A Friday e-mail bag

E-mailer Jake kicks it off, with this apt observation off this week's news that a pair of San Francisco Chronicle reporters must give grand-jury testimony and could be jailed if they don't reveal the sources behind their coverage of l'affaire BALCO:

Barry Bonds. Isn't it interesting that Barry Bonds' personal trainer has spent time in jail for refusing to testify before the grand jury about Bonds and the possibility exists that the two reporters who broke the story (and book) about Bonds lying to the grand jury are being threatened with jail for refusing to reveal their sources? All the while, Bonds remains free to go about his business. I appreciate that he is innocent until proven guilty but it's more than ironic that other people have or will spend time in jail while the subject of the legal action does not.

Yes, it is ironic, but in the absence of a federal shield law, U.S. district court judge Jeffrey White said he had no choice but to order reporters Lance Williams and Mark Fainaru-Wada to testify and reveal their sources. That it clearly isn't a matter of national security did not dissuade the judge, nor did arguments that the reporting was in the public interest (it was mainly based on leaked grand-jury testimony) or led to Major League Baseball adopting tougher rules on prohibited drug use (dubious; there were others pursuing the story, too). The Chronicle immediately announced it would appeal. Meantime, the need for a shield law is the core issue behind the irony, and putting them in jail for this amounts to a serious case of overdoing it.

Steven Dykstra sends in a note regarding Chuck Nevitt off this week's Loren Woods farewell post, suggesting the inauguration of a new term: the Nevitt Line, a la baseball's Mendoza Line, "the place where awesome height crosses remarkable futility ... I saw him play live once—actually, I saw him warm up live once. He could dribble behind his back. I guess he couldn’t translate that talent to actually game time."

Steven was busy this week, also responding to Rating the Tubeheads:

1. Sportscaster most likely to make a million bucks in the U.S.: Jennifer Hedger. I can't believe she hasn't been snapped up by a national network in the United States.
2. Second best sportscaster in his household: Sean McCormick (married to J. Hedger).
3. Funniest anchor: Jay Onrait and Adnan Virk (tie). Jay has a great, dry sense of humour that drips into his broadcasts. His style isn't appreciated by everyone, however. Adnan seems to have great fun. I love that. He tosses around clever, hip references throughout his broadcast.
4. Best chemistry for an anchor team: Sid Seixeiro and Tim Micallef. Another set of guys that love what they're doing and it shows. Fun to watch, but not for everybody (my wife thinks Tim snaps back shooters just before show time).
5. Least chemistry between broadcasters: Jerry Howarth and Warren Sawkiw. Their styles are too similar. For Jerry, his smooth, low key, style works wonderfully; but Warren desperately needs some colour in his personality.
6. Most disappointing broadcasts: Blue Jays on Rogers Sportsnet. Trying to do things on the cheap, like the broadcasters don't really matter. Imagine, we once had Dan and Buck. Now we have Jamie Campbell and whatever scrub Sportsnet throws out there on any given night. C'mon, Ted, spend some freakin' money and get your viewers a dedicated, talented duo of sportscasters for your broadcasts.

There was more, but you get the idea. Good points on Micallef, who I quite like, and the Jays here. Pat Tabler does a decent job and delivers an occasional anecdote that tickles the spot, but there's an overall lack of personality and energy -- they all sound so interchangeable. Some continuity would be welcome.

Then there's regular Mark Freedman, recovering from back surgery and feeling bored as he counts down the days to NFL kickoff:

Question: Why did the Kings sign Loren Woods? I think I have an answer. There must be a place in the NBA for a inexpensive 12th man (since he's young) who will not see any playing time, keep his mouth and not whine about the lack of PT and take up space in practice. Woods has shown nothing in the pros but yet he's still getting an NBA salary when there are more established crappy big men available.

That takes us back to where we started. You can never have enough crappy big men.

Towers drops to oh-and-7

The Jays have to make a decision on Josh Towers, and it appears manager John Gibbons has just about had enough, surprising Towers by taking him out for a reliever in the fourth inning last night. He had another one of those starts, and it led to another loss -- and though this one was better, relatively speaking, than his earlier outings, he's 0-7 on the season and the Jays' record without him is 17-8.

JEFF ROBERTSON/AP

All too familiar: Josh Towers lit up again.

