World Cup Joke

Ron Smith of Rio sends this one along:

Assunto: Brazil v. England

It is just before England v. Brazil at the World Cup. Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important, but it's only England. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered."

Ronaldinho looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub." So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself, and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints, they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)." He's beating England all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now-let's see how he got on." They put the teletext on. "Result from the Stadium - Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1 (Owen 89 minutes)". They can't believe it-he has single-handedly got a draw against England!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes..."

Day 14: In delay comes opportunity

FRANKFURT, Germany

Ageism: 32 Mundial years added (triple play yesterday: one game, one match, a T-shirt and something I forgot from Goppingen: a sliding cow in a vial. I don't know how else to describe it, just a little cow thingy in a vial of liquid that slides up and down as you tilt it. J.E. Skeets was asking for something small from here, if it was possible -- J.E., I do believe this is it).

Pallor: Gold, red and green

Forecast: Cloudy and cool (Yay!)   

On my way to Nuremberg, it came as a bit of a shock: The train was delayed an hour. So the trains don’t always run on time here. Fancy that.

SAKCHAI LALIT/AP

Rajabhat Ayuthaya University team players play a friendly againt a team of elephants near Bangkok, Thailand. The match was held as a campaign against illegal gambling during the World Cup. But seriously, 10 Euros on Beckham's side.

In every delay, though, there comes opportunity. I’d made a detour by the betting shop on my way beforehand, only to see it closed – what a drag. I really wanted to pop 5 euros apiece on Ghana and the Czech Republic to win today. Ghana is missing two important players, but I still think Essien and Appiah are better than anyone on the U.S. side. And Italy will have their hands full against the Czechs. But the place was shut. Nothing worse than mind bets, I thought as I walked away: lose ‘em, and you forget ‘em. Win ‘em, and you’re kicking yourself in the ass all night.
But the news of the 60-minute delay got me going back, down the Kaiserstrasse, the main drag out of the train station and the place for Frankfurt’s desultory red-light district: home of the Dolly Buster, Sex World and Beate Uhse International, a cardboard cutout of an almost lifelike naked woman holding a soccer ball in the window. A more seedy block would be hard to find.
When I got back, the bet shop three blocks from the station had just opened. For the first time I was greeted as a regular – degenerate gamblers speak a universal language. “Fussball there,” said one earlybird, pointing to the other side of the room where a stack of fresh sheets lay.
Well, Kuopio PS are heavy favourites in Finland, and FC Dundalk is 1-to-5 in Ireland -- I'll pass, thanks. I found the Weltmeisterschaft and took the sheet over to the spiky-haired fellow working the window. I wanted Ghana and the Czechs to win – 5 euros apiece – and asked for the latest odds. He looked them up on the computer: Ghana were a shade under 6-to-5. That’s good enough. He punched the ticket. Then came the Czechs – Tschechien, as they're called here.
“There,” he said, pointing at the number. 4.00, it read – 3-to-1 odds, the Germans having that annoying habit of including your dollar in the figure on the board.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, his eyes as wide as mine. “I think I also play them.”
“Is good, no?”
“Yes. Is very good. Everybody bet Italy. But Milan Baros is back, Jan Koller too. Tschechien is good.”

KAI-UWE KNOTH/AP

Italy will have their hands full with the "Czech-Men".

I don’t know about that, but I know a bet when I see one. 3-to-1 on the Czechs is a gold-plated overlay.
“Make it 20 euros,” I said.
He didn’t bat an eye, hitting the button with gusto. Like I said, degenerates speak a universal language. With the deficit at 15 euros to the bad no thanks to Monday's ill-fated try, it's time to get back in the black.
Back in the train station, I went to the Die Bahn office to make a reservation for the train back from Munich Saturday night, after the Germany-Sweden game. An old German man tried to butt into the line in front of me. “Nein!” I said, stepping in front of him -- hey, everybody else here would do the same, as I've noticed. We had a bit of a wait in line, and how the guy complained about that! I could still hear him grousing as I got the reservation.
I still had 45 minutes to kill, so I went back out to Kaiserstrasse and stopped at a kiosk to buy some gum. The fellow in the booth was working very slow indeed, so we had a bit of a wait. And the guy behind me starting singing in a thick German accent:

