Game 17: Don't look now... THEY'RE ALIVE!

In the future, if I ever have grandchildren, they will hear about tonight:

"It was Tuesday, November 16, 2010. I witnessed a zombie uprising. Dressed in blue shirts, seemingly buried and gone, this army of undead fiends clawed through the dirt and back into my heart."

People, what just happened? I'm still twitching. What did we just watch? I swear to God, if Ashton Kutcher is hiding behind my couch and getting ready to Punk me, there will be hell to pay.

The early parts are fuzzy but here's what I seem to remember:

Nashville was winning 4-1 at 4:41 of the second period. The ACC, never a boisterous place at the best of times, was downright funereal. Ron Wilson, never a smiley fellow at the best of times, looked like a man who had spent his entire life calculating pi only to discover he made a mistake on Day 3.

The Leafs were giving away the puck the way fringe religious groups give away pamphlets outside the Eaton Centre. Mikhail Grabovski appeared to be either, a) in the midst of a total mental breakdown or, b) playing for the Predators without telling anyone. Brett Lebda was doing the breaststroke at the blue line instead of corralling the puck, which led to a shorthanded goal. J.S. Giguere was getting razzed.

The situation was so dire that I nearly called 411 to track down Dion Phaneuf.

Brrring. Brrring. Brrring.

"Dion? I hope your leg is feeling a bit better. But, listen. This is urgent. You need to get down to the ACC right away. You need to firmly grip one of your crutches and start whacking your teammates upside their muddled heads."

Then without any warning… the zombie uprising!

The Leafs scored four unanswered goals. Correction: The Leafs scored four unanswered power play goals. And just like that, instead of forgetting the first half of the game, I couldn't remember the eight game losing streak that preceded it.

It was a surreal sight, this zombie uprising.

The crowd erupted into a Standing Dazed Ovation. Every single player on the Predators’ bench looked like his jock was suddenly soaked with Tabasco Sauce. And one can only imagine the high-priority emails that suddenly boomeranged inside the bowels of VTech Canada: "ARE YOU WATCHING THIS HOCKEY GAME? IT'S INSANE! WE’RE GOING TO GO BANKRUPT AFTER GIVING AWAY ALL THESE POWER PLAY PRIZE PACKS!"

The Leafs won 5-4? Really? This is what you're telling me?

Versteeg scored two goals in less than a minute? Clarke MacArthur recorded three assists in one period? Nikolai Kulemin scored his fifth goal of the season? The mighty Luke Schenn pulled a Bobby Orr, deked a defender and banked one off the inside post for his first of the year? This is what happened tonight?

People, I am going outside to strip off my clothes and dance in the rain. And if I see any of these magnificent zombies, I will rip out my brain and let them feast until sunrise. This is how grateful I am for tonight's win.

In the immortal words of Bob Cole: "This has been an unbelievable turn of events!"

PHOTO: I HAVE NO IDEA... THE LEAFS WON 5-4, YO!

Comments

[Farrukh I]

Awesome game. still lets not forget that the leafs needed nashville to screw themselves and take penalty after penalty to win. the guys seriously need to work on their puck handling. still great comeback, hopefully they build on it. Vinay, love your columns, this one was you best yet. no matter how the leafs do, your posts are a great read and this should be a permanent feature. heres hoping to a zombie uprising and a new win streak. oh and vinay you might want to hold on to your brain. its going to come in handy at some point.

VM Replies: Thanks, Farrukh I.

[Tom]

And now begins the next losing streak.

[oakville_girl]

Yes, of course. The one night that I don't watch the game. However, maybe this is a sign? The Leafs can win if I don't watch them?

I am planning on watching Thursdays game, so if they lose, you'll know it's because of me.

Great post Vinay - you always say EXACTLY what I'm feeling, but funnier. :)

VM Replies: Thank you. But now we're going to blame you for every future loss!

[JR Jake]

I said before the season every started that if the Leafs expected to win games by out shooting and outscoring their opponents, it would be a long season. I still believe that. Offense will take nights off more times that not, but there should never be a bad defensive night.

If you play good defense, pinch the puck in the corners, keep the goal crease clear of their players, ring their bell when you need to.....and always make them hear your blades racing in on them, they will be wary of the Leafs. You have good players, good skaters but your defense is questionable.

Defense is all will, effort, teamwork and communication. If you can keep them to 2 goals a night, you should win 60% of your games. Go Leafs......I am still a Kings fan, but hope to see you in the playoffs this year.

[Pyramid Power]

Dance Vinay dance!
Possibly the most bizarre Leaf victory I have ever seen.
THE ZOMBIES LIVE TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY! FEAST ON VINAY!

