Online Q&A: Education questions

Do you have a question about something going on in your school? Your school board? Wondering how to choose a college or university program, or about living in residence?The Star has gone to the experts to get answers to your questions.

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Q: Many school boards in Ontario are still saying people applying for in-land immigration must be assessed and high fees paid.

The Ontario Ministry of Education changed this policy last year yet almost all the major school boards websites still are giving out incorrect information.

The fees now do not have to paid under the right circumstances even up to the age of 21, for special education students. The Catholic school boards are also giving out incorrect information.

As a result, many kids are not being allowed in school despite the law.

Answer from the Star's education editor ... This is what the experts at the school board say:

First, in response to the question, I need to assume first that ‘in-land immigration’ means that the learners are here and are applying for landed immigrant status.

Bill 194, which was passed by the Legislative Assembly of Ontario, effective September 1, 2005 has made some changes to student eligibility for admission without fees. In many cases, school boards across Ontario work with their admissions officer to determine student eligibility and require documents to be provided. With the provision of these documents, students have access without fees to public education for one year at a time. (If students are not eligible, then they would be required to pay VISA student fees.)

Bill 194 broadens the conditions for admission without fees to now include the following:

a) a student whose biological/adoptive parent is in Canada,

i) under a temporary resident permit issued under the Immigration and Refugee Protection Act (IRPA)

ii) awaiting determination of an application for permanent residence in Canada

iii) awaiting determination of an application for a work permit

iv) is authorized to study in Canada as a full-time student at an accredited university, college or institution in Ontario

v) is a Canadian citizen resident in Ontario and who has applied for permanent resident status or Canadian citizenship for the student

vi) teaches at an accredited institution in Ontario in accordance with an agreement with a university outside Ontario.

vii) as a religious worker authorized to work in Canada under clause 186(1) of the Regulations made under the Immigration and Refugee Protection Act (Canada).

The Admissions Officer will require the following documents to determine eligibility:

1. Applicants for permanent resident status:

a) official letter from CIC with file number

b) copy of the application for permanent resident status in a province in Canada other than Quebec, P.E.I. and Alberta with names of all family members

c) copy of the receipt which was submitted with the application

d) proof of relationship of student to parent

e) proof of residency of the family in York Region

f) passport showing date of entry into Canada

2. Dependents of an applicant for a work permit:

a) passport of applicant

b) copy of application for work permit

c) proof of relationship of student to parent

3. Dependents of the holder of a study permit:

a) letter from accredited college or university confirming registration as full-time student
b) passport of parent with valid study permit
c) proof of relationship of student to parent

All persons who qualify for an exemption of the payment of fees under Bill 194 will be issued a letter of acceptance for one year only.  Students will be tracked through the office of the admissions officer.

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Q: I am going into my final year of high school and would eventually apply to Toronto-area colleges for aviation technology. Are there any colleges that offer a program in this field worth recognizing more than others?

Answer from the Star's education editor ... Two great colleges in the Toronto area offer aviation programs:

*Seneca College's School of Aviation and Flight Technology 

*Centennial College's School of Transportation

Since you still have some time before you have to make a decision, I'd recommend contacting the colleges you are interested in, visiting them and talking to students. You could also contact potential employers and ask them if there's a particular course or college program they prefer.

If you are willing to look outside the Toronto area, I highly recommend you visit the Ontario College Application Services website, which lists -- and provides links to -- all the aviation programs in the province.

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Q: My daughter's school only goes to Grade 5. I live in Mississauga and am looking for a good school that offers Grade 6 and up in the Peel District School Board. I would like to know about school ratings, not just EQAO results.

Answer from the Star's education editor ... Boards themselves do not rank or rate schools; instead, they post profiles of all their schools on their website with information about each one's student body, available programs, as well as results from provincial standardized tests (EQAO).

If you go to the Peel board's website, you can access a list of elementary schools and search for a middle or senior public school that best suits your family.