Worse, though, is the sense of impending doom his mere presence brings to the mound. This from Bluebird Banter, sitting in the stands:

In the fourth inning, after surrendering a solo home run to Bobby Crosby, Towers walked Jay Payton on five pitches before Adam Melhuse hit his first home run of the season off him to make the score 3-0. By that point, the crowd's reaction towards Towers bordered on verbally abusive. Everyone (and really, it very well could have been everyone) booed him incessantly throughout the night. Commentary in the form of "You suck, Towers!" was the most prevalent and least blasphemous cry of derision that was spewed in his direction.

As Rich Griffin notes this morning, Towers' next start is in Tampa Bay on Sunday. Griffin thinks Towers should be allowed to make that start, and at least there he won't get the razzing and the banners that have become the norm in Toronto. I'm not so sure it's going to make any difference, Towers' bad-inning pattern pretty pronounced at this point. Oh, that 0-7 start? It equals Dave Lemanczyk's dubious club record to start a season. One more, and Towers has that one all to himself.

In a post last week, Banter's Mark W. posted the worst starts for Blue Jays starting pitchers, using David Pinto's day-by-day database. I've updated the data here:

Worst Blue Jays starts, season opening to May 9 inclusive
(minimum 10 innings pitched; *-starter/reliever)

Key, 1986..................0-3, 13.05 (finished 14-11, 3.57)
Halladay, 2000............2-4, 11.53 (4-7, 10.64)
Morris, 1993...............1-4, 11.06 (7-12, 6.19)
Towers, 2006............0-7, 10.09
Lilly, 2005..................1-3, 9.35 (10-11, 5.56)
Guzman, 1995.............0-0, 9.00 (4-14, 6.32)
*Eyre, 2002...............1-3, 8.80 (2-4, 4.46)
Huffman, 1979............2-3, 7.99 (6-18, 5.77)
Prokopec, 2002...........1-4, 7.90 (2-9, 6.78)
Guzman, 1998.............1-4, 7.85 (10-16, 4.35)
Lemanczyk, 1978.........0-6, 7.84 (4-14, 6.26)
Gott, 1983..................0-3, 7.76 (9-14, 4.74)

A watershed game for the Jays

All I had to do was watch the ninth inning from Boston last night to complete the progression from hope to belief that this Blue Jays team may well be as good as advertised. The first month of a baseball season is like that, a time of easing into the long grind and leaving the conclusions till later. But this, I reckon, may well go down as a watershed game.

Up one run after scoring seven against the Red Sox -- including the go-ahead run in the top of the inning against Boston's young closer Papelbon -- and trying to shut the door with closer B.J. Ryan in, it went like this:

Ortiz, swinging strikeout. One out.
Manny corkscrewing liner to first base. Two out
Mohr swinging strikeout, Zaun drops ball, Mohr to first.
Pinch-runner Harris steals second, Zaun throw into centre field, Harris to third.
Varitek strikeout looking. Game over.

Giving away an extra out and three bases against the meat of the Red Sox order, they held on. The Jays score runs, Alex Rios is breaking out and they have a closer. If A.J. Burnett can ever string some starts together, so much the better. Until then, I believe. It's enough.

Links: The Soxaholix have no trouble with Toronto's 5-2 record against Boston this year.

Batter's Box report: "As soon as Ryan John-Wayned his way to the mound I figured the game was won."

Bluebird Banter charts Josh Beckett.

A severe night of channel hopping

A bunch of logjams to be cleared away on the final night of the NHL. Randy Johnson pitching against the Jays. The Clippers – yeah, really, the Clippers! – against the Memphis nee-Vancouver Grizzlies in one of those lose-or-go-home games (I’ll explain later). What a night for a guy to have NHL Centre Ice, timeshifting and a working remote. I show up a little late. But I’m game and I quickly make up for it.

7:52 pm Alex Rios turns on a very weak looking Randy Johnson pitch that’s a little high and a little inside and not very fast – it doesn’t really do anything good at all, and Rios rips it into the third deck in left. This comes after Troy Glaus had homered earlier. You expect Glaus to do that sort of thing, but not Rios. Two thoughts: If this kid keeps it up, there’s an ingredient that any team needs to get to the clichéd next level: career years, and it sure helps when they come from young players who haven’t reached their ceiling. Second thought: Why didn't I take him in either of my leagues?