[Pyramid Power]

I can't stop laughing Vinay! HILARIOUS BLOG!
YOU ARE AWESOME!
"... high priority emails that suddenly boomeranged inside the bowels of VTech Canada....." LOL LOL LOL

Outstanding sir.
Cheers to you and easily the best Leaf fan blog going!

[Moe Green]

How important are the next two games. If they lose the next two games, this "splendid" victory will be for not. Revel in the victory, of course, but let's not pretend it's something it isn't. They won, barely, fortunately, but then again, that's often the way you beat these freaking losing-streaks. I am optimistic. I expect a solid if not spectacular game Thursday against the perplexing Devils. Let's hope they don't choose that night to rise above their personal hell. Whatever else happens Thursday, we need a victory. And then what a match-up we'll have on Saturday night!

VM Replies: I couldn't agree more with your last two sentences. I'm already looking forward to Saturday.

[Georghi]

For God's sakes, a Punk'd reference?

[JLB]

THAT was one funny post! You ought to be a regular Star writer.

[Holmesy]

Ummmm....Vinay - the Leafs were wearing their blue uni's last night!

VM Replies: Whoops! I'll fix that. Thanks.

[edee em]

"...dressed in white shirts..." Sure you weren't watching a retro game on a different channel? Doesn't matter: they won!

[Pyramid Power]

@Vinay Apparently you are not a 'regular' Star writer. LOL
One tiny little error in the throes of wild celebration about uni colours and the critics come out.
You must feel like Rodney Dangerfield sometimes!
Toronto generally play the Devils tough, and I hope they can come up big Thursday night. Need Gus to have a monster game as New Jersey has been better lately. And they are a very talented hockey team despite their early season woes, injuries etc.....

[Peter]

Insane blog... but GREAT reading! Well Done!

VM Replies: Thank you, Peter.

[dan]

Hooray!The parade is back on. The one game winning streak continues. Ron Wilson is coach of the year, Brian Burke is a genius and Aulie is a Norris Trophy candidate.

VM Replies: Your sarcasm has been duly noted.

[We BeLeaf]

Another great post Vinay! Of the 2 periods I was able to catch, the second period was not one of them! It's only one win, we'll take it, but they need to display the same type of play against NJ on Thursday. One game at a time, boys and you'll get to the promised land!

Cheers to all Leaf Nation,

VM Replies: I can't believe you missed the second period. That's awful!

[Raina]

How many 5 on 3s were they given? Did someone tell the refs that Gregory Campbell got traded to the Leafs?

[Nik Culoman]

Leafs win, what a game! Everything went right for this team, the power play came to life and Giggy made the saves when he needed to....The boys deserve some more encouragement! This game could be the turning point this team needed, great confidence booster for sure.

The Devils are next, and I predict another victory....4-3 tomorrow night for the Leafs....

I guess those bums that most of you have been ripping on came through?? How many of you are dusting off their best bandwagon jumping shoes?? I better take my spot because I may get bumpd off by the rush of people getting back on ;)

[Pyramid Power]

@We BeLeaf You missed that amazing period, but that probably allowed you to be strong enough to get through the third period with no damage to your health I imagine right bro'?
I must have held my breath for the approx. 45 minutes or so that it took to play the third.
When MacArthur shot the puck over the glass for a late delay of game penalty I almost crapped me briefs. I couldn't even go to the can during that period. I know, I know, tmi, tmi.
I see you have mostly been boycotting the threads we used to post at too. Good for you. It's safer and much much more fun in this Leaf loving cocoon than out in that blizzard of Leaf loathing.
Take care man!
@dan "Your sarcasm has been duly noted." comment by Vinay is likely, if truth serum were administered to Vinay, read something like this: "Post something like that again, and the comment magically won't go through. I shall happily delete it." Note my words duly. LOL

[dave breukelaar]

calm down. they haven't won the cup yet.
one come from behind win aided by a whole lot of power play is not something to tell your future grand children about.

[We BeLeaf]

@ PP,
Man my heart sank into my stomach when Macs got the delay of game in the third, but they fought through it. The Monster got some timely saves especially after coming in cold. Giggy was huge as well and I hope we don't lose him for an extended stretch. I find it somewhat strange that the Monster got 3rd star of the game though. I'm not saying it was undeserved, but strange how it didn't go to someone else nonetheless. Regarding your comment on others coming on here to talk trash on the Leafs, Vinay said that if it's out there, then it's fair game.
@ Nik Culoman,
Well said, but the reality is one game does not a season make. Let's take this win and see if they can carry the momentum over to Thursday against the Devils. Admittedly I am waiting for Saturday's game against the Habs and hope to see a 3 game winning streak when it's all said and done.
Cheers!

