It has taken a little longer for me to have been made Supreme Ruler of the Universe than (a) I had imagined, and (b) than it should have.
Things would be so much easier for everyone!
The agenda remains pretty much as it always has been - the right lane can never disappear; left-lane bandits go straight to their own special corner of hell without having to die first; electronics manufacturers will have to come up with one plug, one voltage, one polarity - I care not which any of them are, but one of each will do, thank you very much.
There's
a new item marching its way towards the top of that agenda - run-flat
tires will be banned.
They're marginally acceptable in a car with sporty intentions - a Mini, for example.
But for a luxury car intended to provide a comfortable ride - well, at least so far, suspension engineers have been unable to compensate for tire sidewalls which are stiff enough to support the car if the tire loses its air.
Either the ride is unacceptably harsh, and/or they soften the springs to mitigate the effect, which means handling suffers too.
Why do car makers do this?
Weight.
A spare tire weighs a lot; its elimination results in a fractional improvement in fuel consumption - nowhere big enough that you as an individual customer could ever detect it, but when added up over tens of thousands of cars can help the manufacturer attain government-mandated sales-weighted fuel consumption targets.
A pox on all of their houses.
Governments - drop these stupid targets, raise the price of fuel (I know, I know - but you'll save money in the long run), and let the market sort it out.
Car makers - put a proper spare tire in the car.
Tire makers - give up the whole concept, and let's have cars that ride and handle better.
Now, about that right lane...
This is the new Mercedes-Benz CLA 45 AMG 4Matic.
No, they did not stuff the 4.4 litre twin-turbo V8 engine into this little car - Mercedes's nomenclature system is no more logical than BMW's.
But the Black Forest elves at AMG have managed to coax no fewer than 355 horses out of the 2.0 litre four cylinder turbo engine, mate it to a seven-speed DSG gearbox, and fit a new full-time four-wheel drive system to it.
Which makes a pretty potent package for under fifty grand.
The base car, the CLA 250, with a 208-horse version of that engine, starts at just $33,900.
We'll have more details on both variants in Wheels not this weekend, but the weekend after that.
From the get-go, I figured that Jaguar
and Land Rover being bought by the Indian Tata conglomerate would be
a perfect marriage. OK, so maybe a three-way.
Not that this was a universally-held opinion (I'm kinda used to that).
Tata is a massive world-wide organization. They even have several thousand employees here in Canada, mostly in IT.
But few who don't actually work for the company have any idea it even exists.
My thought was that if Tata could be successful managing two iconic brands with world-wide renown, it would help put them on the public perception map.
That part of it has worked out far
better than anyone dared hope. Tata has helped Jaguar and Land Rover
finance the development of brilliant new models (e.g., the Jaguar F-Type and Land Rover Evoque; I'm sure you can tell which photo is which). According to my
sources, as long as the two car makers keep "hitting their
numbers", Tata management leaves them alone to do what they do best.
Sales of both brands are strong everywhere.
Meanwhile, Tata's share of the automotive market in India has seldom been worse, dipping into single-digit territory. India is largely (you should pardon the expression) a small-car market, and Tata is getting its butt handed to it by Suzuki and Hyundai.
The company's much-touted "Nano" (I'm sure you can pick that one out too...) was supposed to be the cheapest new car in the world. It was intended to do for India and the rest of south-east Asia what the Model T Ford did for North America and the Volkswagen Beetle did for Germany - provide reliable transportation for the masses.
But the car has been a dismal flop. My Indian colleagues tell me the car isn't all that bad, but few new-car buyers, even first-timers, want to be known as having had to settle for "the cheapest car in the world".
Tata has recently upgraded the Nano, trying to turn it into a hip 'urban car' for young people.
But new product is always what moves the car biz, and Tata hasn't had an all-new model since 2010.
You would have to think the company is too big and too smart to allow this to go on.
Then again, we are only a few years removed from when car companies with a much larger global footprint than Tata almost went under.
Can Tata recover, with or without government assistance?
Time will tell.
For whatever issues the European Union faces - we hear lots about the PIIG countries (Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece, not to mention Cyprus; will Britain join the euro or stay out?) - one undeniable fact remains: the two largest countries in that bloc, which were more-or-less in a continual state of war for most of the last couple of centuries, haven't fired a shot at each other since 1945.
That is progress.
Now however, a minor battle has erupted.
No gunfire is involved.
But for the past three months, France has been
refusing to allow the German Daimler-Benz corporation to sell a wide
swath of its new Mercedes-Benz product line (including the CLA shown
here) because - well, because of air conditioning refrigerant.
The issue dates back to the 1970s, when the chemical universally used in automotive A/C systems, a chlorofluorocarbon called R12, was deemed to be a threat to the ozone layer.