That said, the Fraser Institute issues school reports cards for Ontario schools which do provide an overall "grade" for each one, although these too are based heavily on EQAO results.

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Q: My son's third grade teacher feels he should be assessed for a learning disability. Neither of us are sure as to whether we are dealing with a learning disability as it appears to be borderline. My son's last report card showed a C average in reading and writing (B in the previous term) and a D in math (C in the previous term).

The teacher also said that if assessment shows a disability, he will be "labelled" within the Ontario education system. She has left me with the impression that this would have more of a negative impact on him in the future than a positive. Could you please explain how this "label" would be applied to my son, and what effect it would have on his future education within the system.

Answer from Christopher Carew of the Learning Disabilities Association of Ontario ... A psychological assessment can be very useful to look at a student’s pattern of strengths and weaknesses in relation to learning, and to suggest ways of teaching that may be more successful, whether or not a learning disability is diagnosed. Such information can be used to create an Individual Education Plan (IEP) for the student who needs to be taught in different ways. If it turns out that there are some weaknesses in the psychological processes underlying learning, early intervention is very important to success, and can help prevent frustration and damage to self-esteem. 

When your teacher mentioned “labelling,” she was probably referring to the identification process in the school system called the Identification, Placement and Review Committee (IPRC). This is the process that entitles a student to special education support, and ensures that there will be an IEP developed. You as a parent are involved with all the decisions that are made, and there is a mandated yearly review. If your son does need an individualized program, this process can make his academic progress easier, and does not need to limit his options. There are many students with learning disabilities who have gone on to college and university, when they received the right supports.

You can find more information, including online workshops for parents, on the website for the Learning Disabilities Association of Ontario.

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Q: How can a principal and other officials in the Toronto District School Board ignore the Ontario Education Act with regards to school councils by attempting to limit the number of parents participating on the school council and then choose, by non-democratic means, the chairperson for the limited council?

The Ontario Education Act has a clear mandate on how school councils should work and what the roles of all participants are. And yet, with all this legislation, these rules are largely ignored by a high percentage of Toronto District Board employees.

Answer from the Toronto District School Board ... Per the Ministry of Education School Councils Guide Council, membership is determined by an annual election process. The regulation sets no maximum number of parents on a council. However, the number of parent members on the council should be stipulated by a school council bylaw or by the board if no bylaw exists.

A principal's involvement and interaction with the school council are key to the council's success. As a member of the school council and leader of the school community, the principal can provide the guidance and support necessary to help the council achieve its goals and be an effective voice for parents. Ontario Regulation 613/00 clearly outlines the principal's role and responsibility in terms of the school council. This role ranges from providing information, developing a school profile, receiving and responding to school council recommendations, attending school council meetings, to ensuring that school councils are put in place.

The chair and co-chair of the council are elected by the council members and must be a parent, or parents, who are not employed by the school board.

The success of school councils require the full participation and collaboration of parents, principals, community representatives, students and other members of the school board. However, it does not always work this way in every school, therefore if there is a concern about a specific school council, the TDSB encourages parents to contact their community school's principal, superintendent of education and/or trustee.

We are continually evaluating the effectiveness of our school councils and welcome any feedback to help facilitate this.

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Q: I will be moving to Toronto next year. For my children's education, can you please provide a listing of private schools in the Greater Toronto area? Any resource material that can also help with selection between the private schools would be most helpful. Thank you.

Answer from the Star's education editor ... There are lots of great websites with information about private schools. Try the Conference of Independent Schools or the Ontario Federation of Independent Schools of Ontario. Also, Our Kids magazine writes alot about private schools and schooling issues, and covers alot of those in the Greater Toronto area.

You can also check out the private school listings on the Ontario Ministry of Education's website, just type in "Toronto" as your search term.

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Q: I need to know the statistics on what accidents are common among preschoolers. Thank you.

