Friday roundup returns: Hello, Mo

Taking you into the weekend like John Gibbons heading down a tunnel, we give you: Mo Johnston. New coach of your Toronto FC. Or is it FC Toronto? This may take some getting used to.
Let's start with the essentials. He looks good in a kilt. Along with Paul Maurice, MLSE now has Two Guys Named Mo (and with Marc Iavaroni rumoured to be coming along some day, is it too much of a stretch to maybe call it three someday? Yes, I think it is. *sigh*). And as ace blogger Mike Cardillo of That's on Point predicts, this Mo is never going to horn in on the much-anticipated Gibbons-Sam Mitchell showdown for TO's heavyweight coaches Ultimate Fighting championship.

TORONTO STAR FILE PHOTO

Best.Mo.Ever? Shaker slips 'em the tongue, Bell and Barfield crack up.

As a player, Johnston was a solid pro, a World Cupper for Scotland and, most notably, the central figure in a bitter storm when, as a former Celtic forward, he moved to hated rival Rangers and was branded a traitor by some, which made for some cute T-shirts. As a head coach, he's pretty much an unknown quantity, as Cardillo notes in an e-mail this morning:

It's hard to give a gauge on Johnston as a head coach, since he didn't really get a fair shake with the Metros/Red Bulls. They never really let him get his players, so it's hard to say what kind of manager he is. He was an assistant under Bob Bradley, who was once an assistant under Bruce Arena.
I hate to say it, but Johnston might seem like more of a "name"/ PR move than a straight coaching decision. That's just my thought. MLS seems to recycle the same coaches throughout its history.
Maybe with a budget and the support of the board Mo can do a good job. He certainly knows the game and played in a World Cup.
At the very least, I doubt he'll be challenging players to fights in the locker room like another boss in the Great White North.

Damn. I was so looking forward to that. Thanks, Mike.

Weekend assignment. Who's the mostest Mo in Toronto sports history? Lloyd Moseby, perhaps? Mo-Pete? Frank Mo-hovlich? A toast of a Flaming Moe and JABS immortality to the best answer.

Who's your Moe?

One last read. This one comes from reader Paul Batte, who is fed up with the Blue Jays' pitching rotation:

Why on earth are the Jays sitting Halladay on 4 days rest in order to pitch Marcum tonight?
By going with the 5th guy in the rotation tonight, this could cost Halladay the Cy, since he will likely get one less start, and now will face the Yankees and Boston a couple more times.
And if the Jays state that they are setting up the staff so he does face the tough teams in order to win more games overall down the stretch, that is a really weak argument. The automatic loss when the 5th starter goes far outweighs any benefit to having Halladay go against the tough teams.
The Jays owe it to Halladay to trot him out there every 5th day, regardless of the schedule, so he can make every effort to win the Cy Young.
Especially since the season is a write-off.

Blog watch. With the Argos in Winnipeg tonight in a key eastern matchup -- yes, it's key; yes, it's eastern -- it's time to plug the arrival of a brand new CFL blog that will go up on the blogroll just as soon as I get off my fat ass and update the blogroll. So a belated welcome to Boatmen Blog, Adam Radwanski of the National Post and a couple of friends conspiring to interpret the world according to the Argos. And of course he's picking the Argos tonight:

I've resisted any Ricky/pot comments so far, mostly because they're the domain of middle-aged sports columnists eager to bust out their outdated drug lingo for the first time since the '70s. But it has to be asked: At some point, during all the tedious hours spent in there, has Ricky contemplated hot-boxing his hyperbaric chamber? I mean, it has to have crossed his mind for at least a fleeting moment, no?
As for the game itself...I don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but if the Argos got five interceptions on Anthony Calvillo, how many can we expect against the Mighty Quinn?
Pick: Toronto

Yo, Adam. One toke over the line, man!

