Recently, Blender did a listy thing called The 50 Worst Things Ever to Happen to Music and being a sucker for this stuff I found my head nodding along (Sting, check; soprano sax, check; Madonna's British accent - check) and of course, hatching a plot to steal the idea.
So here it is, the product of exhaustive research, tapping up colleagues and friends and pints of Creemore Springs - The 50 Worst Things to Happen to Sports. All this week in JABS. Here's Part I, and we're here all week:
|Jeffrey Loria, cellphone - worst & worster.|
50 Synchronized swimming. Synchronized to what?
49 Baseball caps in every sport but baseball. There’s a reason they’re called “baseball caps.”
48 International harmony. With the Soviet Union gone, who are we supposed to root against?
47 “You can’t teach height.” Generations of general managers have heard the siren's cliched call, and proved unable to resist.
46 Personal websites. This way, the misunderstood millionaire can talk to you straight. And while you’re here, would you like to buy some merchandise?
45 Cellphones. Yes, you’re in the expensive seats and all your friends can see you on TV. Aren’t you special.
44 Civility in tennis. A few rackets tossed, some McEnroesque tantrums and maybe a few more people would watch. Showing up to compete at tournaments other than the Grand Slams might help, too.
|Stuffing the triple bird: Blame John Madden.|
43 Colour commentators. Rather than list them all – Bill Walton, Tim McCarver, and so yawn – just do us a favour and shut them up, please (which points to No. 1 on the 50 Best Things to Happen to Sports – the mute button. But that’s a list for another day).
42 T-shirt catapults. If you can afford a ticket, you really don’t need to be fighting over something that’s going to be a ball of yarn after the first wash.
41 Turducken. First we have to endure the Detroit Lions on the tube every US Thanksgiving Day. Then we get John Madden who, like Gore with the Internet, invented this, the Monster Truck of main holiday courses.
(Tomorrow: Nos. 40-31).