“He’s a real Nowhere Man
He’s a real Nowhere Man
He’s a real Nowhere, nowhere ma-a-n”

He sang this over and over. Either he didn't know the words, or didn't care.
I got my gum, and I turned to him. He was about 6-foot-5, wearing a red bandana and a nose ring. He had a dog on a leash who stood placidly at his side – a German shepherd, naturally.
After yesterday’s zombie walk, this was actually turning into a really good day, and I couldn’t resist. I sang right back to him:

"He’s a real Nowhere Man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for no-body.”

He brightened up. Smiled and nodded. “Yes,” he said. We shook hands, and I was off to the train station again, this time to wait for the train and Ghana-USA.
An overlay in the pocket. Nothing like it.

On to the usual:

Thursday’s games

Italy 2, Czech republic 0. Azzurri finish top of group with their most comprehensive effort yet against 10-man Czech team that's going home. Next up for Italy: runner up to Brazil Monday at 10 am in Toronto.
Ghana 2, USA 1. Ragged but intense game swings on terrible penalty call in stoppage time of first half, Stephen Appiah connecting on spot kick for the winner. Elation for Black Stars and their supporters, desolation for USA. Next up for Ghana, in their first finals, is mighty Brazil Tuesday at 10 am in Toronto. Said Ghana coach Ratomir Dujkovic on their opponent: "We will make them suffer." That'll be hard, with Michael Essien suspended for picking up his second yellow here.
Brazil 4, Japan 1. Ronaldo poaches one and grabs another with a turn and a shot to move into a tie with Gerd Mueller for the World Cup's all-time top scorer at 14 goals. Brazil caps an undefeated run through the group and now has to get ready for the Black Stars.
Croatia 2, Australia 2. Another surprise, the Aussies coming back here to earn a precious point that gives them second in the group and sets up a Monday date (10 a.m. in Toronto) with Italy -- and for those of you with not so long memories, Socceroos coach Guus Hiddink was the guy who masterminded South Korea's dispatch of the Azzurri four years ago. Well, him and the ref, according to some.

Friday’s menu

Ukraine vs Tunisia. Ukraine really should be playing to win this game, although a draw would probably see them through. Here’s Sheva: 'No way does it mean we'll be playing for a draw. I don't think any player who goes out ever plays for a draw because he knows how that can end up.” There’s nothing to be worried about on the other side of the grid for the next round, or here either. Expecting a couple from Shevchenko and one more for good measure against a shaky Tunisian defence. Ukraine 3, Tunisia 1.
Saudi Arabia vs Spain. Spain have clinched spot in second round and will probably rest a bunch. They still have a large class edge against one of the least impressive sides here relative to their resources. Spain 2, Saudi Arabia 0.
Switzerland vs South Korea. Co-leaders in the group: Winner finishes on top, but if it’s a draw Swiss advance on goal differential. There won’t be a lot of fireworks, but it should be tight, taut match. Tough call. Switzerland 1, South Korea 1.
Togo vs France. French need a win to have chance to go through and win by more than a couple if the other group game is a draw, and Mikael Silvestre goes in to the defence for this one. But they’re missing Zinedine Zidane (suspension) and they have been unconvincing. Thierry Henry got them their first finals goal since 1998 last out, but his other noteworthy contribution came in his ripping of young teammate Franck Ribery. Zidane will be missed, yes, but not Henry. Togo, meantime, are a shambles, but at least they got paid. France 1, Togo 0.

I am a World Cup Zombie

GELSENKIRCHEN, Germany

Roll over: 8:57.
Up.
Check Crackberry.
Shower, shave, take meds.
Check Crackberry.
Out door 9:25. left. Right. Right. Left.
Wait for stoplight. Don't dare cross street without being double sure no one's trying to peel the orange.
Check Crackberry.
Cross street. Two blocks. Be confronted again by billboard showing 11 naked men with their backs to the camera. Make mental note not to go into that shop.

Chris wakes up, looks out the window, ponders another day.

