What the hell are they doing up in Toronto?

A few things to ponder as you clear your desk this afternoon, while waiting for the puckage to begin:

Michelle Wie is now a pro golfer.

Vinny Testaverde is now a starting quarterback.

In a move designed to eliminate icky shuffles, Real Madrid have been told: no more of those cockroach celebrations.

True Hoop keeps hearing the same question: What the hell are they doing up in Toronto?

Did you hear the one about the caddy who lost a couple matches to a woman? Well, he's suing.

I'm not much of a vroom-vroomer, but these racing car dioramas are quite spectacular.

You knew that the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue was a dead giveaway, didn't you?

Missed it by That Much

We're getting ready here for tomorrow's Stumpython (see previous post). Y'know how it goes. Timbits. Cheesies. Bologna and Kraft slices on a toothpick. No-name pop. And lots of bunting.
We're already getting some comments, too. Okay, we got one. BFerg, thanks man, but save that jones for tomorrow around noon. We might even have some prizes to give out, if anything lying around my desk looks expendable.
We also have to take care of the usual stuff as well, though, because it's what we do. And what would a news cycle be without Paris Hilton? Cavorting with Jeremy Roenick. Oh man, Philly was never like that, was it, J-Ro?

Tonight, we're watching: Jays at Red Sox (7 pm, Sportsnet). It's time, I reckon, for Curt Schilling to break out the bloody sock. This AL East race -- and the wild-card -- have gotta be the most fun going in sports these days. Outside of the Stumpython, that is. 

Not watching: Poker: Comics vs Pros (10 pm, Guy TV). Never in a skillion years. Besides, given this news, GSN should be turning over its entire prime-time schedule to reruns of Get Smart, Check it Out! and The Nude Bomb. Okay, maybe not those last two.

Your weekend beckons

I don't know how it happened, but we missed one this morning -- Martha Burk (remember her? Think hard now. Think, The Masters. Hootie. Ding! Now you got it). The chairwoman of NOW doesn't like the NHL's new ad campaign:

"The woman is dressed provocatively and when she asks the player if he's ready, it's a double-entendre in my view. She's in the ad as a groomer, a sex object."

I haven't seen the segment yet, and wasn't really planning on it, but I'm sure to now -- hope it's work-safe. But I've got a problem with the ad campaign already. It's that My NHL slogan. Surely we can come up with a better one before this weekend is up (from puckupdate, via Deadspin -- Thanks, folks).

And to join in my collection of bobbleheads, I so want this, Santa: A Wayne Rooney action figure.

There's a world championship going on in Vegas this weekend (Maybe it's just me, but I'll rent the movie instead).

And just in case the Presidents Cup has you all revved up, here's some domestic minigolf for you.

We're watching: It's the weekend so it's PIP time. Tonight, it's the Jays at the hated Yankees (7 p.m., Sportsnet), cutting into and leading to Argos at the Green Riders (9 P.M., TSN) -- actually, they're the only Riders now. Saturday it's the Leafs in Montreal (7 p.m., Leafs TV) and the unbeaten B.C. Lions at Edmonton (7 p.m., CBC; still trying to figure out the soundtrack for this one -- suggestions?). Sunday, we'll hold our breath and hope that one of those 4 p.m. NFL games (Patriots at Steelers; Randy Moss at T.O.) actually holds our attention. 

We're not watching: 2003 World Series of Poker (ESPN Classic, Saturday, 7 p.m.). I love this station because you never know what you're going to get -- the 1984 Samoan Crab Wrestling Finals, say, or a Brian Bosworth retrospective. I'm a sucker for those old Sports Hot Seat shows, too, with Pat, Wilbur, John Wells and the late, great Jack Donohue on a set that looks like it's going to fall over if anyone breathes too hard. Now that's CLASSIC. But poker? From 2003?   

Evening fare

Rafael Palmeiro’s retirement testimonial just got smaller. A report in the Baltimore Sun says that Palmeiro fingered a teammate as his ‘roids supplier during closed-door testimony in his defence. Palmeiro was planning to return to the Orioles for the final weekend of games, but somehow I think that’s off now.

Oh, and this is breaking news. Or maybe just news. Oh, let's just tell you: The Onion has added a sports page. Yeah, the site with headlined stories like "Pro Athlete Lauded for being Decent Human Being, "Wrestling Announcer Can't Believe What He's Seeing" and numerous other scoops has decided it's time for a sports divison. And about time, I say!

As for tonight:

We’re watching: Leafs vs. Habs (Leafs TV, 7:30 p.m.). What else? Forget that rivalry stuff. This is the preseason. I just want to see if Jason Allison actually exists (and if you’ve been keeping up with the Hockey Page, you already know the answer to that).

We’re not watching: Palmer Cup highlights (Golf Channel, 8 p.m.). Jesse is cut by the Giants and this is the best he can do? He was The Bachelor, for pete’s sake. Oh, it says the Palmer Cup. Never mind.