Sports around town. Lynx vs Puerto Rico, 5:30 p.m. Sunday, Centennial Stadium. Good dude Maty Campeonisimo will be there. Just two weeks to go in the Lynx schedule, and considering the way the season's gone for them that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Watching. Browns at Bills, Saturday, 6 p.m, Ch. 7. Favourite team against least favourite team. Charlie Frye is the new Jake Plummer. J.P. Losman is the poor man's Charlie Frye. Can't wait.

Pro-Line picks. Well, if Adam's making Argocentric guesses picks, then surely so can I revive this bit from last year. Besides, there's a couple weeks to go before the NFL betting season arrives:

BLT V win (2.60) at CRL. I'll take a BLT over a cruller any day.

OAK H win (1.70) vs DET. Art Shell is back. So are the Lions. Easy call.

KC V win (2.20) at TOR (Friday). A Paul Batte pick, so blame him.

HAFN H win (2.00) over AROD (Friday). Playing against A-Rod doubles your pleasure, especially with T-Haf's HR range. A degenerates' schadenfreude special.

See you in 2006

I'm off to holidays, returning early in '06.
But after today's craziness wiped out a proper farewell -- the explanation for the blog troubles is over at the Hockey Page -- here's an abbreviated version, sort of a combination of the usual end-of-week drill with an end-of-year spin.

One last read: In May, Aki Riihilahti put a crushing loss into perspective in this Times column (I couldn't go back that far in their archives without paying, so it's linked here at his website). My choice for best read of the year.

One last look: '70s underwear ads featuring top athletes of the day (next time someone starts going on about retro, throw that Pete Rose as Cro-Magnon Man at 'em, and thanks to Mr. Irrelevant for the tip).

One last laugh: That funny Skeets kid is at it again. He finds a journal. He listens in at the high school dance.

Watching: Leafs at Senators, Saturday, 7 pm, CBC, cutting in to Broncos at Bills, 8:30 pm, TSN. The first is obvious, and in the second, there's always the possibility of a drunken snowball war in the stands.

Not watching: Green Bay at Baltimore, Monday, 9 pm, ABC. They gotta be kidding.

Punters corner: Last one of the year, 'cause when I come back it's the end of the gambling NFL season and the corner won't be back till next NFL gambling season begins anew. Let's cut to the chase:

OTT H+ win (2.0) over TOR. NHL marks increase in projected revenues by unveiling new My NHL 'Warrior' ad featuring Gary Bettman being dressed for work by Ted Saskin.

DEN V+ win (1.6) over BUF. Latest from Buffalo rumour mill: Marv Levy to return to Bills; Chuck Dickerson to be exhumed, return to afternoon radio slot and redefine term "dead air".

STL H win (1.8) over PHI. Terrell Owen birthday bash highlighted by spirited games of Pin the Tail on the Ho, and Rosenhaus May I?

CIN V+ win (1.5) over DET. From Monday's Jeopardy!:
Alex: Riverdance is correct, Chad, and it's still your turn.
Chad from Cincinnati: I'll take old jokes for $800, Alex.
Alex: T. Houshmandzadeh ... Chad?
Chad: What does T.J. Houshmandzadeh announces he is shortening his name to?
Alex: You're right!

CHI H+ win over (2.5) ATL. ESPN to air halftime retrospective on Kyle Orton's beard.

All the best. Peace.

Wrapping up, looking ahead

Some things I need to get off my chest, before we move on to the Heidi and Sepp Show her at JABS this afternoon (2 p.m.) to take us into the weekend:

One last read: The family of Knicks guard Quentin Richardson mourns the death of a second brother.

One last note: It's the final weekend of thoroughbred racing and Emma-Jayne Wilson is on her way to a handy Sovereign Award as the country's top apprentice and becoming the first woman to win a season-long riding title in Woodbine history. E.J.'s final ride, and everyone else's, goes Sunday afternoon.

Sports around town: The Argos are in their off-season, but their Courtside Boatmen basketball team will play an all-star game against high schoolers as part of the Stop the Violence campaign tonight at 7 p.m. at James Cardinal McGuigan Catholic School, 1440 Finch Ave. W.