Cross street. Avoid oncoming bus that shows no signs of slowing down. Schnell.
Right. Left into train station.
Right on to platform. Me likey train station.
Die Bahn office. No reservations available for train.
Exhale. Grit teeth. Gird loins (whatever that means).
Check Crackberry.
Newsstand. Limit myself to two newspapers that I might get around to reading – Guardian, Independent today, 6 euros.
Wait in line to greet cheerful woman at cash who could build the Taj Mahal with all the money she’s making on the papers.
Market. Buy breakfast: bottle of water, peach.
Kiosk. Chocolate.
Train platform. First leg to Cologne.
Check Crackberry. Repeat.
Coffee cart on train.
Off at Cologne. Switch to train to Gelsenkirchen.
Train 10 minutes late. Platform jammed with Mexican and Portuguese fans – edge, Mexico, surprisingly. As usual, everyone’s checking the accreditation badge that hangs around my neck going down to belt level.
A woman in Mexican colours with a slight grin points at the badge. “Yes, yes,” I say, “Canada.”
“No, no,” she says, pointing a little lower.
Look down. Er.
Zip up fly (yes, this really did happen).
Nod to woman.
Train arrives. Platforms jammed. I’m at back of the group and already they’re spilling out of the door. German train official waves to us. Down at the other end, she’s pointing.
Run to other end to – jammed car.
Check Crackberry.
Get on car. Stand with 10 others in little part of train between cars and the seating area.
Sweat.
Check Crackberry.
Off in Gelsenkirchen. Follow signs: “Media Shuttle.”
On media bus. Traffic jam.
Arrive at media entrance: 1:45.
Security guy checks bag. Well, he looks at it.
Into media centre at 1:55 for -- wait, let me check -- yes, it's Portugal vs. Mexico today.
Check Crackberry.
Check fly.

Day 13: Service with a smile

GELSENKIRCHEN, Germany

Ageism: 28 Mundial years added (one more day added from yesterday, plus a souvenir terrycloth Germany wristband that was handed out in Goppingen’s little Kornhausplatz where I watched the game)

Pallor: Red, green, gold and white

Forecast: Breezy, cloudy, light rain

Yesterday I was in Goppingen (for the column off that day, go here), Juergen Klinsmann’s hometown, about half an hour down the train tracks from Stuttgart (Wikipedia notes that the Germany coach made a short-lived, secret comeback in 2003 for a Southern California developmental league team, putting his name down as “Jay Goppingen”).
The town itself is pretty small, about 25,000, and 4,000 or so were at the Konhausplatz watching the game on a big-screen TV. It was the usual scene of flags and face paint and cheers. But away from the games and the cheering, what’s been most noticeable here is that as the Germany team has done well, people really seem to have loosened up with each victory.
There was a lot of apprehension here two weeks ago about how they would do – they’re doing very well, and with the home-country advantage building I’d put them right up there with Argentina, Spain and yes, maybe even Brazil as teams I think have played well enough or have enough back class to indicate they could win this thing.
Perhaps it was the small-town atmosphere away from the big cities on game days, but Goppingen seemed an especially friendly place. I nipped into a stationary store to buy a notepad. As usual it was baking hot – that’s the other story here, the sultry weather arriving on opening day and it really hasn’t left, and one of the things I also did yesterday was get a haircut just to have a little less up top in the way of insulation --and my shirt was soaked through with sweat. The woman at the cash spoke no English, but she gave me this worried look and abruptly ran off. She re-appeared a minute later with a bottle of water and poured me a cup, then another. Now that is service with a smile.
On to today’s usual:

Wednesday’s games

Netherlands 0, Argentina 0. Dreary. Argentina wins group, face Mexico in second round. Dutch to face Holland Portugal (thanks Pete) in what looks like a pretty tasty one.
Ivory Coast 3, Serbia & Montenegro 2. Comeback consolation win for the Ivorians.
Portugal 2, Mexico 1. Roof closed at Verlins-Arena, although that rain I mentioned earlier had gone by the time the game started (they're worried about shadows for the TV pictures, msotly). Mexican fans on the train are pretty cool about it, despite missing a penalty and playing with 10 men for the final half hour. Portugal finish top of group and they haven't lost yet -- they're playing very well and whoever they get next it should be a good one.
Iran 1, Angola 1. I didn't see this, but it caps a very good tournament for Angola -- two draws and a bare 1-0 defeat to former colonial master Portugal.

