Into the Weekend, and looking ahead

Time to wrap it up here, and a little programming note: Starting Monday and running through Wednesday's season opener, stop by the NHL Bloggers Roundtable, where James Mirtle, Chris McMurtry, Lyle Richardson and Tom Luongo (we've got the Northeast Division covered, anyway) will join me in a look at the season ahead. Have a good weekend all, but not before:

One last read. Pete Rose has been named No. 1 Hometown Hero in a poll of Cincinnati Reds fans, and here's Paul Daugherty in the Cincinnati Enquirer (Catch via Sportspages):

Maybe it's nothing but a bunch of Pete fanatics, wearing out their cells' redial. Maybe Pete fans took home stacks of ballots and lined them up on the drill press in the basement shop. Maybe my definition of a hero is a little different than those who punched up the Hit King. The three criteria from DHL were: 1) on-field performance; 2) leadership quality and; 3) character value.
Rose beat Bench. Maybe on the ballots at Great American Small Park, No. 3 was omitted accidentally.

One last vote. Still on ballots, Gameops.com Editor's blog is looking for nominations for Vendor of the Year, among other categories.

One last burp. Ingredients: 25 kilos of ground beef, two heads lettuce, 15 tomatoes, four onions, 35 cheese slices, 1 1/2 cups of mustard, one cup ketchup, four pickles, four jalapenoes on a custom-made bun. Yes, it's the World's Biggest Cheese Burger.

Sports around town. It's York hosting Toronto in the annual football mismatch Red & Blue Bowl up on the edge of Steeles, Saturday afternoon. And in the OHL, Brampton is home to Barrie tonight, and St. Mike's hosts Sudbury on Sunday afternoon.

Watching. Blue Jays at Yankees, Sunday, 1 p.m., Sportsnet. Two questions come to mind: Can the Jays finish in second place? Can this be called an improvement?

Punter's corner. Last chance for guest handicapper Jinks, who went an uninspiring one win, two losses and a couple of pushes last week with his recreational-purposes only choices of kibble vs. cookie. But everyone, and especially a dog, deserves a second chance:

Minnesota (+1) over BUFFALO. Obviously not impressed after eating the Bills biscuit last time.

Cleveland (-3) over OAKLAND. Just like a dawg, this one.

CINCINNATI (-6) over New England. One that we can both agree on.

CHICAGO (-3) over Seattle. Simply inhaled the kibble here. Not sure, but I think that's a best bet.

Green Bay (+11) over PHILADELPHIA. This is the weekly I'd-never-pick-this-one pick.

The 50 Worst Things to Happen to Sports: Part V

ASSOCIATED PRESS

Classic Hockey Hair. Classic fashion crime.

Time to wrap it up. But before that, a note of thanks to the crew (Spencer, Cathal, Raju, Mrs. JABS, Aneurin, John, Mark and Cathy) that I bounced this off, and contributed their ideas and even some submissions that made the cut. On to the final 10:

10 Soccer hooligans. Antisocial, alcoholic yobs with dental and obesity problems, but just developed up from microbes enough to destroy it for everybody. Other than that, just a fine bunch of blokes that’d blend in with any Raiders crowd.

9 No doubleheaders. An entire generation has grown up unwarmed by the prospect of doing a Ferris Bueller trip to the ballpark for a double dip (the '77 Jays played 16, for cryin' out loud), or actually watching a World Series game to the end. You reap what you sow, Bud.

8 Mullets. Did the mullet lead to hockey, or the other way around?

7 Home runs. At least, the home runs from about the time Jose Canseco came in through the 1998 McGwire-Sosa to Barry Bonds’ 73-homer season.

6 Pete Rose betting on baseball. And refusing to admit it for 15 years. Recently signed “I’m sorry I bet on baseball” autographed balls and got huffy when they ended up in an auction. To make matters worse: From Wikipedia, was "stink-faced" by Rishiki. (Not sure what that means, but it sounds terrible.)

5 ESPN. Nightly dunkathon highlight packages that have helped destroy hoops fundamentals, ESPies that celebrate and recycle those inane in-game celebrations, Chris Berman, chucklehead anchors, Bonds on Bonds AND Stump the Schwab.

