, you may be able to help her change any behaviours that are resulting in her being singled out. And of course, tell her that you love her and you will support her in learning how to make friends.

Q: My nephew, who is 9, has been pulled out of the school his three sisters attend. My brother and his wife have decided to home-school him as he has behavioural problems in class and has been sent home on many occasions. He has seen doctors and I am uncertain to the suggestions to my family from counselling. My brother is too busy and my sister-in-law doesn't speak very good English, and I don't think he will be taught that well at home. Do you have any suggestions for this situation?

A: It would be helpful to know what diagnosis the doctors have given your brother and sister-in-law. For a 9-year-old to be pulled out of school is quite serious and not common. If your relatives are too busy or don't understand what's being told to them, why don't you go with them to the next meeting so you can lend support and help advocate for your nephew? In general, I would agree with you -- home schooling should be a very last resort. A child is deprived of necessary social interactions and may also miss out on the full curriculum when they are schooled at home. For a child with behavioural disturbance who can't cope in the regular school system, day treatment would be a better option -- this is a combination of school plus treatment. They will need a child psychiatrist to help refer them.

Roundtable: Is an MBA worth it?

Thanks for taking part in our discussion on the Value of an MBA, which drew great response from prospective and current MBA students and MBA alumni. The issue is not one-dimensional, and today's panelists provided some first-hand insight as they answered your questions.

On our panel was: Paul Bates, dean of McMaster University's DeGroote School of Business; Richard Powers, assistant dean at University of Toronto's Rotman School of Management; Sean Bartman, senior manager at CIBC, Global Recruitment Strategies; Wayne Hoy, second-year student at University of Western Ontario's Ivey School of Business; and Andrew Fleming, alumnus from Queen's University MBA and an associate at the Royal Bank of Canada's Graduate Leadership Program.

Moderator Sharda Prashad is a business reporter at the Star who completed an MBA at the Joint Kellogg-Schulich Executive MBA program.

We've archived the discussion below. Comments are now closed - thanks for participating.

Q: My career goal is to be in management. If I were to specialize in general or strategic management, what are my chances of even landing a job in a management position? Would I be better of specializing in Finance?

McMaster Dean Bates: A strong quantitative foundation is a key asset, but specialize in finance only if you plan a career that is in finance, i.e. controller, CFO etc. Focus on your strengths and on your aspirations.

Q: What do you think of Joint MBA programs, such as MBA/J.D., or U.S. school that offers a Pharma.D/MBA program?

Assistant Dean Powers: I think these programs offer the best of both worlds to those inclined to pursue a professional designation. The professional programs have very little opportunity to provide business education and in every case, the candidates will be involved in some sort of busienss venture or environment when they graduate, be it a law firm or a hospital, etc. As an alumnus, I think I would have benefited from doing a joint program. They were not that popular at the time and I chose to do the programs (MBA and LLB) consecutively. I lost a year in the process and I think this was perhaps a mistake in hindsight.

Employer Sean Bartman: Joint programs offer the opportunity to further specialize your skills. These programs are great when you know what career path you are looking to pursue, and can help to set you up for success. Employers with positions that require specialized skills sets as well as business management skills will seek out graduates with degrees from these programs.

Q: As an employer is an MBA a "must have" or an "nice to have" or are you indifferent when evaluating experienced hires?

Employer Sean Bartman: From the employer perspective, it really depends on the position available. Many roles do not require and MBA or graduate degree. However, some do require that level of education. That being said, when considering more senior, highly skilled, or competitive roles, I think you will find the trend to show that if they do not note the MBA as a key requirement, it will certainly add to your competitiveness as a candidate in the selection process if you have one.

Q: What is the "Integrative thinking" model at Rotman's. Is it hype? What is the competitive advantage?

University of Toronto’s Assistant Dean: Integrative thinking takes us out of the "educational silos" that we often find ourselves in. In basic terms, it incorporates different functional areas together, rather than dealing with them separately, as in a real business situation. Accounting does not operate in isolation for example, it is a part of the whole business and if marketing does not produce any sales, the accounting function will obviously be affected. By offering courses in an integrated format, the class experiences more real life business situations and can adapt as both the information and the environment changes. It a more dynamic approach to business education and our students are embracing it.

