Saturday Poll: Liberals Losing Ground to Marijuana Party

                                 

From a Canadian Press story today:

OTTAWA–Jack Layton's New Democrats have been reaping the benefits of an ongoing slide in Liberal support, a new poll suggests.
The latest Canadian Press Harris-Decima poll gave the NDP the support of 19 per cent of respondents, up from 14 per cent at the start of the campaign.
The poll gave the Conservatives 38 per cent support, followed by the Liberals at 23 per cent, with the Greens and the Bloc Quebecois tied at nine per cent.
The result puts intense pressure on the Liberals and embattled leader Stephane Dion to deliver a tour-de-force performance in next week's leaders' debates.

That last sentence made me giggle. Talk about unrealistic expectations. Intense pressure to shine during a... debate? As in... talking? Yes, this should end well for the Liberals. Next, maybe Dion can challenge Michael Phelps to a swimming race.

Canadian Press

"Nice to meet you! Vote for me and I'll stop squeezing your hand!"

Your Caption Here: Tripping Or Funky Chicken?

Friday Mailbag: Random Email

"Hi. I was just reading your blog. Why are you being so hard on Dion? He is much smarter than you seem to think. Stop going with the flow and start thinking for yourself."

Did this email come from a Liberal insider? An outraged party loyalist? No and no. It came from my mother.
Jeez. Tough crowd.

Political Follicles

As election day quickly approaches - and by "quickly" I mean "slowly" - The Star continues to offer readers exhaustive coverage that is insightful, smart, contextualized and crackling with brilliant reportage. Of course, you'll find none of that on this blog.
Instead, let us now turn our attention to the scalps of our leaders. The marketing/market research website Asking Canadians has been asking Canadians some interesting questions.
To wit: “Which political party leader has the best hair?”
The results:
Stephen Harper   37%
Elizabeth May     19%
Gilles Duceppe    18%
Jack Layton        17%
Stephane Dion     9%

Now that's just weird. No offense to the Prime Minister, but his hair looks like it was manufactured in a Silly Putty test lab. And what? Layton finished ahead of Dion? Last time I checked, Layton had more hair on his lip than on his head.
Anyway, I caught a segment yesterday on CBC Newsworld, in which "Ottawa hairstylist Rinaldo" – he's taken scissors to the heads of Diefenbaker, Mulroney, Trudeau and Harper, among others – compared the locks of our leaders.
"Mr. Harper has great hair," Rinaldo said. "Mr . Dion, it's a little bald, but he has good hair, too."
As for Elizabeth May, who finished second in the aforementioned poll, Rinaldo suddenly sounded like a politician: "Well, I think I need an hour with her."
If hair was an issue, sadly, none of these people would get our vote.

A New Kind of Strong

Question: Why are NDP ads more effective than Liberal ads? Answer: Strong leader.
As a (Liberal) friend said the other night, "Imagine how different this race would be if Layton was our guy."

Re: Give More Pleasure To Your Lady Now!

It's Day 20. I remain in an undisclosed location, fighting the urge to poke a sharp object into my eyes. I had a strange dream last night. Stephen Harper came over for dinner. We had meatloaf. It was a dream, so there were visual oddities. For example, my dining table was suddenly festooned with gargoyles. My cats had stripes, like zebras. And instead of his regular head, Harper's face was a giant sunflower.
"So what are you going to do about spam?" I asked the sunflower.
"We're going to crack down on it"
"That's good. And price gouging?"
"We're going to crack down on it."
Suddenly, all the petals fell from around Mr. Harper's face. He smiled and glanced to the right, as the dreamscape turned black. Then he asked for a doggy bag and vamoosed with big slice of meatloaf.

When The Man Gets You Down

"We need to stop this man."
This is what Stéphane Dion recently said about Stephen Harper. It's a punchy line, one that is both urgent and foreboding. High-placed sources tell Election Fever the sentence, one of the few that's successfully tumbled from Mr. Dion's lips, will be tweaked in the days ahead.
Speaking on the condition of anonymity, and demanding a cheeseburger and fries in exchange for a secret internal document, this is what Dion is expected to say as he ratchets up the rhetoric:

September 28:  "We need to slap this man!"
September 30:  "We need to put this man in a headlock!"
October 3:        "We need this man to take a hike!"
October 5:        "We need to severely beat this man!"
October 6:        "We need to make this man pay – big time!"
October 8:        "We need to remember this man might not be a man!"
October 10:      "We need to tickle this man until he cries!"
October 11:      "We need to kick this man in the groin!"
October 12:      "We need to swarm this man!"
October 13:      "We need to push this man into a muddy puddle!"
October 14:      "We need to not vote for this man!"
October 15:      "We need to work with this man!"