Thursday’s menu

Czech Republic vs Italy. Italy’s in a tight spot, needing a draw to be assured of advancing and will be playing it cagey here. Fabio Cannavaro, in the Guardian: “We have to start to be the cynical Italians. The secret to going a long way in the tournament is to … rediscover some of the typical defensive approach found in Italian football culture.” Uh-oh. Italy 0, Czech Republic 0.
Ghana vs USA. USA need to win coupled with an Italy win. That’s too tough an exactor against Michael Essien & Co., who looked pretty good last out. Ghana 2, United States 1.
Japan vs Brazil. Japan have a very outside shot, but they need to win by a bunch and get help from Croatia. Ain’t going to happen against a Brazil side that has yet to flash its best but are still unbeaten. Brazil 3, Japan 0.
Croatia vs Australia. This should be a doozy, Croatia needing a win to go through and Aussies just after a draw. Give Oz the slight edge due to that guy in the coach’s box, Hiddink. But really, this could go either way. Australia 1, Croatia 1.

Day 12: Two Canadians at the World Cup

STUTTGART, Germany

Ageism: 26 Mundial years added
Pallor: Black, red and gold
Forecast: Warm, flag waving

On the platform at Stuttgart station, the old-school Canucks T-shirt was a dead giveaway.
“Sprechen Sie Englisch?” I ask him.
“Yup,” he answers from his wheelchair.
“Where’d you get your shirt?”
“Vancouver. That’s where I’m from.”
You meet people from all over the world here. Even Canada. Turns out Melvin Unruh and his brother Dustin are grizzled vets of this kind of thing, having ventured to England to hang out during the ’02 World Cup and made it to Portugal for Euro ’04. But being in a wheelchair presents special situations getting in and out of places – especially crowded places like World Cup stadiums and train stations.
“Edmonton lost,” says Dustin. May as well get the important news out of the way first. If his brother’s shirt wasn’t enough confirmation, the grin on his face as he delivers the news nailed down where the allegiances lie.
The Unruh brothers got here on Saturday. Monday night they were in Stuttgart getting a bit of rain on their parade. They’re on their way to Munich, and the Ivory Coast against Serbia & Montenegro. Thursday it’ll be back here for Aussies against Croatia, and Saturday back home.
I can’t imagine trying to negotiate my way through the crowds here in a wheelchair. I mention the chaotic, crushing scene outside Kaiserslautern station on Sunday night, for example.
“You take care of it all in advance with the train people, and so far it’s worked out okay for me,” says Melvin. “The wheelchair seating is usually pretty good at games. It’s usually quite low, so you don’t really see the perspective you get from above, but it sure is close. You can really see the incredible technique at this level.”
For Spain-Tunisia, he was a little concerned coming in to the stadium. “There was a big crush of people, but it’s good to have a big guy with me. He sort of clears the way.”
“I sat in the row behind him last night,” says 31-year-old Dustin. “I usually end up sitting like that.”
Melvin is 33. He suffered a broken neck playing hockey 15 years ago, checked into the boards from behind, and has been in the chair since. It hasn’t prevented him from enjoying the World Cup. Among the visitors, some are here for sport and some for travel – these guys fit into both categories.
“I’ve never been to Germany, so this is great,” he said. “Portugal was great too. We just went down to the Algarve and stayed there.”
For the Spain game the wheelchair section was quite low, in the first row, behind the running track that circles the cavernous stadium. “Not a great place to watch the game, but not bad. We got rained on a bit.”
It was nothing to compare with Euro 2004, and the Dutch-Sweden quarterfinal that went to penalties. When Melvin got to his wheelchair spot, it was right at the corner flag. When Ruud van Nistlerooy came over to take a couple of corners, Melvin actually had to move his chair to make room for him. “I thought it was weird, Ruud taking corners, he’s such a big target guy and that’s why I remember it so well. Larsson took a couple, too. And Davids. Oh yes. Edgar Davids. That was cool.”
The Die Bahn fellow in charge of special requests comes by. “B,” he says, pointing to the spot up the platform where the train to Munich will have a special lift to get him on the train.
“Germany’s pretty good,” Melvin says. “Everything’s pretty accessible. We kinda scrambled to get here, we ordered our tickets online a long time ago and only a month ago did we get notice that we were going to get in. Then you have to fax in the wheelchair seating request. We actually asked each other – do we really want to go? And of course we did. And it’s been great.”
Then he’s wheeled on to the lift and Dustin climbs aboard behind him with the luggage. Off to Munich.