Q: Will Rotman's most recently added major in Health Industry Management also be offered as a CO-OP programme for young students (i.e. lacking several years of relevant work experience) interested in completing their MBA's in this area of study for the Fall 2006 semester?

Assistant Dean Powers: That has not been determined yet, but it is something that we are looking into.

Q: A reader asks Andrew Fleming "As an alumnus, what do you know that you wish you knew before you did your MBA?

Alumnus Andrew Fleming: In deciding where to earn my MBA I looked at the top-ranked schools around the Toronto area and then selected my top pick based on how best the program suited my personal circumstances. For example, I decided on the Queen's MBA for science and technology program because it is a top-rated program that can be completed in one year and it is targeted at students with science/technology backgrounds. I also think that it is very important to visit the school before deciding to attend. This is a BIG decision so take the time to properly evaluate each school. Sit in on a few classes, meet current students and talk to professors before making your decision.

Q: A reader asks Wayne Hoy, "As a current student/alumnus how do you think pople choose their program?"

Current Student Wayne Hoy: During my selection process, my criteria were (in no particular order): eastern Canada or US (I am from Vancouver), mostly or exclusively case-based (due to the more interactive learning environment), and brand. Some of my colleagues also considered networking, career, and extracurricular opportunities among their key criteria.

Q: Do you feel that full-time MBA students have an advantage over part-time students when it comes to school services and networking opportunities?

University of Toronto Assistant Dean Powers: This really depends on the support systems that are set up to accommodate the PT students. As well, many of their courses are taken with full time students, so there really should not be that much difference. But that is a very fair question to ask recruiters.

Q: How does the specialization afforded by a P/T MBA compare wit hthe networking generalization of an Exec MBA? Is the "career acceleration" of an EMBA significantly greater than that of a part-time MBA?

University of Toronto Assistant Dean Powers: This is a good question, but difficult to answer. In reality, both are PT formats. At Rotman our PT MBA program stretches over 3 years and that is a fixed term. The EMBA is one year, but takes place in a more intense and compacted schedule. Aside for the terms, the EMBA is really for students with much more work experience (7+ years) in a management level position. The PT MBA's requirements are not that different from the full time program. Both offer similar classroom synergies. As for "career acceleration", I think the EMBA has greater potential, at least initially, because of the management experience candidates bring to the program.

McMaster Dean Bates: In my view the key issue is your personal circumstance. Part-timers will tend to have interaction with full-time students and therefore enjoy the enriched diversity that this will bring - certainly I observed this during my own lecturing in the MBA program. However the EMBA will bring you together with a group that have made a similar decision in terms of focus - in the long-run, it's about what the MBA will do for you 3-5 years out rather than immediately after graduation, so pick the study program that works for your schedule.

Q: What is the general consensus on online MBAs?

Employer Sean Bartman: We do not specifically target candidates with online MBAs, however we would give them the same consideration as any other applicant.

University of Toronto Assistant Dean Powers: There is no substitute for an in-class experience.

Current student Wayne Hoy: I would only enroll in an on-line MBA if it was absolutely necessary due to financial, family, or other circumstances. The daily interaction with my classmates, all of whom have diverse and unique backgrounds, is a particularly enriching experience.

Alumnus Andrew Fleming: An online MBA may work for some people but I learn more actively and therefore more effectively in a classroom environment. I prefer the face-to-face contact and live discussion that occurs in classroom situations. Besides, I think the networking and relationship developing aspect of an MBA is better achieved in a live class environment.

McMaster University Dean Bates: One of the really key distinctions of a graduate studies program from the undergraduate experience is the significant increase in-group study. So, unless, online offerings include a substantial element of group study, the value is diminished, in my view.

Q: Is an MBA from abroad from a great school (Ivey League) an asset with regards to a local job search?