8:02 Switch over to Buffalo-Carolina, the Sabres up 2-0. Two of the NHL’s major surprises of this season. And here’s something these Leaf-saturated eyes haven’t seen too much of this year: fast, flowing 5-on-5 hockey, at least until Eric Staal goes off for crashing into the goalie and the Sabres are on the PP. The Hurricanes miss Cole – the Sabres look like they might be good enough to come out of the east with a few breaks. I really jinxed this one. Just as soon as I mention the joys of full-strength shinny, two more penalties come up. Martin Gerber – remember him, Canada? – makes three solid, standup saves and just seconds after wondering about the ‘Canes defence come the playoffs, here’s the best defence of all this time of year: A hot goalie.

8:11 Flyers still trailing 1-0 halfway through the second. A much more sedate tempo here with lots of scraping along the boards. Here’s one team I won’t cross the street to watch at playoff time.

8:12 Spoon “I Turn My Camera On” is now part of a Jaguar ad. *Sigh*.

8:14 Over to Rangers-Ottawa, the Sens up 1-0 in New York on a goal set up by a bad Rangers turnover in their own zone.

8:15 Commercial break in New York, so I’m over at Detroit-Nashville. The Wings are undeniably skilful, but it seems every time I’ve watched them this year I’ve seen the same kind of thing: fast, and quick, but the next time I see a bodycheck thrown will be the first time. I don’t think that’s going to play in the playoffs. I keep wanting to see evidence of dirt under the Red Wings fingernails. Where is it?

8:18 Back to Canes-Sabres, just as Biron makes a splendid reflex save on a tip of a point shot by Doug Weight. Sabres have the hot goalie too. I’m now convinced – they are sooooo coming out of the east.

8:23 The Canes announcer just talked about how the Sabres are creating good shots “off the dribble”. This is just a while after he talked about the “edge rush” the Sabres’ Grier managed as he busted in from the left wing.

8:24 The worst kind of Centre Ice moment: every game has a commercial on. How does that happen?

8:28 Alfredsson pops in a rebound on a PP, 2-0 Ottawa.

8:29 The Caps are up 2-0 on Tampa Bay with a goal 12 seconds into the second period.

8:30 Red Wings up 1-0, Draper putting in a rebound off a Mark Mauer setup. Back over to the Rangers game and they’ve scored, 16 seconds after that last one, and it’s 2-1. Lundqvist stops a breakaway. I phone my friend Donnie in Brooklyn, a fierce Rangers and Mets fan juggling a lot on his plate. “I’m watching three games,” he said. “Rangers are a much better team with Lundqvist than Weeks. I can’t see the Islanders wanting to do the Rangers any favours, and Jersey is losing too. But I can’t see all three of these teams losing, so they have to take care of their business.” Jersey? I lost track of them. I find them. He’s right. It’s 2-0 Montreal. “You forgot about the Yankees,” I tell him of the Jays game, now 7-4.  “I did forget about that one,” he says. “I’m taping the Mets. Don’t tell me the score.” Me and my friends, we lead such well-balanced lives.

8:38 I immediately go to the Score. Mets are losing.  I think of phoning Donnie back to tell him the score, then slam down the phone, but decide against it.

8:43 You can tell the Yankees are in town. The rotating advertising behind home plate is in Japanese, a nod to the vast television audience following Hideki Matsui. Chacin gets out of a jam and through 4 ½, it’s 7-4 Jays.

8:46 Hey, the Leafs! And just as I find them, Wade Belak is putting one into his own net then delivering a snootful of leather to a Penguin in front of the net. An own goal, and a 5-minute penalty afterward – great shift, Wade. Still, Leafs are up 5-1. They’ve got some serious momentum to carry them out on to the golf course.

8:50 Pee break. Decide to stretch it out, with Rangers and Canes in intermission, by gathering up the recycling and putting it out on the curb. A nice night. Fill up the dogs’ dish and water.

9:01 Another round of domestic chores completed, celebrate by pouring a couple of fingers of Grouse on the rocks. Back to the basement, where Montreal is up 3-0. Donnie doesn’t have to worry about Devils, it seems.

9:04 Gionta scores for the Devils. Okay, it’s on again.