What I'm watching: Ottawa at Calgary, Saturday, 10 p.m., CBC. Because the Globe had a feature last week asking whether the Senators are the best team in NHL history, and wouldn't you know it, that's just the thing that's kept me awake nights these first two months of the season.

Not watching: Raptors at Charlotte, Saturday, 7:30 p.m., Sportsnet. At least, I'm PVR'ing it, so that I can skip through those fourth quarter crunch-time closeups of Jalen Rose sitting expressionless on the bench.

Punters corner: Here we go again. You can go to the Linebacker. You can go to Gamblers Anonymous. But only here can you get five Pro-Line picks that you can't get anywhere else. And for good reason (For entertainment purposes only -- although I've been more entertained, frankly, by those visions of an expansion jai-alai franchise still dancing in my head -- and not to be used for wagering purposes, and after picking two ties last week why would anyone ever think to do that?):

LA H+ win (1.6) v FLA. On The Apprentice: Keenan, Olle and Jay, having failed to sell ice under the south Florida sun, are put in charge of season-ticket renewals, promotional tie-ins with alligator-wrestling venues and cleaning the arena toilets.

DAL V win (1.9) at TOR. On tomorrow's Queer Eye for the Satellite Hot Stove Guy, Carson takes Bryan Trottier shopping after dismissing last week's outfit: "Bryan, Bryan, Bryan! You won the Stanley Cup! Dress like it, darling!"

OTT V+ win (2.85) at CAL. On HNIC After Hours, Don Cherry takes credit for picking the Senators, getting this week's player suspended, staying up all night watching "midgets and bantams of something" and inventing the Internet.

EVE-MNU tie (4.5). On this week's My Big Fat Obnoxious Football Club: After giving Benfica fans the finger, Cristiano Ronaldo claims he was scratching his head, and after kicking Ronaldo in the arse, Alex Ferguson claims he was cleaning his shoe, and after handing Fergie his pink slip, Malcolm Glazer claims it was just tickets to next week's Buccaneers game.

DET-GB tie (3.6). On this week's Unsolved Mysteries: In August 2005, the Detroit Lions gave general manager Matt Millen a five-year contract extension. Accusations of mismanagement, incompetence and the possession of incriminating photos with barnyard animals have swirled around since. Robert Stack investigates.

You're a mean one, Mr. B.L.inch

Some things to get out of the way, before heading out into the gloom to shovel snow:

One last read: We're into the Christmas month, so here's one I've been saving from Jes Golbez -- How the B.L.inch Stole Hockey:

Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!

THE B.L.INCH

GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The B.L.inch Laughed out with glee.

And he made a quick jot and signed up KT.

And he chuckled, and clucked, "Watch them all beat-ya!

"With this wave of my money, I'll let go Demitra!"

One last note: Congratulations to Richard Reittie of Sully's Gym here in Toronto, who won the 75-kilo division and was named Best Male Boxer at last weekend's provincial open championships.

Sports around town: Fresh off a win over the defending national champions and No. 1 ranked team in the country -- that would be Laurier -- York's women's hockey team takes on Brock tonight at 7:30 p.m. at the Ice Gardens. And yes, I know they're the Lions now, but they'll always be the Yeowomen to me.

What I'm watching: Vanier Cup final, 3 p.m. Saturday, TSN. Huskies against Laurier, live from Ivor Wynne Stadium in Hamilton, and no, I have no idea what the halftime show is going to be. I kind of like it that way.

Not watching: Tim Hortons Canadian Curling Trials, 12 noon and 7 pm Saturday, 1 pm and 5:30 pm Sunday, TSN. Call me a traditionalist, but I don't start getting serious about curling until after Valentine's Day.

