...two wheels is at least one too few.
Just too many degrees of freedom in that scenario for me.
My motorcycling buddies - yes, I have some - have heard this a million times, but they continue to flaunt the laws of physics, whistling past the graveyard on their two-wheeled road rockets.
And some of their two-wheeled confreres make it very difficult for the entire fraternity/sisterhood, by being absolute jerks on the road.
I saw one particularly loony bikey during my drive home from Quebec City last week.
I couldn't tell because of the helmet, but I'd bet my AMC Hornet it was a young man at the, um, handlebars.
I didn't recognize the make and model; maybe you bikeys can help me? It had a wheel at the front, a wheel at the back and an engine in the middle - you know that one? It was red - a Ducati maybe? They're red, aren't they?
Anyway, this idiot came screaming onto the highway just west of Montreal, juked back right to pass several cars on the on-ramp, cut back left across three lanes of traffic missing a transport truck seemingly by the thickness of his leather riding suit, and disappeared into the far distance.
I just don't get it.
Then there's lane-splitting, the practice of riding along the dotted white line between lanes of cars.
With their handlebars and our side-view mirrors, this leaves approximately zero room for error - or for sabotage on the part of irritated drivers.
Discussions with the Esteemed Editor of the print edition of Wheels - an avid bikey - and perusal of the web seems to indicate that lane-splitting is not illegal in Ontario per se - there does not appear to be a sub-section in the Highway Traffic Act that I can find which sayeth unto thee: "Thou shalt not split thy lanes".
I imagine The Man could still find something to charge you with if he/she was in the mood ("The Man" being a non-gender-specific term in this context.)
But why in the world would a bikey even think about doing something like that?
Their chat rooms are full of nasty comments about car drivers - 'lard-assed rust-bucket runners" popped up on one of them.
So why would bikeys put their lives at risk by getting so close to people whose intelligence and skill they clearly do not overestimate?
Esteemed Editor noted that lane splitting is common in Europe - it used to allow him to cut his commute into London in half. And it's relatively safe because car drivers over there sort of expect it to happen.
Still, I wonder how the French reproduce themselves. Lane-splitting is so common there and so fraught in Paris particularly that I wonder how any of them live long enough to sire offspring...
On the handlebar/side-view mirror issue, said Esteemed Editor told me he once saw a "dispatch rider" - I think we call them couriers - in London come to a situation where his bike would not fit through. So he pulled a wheelie and rode on by.
A braver man than I am. Gunga Din.
Bikeys are engaged in on-going discussions about their right to lane-split, how it would improve throughput hence efficiency on our highways, how can we be so ignorant, etc.
All of which reminds me of an epitaph my Grade 10 history teacher told the class one day (ah yes, Ernie Brown. He collected epitaphs...).
It went like this:
"Here lies the body of Jonathan Ray
Who died defending his right of way
He was right - dead right - as he rode along
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong."
Let the flaming begin.