Answer from the Hospital for Sick Children ... According to Safe Kids Canada, the most common cause of injury among preschoolers are motor vehicle crashes, falls and drownings. Parents can also find out more information on safety tips according to age and stage.

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Q: Can the Peterborough Bishop demand that Catholic teachers who work for the Peterborough Catholic board be fired if they attend the breakaway church started by Fr. Ed Cacchia, the priest ex-communicated for his support of women's ordination?

Answer from Donna Marie Kennedy, president of the Ontario English Catholic Teachers Association ... An employment relationship exists between the Catholic teachers and the Peterborough Victoria Northumberland and Clarington Catholic District School Board. The rights afforded to separate schools and their teachers under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, 1982 and the Constitution Act, 1867, affect this relationship. In particular, "denominational rights issues" could affect the employment of Catholic teachers by any separate school board.

Whether the PVNC Catholic District School Board decides to discipline a teacher for denominational reasons is a matter for the board. How this would be determined is a question best posed to the the PVNC Catholic District School Board. Needless to say OECTA would defend its members disciplined under such circumstances.

From the Peterborough Victoria Northumberland and Clarington Catholic board ... Recently Peterborough Bishop Nicola De Angelis advised the Catholic community that Father Ed Cachia had decided to start a new place of worship and had, in so doing, placed himself outside the Roman Catholic tradition.

This event has created some confusion in the Catholic educational community and has attracted media attention. The school board has been asked whether Catholic teachers who attend Father Ed Cachia's services will be disciplined by the board.

The appetite for controversy is not something that the board will indulge. For our Catholic educational community, this is instead a teaching moment about the nature of Catholic education, the opportunities and challenges it presents to Catholic teachers, parents and students, and what it means to be a Catholic teacher.

From a Catholic perspective, education is neither merely the transmission of knowledge to students nor the development of their cognitive skills. It is the integral formation of the whole person according to the Christian vision of life. As the Vatican has said: "The Catholic school has as its specific duty the complete Christian formation of its pupils …. this integration of faith and life is a part of a life-long process of conversion until the pupil becomes what God wants him/her to be."

The role of the teacher in a Catholic school is of critical importance. Teachers lie at the heart of the educational process. Teaching must be more than a profession; in Catholic terms it ought to be a vocation. Catholic teachers are expected therefore not only to know and teach the Catholic faith, but also to be witnesses to that faith at school and in their personal lives.

This is not to suggest that Catholic teachers can be perfect in their witness. The traditional teachings of the Catholic Church have always recognized that Christians live out their lives in the tension between Christian idealism and human weakness.

The Catholic Bishops of Ontario once wrote that: "All members of the Catholic school community are held to similar standards of faith and morals, but there is obviously a special focus on the teacher.  In every case the ideal includes a buffer zone of compassion and patience, to take shortcomings into account, to respect conscience and avoid pharasaism." On another occasion they said of Catholic teachers that: "It is not necessary to be free of fault and failures to be faithful to the integrity of the process of Catholic education. Otherwise, none of us would dare to be involved."

Recognizing that authentic Catholic education requires committed Catholic teachers, the board has always sought teachers who are committed to their Catholic faith, to developing that faith throughout their professional personal lives, to authentically modelling that faith for their students, and to the transmission of that faith to their students. Our teachers carry out this vocation in a secular world that is less and less hospitable to Catholicism. The board recognizes and celebrates the authentic witness to the faith provided by our teachers.

We need to make it clear that we do not seek to force anyone to do anything that is contrary to his or her own conscience, properly informed after deep reflection. Catholic teachers who choose to attend Father Ed Cachia's services need to consider, in conscience, whether it is both honest to their vocation and appropriate for them to continue to teach in a Catholic school. As a Catholic education community, it is important that we trust that the grace of God will guide us and always be with us.

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Are you looking for the online forum on exam stress? Click here.

Are you looking for the online forum on choosing the right university? Click here.

