"Idiot" is probably as strong a word as I can get away with in a family newspaper blog; feel free to insert your own expletive...
It was a close-run contest today, with many strong contenders.
Fortunately for the judges (er, that'd be 'judge', as in 'me') the arena was compact - the 401 westbound between 427 and Hurontario, between 4:30 and 5:00 p.m. today.
The overall winner was in a bright blue Mazda3 hatchback. The judge cited his overall body of work, a bewildering array of last-minute lane-changes (no turn signals of course), cut-offs, and tailgatings. All at about 20 km/h, because as usual at this time and place, traffic was dead-slow. I mean, where the heck was he going to go?
Second prize went to the black Dodge Challenger, for best single stupid move of the competition, a race into brake lights so he could cut off ONE MORE CAR (mine, as it turned out) before slamming on his brakes to avoid piling into the traffic which was already stopped 50 metres down the road. Is the Nissan Versa (my Hot Rod du Jour) so hard to look at that he could only stand to see it in his rear-view mirror?
Third place goes to the woman (yes ladies; this is one contest open to any and all genders) in one of those indistinguishable three-letter Acura SUVs, in medium gray. She apparently couldn't get enough of my little red hatchback, judging from the fact that she seemed to want to look at it from 10 cm away. C'mon lady; maybe you were late picking up little Brittany from her orthodontist appointment, but really - are you going to get there any sooner by climbing all over my back bumper? Some of you jerks just love to tail-gate; but what if you end up behind some jerk who loves to brake-test? By law, the tailgater is guilty, so what's the point?
All this aggressiveness netted our three champion idiots nothing but the enmity of their fellow drivers (there are no prizes in this contest), because through judicious lane selection, mostly involving the Jim-only lane, I ended up ahead of all three. I lost track of the Mazda, I saw the Challenger in my rear-view mirror as he exited at Mister-and-Mississauga Road, and I guess Brittany's orthodontist is on Winston Churchill somewhere.
Oh, honourable mention goes to about 80 percent of the other road users, not for aggressiveness, but for brain-deadness. I know I have gone on about this before, and followers of this blog aren't likely to be among the guilty, but remind everyone you know: IT IS RAINING OUT THERE, PEOPLE; TURN ON YOUR FRICKIN' HEADLIGHTS! In the vast majority of today's cars, the Daytime Running Lights do not illuminate the taillights, which on a highway are way more important than the headlights.
Especially in conditions of limited visibility.
OK, I feel better now...