9:06 Just as I arrive on the scene, Mike Fisher scores a beauty shorthanded goal, going deep into the corner on the left side, cutting back as Straka just waves at him – pathetic, that, including Jagr and the other defender not even bothering to come over to cover. But full marks to Fisher as he finishes the 1-on-3 with a deke around Lundqvist and it’s 4-1 Sens. There seems to be a definite class edge here.

9:10 Biron stops another breakout by the Canes. I tell you, this Sabres side, now up 3-0 – they’re going places.

9:11 A corner box tells me that Philly has gone ahead of the Islanders 2-1. If it holds, the Flyers will go from 6th seed to third on this final night.

9:16 The Canes are on the power play, last chance with five minutes to go and the top seed in the east just about gone for them. There’s a few boos in the house in Raleigh.

9:19 Briere slides a perfect pass to Afinegenov between two Carolina defenders, but Gerber stands up and turns his breakaway aside. Gerber’s been good. Biron’s been great.

9:21 JP Dumont ices it with a power play goal. I can forget about this one, safely content in the knowledge that the Sabres are going to the Stanley Cup finals.

9:22 Ottawa’s wrapping it up, leading 5-1. I’m just flipping now and end up at the Flyers, nursing a one-goal lead with a minute to go. Esche is punching Jason Blake in the head after he covers up.

9:23 Gagne empty netter. Flyers are going to win the division, Rangers take the apple, and Devils are down 3-1 going into the third.

9:28 Finals: Philly and Buffalo win, Rangers and Carolina lose. Ottawa’s top seed in east, Canes No. 2, Flyers No. 3 (for now, pending Jersey final), Buffalo No. 4, Rangers 5, Jersey 6, Montreal 7 (pending result), Tampa Bay 8 (losing to Washington 3-1 right now).

9:31 Over to the Jays: two on in the 7th, up 9-5, none out – they could seriously bust this one open. Lyle (Turn Me Loose) Overbay flies to centre, runner moves up from second to third. Must be a big crowd. They’re actually making noise.

9:35 Crazy Chacon wild pitch bounces 4 feet in front of Posada, scores a run, 10-5 Jays.

9:39 Back to Montreal-New Jersey.

9:42 Finally it’s Clippers-Grizzlies and all the Clippers need to do is lose -- for them, that's as easy as falling off a lottery. As the sixth seed, they will get home court over the division-winning Nuggets, who have the third seed but also an inferior record. As the fifth seed, the Griz would face Dallas, only two games back of top western seed San Antonio, but alas, the division winners get the top three seeds, so the Mavericks are fourth. Griz up by 11 after three quarters. None of it makes sense.

9:45 Back to Montreal just in time for another Gionta goal, so it’s 3-2 and the Devils are coming on. Don’t give the Rangers that five seed just yet.

9:49 Elias scores and the Devils have tied it! Two passes and Elias is beating 51 Montreal, goes in and from close in beats Huet. I rather doubt this Montreal sag job has anything to do with the score in Washington – 4-1 Caps over Tampa Bay, one point behind the Habs – but it won’t hurt them in the standings.

9:53 The Leafs, remember them? Up 5-3 with a handful of seconds left.

9:54 McCabe misses on a long shot from his own corner toward an empty net, his second try at goal No. 20. After the icing call, Quinn looks on stonily: Tomfoolery, thy name is Bryan.

9:55 (Eastern time) The Leafs season is officially over. Everybody exhale. Stand up. Stretch. Re-introduce yourself to spouse/significant other/dog.

9:55 Back to Montreal – just as the Devils have scored again! Langenbrunner finishes a 3-on-1 counterattack by beating Huet shortside. And with that, the Devils have vaulted from 6th to 3rd. For now.

10:00 Boos in the Bell Centre as the siren goes, Habs blow a 3-0 lead, Jersey comes back and finishes third in the east. Don’t count them out in the playoffs, either.

10:02 Jays win 10-5.

10:04 Grizzlies are up by 10 with five minutes to play. “Don’t tell me these guys don’t want to win,” says the excited Clippers announcer. “They’re playing hard.” Well, that’s Bobby Jackson (24 Mem) bringing the ball up with all the energy of a sunning garter snake. And that’s Sam Cassell on the bench, laughing – and why not? He has been excused from playing tonight, along with Chris Kaman and Corey Maggette. They’re all not-playing hard.

10:09 “Clippers haven’t led since the opening moments,” says excited announcer. Amazingly, Clippers are only down five with 2 ½ minutes to play.