Punters corner: You can go to the Linebacker. You can go to a zillion places pretending to offer you expertise in the field of risking your hard-earned money on Wade Belak & Co. But only here can you find five Pro-Line picks that you can't get anywhere else. And for good reason (Entertainment purposes only -- geez, you've come here for entertainment? y'know, there are always reruns of Seinfeld and Everybody Loves Raymond on, surely you're better off there -- and not to be used as the basis for a wager -- actually, you need three of these to make a wager on Pro-Line, which is not a real wager-like proposition, when you come to think of it. I'm still dreaming of a jai-alai franchise for Toronto, and waiting for the groundswell of support to appear -- now there's a wager.):

TOR H+ win (1.75) over SJ. On Queer Eye for the Satellite Hot Stove Guy, Carson wonders about Eric Duhatschek's wool sports jacket, teal shirt and especially that swirly, multicoloured tie from last week -- "It looks like something out of a Kansas City cathouse," he squeals.

DET H+ win (2.00) over NYI. After addressing Kiwanis Club luncheon, Dick Pound says one-third of the chicken Kiev entrees would test positive for MSG and only another third would test positive for chicken.

DAL-NYG tie (3.00). From tonight's Jeopardy!:

Alex: "Michael from Dallas, your turn."

Michael: "I'll take old jokes for $400, Alex."

Alex: "The answer is, 'Huddle up guys!' ... Michael?"

Michael: "How do you organize a drug ring in Dallas?"

Alex: "You're right!"

TB-NO tie (3.5). Ten people arrested for operating mobile strip joint outside Bucs game last week invited by Vikings to be honorary Santas at upcoming team Christmas party.

SEA V+ win (2.2) v PHI. After Eagles fan scatters ashes of mother on field during game, Philly fans scatter pieces of dead fruit bats on lawn of Terrell Owens.

The official blogger (for now)

End of another week. Before heading out into the road salt, a few items here to clear off the desktop, starting with our ongoing Grey Cup blog search. Haven't heard yet from either of our bloggers -- typical Lotus land sleeping late stuff, I reckon -- so to invoke executive privilege let's just go ahead and introduce JABS' Official Blogger of the 2005 Grey Cup Game (at least for this hour, it is):

I'm pumped, infact I couldn't be happier, I just hope that after I've polutted my viens with more alcohol than I can handle and the final gun sounds on Sunday that Clay and I will be able to make it home in time for the parade. Regardless of the outcome of the game though we're going to light it up and burn Vancouver down.

Go for it, D. Say hi to Fergie for me. And don't forget to pack the Spellcheck.

LUCAS OLENIUK/TORONTO STAR

Soward to reprise the popcorn moment, with a new twist.

One last read: In case you missed it in the morning links here earlier, Gordon Burn's obit on George Best is the best I've read all day, and deserves a look. And amid the tributes, The Times has this warts-and-all look.

Sports around town: I say Tentanda via, you say Vela Arbor Aevo. Of course you guessed it: York's ballers are coming down from their perch at the edge of the world to face U of T downtown tonight at the Sports Gym. Women's game starts at 6, men on at 8 p.m.

What I'm watching: Grey Cup, Sunday, 5:30 p.m., CBC. Hoping for a good game. Oh all right, and a wardrobe malfunction, too.

Not watching: Best of Leafs Lunch, Saturday, 9 p.m., Leafs TV. It's early in the third period in Carolina, Leafs are down by one and you and your pals are cursing at Pat Quinn for the 12th time on the night. And without warning, the host changes the channel to this.

Punters corner: You can go to the Linebacker. Or Chris Schultz. But only here can you find five Pro-line picks that you can't get anywhere else. And for good reason (for entertainment purposes only, not to be used as the basis for a wager and -- just to let you know, I cashed on my Nick and Jessica splitsville over-under of 40 months this week. So life's pretty darned good right now.)

CHE V win (1.3) at PMO. Roman Abramovich’s parrot ordered to remain on board his yacht in New Zealand port; Chelsea owner responds by buying entire country and loaning it out to Milwall.

MTL V win (1.95) at TOR. On this week’s Queer Eye for the Satellite Hot Stove Guy, the panel welcomes the return of Pierre LeBrun, but wonders what happened to the shiny grey tie with the bad fold that looked like two sausages of a few weeks back.

GB-PHI tie (3.2). As Eagles stumble out of contention, Philly fans petition NFL to change team name to Avian Flu.