Employer Sean Bartman: Certainly. Employers will often consider and hire MBA candidates that gained their degree from recognized international business schools. It can also be seen as an asset and sought after when specializations are offered that matches business needs.

McMaster Dean Bates: In my experience, wealth tends to follow competence and work-ethic, so ensuring that the school you choose brings you contact with faculty that can impart the competencies you will require is the most important issue. I also happen to believe that a co-op program, especially for younger students, is a critical element of bringing it all together. A key objective is building a framework for judgment.

Current Student Wayne Hoy: While Ivey is certainly a great school, I believe you are referring to the 8-10 Ivy League schools in the U.S. As I've mentioned before, I'm sure the technical education at all schools are comparable. At a local level, a local school with a good reputation will likely be on par with an Ivy League school. For example, Bay Street firms recruit heavily at local schools such as Ivey, Rotman, Queen's, and York. From this numerical perspective, you have a great chance of finding a local job by attending one of these schools.

Q: At a top-ranked MBA school, you're more likely to make influential contacts than at a lower ranked school. Is it still worth it to attend a lower-ranked school?

Employer Sean Bartman: If you have the option to attend a higher rated school, it can benefit you academically as well as professionally. Companies will typically go out of their way to ensure their presence and show increased recruitment efforts at these schools. However, don't be too quick to discount a lower-rated school. Any opportunity to gain new knowledge and grow your business experience can help put you at an advantage in your career.

Alumnus Andrew Fleming: I don't necessarily agree with the comment.

Current Student Wayne Hoy: The technical aspects of the education are probably identical at all schools. The technique for valuing a firm is the same whether you learn it at Harvard or at (insert low-ranked school here). Also, there are interesting people everywhere; people with different experiences and opinions than yourself who will enrich your experience. Many of the most precious relationships I've made aren't what one would typically consider as a traditionally influential one. That being said, a higher ranked school does attract "more influential contacts", and if that is your most important criteria, then a lower-ranked school is unlikely to suit your requirements.

Q: Hasn't the increasing number of MBAs, from an increasing number of educational institutions offering the program, decreased the value of the MBAs? Also, doesn't the increase in MBAs correlate to lower entrance standards?

Employer Sean Bartman: From a business perspective, there is still considerable value in an MBA. While there may be an increase of institutions offering new MBA programs, the opportunity falls to them and their graduating students to prove the value in their program. Established programs will have a history and proven track record to speak to their quality. These are things that companies consider in the selection process.

McMaster Dean Bates: More and more we are seeing the MBA "plus," i.e. MBA, plus a law degree, an accounting designation, or an engineering degree, or a degree in the life sciences, so that graduates go out into specific fields of endeavor with strong technical knowledge in a given discipline, complimented by an advanced business degree. And entrance requirements, generally, remain high. What has changed in recent years is an acceptance process that looks beyond the numbers (i.e. GMAT scores) and considers the whole person, their experiences and activities.

University of Toronto, Assistant Dean Powers: Not at all, in fact, the numbers show fewer people writing the GMAT, which would suggest decreased enrolments in the future. We have not lowered our standards and have not noticed a decline in applications so far. There has been an increase in the number of international applicants.

Q: When should I consider going back to school? Is it worth the effort? I'm a fourth-year software engineering student.

Employer Sean Bartman: Many graduate programs today have student bodies with vast arrays of industry experience. Spending a few years in the workforce before continuing your education can provide you with real world experience that will help you make the most of your class time and overall learning experience. You will likely also find that you have an increased ability to contribute, relate to, and understand the offerings of others.

McMaster, Dean Bates: Interestingly, we recently surveyed a group of final-year engineering students as well as recent engineering grads on this very question, and found a strong need for business training to compliment their engineering degree. Some wanted a "diploma" type course in business, but many saw themselves pursuing an MBA.

University of Toronto Assistant Dean Powers: I would suggest 2-4 years of work experience as you will have completed your P. Eng by then and be in a better position to benefit from the learning process and the material covered in the program.