Online Q&A: Safe schools

Stu Auty

Are schools safe? Why does it seem like there are so many lockdowns? What can students or parents do?

Expert Stu Auty, president of the Canadian Safe School Network and a former teacher, counsellor and administrator, was today's guest expert for our education Q&A.

We're no longer taking questions, but will take comments for the next 24 hours.

Q: How to deal with bullying in schools? My son, who was born premature and is small for his age, is teased and bullied at school ALL THE TIME. Teachers know, and the principal knows and nobody wants to do anything about it. They've tried to teach my son to speak up for himself but really that doesn't work. He comes home upset all the time, it's worst at recess.

I've spoken to the teacher and the principal but they don't seem to be doing anything more about it. Why won't teachers and principals do more about bullying? They are the eyes in the classroom and in the playground and I can't believe they can't see what's going on, they choose to ignore it.

A: When you describe your son’s situation, you mention he is bullied all the time, and comes home upset all the time. As a parent, I am sure you will agree that plenty of misbehaviour can occur right under our noses.

When reporting bullying, it helps if you can provide accurate, written details about a specific incident. Ask your son to tell you exactly what and where and when it happened, who saw it and how they reacted to it. Include how your son responded, whether he was frightened, injured, or if his belongings were damaged or stolen. The teacher or administrator will have a much better chance of responding to the written report with concrete details rather than a general report of bullying.

Participate fully in devising a plan to keep your son safe at school and request periodic follow up meetings to ensure that the plan is still working. Keep a record of what action takes place, and follow-up with the school principal and/or your superintendent if the problem continues. Don’t ignore what is happening to your son and insist that it is not ignored by other adults responsible for his safety.

Q: This isn't really a "safe schools" question but a safe kids question. I read somewhere that we should no longer be teaching our kids about "stranger danger" because most sexual abuse/abductions are done by people they know. If that is the case, then what do we teach our children?

A: This really isn’t an “either/or” question. In Ontario schools, the curriculum requires that children at primary school age will be able to recognize, in situations involving others, advances or suggestions that threaten their safety or well being, whether they involve strangers or people they know. Inappropriate touching, invitations to accompany strangers, or other exploitative behaviours are examples of actions that are explained. It is expected that children will master simple strategies to assist them, like seeking assistance from a teacher.

Q: At what age is it okay for children to walk to school without their parents? Is it okay for them to walk to school alone ever?

A: Children mature at different ages and some are able to handle independence at a much earlier age. Many factors come into play, however, that can influence parents’ decisions about allowing their children to walk to school without adult accompaniment. Incidents in the neighborhood, traffic density, safe walking pathways, friends to walk with, etc., all can influence a decision.

At some point parents have to let go and nurture their child’s independence.  Children have to be prepared for this independence, however, with guidelines clearly explained and understood. It is important that unnecessary parental anxiety not be imparted to the child when the big day finally arrives.

Q: Dear Mr. Auty, How are you today? I am so happy this article has been published. I am a teacher candidate at Trent University (have been a teacher in Egypt for six years) and I was very disturbed by the news (CBC) last week when I heard a girl in Grade 2 was sexually assaulted in the bathroom on her way to recess. I called the Toronto Star asking them to write an article about the safety of schools (not looking for recognition - however I am so happy this has been done). People need more awareness however what I feel needs to be done is some kind of follow-up. If you enter any school the principal will pull out a big book of rules and regulation to promote safety in schools. I don't think these rules are good enough or being enforced!

Another thing I noticed is if I Google "Safety in Schools" all I get are articles on bullying. Bullying is an issue, however being protected by predators, criminals and people trying to hurt our children should be the priority. We cannot control the minds of these disturbed individuals however we can certainly frighten them away by having tighter security measures.

Some of the rules that I question are:

* Locked doors during recess

* Monitoring the halls and the bathrooms

* Code words for strangers in the building (this makes me laugh actually, if there was a stranger in the building, someone like my little girl who is in junior kindergarten would never know the difference between that person and a high school teacher!)