MTL V win (2.4) vs EDM. Argos’ R. Jay Soward to expand his end zone celebration of last week, bringing bag of popcorn and clean jeans to Fergie during halftime show.

NYJ H win (2.6) vs NWO. With Brooks Bollinger starting, Jets offer free champagne to first 20,000 fans, and unlimited double shots of 151 to anyone who lasts till the end.

Naming a Treasure

Perhaps you hadn't noticed it, because it went over with hardly a peep when announced last summer, but these CFL playoffs are the first to have a corporate name attached.

Back in August, Scotiabank and the CFL announced the naming rights deal. It's old hat across the pond where England's League Cup has for years been shunted between sponsors, from Milk to Littlewoods to Carling and on and on. Golf and tennis have sold the rug out from under their original backers like Hope and Crosby and replaced them with bland corporate monikers. College football in the U.S. too. It's even not that new for the CFL, which for many years handed out hardware called the Schenleys -- that's what everyone called them, the booze company footing the bill.

CP PHOTO

Bally's Pinball Clemons holds up the Second Cup Cup.

This is a little different, in that it suggests that the selling off of the Grey Cup, one of Canada's most venerated sports treasures, is just around the corner. Commissioner Tom Wright didn't rule out the possibility last summer, and I suspect the subject will come up again next week, when the national media, corporate schmoozers and fans gather in Vancouver for this year's renewal of the Grant National Drunk.

The possibilities are endless. The Hooters Grey Cup. The Second Cup Cup. Bally's Pinball Clemons. It's coming.

As we clear off the desk this afternoon, here's a few leftovers to take care of:

One last note: Congratulation to Beth Wightman of the University of Toronto's cross-country team. At last weekend's CIS nationals in Halifax, Wightman, a grad student at U of T, won her third gold medal to go with two she won at Queen's in 2001 and '03.

One last read: The best story going in the NFL, and you've barely heard about it: the latest in Clinton Portis Funkadelic press conference sportswear, from Deadspin, of course.

One last viewing: Ronaldinho has won the Golden Ball award, which is just an excuse to get you to watch this bit of trickery.

Sports around town: The Yeomen host MacMaster on Beach Luau Night tonight at alma mater York University, a place that often reminds me of Malibu. Tomorrow night U of Windsor is in town. Women's and men's doubleheaders start at 6 p.m. both nights. Go Yeo Go!

What I'm watching: Real Madrid at Barcelona, Saturday, 2 p.m., GOL TV. Just to hear the guy yell GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL! Oh, and all right, I'll admit it, someone might throw a pig's head on the pitch.

Not watching: Prokom Trefl at Maccabi Tel Aviv, Saturday, 3:30 p.m., Raptors TV. Was this part of the deal? We beat you on your floor, and you have to show our games?

Punters Corner. Here we are again. Little Johnny's lunch money is just sitting there on the counter, right next to the sheet. You could go to the Linebacker. Or Chris Schultz. But here's five Pro-Line picks you can't get anywhere else. And for good reason. (Entertainment purposes only, not to be used as the basis for any wagers -- not that anyone would want to, did you notice Pro-Line pulled the Colts game off the menu last week? Aye yi-yi, I think it's time to start pushing for an expansion jai-lai franchise for Toronto. Who's with me? etc.):

ARL-WIGN tie (3.0). Flush with newfound success, Latics to announce tour of Asia, new Latics perfume, Latics official shop and introductory brochures explaining what a Latic is.

NYG H+ win (1.8) vs PHI. Tired of being nagged, Giants switch post-game tub dousing of drill sergeant coach Coughlin from Gatorade to liquid ecstacy.

OAK-WASH tie (3.8). Al Davis announces a couple of new signings: Lord Black as official toastmaster of Raider Nation fan club, and James Woods in charge of pregame benediction and bat sacrifice.

TOR H+ win (2.3) vs MON. Good news: CFL to replace garish Tim Horton's logo on field. Bad news: CFL to replace it with picture of Guy With the Big Spoon from Tim Horton's ad.