Current Student Wayne Hoy: I was also essentially a software undergrad, although my degree was in Computer Science. You should definitely work in industry for several years before going back to school for an MBA. This is particularly important in case discussions, especially at a school like Ivey that is purely case based, since the varying experiences of the class are a vital component of the discussion process. Also, you need to determine if an MBA is right for you. Again, real-world industry experience is the only way to answer that question. You may love software engineering, and despise the business aspects. Regarding whether the degree is worth the effort, for me, five years in software development led my career to a point where an MBA was vital for my future development. I hope the MBA will put me on the career fast track, rather than learning the relevant skills on the job.

Q: Will there be a significant ROI of investing $75,000 to $90,000 on an EMBA at the age of 42?

Employer Sean Bartman: This is specific to the individual. However in terms of dollars (or how long it will take you to break even from the 90K spend), it really depends on where you are in your career today, your short-term goals, and your long-term goals. Understanding these will help you determine the career opportunities available to you, what value can come from them, and what value an MBA can add, if any.

Alumnus Andrew Fleming: I think that depends on your previous work experience. A colleague of mine with many years of experience changed careers completely and has great earning potential now because his previous work experience is a very strong asset to his new company.

Q: Is completing an EMBA worth it as a senior manager in a non-profit and with a background completely in non-profit as well?

McMaster Dean Bates: I've had the privilege of working as a volunteer with a number of non-profit organizations over the years - they are as complex, if not more complex, that for-profit organizations, with leadership challenges that exceed those of for-profit enterprises. An EMBA can definitely help you.

Q: I have a B.Comm Degree, would an MBA add much more value? In terms of both knowledge and salary?

McMaster Dean Bates: Indeed it will, in my view. While you will have a great grounding, the MBA will really take you to a greater level in terms of applied analysis and reasoning.

University of Toronto Assistant Dean Powers: There are advantages of group - based learning and the information gleaned from classmates and their work and professional experience. Granted the first year of the MBA can cover very similar material to a B.Comm, however the second year takes the subjects to a much higher level and incorporates more real business simulations that you just do not get at the undergraduate level. Some schools are offering advance standing for B.Comm grads and this makes sense in many respects, particularly if the B.Comm is from the same school.

Employer Sean Bartman: Management is a very broad term. Specializing in general management can give you core transferable skills that can be applied to various businesses. It would be wise to specialize in this area if you are not yet certain of what type of business you are looking to manage. Selecting more of a specific stream, like finance, can help you in gaining targeted positions, in climbing the corporate ladder, and with your overall ability to perform in a role. However very specific streams can sometimes make it more difficult later on if interested in transferring to a different stream. If you are not sure what is best for you to pursue, speak with your local MBA Career centre, students currently in the various programs, or visit employer information sessions to ask questions of the recruiters and business people currently in these roles.

Online Q&A: Back-to-school

Thanks for asking your education-related questions. Next Tuesday's Q&A topic is peer pressure, social anxiety and making friends at school. If you have any comments or suggestions for future Q&A forums, please e-mail education editor Kristin Rushowy at krushowy@thestar.ca

This week's topic was adjusting to back to school.

Professor Janette Pelletier of the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education at the University of Toronto is taking your questions on back-to-school issues. A former elementary teacher and school psychologist, her areas of expertise also include school readiness for diverse families, parental involvement in education, transition to school and family literacy.

Q: This is in regards to a story published a couple of weeks ago regarding the increase in high school dropout rates across Ontario. The government noted a direct correlation between the Grade 9 mathematics curriculum and the rising dropout rates. My question is whether this is the problem? Or whether the elimination of OAC has pushed higher math down to elementary schools and the children are not being well prepared for high school? As a former student in the Ontario public school system, I know there are excellent teachers in elementary schools however, many of them have not done more than Grade 10 math or science and are expected to teach it and stress its importance in everyday life after not having done math in 10 years. I am curious to know how much  mathematics and science training the teachers are recieving in teacher's college? I once taught in a learning centre and noticed a trend in most of the children having difficulties in both math and science, they were not able to multiply, add, subtract or divide quickly or efficiently and relied on calculators. Is the new curriculum touching on too many subjects and not stressing enough of the basics? Thanks in advance.

