Now, you would no more want to screw a licence plate frame onto that bumper than you'd want to glue a wart onto the Mona Lisa.
So the front plate was being held on to the right sun visor with a couple of elastic bands (I swung it up out of the way for this photo).
But the other day, a young police officer, obviously attracted by the car, pulled me over.
"You of all people, Mr. Kenzie, should know that it is illegal not to have a front plate on the bumper," he said.
Ah, no, actually - I did not know that, I replied. I thought as long as it was visible from the front it was OK.
"No," he countered. "We have a zero tolerance policy on this due the recent rash of hit-and-run collisions."
Hmm - I would have thought you'd be more likely to see a hit-and-run from behind, but never mind.
"The Highway Traffic Act states the front plate must be attached to the front bumper," he continued.
Well, actually, no it doesn't. The HTA itself makes no mention whatsoever of where the front 'number plate' as it is called therein has to be attached. There is a "Regulation", sort of an addendum to the Act, to wit R. R. O. 1990, Reg. 628, s. 9 (3), which states the plates "...shall be attached to and exposed in a conspicuous position in the front and rear of the motor vehicle."
It could be argued that the plate on the sun visor wasn't all that conspicuous, but it cannot be argued that the HTA demands it be fitted to the front bumper, because it clearly does not.
And he was nice enough to let me off with a warning and no ticket.
So at the next safe spot I pulled over and MacGyver'd the plate into the grille of the car using the elastic bands that had been holding it on to the sun visor, plus some dental floss I just happened to have in my briefcase. (Be good to your teeth and they will be good to you - something like that.)
Next stop, Canadian Tire, where I bought a set of mini-bungee cords. It now looks a bit more sanitary, yet the plate can still be quickly removed for future photo ops.
Moral of the story - not having a front plate bolted to your front bumper may or may not be illegal.
But if you're driving a very conspicuous car, why would you want to be poking at sleeping rattlesnakes?