It was banned - subsequently, the ozone layer has apparently begun to heal; cause and effect, if any, not really established.
It was replaced with the seemingly less-threatening R-134a.
But when R-134a leaked, as refrigerants do, it turned out to be a way worse greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide, the universal Bad Boy of that branch of environmental science.
So another new compound - R-1234yf - was introduced, and became the European Union-mandated product.
As I understand it, this was invented and is made only by Honeywell and DuPont - I know a bit about cars, not so much about cartels...
But Daimler-Benz says that R-1234yf is extremely flammable, and when it leaks in crash tests, it can cause fires. Safety has long been a Mercedes touchstone, so the company has gone back to R-134 until a better replacement can be found.
This is in contravention of the EU rules. Almost needless to say, the German government gave Daimler-Benz a Mulligan on this one.
But France decided to put its foot down by refusing to register any new Mercedes models with R-134a in their A/C systems.
German cars tend to emit more pollutants by virtue of their larger, more powerful engines than do French cars, which tend to be smaller.
Gosh, you don't think the French government is playing politics here, do you? Using regulations to help their home-grown manufacturers? Who would even think of such a thing?
(Well, I guess I did, so...).
In any event, just three days ago, France's highest 'administrative court' - I guess it's like their Supreme Court? - struck down the ban.
The war isn't over.
But this battle goes to the Germans.
Nissan is having a massive sale at Ontario Place this weekend.
It has been organized by Nissan Canada in conjunction with its local dealers.
It follows on a similar event held last month in Montreal, which was judged a success.
You can test-drive the entire line-up on a little test course set up in the Ontario Place parking lot (well, 'entire' except, as I understand it, the mighty GT-R sports coupe).
Balloons, hot dogs, fun for the kiddies...
(BTW I lifted this image from the InterTube. It is a bunch of Nissans, it is Ontario Place, I cannot guarantee it was taken from this particular event. But you, um, get the picture...).
There's also a big spinning wheel - buy a car, spin the wheel, and depending on where it stops ("Nobody Knows!") you get $1,000, $3,000 or $30,000 off your purchase.
If you're like one lucky dude yesterday, that means you get your car for free.
At the very least, I guess you could take the TTC or GO to the CNE, buy a car, and drive home.
Nissan says this event is planned as a one-off, but if it works spectacularly well, why wouldn't they do it again? Probably in other cities as well.
One thing I find odd about this event. Nissan has shown great intelligence by being a corporate sponsor of the Canadian Football League, by far the most entertaining brand of football played anywhere.
Every player on every team even has "NISSAN" right on his jersey.
Yet this Ontario Place event offers swag from the US National Football League.
The NFL is what you watch if golf is just not boring enough to put you to sleep.
Yeah, yeah the athletes are fantastic.
But that tiny field, the ridiculous rules... "Fair Catch?" Come on, you coward - catch the ball and run. That's what you're paid millions of dollars to do.
I'm sure if there wasn't Las Vegas betting on NFL football, that entire snooze-fest would disapppear without a trace.
The Stupour Bowl? Give me a break.
Why the heck is Nissan Canada not leveraging its association with the CFL?
The minds of marketing people work in mysterious ways.
From the media preview of the 2014 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray, a.k.a. "C7", in Monterey California, a nice family photo.
Front row, left to right: C7 Coupe, C7 Convertible, 1963 Split-Window Coupe.
Back Row, left to right: C1 through C6 respectively.
More details and driving impressions on the C7 coupe to follow in this Saturday's Wheels.
As a bit of a tease, let me just say that I did NOT have to use my favourite Media Preview line to the engineers: "Is it too late to stop production?"...
This is the 2014 Corvette Stingray, best known amongst the cognoscenti as the C7:
It's parked in front of the Aquarium in Monterey California Monday evening; we'll be driving the car around this area Tuesday - that'll be as in today for most of you reading this....
This close to Laguna Seca Race Track and not ON the track?
Sadly yes - this is Pebble Beach Concours / Monterey Historic Races Week around here, and the track is otherwise booked.
But we have been told by others who have driven this route that it does give the car a good workout, and we'll have full details in Wheels this Saturday.
My colleague Marc Lachapelle and I drove the fabulous new Jaguar F-Type in Spain a couple of months ago; we are teaming up again in the C7, and expect it to be pretty stiff competition for the Jag.
And, as it always has been, the Corvette will be a tremendous bargain, being tens of thousands of dollars less than the Jaguar.
Yes, I do have a tough life. Thanks for your concern.
Oh - did I tell you next week it's the Porsche 911 Turbo in Germany?
I know. You all hate me.
But I still love you all...