Another point is someone who is trying to hurt the students would not walk around the halls where students and teachers can see.

Why don't teacher and students wear names tags? I have an excellent idea which certainly helps the situation. There are companies that produce alarm systems which students can wear around their necks. Senior citizens use them in the form of bracelets in case they fall down and no one is around. This might be expensive but so is 1.2 billion dollars on infrastructure!

I would appreciate if you do not mention my name (for safety reasons) when writing your reponses. I do appreciate your time and effort to see tighter security measures in schools today.

A: Although thousands of children, many as young as three years of age, attend schools safely every day, there are a few incidents where a child is victimized. No one would argue that every child needs to feel safe at school. Creating a flawless security system for schools is a very important, but difficult task. There are many security devices including the safety alert bracelets you suggest, that have been considered by school boards in an effort to ensure the safety of the children.

After all the measures are in place, however, it is the one child who isn’t wearing the bracelet, or the attacker who cunningly devises a way around the security measures, that may threaten the child’s safety.

Creating and maintaining a safe school environment requires a well understood and workable plan, which includes many different strategies and the commitment and support of everyone in the school community to carry it out.

Q: There was a case recently of a child being sexually assaulted in her elementary school washroom when she left class to go to the washroom, alone. This is not the first time I've heard of such a thing happening in a school.

How do these people get into schools? Aren't doors locked? Is there no security? What are schools policy on children going to the washroom alone during class, ie when hallways are empty. Why don't all schools do washroom escorts?

A: Incidents that you have cited happen periodically during the school year. Fortunately, they are not a common occurrence but when they do happen it is particularly traumatizing to children and parents in the community.

It is common practice that most doors are locked during the school day with the exception of the main entrances to the building. Some schools have installed entrance cameras that act much like the concierge in a condo where visitors can be observed and restricted access where necessary. Other schools have engaged parent volunteers who supervise on a rotational basis.

Sadly there is no perfect solution but increased vigilance/supervision on everybody’s part is a high priority, particularly when there has been an occurrence and the intruder has not been apprehended. It is important to establish a positive balance and maintain a safe and comfortable learning environment for children, hopefully with a minimum of intrusive security measures.

Q: The question "are schools safe?" is subject to personal interpretation by the student, staff, parent it is posed to. A safety audit would compile a magnitude of concerns including a variety of concerns and characteristics. I do believe this is a responsibility for all of society which requires taking all steps in ensuring that both the physical, emotional safety for children in school settings is a priority, as well as examining the environmental aspects that ensure safe learning environments exists.

I would like to raise awareness of the Safe Schools Act, which doesn't pay particular attention to environmental threats to youths from labelled carcinogenic agents which can affect their health while learning at school. Much of the focus in the media has been surrounding the ease intruders may have to schools, the implications with this and lockdown policies. These are legitimate concerns that require emergency preparedness plans and procedures to follow in consultation with the parental community. They need to be followed and enforced to be successful.

We do also need to evaluate our school environments and assess the potential for environmental exposures which could be threatening the health of children.

My example is children's exposures to electromagnetic fields. As a parent in the public school system I have learned some hard lessons of how this concept is not being applied responsibly as I advocate for more protective standards in public health due to EMF exposures from sources within a school environment. They do exist and children are being affected. Our government, school boards and child protection agencies lack the leadership to provide the necessary support needed in this matter.

The science researchers and health authorities have agreed and acknowledged the risks to children for electromagnetic field exposure and its link to leukemia. There is a societal benefit in prevention for public health and public safety. We need to take an educated role in public safety for our schools and for our children.

I would like to see further involvement in these discussions from those in the educational sector and why they fail to act when these settings are reported to them and it is known that these exposures compromise the health of children?

Do you feel these risks should be evaluated and communicated to students, staff, parents?