4 Personal seat licenses. The ultimate cash grab - here’s your season ticket, after we pay them to sell it to us. If the team stinks, you’re stuck with it. And if they’re good, well, why would you want to get rid of it, ya sap?

No doubleheaders = No Ferris day at the park.

3 Pushy sports parents. Yelling at referees, threatening coaches and other parents, dreaming NHL/NBA/etc. dreams and riches while bullying kids who just wanna have fun: this is more than just losing the plot. It’s abuse.

2 Harold Ballard. Squeezed one storied franchise, let another one wither away, went to work on a third: In order, the Leafs, the Jr. A Marlboros, the Tiger-Cats. Transgressions from rascally rapacious (turned off the water when the Beatles came to the Gardens to sell more soda pop) to reptilian (the pedophilia ring that worked under his watch). Not just a local thing, but the most grotesque model of the dinosaur sports owner.

1 Steroids. “Money” is too diffuse to put in here (the lure of luchre is all over this list, actually). Other candidates fail the smell test for various reasons – the list is of the Worst Things to Happen TO Sports, not in sports (if it was the latter, Michael Jordan would be nowhere near it). Drugs -- stimulants, primarily -- have been around sports forever. But 'roids, and EPO, and HGH and the like have transformed the landscape, cast clouds of suspicion and outright rejection over a number of sports and had fatal consequences for users. Worst Thing to Happen to Sports? Absolutely. 

50-41 40-31 30-21 20-11

The 50 Worst Things to Happen to Sports: Part IV

Here we go again, the suspense building as we continue counting it down with this, the penultimate instalment:

ASSOCIATED PRESS

Willie gets creamed: Decline of civilization.

20 Adult autograph collectors.
19 Economic-impact studies. These new stadiums are all very, very good for us.
18 “Honky the Christmas Goose”. The line runs between this, the Super Bowl Shuffle and athletes-turned-rappers.
17 Pregame military displays. Air force fly-bys, the Grey Cup borne in aboard HMCS Vancouver - but what does this have to do with sports? (UPDATE/AMENDMENT: Thanks to Chris Clayton, who notes in the comments that a Navy team from Montreal won the 1944 Grey Cup, so indeed there is something to do with sports here.)
16 Third uniforms. A refined version of the biennial change-the-uni cash grab.
15 Cyndi Lauper. I blame her for the whole pro wrestling boom.
14 Super Bowl commercials. Useful as a barometer on the decline of western civilization.
13 Stadium naming rights. The U of Arizona Phoenix paid $154.5 million US to put its name on a stadium. Let me guess - the economic-impact study was just too glowing to resist (thanks to rpaterso47 for the fix).
12 All-sports talk radio. One of the guys who tore apart our kitchen listened to nothing but this. “I like it because I don’t have to think about anything,” he explained as he pulled apart the gas main.
11 Isiah Thomas. GMs wreaking havoc on a franchise are a dime a dozen. Zeke presided over the demise of a whole league. Good luck, Mr. Grunwald.

50-41 40-31 30-21

Grunwald to the Knicks

Just in, former Raptors GM Glen Grunwald announces he's on his way to the Knicks:

Believe me, this was not an easy decision. Among other things, I have had a really rewarding and fulfilling time here at the Board of Trade. It’s not often in life that you get to do a job where you know you are contributing to something so important.

However, I just could not pass up this opportunity to get back to the sport that I love and to rejoin my old friend Isiah Thomas in the NBA.

More on this as the day goes on, on the website, I'm sure.

The T.O. Show

Let's say this about Terrell Owens. He sure knows how to pick his advisers:

MIKE STONE/REUTERS

"When I see a man of his statue not responding..."

"Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive."

Of all the head-spinning elements to yesterday's story, it was good, in the end, to have gum-chewing, 911-dialing T.O. minder Kim Etheridge deliver the pithy soundbite and remind us what it was about, while providing a bookend to last year's presser on his lawn. Pro Football Talk's Rumor Mill (no permalink; popup alert) has some stuff if you're not TO'd out by now. My eyes tend to glaze over the mention of "Terrell-".

Meantime, and it's not really related, but here in Toronto, we've been led to believe (again) there are 1 billion reasons why the NFL should come here. And the story goes on.

