Jim Kenzie's The Driver's Seat

How far is it, Daddy?

Most cars today have low fuel lights. As Motoring 2008 proved the other day, this can mean anywhere from 50 to 188 km left in the tank.

Some cars also have trip computers which typically show, among other things, Distance to Empty.

But in my recollection, every single one of those switches to "Refuel soon!" or some such message, as soon as it gets below 50 km to empty, so you don't really know how far you really have to go.

Seems to me this is precisely when you would MOST WANT to know this number! So why do they take it away? Are they just trying to scare you into re-fuelling right now? What if this means diving off into some scary part of town when you really didn't have to?

"Bonfire of the Vanities" was a lousy book and a worse movie, but l still don't want to replicate the opening scene. (If you don't know the story just ignore that last sentence. It isn’t worth the pain of going through all that).

Let there be light

Transport Canada should enact a regulation forcing car makers to allow for maximum illumination of all dashboard instruments and read-outs when the headlights are on.

In most cars, switching on the lights means automatic dimming of the dash lights, on the theory that because you turn your lights on at night, you don't need the dash lights to be all that bright.

Not bad, given the theory. However, that theory is grievously flawed.

Because those of us/you who really care about traffic safety switch our real headlights on all the time, day or night.

Why? Because (a) we know 'lights on' makes us more visible and hence less likely to get into a collision, and (b) we know we cannot rely on Daytime Running Lights, most of which only switch on the front lights. Especially on freeways during inclement weather, having the rear lights on is much more important than having the fronts on.

(Some jurisdictions make it mandatory to switch on your headlights when the wipers are on. Not a problem for us - our lights are ALWAYS on.)

So to establish good habits, it's seat, mirrors and steering wheel adjusted, belt buckled, ignition on, lights switched on, every time, before we pull away.

But in cars without a max dash light setting, this leaves us unable to see the gauges and read-outs during the day.

Some notable exceptions that spring to mind: the Chrysler 300 family of cars, and various Nissan models. These typically have a rotating knob with a rheostat to vary the night-time dash light intensity to personal taste, along with two detents in the range of rotation. Click past the first one, and you get full IP lighting. Click past the second and you get the interior dome lights on.

Brilliant.

All others, please copy.

Beam me up, Scotty - or at least beam me home

I heard the other day that when Satellite Navigation systems are a stand-alone option, they have only something like a 15 percent take rate. Even on the high-end cars where SatNav is optional, the  well-heeled clientèle is baulking at spending several thousand dollars on factory-fitted guidance systems.

Surely part of this is due to the fact that you can go to Canadian Tire and buy a Garmin or a TomTom for a couple hundred bucks. OK, it isn't surgically grafted into your dashboard, but it does the job for a fraction of the cost.

Some cell phones now offer the same service too.

I admit - when these systems first came out, I thought they were frills. You could also beat them fairly easily - get them to take you down a one-way street or whatever. It used to be a game to see how quickly I could make the disembodied voice say, "If possible, please make a legal U-turn."

There have also been reports, possibly apocryphal, of SatNav systems directing people to drive right off docks into the ocean.

Listen - you still have to drive the car.

But I have become something of a fan, especially when driving into unfamiliar towns.

Or even semi-familiar ones, like Paris. How the heck did visitors ever get around that place with paper maps spread out all across their laps?

True, some of these systems are still less than intuitive to operate. But the human machine is infinitely adaptable, and you can eventually figure them out. Most will also calculate how long it will take to get to your destination, which is valuable even if you do know where you're going.

I haven't seen any systems over here that have real-time traffic information. But in Europe, I have been in cars where a row of little red car-like icons will appear on the map, indicating a slow-down up ahead. Of course, the system can also suggest an alternate route.

Now, that's cool.

Livin' in Marina del Rey

Are Los Angelinos finally starting to embrace the concept of High-Occupancy Vehicle lanes on their freeways?

I mean, you only have to have one other person in the car to qualify - you could car pool in a Miata - yet you used to see people playing tennis in the HOV lane while the other seventeen lanes were stopped for long enough to plant a flower garden in the median.

But this morning, being schlepped from Westlake Village, due north of Malibu, to LAX, the HOV lane was just about as busy as the rest of the freeway.

They weren't all hybrids either, which get a free ride even if you're driving solo.

Hey - maybe it's progress.

It's What's Up Front that Counts

Look at this car. It's the new 2008 Dodge Challenger. Is it gorgeous, or what?

Now, you would no more want to screw a licence plate frame onto that bumper than you'd want to glue a wart onto the Mona Lisa.

So the front plate was being held on to the right sun visor with a couple of elastic bands (I swung it up out of the way for this photo).

But the other day, a young police officer, obviously attracted by the car, pulled me over.

"You of all people, Mr. Kenzie, should know that it is illegal not to have a front plate on the bumper," he said.

Ah, no, actually - I did not know that, I replied. I thought as long as it was visible from the front it was OK.

"No," he countered. "We have a zero tolerance policy on this due the recent rash of hit-and-run collisions."

Hmm - I would have thought you'd be more likely to see a hit-and-run from behind, but never mind.

"The Highway Traffic Act states the front plate must be attached to the front bumper," he continued.