A: I would agree that environmental risks to the health of our children should be evaluated in all areas that could be potentially harmful. Definitive research is of particular importance and where it can be shown that there is a risk to health it would be incumbent upon governments to take action.

Raising awareness to issues of this kind is a valuable contribution and is often the kick start needed by government for further study and action. Exposure to electromagnetic fields is one environmental example that could warrant further examination.

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If you have any ideas for future forums, please contact education editor Kristin Rushowy at krushowy@thestar.ca.

Online Q&A: Miriam Edelson

Are you a parent of a special needs child? Do you need advice or help in securing care, education or other resources? Author, mother and social activist Miriam Edelson was the Star's guest expert in today's online forum.

Edelson is the author of My Journey with Jake: A Memoir of Parenting and Disability, and Battle Cries: Justice for Kids with Special Needs.

Her son, Jake, was born in 1990 with lissencephaly, a serious and rare neurological disorder. He was given just a few years to live but, incredibly, lived to age 13 and even celebrated his bar mitzvah.

We're no longer taking your questions but please send us your comments.

Q: Miriam, our son has been diagnosed being on the spectrum. The waiting lists for services are outrageous. To do this privately will break the bank. What should we do? Although he is not severe, he does have issues. If your child has severe issues, they move them to the front of the line. What happens to the other children who still require services?

A: I understand just how frustrating this can be – you finally get some clarity about what is going on for your child, and then the necessary services aren’t immediately available – if at all. So few of us can bankroll the kinds of treatments that will most benefit our children.

Since we are engaged in a special kind of parenting, we need to develop strong advocacy skills. I would pull out all the stops: Call your municipal, school board and provincial parliament representatives; write them letters; insist on a meeting at their office; never take “no” for an answer; take your son with you. We are not just “cases” or “files” – our children and families have a right to these services and people in public office have to take responsibility for all their constitutents.

Contact the Autism Society of Ontario. It has developed a very effective lobby on behalf of families like yours. It will also provide you a way to meet other parents – by e-mail or telephone – so you can problem-solve jointly.

Q: How does a family with one special needs child find the balance between caring for and tending to that child's at times overwhelming needs, when there are other children in the home, plus a spouse to find time for? Were you able to overcome that?

A: I think this is one of the most challenging issues facing families with special needs kids. Here are a few of the examples I've come across that worked:

* One family found a "siblings" group at the facility through which their autistic child attended school. It was a tremendous support to the non-disabled kids in the family. They had a place to be with others who shared something unusual; their family experience was different than that of their school chums. We need to let school boards and care agencies know that this kind of service is worth funding.

* Another family was able to take advantage of publicly funded respite care from time to time; the child with special needs stayed overnight on occasional weekends, giving the rest of the family a chance to enjoy some less intense time together. I believe strongly that we have to lobby governments to provide more funding for this kind of respite care to support families facing these kinds of challenges.

In “Battle Cries: Justice for Kids with Special Needs” I included a series of narratives from different families across the country and one from a Canadian family living in Sweden. In each chapter, this question of relationships between sisters and brothers is explored. The stories are not sugar-coated and yet, what emerges is a great deal of hope.

Q: Why is it that the schools insist that autistic children move ahead with their class/group even though they are so far behind both socially as well as academically? What do you think of the move to integrate special needs children into "regular" classrooms?

A: In my research with the parents of children who have special needs, I found a wide variety of opinion. Some parents felt that their children did very well in an integrated classroom. Some also mentioned that there were tensions with parents of non-disabled children because teachers were unable to handle the spectrum of children's learning needs.

I also interviewed parents who were convinced that a special classroom or school worked better for their particular child. I conclude that we need to think about "inclusion" rather than the polar opposites of integration v. segregation. In a primary school in Newfoundland, for example, I met parents whose children attended daily a special classroom designed for those called “developmentally delayed.” Non-disabled children from Grades 4, 5 and 6 had regular contact with these kids, read them stories, played with them, and helped with their care as part of their own education. What a creative way to teach respect for "difference" and break down the fears so many of us carry!