A: Although my own research and teaching is not in the area of mathematics, I can say that in recent years there has been a push at faculties of education to foster deeper understanding of mathematics and science among new teachers. At the secondary level, teacher candidates must have two teaching subject areas, so mathematics teachers would have training specific to teaching math. At the elementary level, teachers develop expertise in teaching pedagogy that is cross-curricular so that children's programs are holistic and integrated (for example, literacy skills can be developed through science exploration). Teacher candidates at the elementary level do also receive specific courses in teaching mathematics and science/technology. I believe this more recent push in math and science education will begin to show increased learning in students in time.

Q: Our granddaughter has just been enrolled in half-day pre-kindergarten school. Is it too early to become anxious about peer pressure?

A: Hopefully you won't need to become anxious about peer pressure at any time. However, it is understandable that parents and grandparents are concerned about their little ones beginning school, especially if it is the first out-of-home group experience the child has had. If your granddaughter has participated in some other form of preschool program such as nursery school, child care, gymboree, caregiver-child and library classes, then she will have a sense already of what it is like to be a part of a group of children her age. In that sense, these group activities are helpful for young children in making the transition to pre-kindergarten or kindergarten. Research has shown that peer relations and play are the most important aspects of kindergarten for young children - both positive and negative. The negative aspects of peer relations that children report are feeling rejected or hurt by their peers. However, "peer pressure" in the sense of peers exerting pressure on a pre-kindergarten child to engage in inappropriate behaviour is unlikely at this age. At this age, young children are more likely to "imitate" another whom they perceive to be powerful or who has been rewarded for a particular behaviour. You can ask your granddaughter to "tell you about school" so that she knows you are there to provide that secure base and so that you can understand how she is feeling about starting pre-kindergarten.

Q: I can't decide what kind of pre-school program to put my son in. He is 3 and very bright and I just don't think the things I do with him at home are stimulating enough. (I am a stay-at-home mom). Do you have any recommendations about what kind of programs works for pre-schoolers and how often he should go?

A: It sounds as though your son might enjoy an organized or semi-organized playgroup, sport or preschool and you would have an opportunity to meet other parents who are asking the same questions. You would also meet professionals who have experience planning and providing stimulating programs for young children and could give you ideas and resources about how to engage him at home.

I would suggest tapping into his interests and seeking out a program that would be motivating. For example, he may be interested in a movement program, music program, moms & tots drop-in, family literacy, nursery school or other program in the community or school. Three half days a week is plenty of time for this kind of program or combination of programs, especially since you have the benefit of staying home with him otherwise. There are places where you can get more information about these kinds of programs - such as the Ontario Early Years Centres, school boards, municipal departments of children's services, and community centres. Some programs are free for parents and children while other formal preschool programs may involve a fee. 

Q: I would like some suggestions on how to handle the pressure of homework for children in Grade one. I really don't believe my son is ready for reading yet but there is a pressure passed down to us as parents to keep our children "on track" with the curriculum without regard for the child's individual abilities and readiness. I want to instill a love of reading not pressure my 6-year-old.

A: I am not sure whether your child is already being asked to complete reading homework in Grade 1. This seems premature given that most Grade 1 children at this time of the year are not yet reading, but rather are being read to at school and are being supported as they begin to look at books on their own. Many children still need to develop the oral language skills that underpin literacy development. However, informal literacy activities that parents can do at home with their child on an incidental basis, can provide enormous support to the child and can help little ones to become motivated to attend to print in their environments. Thus completing reading readiness worksheets would be inappropriate. However, reading books together and playing literacy games as part of regular family life would be beneficial (for example "I spy"). Thus the answer depends on what type of "reading homework" your child is being asked to do at the beginning of Grade 1.

