(...with apologies to David Johansen, a.k.a. Buster Poindexter...)
Picked up a new Volkswagen Jetta TDI wagon test car yesterday.
Now, regular readers know I have a fondness for VWs, and for wagons, and for Diesels.
Which pretty much makes this the damned-near perfect car.
Not just for me. It satisfies about 90 percent of the needs Canadians have for cars.
It's got them nailed.
My 'real' car is a 2003 Jetta TDI, which is now about three generations old as far as Diesel technology goes.
Still, apart from the front passenger seat catching on fire (they all do that, sir), it has been a terrific car.
The new one is even better.
Roomier, faster - MUCH faster - and even better fuel consumption.
Except - you saw 'except' coming, didn't you? - this one is equipped with leather seats.
Virtually every luxury car has leather seats.
Most wanna-be luxury cars have leather seats.
That's because most people want leather seats.
I just don't get it.
Why do they do this to themselves? Are they punishing themselves for misdeeds in previous lifetimes?
Of course, the car has heated seats. (Everybody pretty much has heated seats these days.)
But the main reason the new Jetta - any new car - HAS to have heated seats is that in winter, leather seats are just too damned cold.
However, the Jetta isn't far enough up the luxury car food chain to qualify for cooled seats.
So in summer - like yesterday, 35 degrees and about 99 percent humidity, admittedly not typical of THIS non-summer - leather seats are just too damned hot and sweaty, even with the air-con set to 'cryogenic'.
And of course, leather seats are just too damned slippery all the time.
Fortunately, you can get a VW Jetta TDI Wagon with cloth upholstery. My 2003 of course has cloth upholstery, the way God in Her wisdom intended.
Although even that catches on fire.
I can't really blame car makers for installing leather seats when most of their customers seem to want them.
But why, people? WHY!?