EDM-B.C. tie (3.2). More details of CFL-Tim Horton's deal: "That's Really Steeped" mom and Guy Who Does the Really Lame Clint Eastwood Impersonation to headline halftime "Up With People on Caffeine" show.

Of gourds and Bentleys

Time to wrap it up around here. But not before a few things are cleared off the desk before the weekend.

One last note: This passed almost unnoticed, but in the world of Giant Vegetables it was big indeed -- a world record gourd at the Royal Agricultural Winter Fair. Chris Lyons of Baltimore, Ont. -- I didn't even know there was a Baltimore, Ont.; come to think of it, I'm not all that sure what a gourd is -- grew a "long gourd, Sicilian zucchini, Snake, Serpent" 9 feet 8 5/8 inches. Not sure what that is in metric; let's just say it's outside the shooting range of Rafael Araujo. There was almost no media coverage of this, but I'm sure it will end up on ESPN Classic soon. And the Royal is on till Sunday, so get on down if you haven't been yet.

One last read: Right before England's friendly with Argentina -- and the launch of Becks' new fragrance -- "Champions League bonker" John Terry is caught getting a little too friendly with a young fan in his car. All together now: "Score in the Bentley/ You only Score in the Bentley ..."

Sports around town: The U of T women opened their season on Wednesday with a win, and the Blues' men's basketballers tip off their OUA regular season tonight against Windsor. It's women's and men's doubleheaders tonight and tomorrow night (against Western) starting at 6 pm at the Athletic Centre, with the men coming on at 8.

What I'm watching: Leafs at Canadiens, Saturday, 7 p.m., CBC. Perhaps one of these weeks, TSN will rank the Habs ahead of the Leafs in their power rankings.

Not watching: A.D.T. Championship golf, Thursday, 3 pm, Golf Channel. Can you imagine watching someone suffering from A.D.D. lining up a putt? Oh, it's A.D.T. Never mind.

Punters corner: You know how it is. You can look at the Linebacker. Or Chris Schultz. But here's five Pro-Line picks you can't get anywhere else. And for good reason (Entertainment purposes only, not to be used for a wager, etc., and still shaking over the excitement of that world record zucchini -- man alive, they'll be eating ratatouille in Baltimore tonight, and tomorrow night, and the next night... -- we'll leave it at that this week):

TUR V win (2.8) vs SUI. Surely you've heard of Turkey on Swiss.

MTL H win (1.65) vs TOR. On this week's Queer Eye for the Satellite Hot Stove Guy, the panel presents a retrospective of Al Strachan's hairstyling tips and sports jackets.

NAS H+ win (2.0) vs STL. With team sucking and crowds dwindling, Blues announce new Giant Vegetable promotion, with a free gourd to the first 10,000 fans.

CAR H+ win (1.5) vs NYJ. In wake of Pantherettes in the loo story, Carolina president orders all dancers to take refresher courses on ethics of cheerleading.

DAL V win (2.5) vs PHI. In the spirit of Terrell Owens' apology, contrite Eagles tell fans they're sorry for Rich Kotite era.

Into the weekend

It's Friday. Some places to go and things to look at before packing up the desk and heading home to rake leaves:

One last read: Next time Terrell Owens is out there and somebody is slobbering all over the floor and waving him over to sign a contract, I hope they remember this (as if anyone should need reminding).

Sports around town: Hey, it's Royal Agricultural Winter Fair time. Milk them cows! Hitch dem hosses! Weigh those punkins! Or something like that.

What I'm watching: Nets at Raptors (7 p.m., Score, tonight). Because I just love watching sports on TV inside all those boxes, with a news crawl, a live ticker and medication.

What I'm not watching: Timberwolves at Clippers (KTLA, 10:30 pm, Saturday). I know, I know, so much drama here -- Will Clippers wear their third jersey? Will Sam Cassell deliver pregame monologue? Has Mike Dunleavy been fired yet? -- but I gotta pass.

AP PHOTO

With the choir singing Wind Beneath My Wings, Tedy to heal Benny on MNF.

