Last week I challenged you to come up with a reconstruction of the conversations Islanders owner Charles Wang alluded to on the day he kicked Mike Milbury upstairs:
“Even prior to our current slump, Mike and I had been discussing the next phase for him. I have often challenged him about what he wanted to do when he grows up. Yesterday, Mike came to me and selflessly said that the time had come for a change in the general manager’s seat."
It wasn't exactly a blizzard of entries -- frankly, judging by the lack of response, I think haiku is more up your alley -- but thanks to my own hell week with computers and the confusion it created in my tiny head, we have two winnah winnah chicken dinnahs: Gary Figueira of Toronto and blogdom star Eric McErlain (Off Wing Opinion, of course) down in D.C. and environs.
Gentlemen, I have bobbleheads for you and you will be contacted. To everyone else who entered, thank you and come again! I'll make it easier next time, promise.
And here they are, the winning entries -- first Eric's, which is also available at his blog here:
Charles Wang (CW): [Searching inside the Nassau Coliseum] Michael, where are you hiding? Come out, I've got something I want to talk to you about. Michael?
Mike Milbury (MM): Yes, Mr. Wang. [Climbing out from behind home team bench, hair and clothes dishevled with a shoe in his right hand.]
CW: Michael, what are you doing down there? And where's Steve?
MM: He broke my wooby. So I took off his shoe and beat him with it until he went away.
CW: Oh no, Michael, not again! How many times is this going to happen? Did you get hurt this time?
MM: Not really, Steve didn't put up as much of a fight as Peter did.
CW: Peter, Lorne, Butch, Bill, Steve or Rick, what does it matter? You never seem to be able to get along with any of your playmates. [Shakes his head] That's it, I've made up my mind. If you can't share it's time to grow up and let somebody else play with the wooby, Michael!
MM: [SCREAMS and CRIES] NOOOOOOOOOO!
CW: [STERN] Stop it Michael, there's no crying in ice hockey and you know that. Besides, you've had the wooby for 10 years now and you should give somebody else a chance.
MM: [SNIFFLES and WIPES HIS NOSE] I'm sorry.
CW: That's ok Michael. If I can forgive you for the Yashin contract I can forgive anything. Did you really think you would play with the wooby forever?
MM: [PLEADING] But what will I do? Are you going to send me away like I sent away Todd and Brian and Zdeno and Raffi and Olli and Roberto?
CW: [SHAKES HEAD AND SMILES] No, I'd never do that. You know that lifetime employment is a guarantee with me.
MM: [SIGHS, RELIEVED] But if I can't have my wooby, what job will I have?
CW: [PONDERS] Would you like to run an Arena Football team?
MM: That might be fun...
CW: How would you like to build a new arena for the wooby?
MM: [GETTING EXCITED] Yeah...Would you let me play with the wooby in Bridgeport?
CW: Sure, if you want to! Why, I'll even let you watch the Long Island wooby at the practice rink, as long as you promise to leave Brad alone...
MM: [NODDING] You know Mr. Wang, I think it's time for me to give up the wooby. I think it's best for me, and I think it's best for you too. I've had it too long, and it's time to grow up.
CW: [SMILES] Michael, I'm so proud of you! To come to such a decision all on your own, you're really growing up. Now let's go tell the media about your decision.
MM: [LAYS HEAD ON CW's SHOULDER] One more thing, Mr. Wang...
CW: What's that Michael?
MM: Can I have a raise?
CW: Don't push it, kid.
[FADE TO BLACK]
Fantastic stuff there, full of pathos, naked ambition and Adam Sandler as Milbury.
Now it's on to Gary's entry, a gritty, Mametesque journey into the heart of darkness that is the Islanders' home rink:
Charles: Mike, as you know, I am worth kazillions of dollars but because of your work I get a huge tax writeoff for the Islanders. Thanks.
Mike: Uh, thanks Charles, I guess.
Charles: Mike, what exactly were you thinking in giving away Spezza for that soft, overpaid floater Yashin ? Did you not scout him in the Leafs/Senators playoff series since we were not playing, again?
Mike: Charles, I was hoping he would do better in a lower pressure environment.
Charles: Mike, I don't want to insult your intelligence, but weren't Luongo, McCabe, Redden and half the #$%&# Canadian Olympic team on our team at one time?
Mike: Well it's hard to project how players will turn out, Charles.
Charles: Project this Mike, see ya, adios, bye bye, sayonara, au revoir, and you know those pictures you have with me and that sheep, well they are worthless now because I'll just say they are digitally enhanced when you show them to the press.