10:13 “At least we’ve seen some spirit and some spunk,” says excited announcer. Good night, Clippers, assured of hosting Denver as Memphis wins the boobie prize of a matchup with Dallas. Good night, Rangers, now facing the Devils – except, they’ll start by crossing the Hudson.
And of course, good night, Leafs.

Final eastern conference seedings (unofficial):
1 Ottawa
2 Carolina
3 New Jersey
4 Buffalo
5 Philadelphia
6 NY Rangers
7 Montreal
8 Tampa Bay

The end of opening days

I think we're free of the opening days spin cycle. But before we're spared, here's a couple from Tuesday and some notes you won't read much anywhere else. And for good reason.
First, Dick Cheney was booed as he threw out the first pitch at a half-empty stadium in Washington -- such a great baseball town -- and although it looked like he might be packing (it's happened before, and check out that bulging jacket), no one was harmed:

Gorgeous day, 70 degrees with happy, red-capped turnout est at 25k. VPOTUS stepped out onto field dressed in khakis and a Nats bomber jacket to the sound of thunderous boos and catcalls, making Kerry’ welcome at the Dem convention seem downright warm (spotted in the crowd: a t-shirt upon which someone had scrawled, ‘don’t shoot me dick.’)

Meantime, it's opening day in Boston, and not even that outstanding video linked just about everywhere hearkening back to '86 and days spent at the video arcade, Joan Jett playing in the background, can spoil the mood, according to those Soxaholix folks:

AP PHOTO

Wily Mo alert!

Two years ago, watching this would have caused me to go into a Kenny Rogers meets cameraman fit of rage. But now that 2004 is in the bag, I can enjoy the video for the pure entertainment brilliance that it is.

As for the game, a 5-3 Boston win, two observations: 1/With Roy Halladay missing a start because of "forearm strain" -- suitably vague, but on the bright side, amputation is not yet being considered -- I am suddenly feeling a little nervous; and 2/Watching Wily Mo Pena, who already has the greatest name in pro sports, turn a flyball into a homer,  adding a "Wily Mo Pena is in the lineup" alert this season, just so you don't miss anything, might be the way to go.

From Marty Barrett to Billy Bucks

Apparently the people at Prime Time Sports were talking about blogging tonight, and even, poor dears, this blog in particular, according to an e-mail from a friend of mine -- perhaps a transcript or a stream will clear up the mystery some day soon on their podcasts page.
There's only thing one thing duller than bloggers talking about blogging: the mainstream media talking about blogging.
Here's a newsflash: it's all storytelling, in a slightly different skin. A newspaper, a magazine, a weblog, a podcast -- the same. And sometimes, better. Or at least, transformed.
You don't believe me? Check this out -- the best story on the net in at least the last day or so. Even if it's almost 20 years old. Sort of. You know what I mean, even if PTS (apparently) doesn't. Outstanding.

Mo' Money

Bad enough around here missing a day to weigh in about Wayne Rooney's gambling habits or Guus Hiddink figuring (to no surprise here) the England job is just a touch too high risk, low reward, as he's off to Russia, or anything else of note . . . even Phil Mickelson.
But this can't be ignored, news out of baseball's bushes that carries all the oomph and panache of a Mark Eichhorn fastball (thanks to Sidearm Delivery, via Can't Stop the Bleeding):

Even though the season hasn't really started yet, there's already been a big announcement-- Eddie Money will be appearing at the Eastern League All-Star Game in Altoona!

Eddie Money! In Altoona! This is the second time in less than a week that Eddie Money has come up in my life, after about 25 years of that worrisome alarm going unpulled. Which is how it works, I guess.
I don't mind this too much. But if Billy Squier comes back to sing the anthems at the Marlies' playoff opener, watch out.

 

Mailbag: Ballpark etiquette

Neate Sager leads off a bulging e-mail bag with this one seeking some advice -- which sort of makes this an "Emily post", I guess (I'll stop now):

ASSOCIATED PRESS

Ballpark etiquette: When not to go for a foul ball, example 2.