Punters corner. You could go to the Linebacker. Or Chris Schultz. But here's five Pro-line picks you can't get anywhere else. And for good reason (Entertainment purposes only -- and with that in mind we're in talks with the Raptors' creative agency about doing one of those snazzy I'm-a-dorky-white-guy-and-look-at-me-dance-funny intros for punters corner, like the one they unveiled Wednesday for their pregame intros this year -- not to be used as the basis of a wager, and when does that deal with the province and the NBA end so's I can blow my paycheque on Matt Bonner anyway? I wanna blow by dough! On Matt Bonner! NOW!):

TB V win (2.0) at TOR. In wake of last Saturday's 8-0 loss, Leafs TV to offer new repackaged show after Game In An Hour is shown: Game Over in Three Minutes.

CAR V win (2.0) at TB. On Everybody Hates Chris Simms this week: Fresh off a loss to the awful 49ers in his debut, Bucs QB dodges garbage and insults while running errands around St. Pete's.

CHI V+ win (2.6) at NO. Saints owner Tom Benson announces he will not attend any more New Orleans games, but will instead fly over the stadium to assess the devastation.

SD V+ win (1.8) at NYJ. Desperate for a quarterback, Jets sign the guy who stole the ball away from Brett Favre last week.

NE H win (2.8) v IND. NFL and Monday Night Football to feature special halftime presentation: Tedy Bruschi heals Benny Hinn.

 

Giddy up

A looking ahead post to send you into your weekend, with some good reads and some regulars returning:

What I'm watching. Breeders' Cup (Saturday, 1 pm, NBC). Old track pal Peter Mallet, of Crushing the Cup fame -- they'll be giving it away at Woodbine tomorrow, a rare instance of a handout that might make you some money -- passes along this e-mail from Belmont:

"Much comedy here, most of it provided this year by the Brits and their sudden concern about the weather and the turf -- "it's like a bowl of soup out there" sez Gerald Butler (trainer of Jack Sullivan). As if it hadn't rained in Europe all fall. Maybe he left his waders back at the yard."

Euros complaining about North American turf. Well I never. (By the way, Peter loves Singletary to defend in the Mile, and who am I to argue? As for my Classic pick Borrego, ace Star handicapper Jennifer Morrison termed his gallop this morning "awesome".)

What I'm not watching: Red Sox Week (WSBK, Sunday, 10 p.m.). On Monday, no game. On Tuesday, no game. On Wednesday -- you get the idea. 

Punters corner: A Friday tradition for, oh, eight weeks or so. You can go to the Linebacker. Or Chris Schultz. Or any of a number of places. But here's five Pro-Line picks that you can't get anywhere else. And for good reason (For entertainment purposes only. Don't ever, ever make a wager based on them. But Pro-Line, which falls outside the category of wagers into the realm of "pin the tail on the government-funded hospital bed", is definitely not a wager):

OTT V+ win (2.7) at TOR. On Queer Eye for the Satellite Hot Stove Guy, the panel works on Eric Duhatschek's yikes-only-a-sportswriter-would-wear-that sports jacket.

CHI V win (2.6) at DET (NFL). With Bears gathering momentum, coach Lovie Smith vows an even tougher approach, changing name to Hatie Smith.

NWO H win (2.5) vs. MIA. On Trailer Park Boys, Ricky Williams guest stars as Bubbles is called up to be the Jets' next quarterback, and Julian and Ricky concoct scheme to sell "Meadowlands Maui Wowie" brownies outside Giants Stadium.

CLE V win (2.5) at HOU. On this week's Disasters of the Century, a special show on Houston: the Astros' World Series; Tom DeLay; The Texans.

FLA V win (2.9) at TOR. Due to skyrocketing cost of insurance, Leafs cancel AMJ Move of the Game promotion where fan chosen at random is moved down to be Wade Belak's defence partner.

Almost forgot this: Jean Van De Velde, protesting that women are allowed to play with men, wants to try to qualify for the British Women's Open. To which the Brothers Judd reply: Don't Frenchman qualify already?