Vaguely related: Did ESPN pipe in pro-Bush Sr. cheering to their broadcast of Monday's return-to-New-Orleans broadcast?

The 50 Worst Things to Happen to Sports: Part III

Like it or not, here we go again. Third take as the countdown continues:

Associated Press

The mascot smackdown.

30 Mascots. Yes, the kids love them. But does anyone else? The best moment in sports on film remains the mound conference in Bull Durham, Crash telling Nook - “Hit the mascot.”
29 Chris Berman. “Bert Be-Home-Blyleven” sounded cute -- but not for long.
28 ESPN Classic. I remember Brian Bosworth. I really don’t want to go back there, thanks.
27 Sportswriters doing TV. Watching them, you realize why they went into newspaper work.
26 Vince Lombardi. Not so much him, but the whole “coach as genius” mythology.
25 The FOX Puck. Hockey for morons.
24 The FOX robots. Football for idiots.
23 The FOX Joe Buck. A good baseball announcer turned Kewpie doll.
22 Jumbotrons. Gigantic video boards sell ads, tell you when to clap and turn everyone in camera range into waving, jumping idiots. But don’t expect any instant replays of a close call.
21 Michael Jordan. The template for the me-first NBA (and pro sports) star system AND a sports dilettante to boot. Plays poker, too.

50-41        40-31

Fergie's blog

The Leafs are preaching accessibility this year. And blogs.

Longtime broadcaster Joe Bowen has a blog. Former Sun columnist Mike Ulmer, too. Even John Ferguson Jr. And get this -- the latter blog is not bad at all, and as these house-organ offerings go pretty glowing.

Ferguson has never been good at articulating the vision thing. But even if this is not my full definition of a blog -- there are no links or comments, just to name a couple essentials on that list -- it was actually helpful to call it up and read JFJ's attempt to "explain our thinking" on the Leafs' latest round of cuts, especially 2006 first-rounder Jiri Tlusty:

Our first-rounder from last year Jiri Tlusty really impressed us. We were confident when we drafted him, but for him to come into an NHL camp and play the way he did was a real boost. He has good offensive skills, he plays with purpose, he blocks shots. Hockey people said he was a terrific all-around player and that’s exactly what we saw.
We are still considering the best place for Jiri to play this season. He can play junior in Sault Ste. Marie or with the Marlies. It’s probably rarer for a player to play in the AHL as an 18-year-old than it is in NHL. We have been talking to the people in the Soo who are very anxious to have him. Craig Hartsburg, the coach of the Canadian National Team coaches in the Soo. Wherever he plays he’ll develop well.

Other stuff gleaned from JFJ concerns Robbie Earl (not ready for the NHL) and Kris Newbury ("made an improved commitment ... to be in the best possible condition").

This is not exactly hard-hitting stuff, but it is an "improved commitment", and actually Ferguson has been posting more regularly than the other two I mentioned (which means that he is fulfilling another essential of blogdom -- post often). It'll be interesting to see how it goes through the season, when the inevitable tempests arise.

With the season started next week, the NHL preview bloggers' roundtable debuts on Monday, running three parts. John Ferguson Jr., the invitation to join is in the e-mail.

Related: After a fine rookie season, A Foot in the Crease is back with their weekly Leafs/NHL podcasts. Check 'em out.

The 50 Worst Things to Happen to Sports: Part II

Continuing with the countdown after yesterday's first take:

40 “You da man!” No, me be a man. You be a dink. "In the hole!" a close runner-up here.

Associated Press

Nebiolo, Blatter: Race you to the caviar table.

39 Poker. Began as lockout replacement programming. Endures, somehow, as the 2006 version of self-help success stories, slouching how-to and the latest in sunglass fashion.
38 Streaking. Never was much as a fad - it's soooo 1974 - but streaking as ambush marketing takes it to whole new depths.
37 Judges handing out marks for “artistic impression”. Although the Kiss 'n Cry pen isn't bad compensation.
36 The postgame, on-field prayer circle. Fellas, God doesn’t care about your games.
35 National anthems. We get to listen to two of them a night here. Lucky us.
34 Soccer’s offside rule. What exactly is it? Today, I mean.
33 “I’m going to Disneyland”. Marketing trumps spontaneity. Again.
32 European poo-bahs. Sepp Blatter ought to have his very own list, shouldn’t he?
31 On-field celebrations. Touchdowns, goals, etc. are okay. But a sack dance? Grabbing your crotch after a basket? Signalling "first down"?

