"Idiot" is probably as strong a word as I can get away with in a family newspaper blog; feel free to insert your own expletive...
It was a close-run contest today, with many strong contenders.
Fortunately for the judges (er, that'd be 'judge', as in 'me') the arena was compact - the 401 westbound between 427 and Hurontario, between 4:30 and 5:00 p.m. today.
The overall winner was in a bright blue Mazda3 hatchback. The judge cited his overall body of work, a bewildering array of last-minute lane-changes (no turn signals of course), cut-offs, and tailgatings. All at about 20 km/h, because as usual at this time and place, traffic was dead-slow. I mean, where the heck was he going to go?
Second prize went to the black Dodge Challenger, for best single stupid move of the competition, a race into brake lights so he could cut off ONE MORE CAR (mine, as it turned out) before slamming on his brakes to avoid piling into the traffic which was already stopped 50 metres down the road. Is the Nissan Versa (my Hot Rod du Jour) so hard to look at that he could only stand to see it in his rear-view mirror?
Third place goes to the woman (yes ladies; this is one contest open to any and all genders) in one of those indistinguishable three-letter Acura SUVs, in medium gray. She apparently couldn't get enough of my little red hatchback, judging from the fact that she seemed to want to look at it from 10 cm away. C'mon lady; maybe you were late picking up little Brittany from her orthodontist appointment, but really - are you going to get there any sooner by climbing all over my back bumper? Some of you jerks just love to tail-gate; but what if you end up behind some jerk who loves to brake-test? By law, the tailgater is guilty, so what's the point?
All this aggressiveness netted our three champion idiots nothing but the enmity of their fellow drivers (there are no prizes in this contest), because through judicious lane selection, mostly involving the Jim-only lane, I ended up ahead of all three. I lost track of the Mazda, I saw the Challenger in my rear-view mirror as he exited at Mister-and-Mississauga Road, and I guess Brittany's orthodontist is on Winston Churchill somewhere.
Oh, honourable mention goes to about 80 percent of the other road users, not for aggressiveness, but for brain-deadness. I know I have gone on about this before, and followers of this blog aren't likely to be among the guilty, but remind everyone you know: IT IS RAINING OUT THERE, PEOPLE; TURN ON YOUR FRICKIN' HEADLIGHTS! In the vast majority of today's cars, the Daytime Running Lights do not illuminate the taillights, which on a highway are way more important than the headlights.
Especially in conditions of limited visibility.
OK, I feel better now...
Jim, couldn't agree more with the lights. I have a Kia Rondo, and the lights are on all of the time, and turns off automatically when you turn the key off. It is just a no-brainer, and allows you to have both headlights and taillights on when driving in all conditions. Why can't every company figure this out?
Posted by: Rev. Ted McCollum | June 03, 2010 at 08:08 PM
Sheesh Jim, maybe you should ride a bike to work instead ;)
Posted by: RP | June 04, 2010 at 07:17 AM
Hi Jim,
You aren't one of the drivers who leaves about 200m between the car in front when traffic is averaging a stately 20km/h are you? :D That's my particular pet peeve. For crying out loud, these people see the car in front start moving, and wait until it's just over the horizon before letting everyone else start to move! ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHH!
Thanks, just wanted to vent!
-EM
Posted by: EM | June 04, 2010 at 11:18 AM
Time we had a law similar to that in New York and, I believe, other states: If your windshield wipers are on, your headlights have to be on, too.
Posted by: Bill Taylor | June 04, 2010 at 12:02 PM
I don't understand the difficulty in turning on your headlights. It takes less than a second and can save you from a collision because you were seen by the other drivers. Ideally, just turn them on when you drive. Using full headlights on 400 series highways are the most important. When I'm travelling that fast, I want to be seen!
Posted by: Jason | June 04, 2010 at 12:13 PM
To Randy:
Don't have to. I've got the most environmentally-friendly, safe gig of all - I work out of my home!
Jim Kenzie
Posted by: Jim Kenzie | June 06, 2010 at 08:39 PM
To EM:
You're welcome!
Proper driving practice suggests a three-second gap, so the distance should increase as the speed does. Pretty hard to maintain in any sort of traffic around THIS town - five cars will try to fill the gap!
Hope YOU aren't one of those!
Jim Kenzie
Posted by: Jim Kenzie | June 06, 2010 at 08:42 PM
To Bill:
It would be useful.
Or, we could just learn to do it ourselves!
Jim Kenzie
Posted by: Jim Kenzie | June 06, 2010 at 08:43 PM
Since you never get tailgaited by someone who knows how to drive, it is your duty to
a) react cautiously to the aggressive driver who surely has a much larger collection of bad and dangerous habits
and
b) if the opportunity arises, educate the aggressive driver by drawing them into something they don't expect or can't handle.
There is some amusement to be had by leading an unwary tailgaiter around a turn at a good clip.
Posted by: Bill Korea | June 08, 2010 at 12:43 PM