Tuesday’s games (will be updated)

Germany 3, Ecuador 0. A quick goal by Miroslav Klose then another just before the half -- a real pretty piece of work it was, Ballack flicking to him and the Polish-born Klose flicking over the onrushing 'keeper while he shrugged off a defender, then an easy tap-in -- and this one was academic. Germany has looked better each time out, and as the home team, they have to be respected to go deep now, unbeaten and very confident. Germany wins the group, Ecuador No. 2.
Poland 2, Costa Rica 1. Good to see the Poles bounce back and grab a consolation. I didn't see this one, having been fixed on Germany-Ecuador.
Paraguay 2, Trinidad & Tobago 0. Apologies to all, but I was on a train and I didn't see this one. So I really have nothing to say, but by all means, let me know.
England 2, Sweden 2. Jammy English finish top of group, avoid matchup everyone wanted. Is there a phonier top-of-group team out there? I'd like to know.

Wednesday’s menu

Netherlands vs Argentina. Dutch to rest six starters, including Arjen Robben. Cool fact of the day: Argentina coach Jose Pekerman owns three pets named for each of the youth tournaments he won: Qatar, Malaysia, Argentina. Argentina 3, Netherlands 1.
Ivory Coast vs Serbia & Montenegro. This could get a little ugly, the unlucky Ivorians in against a side that’s disappointed. Ivory Coast 2, Serbia & Montenegro 1.
Portugal vs Mexico. A draw will see Portugal through top of the group; Mexico wins, and they get the group No. 1, but attacker Jared Borgetti is injured. Portugal 3, Mexico 1.
Iran vs Angola. Angola’s already overachieved here, and have a very outside chance to go through to second round. Iran’s impressed no one, but they have scored a goal. Iran 1, Angola 1.

Day 11: The forecast: a day for upsets

COLOGNE, Germany

Ageism: 25 Mundial years added
Pallor: Grey, like the sky over Frankfurt this morning
Forecast: Upset special

The last two days were the toughest turnaround yet: an early-morning train yesterday to Munich, a game, then back and home this morning, an hour late into Frankfurt station at 3:30 a.m. Sitting on the patio having a glass of wine half an hour later, listening to the birds – they don’t sleep around here – at a World Cup, there are very few moments of peaceful repose like that. Perfect time for hatching a plan.

KEVORK DJANSEZIAN/AP

On the patio with a drink - time to hatch a plan.

To the betting shop! Afraid it’s the best I can do. Blogs have to take it easy some times.
On the prowl for upsets, there are a couple of juicy numbers on the board today. First, seven euros on the crazy, dissension-ridden camp from Togo to pull it together and win over Switzerland at just under 8-to-1, and a 3-euro backup on the draw at 3-to-1. Next, the same approach: Hard-working Saudis to beat a very ordinary Ukraine team (at least in their opener), also just under 8-to-1, also 7 euros; a 3-euro saver on the draw at 3.35-1. So far, the ledger is at +5 euros, after a winning play on Korea last week, with a 10-euro ticket on the Netherlands to win it all.
I’m on my way to Cologne this afternoon, to check in on England training for tomorrow, when there may well be another betting opportunity on the Swedes.