50-41

(Tomorrow: Nos. 30-21)

Power couples

With the news full of Belinda and Tie it's worth remembering there's a long way from there to here, and your top power couples in sports:

ASSOCIATED PRESS

Norma Jean and Joe D: The gold standard.

The gold standard

Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio. Baseball icon meets screen icon. Unsurpassable pop-culture union of the century.

The next level

Imran Khan and Jemima Goldsmith. Divorced two years ago, but the Pakistan cricketer turned politico (and quite probably, the future President) and the heiress to a billionaire entrepreneur was as big as it gets globally while it lasted.

Wayne Gretzky and Janet Jones. Canada and U.S. Hockey and movies. Big. King Hockey big.

Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf. All-tennis pair, but they've done enough outside the games to qualify. Pretty strong, and still going strong.

David and Victoria Beckham. With Real souring on Becks and Posh's pop-singing days on the wane, they might well fall off this perch quite soon. But we'll always have Beckingham Palace, right?

Mia Hamm and Nomar Garciaparra. All-American union of Dodger-Blue baseball and soccer icon. A match made in Nike.

Going down the line

Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford. Another all-American union of football and sweatshops.

ASSOCIATED PRESS

Eva and Tony: Call on them.

Andriy Shevchenko and Kristen Pazik. Athletes and models are kinda mundane, but these two are the hottest going.

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria. French-accented hoops and Desperate Housewife. Two points.

Filling out the ticket (hint: one of these is not real)

Madonna and (fill in the blank). Rodman, Messier, etc.

Anna Kournikova and Sergei Fedorov/Anna Kournikova and Pavel Bure. Hockey's most bewildering threesome.

Jim and Chris Evert.

Ron Greshner and Carol Alt. Another sports/model union.

Anna and Kris Benson. Always good for comedy relief.

Brigitte Nielsen and Marc Gastineau. Story goes that they had matching hearts tattooed on their bums. Then they had matching tattoo removals.

Gloria Steinem and Jim Brown. The feminist and the abusive footballer. Just a guess, but perhaps that's why it didn't last all that long.

The 50 Worst Things to Happen to Sports

Recently, Blender did a listy thing called The 50 Worst Things Ever to Happen to Music and being a sucker for this stuff I found my head nodding along (Sting, check; soprano sax, check; Madonna's British accent - check) and of course, hatching a plot to steal the idea.
So here it is, the product of exhaustive research, tapping up colleagues and friends and pints of Creemore Springs - The 50 Worst Things to Happen to Sports. All this week in JABS. Here's Part I, and we're here all week:   

CANADIAN PRESS

Jeffrey Loria, cellphone - worst & worster.

50 Synchronized swimming. Synchronized to what?

49 Baseball caps in every sport but baseball. There’s a reason they’re called “baseball caps.”

48 International harmony. With the Soviet Union gone, who are we supposed to root against?

47 “You can’t teach height.” Generations of general managers have heard the siren's cliched call, and proved unable to resist.

46 Personal websites. This way, the misunderstood millionaire can talk to you straight. And while you’re here, would you like to buy some merchandise?

45 Cellphones. Yes, you’re in the expensive seats and all your friends can see you on TV. Aren’t you special.

44 Civility in tennis. A few rackets tossed, some McEnroesque tantrums and maybe a few more people would watch. Showing up to compete at tournaments other than the Grand Slams might help, too.

HAMILTON SPECTATOR

Stuffing the triple bird: Blame John Madden.

43 Colour commentators. Rather than list them all – Bill Walton, Tim McCarver, and so yawn – just do us a favour and shut them up, please (which points to No. 1 on the 50 Best Things to Happen to Sports – the mute button. But that’s a list for another day).

42 T-shirt catapults. If you can afford a ticket, you really don’t need to be fighting over something that’s going to be a ball of yarn after the first wash.

41 Turducken. First we have to endure the Detroit Lions on the tube every US Thanksgiving Day. Then we get John Madden who, like Gore with the Internet, invented this, the Monster Truck of main holiday courses.

(Tomorrow: Nos. 40-31).