Well, actually, no it doesn't. The HTA itself makes no mention whatsoever of where the front 'number plate' as it is called therein has to be attached. There is a "Regulation", sort of an addendum to the Act,  to wit R. R. O. 1990, Reg. 628, s. 9 (3), which states the plates "...shall be attached to and exposed in a conspicuous position in the front and rear of the motor vehicle."

It could be argued that the plate on the sun visor wasn't all that conspicuous, but it cannot be argued that the HTA demands it be fitted to the front bumper, because it clearly does not.

However, I do not make a practice of arguing with anybody really (no, seriously) - especially a guy with a gun on his hip and a partner who frankly, was spending most of the time glomming at the car.

And he was nice enough to let me off with a warning and no ticket.

So at the next safe spot I pulled over and MacGyver'd the plate into the grille of the car using the elastic bands that had been holding it on to the sun visor, plus some dental floss I just happened to have in my briefcase. (Be good to your teeth and they will be good to you - something like that.)

Next stop, Canadian Tire, where I bought a set of mini-bungee cords. It now looks a bit more sanitary, yet the plate can still be quickly removed for future photo ops.

Moral of the story - not having a front plate bolted to your front bumper may or may not be illegal.

But if you're driving a very conspicuous car, why would you want to be poking at sleeping rattlesnakes?

 

I'll show you my pet peeves if you'll show me yours

What percentage of drivers would you guess wear sunglasses at some point?

I dunno - maybe ALL of them?

And what percentage of those sunglasses would you guess had polarized lenses?

I dunno again - maybe ALL of them?

So, how come virtually all digital displays in car dashboards are completely unreadable when you're wearing sunglasses? Especially in bright sunlight when of course you're most likely to be wearing sunglasses?

Same goes for almost all SatNav maps and menus.

I think it's time for a technology breakthrough here.

UPDATE! The Mazda RX-8 I was driving a couple of weeks ago does have digital read-outs that can be read in bright sunlight with polarized sunglasses on, which proves it can be done. All others, please copy.

***

Maybe you have some pet peeves about car design you'd like to share with the rest of us?

Fire away.

As long as they're not libelous or too rude, we'll post them here.

Thank you, Brian Jones

No, not the late lead guitar player for the Rolling Stones.

Brian Jones of Memory Lane Limousines had a battery booster at the Milton Car Show last evening (details on this really cool show in next week's Wheels print edition). I had left the ignition on in the new Dodge Challenger I had brought to the event (more details on transponder ignitions in my Carte Blanche column in said next week's Wheels print edition) and the battery had died.

Brian to the rescue.

Lady Leadfoot thanks you too, because otherwise she would have had to come and bail me out - I would have been too embarrassed to call CAA for this one.

Driving in New Brunswick

The press ride-and-drive for the Pontiac G8 (read all about it this weekend in Wheels' print edition) was in New Brunswick. We don't come here often, but we should - it's quite lovely, the people are friendly, and there are lots of interesting and challenging roads.

On the freeways, they tend to drive right, pass left. Hallelujah.

Often, wide-open intersections are controlled by YIELD signs instead of STOP signs. Or, as they have here, "STOP/ARRET" signs - New Brunswick is bilingual.

They even have a few roundabouts, and a 110km/h speed limit on some of their expressways!

Hey - it's a start.

And they're 'way ahead of Ontario.

Do Before you Die

I didn't see The Bucket List, the movie about what you want to get done before you kick the bucket.

But if there's a Do Before you Die Motorsport List, then one or both of the Goodwood events in Chichester England should be on it.

The Festival of Speed is on as I type (I am there/here as I type).

Some years ago, Charles Lord March , owner of the Goodwood Estate, wanted to bring racing back to his property, which incorporates the Goodwood Racing Circuit, famous or infamous for, among other things, being the track where Bruce McLaren lost his life, and Sir Stirling Moss almost lost his.

But the local town council planners said residents would be bothered by the noise and crowds, so they refused permission. Not like the old days, eh Lord March, when a little boiling oil would take care of everything?

Actually, the current Lord March would never even think something like that - he is a wonderfully nice man.

But he did find a way around the proscription - he decided to run a hillclimb event up the driveway of his
"house" - and never has so modest a term been applied to so magnificent a building.

He called it the Festival of Speed, and it rapidly became the must-do motorsport event of the summer. We'll have a full report on it in next week's Wheels.

Lord March did eventually get permission to run vintage races on his own property. Thus began the Goodwood Revival, which takes place in mid- to late-September each year. I personally won't have a report on that event because as usual, it conflicts this year with Targa Newfoundland - speaking of events that should be on your Do Before you Die Motorsport List.

Both Goodwood events involve racing cars, mostly old and sometimes new, doing what they were designed to do - go fast.

Politically incorrect?

Maybe.

Entertaining?

What part of "Do Before you Die" aren't you understanding?

This road is groovy - Part Deux

The grooved sections of the eastbound 401 near Mavis Road have finally been re-paved.

The question remains: Why did this take so long? Does the grooved pavement have to bake in the sun (or, in our case this spring, soak in the rain) for four months before it can be repaired?