Monday’s games (will be updated)

Switzerland 2, Togo 0. So I blow my dough, although the Togolese might have stole a point if they could have finished (or perhaps that just my spent euros talking). Every time the cameras showed Togo coach Otto Pfister, he was raging at someone. These guys much just HATE him.
Ukraine 4, Saudi Arabia 0. A mismatch on the field. A bad call at the betting windows. And Ukraine are right back into the mix of the final group.
Spain 3, Tunisia 1. Down 0-1 at the half, Raul comes on -- and scores. Open season from there. They look good, put 'em down beside Argentina, Brazil, even the Dutch as your top contenders, and they'll play either of South Korea, Switzerland or France next -- and off the early numbers, they'll smoke any of them.

Tuesday’s menu

Ecuador v Germany. Ecuador has been a real surprise here, already through to the knockouts and their goal differential better than Germany’s, so the hosts need to win to finish top of group – and off the evidence, their brightness and home support gives them the edge here. Germany 2, Ecuador 1.
Costa Rica v Poland. Means nothing, both teams heading home after this one. A hunch that the Ticos’ attack-first approach might give them an edge against a Poland team that seem to be quite down. Costa Rica 2, Poland 1.
Paraguay v Trinidad & Tobago. T & T have worked hard, and may be a play at the shop. Neither team have scored yet – in the entire group, only four goals have been scored and three of them have been England’s. Paraguay 1, Trinidad & Tobago 1.
England v Sweden. England going in at half-speed without Gerrard and Crouch, and Lampard’s on a tight leash. Sweden have been pretty ordinary so far. But they have a technical edge here and haven’t lost to the English since 1968. Sweden 2, England 1.

Day 10: Getting out of Kaiserslautern

En route to MUNICH, Germany

Ageism: 23 Mundial years added (12 days, 7 matches, 3 souvenirs, 1 departure from Saigon Kaiserslautern)
Pallor: Canary yellow
Forecast: Sunny and samba

Getting out of Kaiserslautern last night was a hideous mess from the time the whistle blew on Italy-USA to the moment I stepped off the train in Frankfurt, feeling ready to kiss the polished floor. But it was 3:30 a.m., and I’m sure my early-morning breath would’ve melted marble, so I demurred.
Kaiserslautern is a fabled place in German soccer, the stadium named for Fritz Walter, hero of the 1954 World Cup-winning West Germany side dubbed the Miracle of Bern (check out the 2003 film, it's great) and credited with delivering the first jolt of postwar positive news here. At the game, there was a moment’s silence in the memory of Walter, who died four years ago to the day. The stadium has quite a vantage point, up on a mountain, as it’s called, although it’s more like a very large hill looking down on the city.
After the 1-1 draw, it was gridlock outside the stadium. In a town of 107,000, smallest host city at the World Cup, imagine 46,000 people attending a sports event out at the town’s jewel, and there’s only one single-lane road leading down to the town. So we got out of the media bus after 10 minutes and about 30 feet covered, and walked. Twenty minutes later we were in town, which looked like the world’s biggest frat party had just ended. There was garbage everywhere, people passed out or looking glassy-eyed – there had been tens of thousands more without tickets, watching on the big screen in the centre of the city.

JORGE SANEZ/AP

The scene at the train station in Kaiserslautern before Italy-U.S. much more quiet than after the game.

At the two bars outside the train station they’d run out of beer and water. And outside the station we got caught in a huge crush waiting to go inside – the police, in an attempt to avoid overcrowding on the platforms, were letting people in only a clump at a time through two very narrow doorways. When our time came, the funnel effect made for the scariest moment of this entire time here – far scarier than Dortmund last week, where the police did a fine job of containing the hoolies and getting everyone safely from stadium to station.
“This is dangerous!” I yelled at one of the officers standing back watching as we were swept inside the doors.
“Yes, I know!” he replied with a grin. Perfectly accented English, too.
The rest of it was pretty mundane, in a hectic, sardine-can kind of way: a jammed train platform, a mad sprint down to the other end to get to my car, a jammed train where I had to kick someone out of my reserved seat, and finally, setting up and writing a column on the laptop while the babble around never ceased, but at least everyone seemed relatively sober.
Nice place to visit, Kaiserslautern. But I wouldn’t want to get out of there again.
Now for the usual, as I roll down toward Brazil-Australia for today's dose of craziness:

Sunday’s games (will be updated)

Japan 0, Croatia 0. Their first points, but not a good outcome for either side, leaving them with needing a W in their final game to have a hope of advancing. Given the scoreline, you'd think otherwise, but there were some good chances.
Brazil 2, Australia 0. It's a sultry 30C under hot sun here, but the Brazilians wait until late to heat it up. Off that last half hour, out-of-sorts Ronaldo gone to the bench for most of it, I'd say yes, the Selecao have arrived and may well get better.
France v South Korea.