"Just wondering -- where does JABs stand on the over-under for "Being too old to catch a warm-up ball lobbed into the stands by a player without losing your dignity"?
I'm 29, and last night, a friend who's 27 didn't try to go for it when Russ Adams tossed a ball in his general area before the game.
In his defence, he had a fresh $7 beer and it was Adams (26 errors last year), so you couldn't predict where the ball was going.
It's a relevant question, since so much of the resurgence in Blue Jays interest comes from people in the 25-34 range (i.e., the target audience for Rogers -- people who have disposable income but haven't established brand loyalty yet)."

A real moral dilemna for our times, this one. Relevant data: Russ Adams "E-6" model baseball, $7 soapsud beer, pregame. I think you're cool playing it cool, Neate. During the game, though, with something like a Kenji Johjima foul ball, or a Cubs-on-the-verge-of-destiny moment, or sipping a glass of Kristal in one of those new playpens at the Jays' place? Different story (Kenji, incidentally, is the bargain-basement star of JABS' fantasy-league team, the Old Perfessors, and just might be the next Josh Bard; as for the Cubs and the Kristal, just run away). If you had a brought a baseball glove, though, it'd be different. Anyone over 12 who wears a baseball glove to a baseball game is probably a Yankees fan, and should be treated with the all the contempt that odious association confers.

Riffing off this morning's Natural Born Killers post, regular visitor Carla -- fresh off a move back to the homeland, and welcome back -- sends along a movie recommend: The Wicker Man. "Kinda cool and creepy," she says. This is, of course, a flimsy excuse to plug Carla's brand-new blog, Our Lady of Perpetual Hell.

Andy Chung of Scarborough has a Mike James question:

"When Mike James was first traded to Toronto from Houston he told reporters that he was a chameleon. Mike claimed that he was able to make himself “fit” into any situation.
Fast forwarding a couple of months …
When asked to change his style of play to be a pass-first point guard, Mike basically told reporters that if the Raptors they didn’t like his style of play they shouldn’t have traded for him in the first place. As a fan I don’t really care if he wants more money, but I find that his “adaptation skills” were all just a big act. Sometime this week (or last) I read somewhere that he said that he wouldn’t stop his “style” of basketball. If Coach Mitchell asks his players to do something shouldn’t they try to do what coaches ask them to do? My main concern is that IF we sign him next year he might not be the team player we’re looking for. What’s your take on this?"

This segues neatly into another friend of this blog, Mark Freedman, who e-mails in the suggestion that James and Sam Mitchell are fated to part:

I gotta believe that Mitchell is barely toleraring James because he's been scoring enough. But I bet Mitchell is really wanting a pass-first PG. James' game doesn't really match Mitchell's old-school mentality.

And that rolls right into ANOTHER Mike James e-mail, this one from Chris Flynn:

Mike James is talking like an elite NBA player. He is elite because he is surrounded by teenagers and early-20's guys who are still learning the game.
As good as he has been this year, he will not get the money he wants and he should definitely not get a penny out of the Raps. There has to be a reason he was traded for Rafer, which I could never put my finger on, and this has to be it. He is a big mouth who thinks he is way better than he is, and articulate is the last word I would use to describe him. I just looked it up, and he did in fact go to college. With all those double negatives ie. "I ain't gonna do nothing stupid," please tell me he is not a graduate. This guy is a fool, and the last thing we need is a big Tie Domi-like ego on the Raps. Bosh should be the one with the ego, but that guy has class.
Mark my words, Mike James will never be the starting point guard for an NBA championship team with his piss-poor attitude. ... There is nobody on a 12th place team that should have an ego like that, not even Bosh. If he's so good, then why are they in 12th?

Nobody splits the hoops fan constituency more than Mike James. I like the guy's fire, but I loathe his lack of a conscience with the ball in his hands. I like that he seems to be the only one who plays with his heart on his sleeve, and I understand why he might not want to pass off to Joey (Billy*) Graham clanks another open jumper -- but the head-down, outta-my-way charges to the cup drive me nuts. Mike James has a future. I just don't think it's here in Toronto, with this team.

(*Nickname alert--Like Billy, Joey is the only guy who can make 19,000 people get up off their feet and groan "Oh God!" in unison)

Finally, regular John Richardson chimes in with something that sounds like the the seed of a topic for next week:

In addition to the obvious-- 7th game of a Stanley Cup or World Series final-- the Masters and the Kentucky Derby have always been at the top of "sporting events I'd sell my first-born to see".
(snip)
Love the Masters. Can't stand the reverential broadcast or that godawful music but it sure as hell beats watching the Fedex/Nissan/Chick Fil A Open.
And I kinda miss the Martha/Hootie extravaganza.

