Good morning! How are you? What did you do last night? No way! That sounds like fun. Me? Oh, not much. I just polled 1,000 Canadians.
Actually, that's a lie. A market research firm did the polling. I merely came up with the questions.
Now, undoubtedly, there are killjoys people out there who will say these questions are – what's the word? – "idiotic." But you know what? These questions are the exact opposite of idiotic!
Do idiotic questions slice into our collective consciousness? No! Do idiotic questions gauge popular opinion and provide an accurate reading on what people feel deep inside their voting hearts? Hell no!
These questions are a mirror into our soul, Canada. So stop fogging it up and ask yourself this: "Which leader would make the best circus clown?"
Without further ado, the historic partnership between Election Fever and Asking Canadians is proud to present Five Shockingly Brilliant Questions That Really Make You Think:
1. Which leader would make the best travel partner?
Jack Layton 35 (percentage)
Stephen Harper 28
Elizabeth May 20
Stéphane Dion 10
Gilles Duceppe 7
Analysis: Layton winning this is not surprising. After all, he has great energy, which is what you need for sightseeing and getting lost on foreign adventures. He could also arrange some decent hotel deals by simply guilting the owner. But Harper is No. 2? Really? Somehow, I can't imagine him thumbing through a Fodor’s Travel Guide and posing in front of this thing.
2. Which leader would you not loan money to?
Stephen Harper 33
Stéphane Dion 28
Gilles Duceppe 22
Jack Layton 12
Elizabeth May 5
Analysis: Now this is very interesting. The Conservatives keep yammering on about fiscal responsibility, about how they're like the only ones who can manage the economy. But these results suggest few of us would spot Harper a 20 if he fell on hard times.
3. Which leader would you trust most as a house sitter?
Stephen Harper 29
Elizabeth May 29
Jack Layton 22
Stéphane Dion 14
Gilles Duceppe 7
Analysis: Okay, now I'm confused. We don't trust Harper with our hard-earned cash but we'd let him into our house when we're off vacationing with Layton? Also, why is May tied for No. 1? Can she really be trusted to water our plants more than, say, Dion? On the upside, she'd probably take it upon herself to replace all your inefficient light bulbs. On the downside, your neighbours would probably move while you were gone, thanks to her incessant, over-the-fence hectoring.
4. Which leader would make the best godparent?
Stephen Harper 29
Jack Layton 27
Elizabeth May 23
Stéphane Dion 13
Gilles Duceppe 9
Analysis: Shrug. I guess Harper would make a good godparent, even if he kept buying sweater vests as birthday presents. And Layton, yes, he'd also be good. As for Duceppe finishing last, well, think about it this way: Do you want little Timmy coming home each afternoon and yelling, "My classmates and I need to separate from the rest of school! They don't get us!"
5. Which leader would make the best circus clown?
Stéphane Dion 36
Gilles Duceppe 22
Stephen Harper 19
Jack Layton 18
Elizabeth May 6
Analysis: At long last! Dion finishes first in a poll! Ladies and gentleman, now under the big top, watch as the Prime Minister of Flaming Hoops gets catapulted out of this cannon in his giant red sneakers!
(A special thanks to Elliott Chun for facilitating all of this.)
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| Canadian Press |
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