Monday’s menu

Togo v Switzerland. Another matchup of traditional rivals -- and what a matchup. Togo is considered Africa’s capital of magic and the Swiss make great clocks. I like the Togolese pair of Adebayor and Kader, but not so much coach Otto Pfister, first guy to ever coach a World Cup game wearing jeans, an open-neck shirt and a medallion around his neck. Frankly, I have no idea here but the Swiss didn’t particularly impress in their start, so let’s say a draw. Switzerland 1, Togo 1.
Saudi Arabia v Ukraine. You have to think Ukraine can show better here after getting bollocked by Spain and, later, their coach. Ukraine 2, Saudi Arabia 1.
Spain v Tunisia. Spanish flowed like sweetest Sangria in opener. This figures to be entertaining, but perhaps one-sided. Spain 3, Tunisia 1.

Quote of the Day

"I wasn't aiming at him, I was aiming at the bastard next to him." Brazil's Robinho, apologizing for kicking the ball at Brazil TV camera man.

Get the Lederhosen Out

KAISERSLAUTERN, Germany

Those orange overalls I scored yesterday in Stuttgart? Turns out the lederhosen were an ambush marketing ploy, and some Dutch fans were forced to watch the game in their ginch:

The Netherlands supporters all turned up in garish orange lederhosen displaying the name of Dutch brewery Bavaria and were ordered to remove them by stewards before being allowed to enter the Gottlieb-Daimler-Stadion.
They then went into the match and watched it in their underwear.
Anheuser Busch's Budweiser is the official beer for the tournament and world soccer's governing body fiercely protects its sponsors from brands which are not FIFA partners.

Big deal. Tomorrow I'll be at Brazil-Australia, and having seen my share of Carnival fashions and been in Sydney when the Gay Pride Parade was on, I expect to see a fair share of underwear in the stands.

For now, it's Italy vs USA at Kaiserslautern. Coming up on the train, everyone was fully clothed. But as we saw yesterday, that could change.

The odds board changes

En route to KAISERSLAUTERN, Germany

Well, there was a completely different feeling to Frankfurt today. Next to our apartment is a Persian restaurant that’s quite good – there are lots of Iranians in our neighbourhood – and three generations were sitting down at the four benches in front for a lunchtime meal before Iran – Team Melli – were to play Portugal out at the Waldstadion. Downtown was roiling with fans from the two nations, young bucks draped in the Iranian flag walking around with cans of lager next to older women dressed traditionally. It’s moments like these that you see at the World Cup that sound kinda trite, but they really are powerful.

Some notes, meanwhile, from my latest trip to the betting shop, where I cashed my ticket from the Korea-Togo game earlier this week:

Brazil remain favourites, but they’ve drifted up ever so slightly to 2.80 to 1.
Argentina have been cut in half, from 9 to 1 when we arrived last week to 4.25 to 1. On the odds board, anyway, this is now a two-horse race, Brazil no longer the clear favourite.
Netherlands, who I got at 14-to-1, are down to 10-1.
Germany started at 8.50 to 1, are down to 7-1.
Czech Republic were 32 to 1, now down to 24-1.
Spain (16.5 last week) down to 10-1.
As for today’s matches, I passed. Thought about playing the Ghana-Czech Republic draw, but it was a sickly 5 to 2 proposition.
Next stop, Kaiserslautern.