I believe most Grade 1 teachers would welcome this incidental kind of support at home and would not wish for you and your child to complete formal reading homework per se. Some ways for you to instill a love of reading are to read with him every day and to make reading an enjoyable activity that he can count on. Talk about books and let your child have some choice about the books you read together.

Q: My son is is very unmotivated. He's been that way since elementary school but now that he's in high school (grade 11) he's really falling behind. He doesn't fail classes but does the bare minimum so his grades are ok. I wish he would try harder. His friends all do well in school, better than him, so I don't know what the problem is. I think he's going to regret it when they all go off to university and he's stuck here. Thank you.

A: Perhaps your son would benefit from a high school program that allows him to apply knowledge in a more practical way. Perhaps he does not see the point of learning formal curriculum material to prepare him for university, but rather might see the benefit of a more applied program that makes sense in relation to what he wants to do in his future. From what you have written, it seems as though he has little interest in the material, yet obviously is bright enough to make satisfactory grades despite not working very hard at it. Sometimes children get off to a slow start and are unable to be drawn off that path. This can happen for many reasons, but one may be related to expectations that children have of themselves and that others have of them. Low expectations are often maintained over time so that high achievers are rewarded and seem to accelerate faster while low achievers can be labelled as such and may live down to expectations. Without knowing your family's situation, I might suggest some guidance counselling for your son. Perhaps a new path to success could begin if his program fit his interests and made sense to him in terms of his goals. Good luck.

Q: We have twin boys in Grade 3 who have been in the same class up until now, they are now in separate classes in school. They are missing each other and already asking to be in the same class. However we have moved and the principal we now have believes twins should not be together so I guess that won't happen. What can we do to make this easier for them?

A: It seems as though your boys have grown to depend on each other for emotional security in school and now that they are separated, are having to negotiate a new and uncomfortable transition. This discomfort of being separated is likely heightened because your family has just moved. Most child development experts agree that it is important for twins and other multiples to form their individual identities and this is more difficult to do when they are in the same class. One reason is that teachers may inadvertently "unitize" them or may mistake one for the other. Even if they are not identical, it is more likely that their names would be mixed up than if they were in separate classes. Twins, particularly identical twins, can "elicit" similar responses from others around them, thus making their environments even more similar and less differentiated. If twins are in different classes, their teachers and their peers will get to know them as individuals and this will help in the boys' individual identity formation. To make it easier for them, it may be possible to arrange for time together at lunch, recess, in after-school activities and possibly in activities shared between the Grade 3 classes. It is also important to give the boys individual time at home, so that they do not feel that being together is the only way to be. They can practice being apart at home as well through different extra-curricular activities such as sports and music and different (as well as shared) friends.

Q: My 3-year-old daughter has just started Montessori, and the first week was very happy to be there. Now all of a sudden she doesn't want to go to school. She doesn't put up a huge fuss, but every morning says she'd rather stay home. I'm sure she's still adjusting but why would she be fine one week and not the next? Is this something I should ignore for now? She's only there part-time.

A: It is terrific that your three-year-old does not put up a fuss as she  begins school in this new environment. Perhaps the shifting effect of being happy then reticent about school is related to the growing realization that this has become a permanent situation rather than a visit or a little holiday. That is, she is starting to recognize that there is a pattern of going to school and that she has left the consistency of the familiar environment she was in before. It would be reasonable for you to speak to the teacher about your daughter's transition issues so that the teacher can put strategies in place to ease that transition. This could involve a "buddy" system of children, or having the parent join the class for a few minutes so the child can "show off" her classroom environment, a book that is read about starting school in a new place or other solutions that the teacher has successfully employed with previous classes. The teacher might suggest things for you to say to your child as you are getting ready to go to school, such as providing reassurance that your daughter's world hasn't changed other than beginning at this new school. The parent-school connection is so important to helping children make that transition. The more the child senses the continuity and shared understanding, the easier the transition.