I am convinced that not enough resources are devoted to the public school system to fund the teachers' assistants, speech therapists and other professionals who are needed to make the classroom the best it could be for all children. Recently, parents of children with autism have won an important court case in Ontario regarding the right of children over age 6 not to be cut off an effective behavioural therapy. Nonetheless, many children are languishing on waiting lists.

Q: How has having a special needs child changed your life?

A: For me, it has been a very enriching experience and, also, very challenging at an emotional level. I think that when we learn to open our hearts to one child who is "different" it becomes easier to see that "normal" is not a very useful concept. Accepting the child (or adult) as a person, first and foremost, rather than seeing only a disabling condition, marks a significant step forward for parents.

In my book “My Journey with Jake: A Memoir of Parenting and Disability” I chronicled the path I found myself on after giving birth to a beautiful baby boy who had profound disabilities. It’s a very demanding journey, but one I would never trade now. I am a more compassionate person now and far less judgmental of people - we have different needs and abilities, and as human beings we all deserve the best our society and communities can offer.

Q: Ms. Edelson, I am the frustrated mother of an 8-year-old ODD girl. She is bright, articulate and charismatic, but her behavioral issues have eclipsed all her wonderful qualities. She has been to four different schools since JK and I am currently considering removing her for her present placement within the public school system. It is a very small class with a jarring mixture of pupils that do not mesh. Her demeanor has deteriorated in the eight weeks since I enrolled her there.

For Grade 4, in the fall, private school seems to be my only option with a behavioral focus being mandatory. In the meantime I am contemplating homeschooling her for the remainder of the school year. My questions are, firstly do you recommend any Toronto private schools specialized in dealing with ODD? Secondly what are your thoughts about homeschooling her at this point?

I am not certain if my queries fall within the parameters of your forum, but I thought it was worth a try. Many thanks.

A: Trying to find a best-case schooling option for a child and family living with Oppositional Defiance Disorder seems to be quite a challenge. You have clearly devoted a great deal of effort and determination to find an appropriate setting.

While I am not familiar with private schools that specialize in this field, let me pose a few questions that might assist in your decision-making. Are you in contact with the medical facility that provided you with your daughter’s diagnosis? Is there someone there who can make an informed recommendation? Staff at the Bloorview Macmillan Centre in Toronto may be able to guide you to other community resources. Another website that may be helpful, in a general way, is www.conductdisorders.com

Homeschooling, especially if you are concerned that her needs are not well-served at present, is an option some families consider. I would be mindful, as I’m sure you are, that education is so much more than learning a specific curriculum. Homeschooling may be a short-term solution while you investigate other options. Can you build in other activities such as soccer or swim lessons that would ensure your daughter is also in contact with other children her age?

Finally, if you do go this route, make sure you also build in some time for yourself - in such intense parenting situations, we all need regular breaks to keep ourselves at our best. Further information and ideas may be found at an on-line parent discussion group found at www.groups.yahoo.com/group/homeschool_specialneedskidz

Q: I watch my sister and her son, who is physically and mentally challenged, and she is so depressed. I don't really know how to help her. Do you have any ideas you could help me with? Thank you.

A: It is hard to see someone close to you so distressed. Sometimes the best thing you can offer is yourself - just to listen or even better, give her a chance to get away (even briefly!) from a very challenging situation. I have found that when mothers can expect time away away from such intense parenting responsibilities on a regular basis, it can help a great deal. Could you care for nephew from time to time and, perhaps, find a friend or family member who might also volunteer?

You might also explore with your sister the idea of joining a support group in-person or on-line. Can you do some background research and offer that to her so she may consider it? Often a person who is stretched has little extra time or energy to find support for themselves. The web is a terrific resource - if you “Google” children with special needs or your nephew’s specific diagnosis, you’ll find a wealth of information and peer support.