Day 9: The World Cup of Laundry

FRANKFURT, Germany

Ageism: 20 Mundial years added (11 days, 6 matches, 3 souvenirs)
Pallor: Blue and white
Forecast: Blessed relief, it’s cooled off

Big day here.
Laundry day!
Came after another big day yesterday. The cleaning lady came and the place looks livable again. They even brought extra towels, after spending the last week drying myself off with a dishcloth and toilet paper.
What is it with European showers? Ours is a tub with a flimsy little pane of plexiglass extending up and about three feet out from the wall, only halfway covering the tub. Take a shower, and most of the water ends up on the floor, the mirrors, out in the hall.
This is a grand old building otherwise, with a leafy courtyard in the back where I take my morning beer -- I mean, coffee (just kidding about the beer, but go in the train station at 8 a.m. and there are people actually downing sausage and drinking beer, the World Cup’s breakfast of champions).
According to our local rental agency guy, the area here near the Main River, about five minutes’ walk to the main train station, was spared the worst of bombing during World War II. So we’re actually in one of those places that is an intact, pre-WW II building, which you don't find too often.
It took most of the morning to figure out how the washing machines in the basement work. Like the TV, there’s no simple idiot-proof “power” switch. Instead there’s a sequence that requires some mental dexterity, which is not exactly a strong point when you’ve added 20 Mundial years to your life. Through trial and error, it was figured out. We have laundry! Hup, Hup!
Remember that old show The Odd Couple? We’re sort of living it here. There’s Brunt of the Globe and there’s me, the gnarly old farts given to T-shirts and jeans, and on Thursday night, the sartorially splendid, younger and much hipper Cathal Kelly rolled in to bunk on a cot in the living room for a few nights.
Cathal showed me the ropes, as he usually does. This is a guy who’s already spent 1,000 Euros here on a blue pinstripe linen suit. I dare him to put that on his expense account.
“That’s too much soap,” he said. “I can tell who does the washing at your house.”
One more thing: Happy birthday, Jessica. I miss you, I love you, have a great day - and oh, almost forgot, I’ve got a pair of bright orange overalls with a tail on ‘em for you.
I’m on my way to Kaiserslautern for Italy-USA later today, Cathal’s staying in Frankfurt for Portugal-Iran. Here’s the daily lineup (oh, and I don’t wanna gloat too much, Jlo, but I did call that Mexico-Angola draw yesterday. I know that’s blind pig meeting acorn stuff, but c’mon!):

Saturday’s games (will be updated)

Portugal 2, Iran 0. The good news: Forca! Portugal get a couple of second-half goals and they're guaranteed of a spot in the knockout stage now. The bad news: They'll have to play either Argentina or the Netherlands when they get there.
Ghana 2, Czech Republic 0. Shock result, but this was no fluke. Ghana played amazing atacking footy, grabbed an early goal, then added another one late against Czechs, who were reduced to 10 men in the 66th minute. Depending on what happens later, this one could really throw the group into a cocked hat. The game of the tournament, end to end, and Peter Cech in the Czech goal faced more shots than he did all season at Chelsea -- at least, it sure seemed that way.
Italy 1, USA 1. A glorious shambles of a game, Italy down to 10 men then US down to 9. Americans hang on gamely, Italy fail to press as resolutely as they could have with that advantage. Casey Keller makes the save of the tournament on Del Piero in alone, and now the group is all mixed up: Italy 4 points, Czech Republic 3, Ghana 3, USA 1. The last set for this group on Thursday. Too many things to go over here - I gotta get to work.

Sunday’s menu

Japan v Croatia. I really have no idea here. But I have to make a pick and I think that ol’ Zico has finally run out of ideas. Croatia 1, Japan 0.
Brazil v Australia. I’m going to stick with my samba-hatin’. But with chubba-chub Ronaldo getting a clean bill of health and the rest of ‘em smarting after a so-so opener, the poor ‘Roos could well be up against it, but I’m really looking forward to this one, I’ll be at it and it should be one helluva party. Brazil 3, Australia 1.
France v South Korea. Oh, merdre! Allez’s Got the Bleus! Okay, okay, I’ll fermez le bouche now. South Korea 1, France 1.

Quote of the day

"We're not in a coma yet." United States coach Bruce Arena, giving it the old rah-rah-rah before facing Italy.