Q: Since it is time again for routine, I had a question about sleeping. Our two children are 6 and 8, and I am wondering how many hours of sleep do they require per night? We are trying to re-establish their sleeping patterns, and we want to make sure they are getting enough rest.

A: It is best if you ask your pediatrician about the recommended number of hours that your children sleep since sleep needs vary. Generally speaking, elementary school-age children require about 10-hours of sleep a night. A routine is important to help establish good sleeping habits, for example, regular bed time, having a bath, brushing teeth, having a story and being in a quiet room without TV. These routines may help children to relax and to avoid being over-stimulated, for example, by certain types of TV programming or computer games. One should also consider whether children are consuming caffeine during the day (for example, colas) as this can have an impact on sleeping.

Q: We get very little notification about upcomming school events. An example would be Professional Development Day for teachers (Sept 19) yesterday notification to parents sent home on Thursday (Sept 15). How do I find out about up comming events at school without hasseling the school office. I have since downloaded the school calendar from the board web site but that doesn't include meet the teacher night and other activities specfic to my daughter's school.

A: It might be a good idea for you to contact the Parent Council at your daughter's school and make a suggestion that these kinds of events could be listed, posted and also sent out to parents early in the school year. This takes some of the pressure off the office and gives the parent community an opportunity to be involved in communication with other parents.

Q: Currently i am in the eleventh grade, and want to know if you could give me some key pointers in succeeding in school, especially in the math and physics type courses. Although i haven't really started the challenging work in my physics class and have math in my next semester, i want to be well prepared prior to starting the hardwork, so when it comes i am ready. Also, does "reading" books benefit my learning and ability to understand.

A: By virtue of writing this question about how best to succeed in school, it appears that you already possess important personal and practical skills associated with success. Time management is one of the most important skills to develop - research has shown that spending at least some time every day on your work results in more success than cramming too much information into a short timeframe. Thus, set aside a time and place that is quiet and relaxing. Your state of mind during your study period can also influence how much information you are able to retain. Too much stress can decrease your ability to take in and process new information. Math and physics do involve some rote learning but using that knowledge to solve problems or create products is even more important.

Rote learning is primarily remembering facts; using knowledge helps you to understand more deeply. As for reading books, that is a very important and enjoyable activity for acquiring general knowledge and for thinking about issues that come up in the plot or in the development of characters that relate to real-life situations. Reading can provide new information, but can also enhance vocabulary and general knowledge about the world. Reading can give insight into human behaviour and can cause us to question why the author wrote a particular piece. Good readers tend to do well in school because much of school learning is dependent on literacy. Hope that helps.

Q: Our 4-year-old son refuses to go to school. He will chase my wife down the hall and in to the parking lot screaming (at the top of his lungs), and kicking. My wife has always stayed at home and she did spend some time with him in the class last week. The school is very reluctant in offering advice and help. It has been a summer of changes, new home, community and friends.

A: It sounds as though your son is experiencing some classic "transition" issues and these have been compounded by concurrent events such as the move. It is also too bad that the school is unable to provide support and advice during this important transition time. We know from research that the home-school connection prior to and during the start of school has a significant influence on how children negotiate this change. Given the lack of school administrative support, it is necessary to have open communication with the teacher about this. Surely he/she recognizes that your son is chasing your wife down the hall and that this is not acceptable (for safety reasons). There need to be supports in place to keep him in the classroom. Kindergarten teachers employ a range of strategies to help ease families into school. The use of these strategies depends to some extent on the teacher's beliefs about the best way to handle this. Some examples of strategies are: allowing the parent to stay with the child but reduce the number of minutes each day while praising the child for his growing independence; arranging for a kindergarten buddy or older child to greet the child and be his partner as school begins; having the teacher or buddy greet the child outside of the school and bring him in; allowing the child to bring an "attachment object" (such as a familiar teddy bear or blanket) to school (but kept in the coat room once school starts); setting up play activities at the beginning of the class so the children move immediately to play before they sit in a large group. Hopefully you and your child's teacher will be able to discuss this and to set up some strategies that will help your son. Good luck.