John, because you miss it so, just for you, here's the latest from Martha Burk (pdf file) because yes, I got an email from her, too.

The worldwide leader eats itself

A number of e-mailers have written asking if I had anything to say about Stephen A. Smith, and I immediately thought of Barry Bonds.

The dots join up, as they always seem to in the case of pro sports' closed loop, a place where everyone -- even Stump the Schwab -- can find a home, where life begins with the National Spelling Bee and ends with a spot on ESPN Sports Century.

Screamin A got Raptor fans upset last June, during the broadcast of the NBA draft, when he panned the Charlie Villanueva pick. Now that CV looks like a pretty good choice at No. 7, the message boards have been in full rant. According to Screamin, they’ve even been sending him e-mails.

It got so bad he came here on Wednesday to set the record straight – okay, he appeared on The Score, between poker hands, framed by the latest soccer scores, NBA lines and Cabbie reminders in the crawl – saying that anyone from Toronto could henceforth in effect kiss his worldwide-leadin’ butt, and besides, he’d never diss Charlie V and don't bother sending any more e-mails (take that, Raptor Nation!). In terms of charmless, I-never-said-that arrogance, Screamin was as good as any George W. presser, as I Hate the Raptors transcribes.

Anyway, Ernest asks me what I think about this, and I say – *yawn*. Everybody on that (ESPN, natch) broadcast was climbing on the Raps, as we all remember, and as Cool Dry Place recounted in a live blog from that night:

• Charlie Villanueva's surprise selection by the Toronto Raptors at No. 7 sets off the troops.
(Jay) Bilas: "Shocking to me."
Greg Anthony: "I don't know what Toronto's mind-set is."
Smith: "The pick makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. What the … on Earth is Rob Babcock doing? What is he doing?"
Dick Vitale: "Well, I'll tell you this, absolutely shocked. Can't believe he would go that high."

In a media age where he who shouts loudest wins the prize, they played it like a Van Halen reunion, everyone taking a turn with the cheez.

And now that Charlie V is livin’ the dream, ESPN’s magazine will come in next with the piece on his struggle to overcome the doubters, and Schwab gets all upper-lip sweaty parsing together an answer about his UConn numbers. And the circle goes unbroken.

As for Bonds, he’s dodged syringes and a billboard this week while news arrived of his brand-new reality TV show – on ESPN, of course. This, less than a week after the appointment of the chairman of ESPN's parent company, Disney, to head up Bud Selig's commission into doping in big-league baseball, an undertaking spurred by that book  detailing Bonds’ alleged steroid use.

The final twist on this makes you feel happy to be Canadian (at least I think it does). TSN, owned in part by ESPN, has apparently passed on the Bonds show (which is strange, far as I’m concerned – unlike the Hilton sisters or Simon Cowell, at least Barry has talent). And who may take it? Well, perhaps The Score, the same ones who broadcast the Smith interview.  If the pro wrestling schedule allows it, we may yet be able to watch Barry’s workout tips this summer.

First Screamin’ A. Then Barry. Along with all that golf coming up on Leafs TV, there's three more things on TV I can hardly wait to miss.

Checklist

Roy Halladay? Check.
B.J. Ryan? Check.

PETER POWER/TORONTO STAR

Scary smoke special effects: Check.

Benjie Molina? Check.
Alex Rios? Yeah!
Highlight reel Vernon Wells catch? Yessum.
Crowd of 50,000? Got it.
Dom Perignon? Gulp.
Ted Lilly? Whoa, settle down.

Okay, A.J., let's play ball.

Also this morning, as the links return (but for how long? I dunno):

In case you were wondering, the Raptors are out of the playoffs (last night's official cry uncle being Sam Mitchell's plaintive "NO FOUL" shout out to Morris Peterson when the veteran committed a needless intentional foul with the game still up for grabs, Celtics up by two and Raptors needing a stop in the last 30 seconds -- smart bunch, these Raps). Meanwhile, the Leafs, including cheapshottin' Darcy Tucker, still aren't conceding anything.

Arsenal go into Turin today, followed by mounds of steaming hyperbole.

Heads-up Read of the Day: Rob Hughes takes a look back.