Toronto vs. Montreal, renewed

One of the NHL's stated goals in its reincarnation is fostering rivalries.

But even with two of these newfangled Leafs vs Habs games in the books, the old Toronto-Montreal meeting, ice division, has a long way to go and many years of neglect to make up for. It was one of the casualties of the NHL's first big expansion, in 1967 -- after that, the Leafs withered into years of mediocrity while the Habs thrived under Pollock, Bowman et al. The last time the two teams met in the NHL playoffs is 1979, ancient history. In hockey, anyway, it's the Battle of Ontario that stirs the passions of most fans and players, because it's the playoffs and those long series that build familiarity, enmity -- and rivalries.

One place where Toronto vs. Montreal has come to stand for something more than just business as usual is on the football field. I did a piece for the Star last year on this, and nothing much has changed.

When the Argos play the Alouettes at Montreal's Olympic Stadium Saturday afternoon, it'll be the latest instalment of the longest-running and most bitter CFL series east of Alberta. This is an almost-playoff game, but there's plenty of spillover from last year's postseason meeting -- "They are so arrogant as a team and as a coaching staff," said Argos' Eric England after knocking out Montreal QB Anthony Calvillo -- and they may well hook up again, too, in a few weeks come playoff time. Which would make it seven playoff meetings in the past nine years, and four in a row. We can only hope. On a busy weekend, this is what I'm watching.

Elsewhere this morning:

Thanks to Joe Pantalone for your morning smile, as a city hall committee approves $9.8 million of our money to help build a soccer stadium: "I'd like to suggest that the chances of this stadium losing money is probably similar to there being an earthquake in Toronto in the next few years," said Pantalone, whose ward includes the waterfront park. E-mailer Michael Brown responds:

"Gotta love Joe Pantalone. Right after Mr. Pantload proclaims the new football palace will lose money as soon as we get a tectonic attack, a rattler shakes up Owen Sound. Jean Drapeau, anyone?"

ESPN.com's Jerry Crasnick has this World Series breakdown, and a prediction: Astros in seven. Meantime, Richard Griffin, Expos' public relations man when Larry Walker arrived in the bigs, is there to see off Walker's career.

I'm not sure I would agree with the suggestion that the Breeders' Cup has declined, at least in terms of racing fan interest, but as Dave Perkins puts it, there's no better day in Canadian racing than International day at Woodbine.

Among the Raptors, some early reviews are in on Jose Calderon, and as Doug Smith reports: "While nearly everyone connected with the team has conceded the starting point guard role to veteran Mike James, Calderon is making a strong case for carrying a heavy workload, if not starting right away."

Oh, and about the NHL's new broadcaster in the U.S. -- they've been pulled from the country's second-largest dish network.

Punters corner: You could go to the Linebacker. Or Chris Schultz. Even, now that it's hockey season, the abacus-readers at Hockey Analysis. Here's where you get five Pro-Line picks you just can't get anywhere else. And for good reason (For entertainment purposes only, not to be used as the basis for any wagering activity -- ie, anything other than Pro-Line, etc.):

Houston over Chicago (BBL, Game 1, odds TBA). With White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen a regular upchucker before games due to nervousness, Fox adds Toilet-Cam to its coverage.

NJ V+ win (2.3) at Atlanta (NHL): Rash of goaltending injuries means Thrashers call up Frosty McFreeze from the Home Depot commercial.

Arizona H win (2.3) vs Tennessee: In wake of Vikings’ Love Boat escapades, Cardinals being investigated for bye-week team-bonding trip to Tempe dinner theatre to watch Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

Phil H win (1.9) vs San Diego: After blowout loss in Dallas, Terrell Owens and Donovan McNabb decide they don’t want to talk after all, but agree to exchange e-mails, Christmas cards and recipes.

Atlanta H+ win (1.8) vs NY Jets: With Vinny Testaverde at QB, Jets GM looks for depth, travelled to Guatemala this week hoping Gary Hogoboom would lose his immunity challenge and be voted off the island.