Bubble Boy

Good morning! Welcome to Day 19! Not sure if you read this yet but "Harper lives in a bubble." As bubbles go, it sounds nice enough. Well, unless you're a member of the public or news media. In which case, this bubble is like the SkyBar in LA: Impossible to penetrate.
You know, I once lived in a bubble. It was the 80s and bubbles had just stormed the zeitgeist. I used to sit in that bubble and play my keyboard, banging out Herbie Hancock melodies and pretending I was the lead singer from The Spoons.
Sometimes, I'd go outside, still in my bubble, and wander the streets. I'd roll up the sleeves of my pastel blazer, put on my Ray-Bans, and drift aimlessly, thinking about philosophy, religion, politics and Miami Vice.
Occasionally, a fellow citizen would approach.
"Hey, do you think we need to get tough on youth crime?" he would ask me. "Why don't we have a stronger military? What's your agenda?"
I'd turn down the volume of my Sony Walkman, just so I could hear one of my handlers yell: "Get this clown out of here!"
Then my security detail would jump into the fray and, as the clown protested, I would continue in my bubble, humming the do-do-do part from "Romantic Traffic."

Lessons in Persuasion: Two Leaders, Two Parched Mouths

The sun is setting on Day 18. Actually, like many Canadians, the sun is yawning. Nevertheless, let's now explore one of the most under-examined issues of this campaign: How our leaders drink water during speeches and what their glasses say about them.

1. Stephen Harper was in Vancouver today. While answering media questions, he went to his water a number of times.
Glass Description: Tall and frosty.
Glass Says: "Put water in me and it'll stay cold. Drop me and I won't break. I'm plain and unobtrusive and value function over form.”
Drinking Style: Right-arm swoop, fluid motion from podium to mouth. While sipping, Harper does not avert his eyes. Instead, he glances at reporters with furtive detachment.

2. Stéphane Dion was in Winnipeg. Unlike Day 17, when I spotted Dion sipping his H2Oh from a stemmed specimen, today's glass was decidedly more populist.
Glass Description: Skinny and cylindrical.
Glass Says: "I'd rather be a champagne flute. But whatever. Don't squeeze me too hard or I could rupture from the pressure. Am I a glass or a freaky soup bowl? You can't tell and that's the point."
Drinking Style: Right-arm jerk, from podium to mouth. Dion's sips are quick – blink and you'll miss them. Even after three, four, five sips, this lack of sustained sipping makes him look thirsty.

As you were.

Culture War: Letter From A Canadian

Dear Steve Harper,

My name is Mike, though my buddies call me Mikey. I just read about what you said about them fancy-pants artists. Me and my family could not agree more!
Like you, I'm an ordinary people. I work hard. When I'm not working, I enjoy watching hockey, drinking beer, eating stuff and tinkering with my Chevy.
Anyhow, when I come home at night, I don't want to see no rich gala! I don't want to see any gala! What is a gala? I bet it's something for elites, and that's all I need to know. Oh, look at me! I'm an elite! I'm going to my gala tonight! I'm too good for bowling!
Who are these “artists” who can't make a go of it on there own? These elites need our president to say, "Enough! We're not going to give you any more money so you can become a billionaire making animal balloons in the nude while hanging upside down in a tree. That's not art!"
I got nothing against trees or even animal balloons, which can be pretty cool. I once saw this guy make a camel. It was awesome. But this guy was not an "artist." He was just an ordinary people who worked at the Ex.
When my son was younger, he used to spend hours doodling with his crayons. One day, I started reading the words on his crayons.
I was shocked.
"Hey, boy!" I screamed. "Get in here!"
He walked into the room, carrying his sister's Barbie.
"Yes, father?"
"Boy, there will be no more crayons in my home! What the hell is Burnt Sienna, Atomic Tangerine, Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown and Mango Tango?"
"They're just colours, father."
"Blue, red and white are colours. Maybe even purple. But this elite Crayola trash will brainwash you into becoming an artist and that'll happen over my dead body. Now put down that damn doll and go play with the truck I bought you!"
You know, Steve, I just wanted to say where with you 110 %. I'm sick and tired of these whiney elites always crying into their rich coffees. If they want money, they should earn it, like the rest of us.
I think you should organize a weekly hockey game between ordinary people and artists. If they win, we'll give them a few bucks so they can make more glue statues and whatnot. If they lose, they have to get a real job.
Me, I'd love to go into the corner with some elite who's never done an honest days work in his life. Hey, Mr. Glass Jaw, meet Mr. Elbow! Now that would be alot of fun.

Good luck with the elektion!

Mikey