Four car guys with a free day and two Porsche Cayennes at our disposal - what do YOU think we're gonna do?
Of course - get on the Internet and look for a go-kart track.
If you're in Leipzig Germany, that Google search will fetch up "Sax Racing Gmbh".
Closer examination reveals this to be an indoor track. It's too nice a day for that.
So "Motordrom Belleben" it is.
It's about 85 km from Leipzig, about a 25 minute drive in Germany. If Julian Fantino were the Top Cop here, the entire country would be in jail.
When we arrived, there were only two other drivers at the venue, both local racers getting the winter bugs out of their machines - and themselves - in preparation for the coming season.
Where were the rest of the locals? On such a beautiful Saturday morning?
Oh well - their loss; our gain.
Two euros each for a 'head condom', a cotton balaclava to prevent cootie migration from the 'you-wouldn't-let-your-kid-ride-her-bike-in-one-of-these' plastic helmets, and 12 euros each for ten minutes of track time. Thus began the first (we can't call it 'annual' until next year) Cayenne Cup Kart Championship.
The business model for a public kart track means low speeds (less danger = lower insurance premiums). Our resident karting expert estimated these single-cylinder rockets had maybe three and a half horsepower.
At least that was 'each', not 'in total'.
Profitability also means tires that last forever, which means hard as hockey pucks, which means - no grip!
Hey; spins are part of the fun.
Success in karting, as in all car racing, depends largely on the car. As near as we could tell, these rental units were about as evenly matched as it gets.
Talent, driver weight, experience - and the treachery of your fellow competitors - also play major roles.
Russ Bond, ("I'm James!" sez I. "I'm Bond!" sez he. "Together," we chorus, "we're James Bond!"); Derek McNaughton from Ottawa; former Wheels contributor and now Porsche Canada PR guy Laurance Yap; and Your Obedient Servant comprised said competitors.
Surprisingly, I wasn't looking too bad on the weight criterion, despite all the schnitzel I'd eaten over the previous couple of days. We were all within about 10 kilos of each other, but I was second-lightest.
And what I gave up in talent and experience - I had karted once in the past fifteen years - I figured I could make up with a variation on that old adage: "Age and treachery will defeat youth and enthusiasm every time."
I forgot that other old adage: "Never under-estimate your competitors."
The details of who won and who lost don't really matter.
Unless you won.
Actually, McNaughton won both heats - yes, we went twice - but only because Bond, a former pro racer and owner of a new 'karting for kids' business, slowed down now and then to let the rest of us catch up.
He also shunted each of us off the track at least once.
Old adage time again: "If you ain't rubbin', you ain't racin'!"
We also had to be wary of the racing karts which whizzed by us like we were painted on the pavement, on what seemed like every third lap.
After the 'competition', when the real racers were taking their lunch break, we set up the photo you see here.
BTW, I currently hold the Motodrom Belleben lap record for a Porsche Cayenne, by virtue of having been the only person to ever drive a Cayenne around this tight, twisty little circuit. Derek backed the other Cayenne into position.
Our thanks to Maic Wolter (that's him in the yellow Number 32) and his racing buddies for the 'foreground'. Good luck this season, guys.