[leafland'r]

....and in the first period two defencemen were dancing arm-in-arm at the far right of the net while Dion freely scored from the left. Two blue pylons were placed on the ice for Tootoo to skate around on route to goal number two.
However, no thanks is necessary, yet you are welcome. I fiqured out how to get the Leafs moving. I switched the channel to the "Big Bang Theory" after the third goal.
Seems then, the Leafs came up with their own Big Bang Theory. Now, just keep thw explosion going. Maybe a fan slamming the door behind youresel as you leave might just wake them up.

[ostrichlover]

I know this is a "blog", so technically, I think you are fullfilling expectations of blog quality writing, however, you are being paid by one of the biggest papers in the country, so I am slightly confused as to why you have a job. Referencing "Punked"? What year are we in, 1995? What's the matter, couldnt find a way to work in a reference to "Major Dad"? Your metaphors are so horrible that if you were in my English class, I would advise you to stop using metaphors and similes all together. To the star editors : this guy is indistinguishable from your message board commenters.

VM Replies: And yet... this is your 11th comment since the blog started. You should probably stop torturing yourself.

[Nik Culoman]

A piece of advice for Vinay, and some others who have berated this team the last few weeks... The true statement of a "Fan" of any team not just the Leafs should be this...

When your team is winning, you are standing beside them, and when they are loosing you are standing behind them!

That is a code that I live by, I will back this team no matter how bad they play, or how great it will feel to watch this team in the playoffs..

[Al]

At 4-1 I went in a disgusted funk to get a beer, got caught in a conversation with the wife about wallpaper or something, come back downstairs and it was 5-4!! Gah I missed the uprising!!

great post BTW, best one yet! (although picturing you dancing naked in the rain... unless you're a hot chick (?), no thanks)

VM Replies: Wallpaper? Seriously? Ah, no. I'm not a hot chick. Just a guy who is now a little creeped out.

[peduval]

Iv'e been saying the true leaf fan sees the improvement.But it's a young team more players will be signed,More trades will come but in the cap world patience is the order of the day.this group has only been together since Jan.it takes time to gel .They never quit.They want to be here.Some of the games we"ve lost were lack of experience,e but come on their entertaining who can say at this point some of these kids won't be stars.GO LEAFS GO!!!

[Pyramid Power]

@ostrich lover If you are an English teacher I am the Pope.
What English teacher blows a simple word like "altogether"?

".....I would advise you to stop using metaphors and similes all together."
Wouldn't want to be your student. And, yes, why bother reading this blog and commenting here if you find Vinay's blogs so horrible that you think he should be fired and commenters such as myself worthless?
Have a marvellous day!

VM Replies: Based on the comments Ostrich Lover (and his various handles – I can see IP addresses) leaves here and on Damien’s blog, it’s clear he just wants to land a job writing about hockey. I wish him nothing but success.

[E.M.]

These quotes are one of the reasons I love reading your blog. Keep it up Vinay!
"Ron Wilson ... looked like a man who had spent his entire life calculating pi only to discover he made a mistake on Day 3."

VM Replies: Hey, thanks!

[Ted]

When the leafs were in the playoffs against the kings way bag in the day, i pushed in the corner of a couch pillow and wore it like a hat for good luck. I haven't worn the "couch hat" since then. Zombies or not, without couch hats, the leafs can't win. Please recommend the "couch hat" to leaf brass, if you have their ear. My "couch hat" days are behind me, but today's youth should be able to muster up the strength to push in a pillow corner for the boys in blue. Oh and thank you Glen Anderson, you mustashioed man of bad penalty taking. How's that for bringing it 360 with the recent mustache craze? Couch hat rules!

VM Replies: Couch hats? Never heard of this before. I may need a photo.

[80s Leaf]

Mr Menon:
To appease Ostrichlover, could you please work into future blogs references to Three's Company, Fonzie, and/or any series from the 80s/90s involving Bronson Pinchot? Thanks.

To Culoman, not to bring you down from this high, but I just have to just briefly take you to task for this statement:
"Everything went right for this team"
I am assuming you only said this because you too were discussing wallpaper with your wife, and missed the Grabovsky gaffe on the third goal (which seemed straight out of the Dan Daoust 1987-88 Leafs' playbook) and the Lebda wipeout leading to Nashville goal # 4). I couldn't do anything other than helplessly laugh at those plays, but like you, was thrilled with the final result.

Finally, a shout out to the very cleverly penned line by We Beleaf about exactly how Giguere injured himself last night. He said:
" I hope we don't lose him for an extended stretch."

VM Replies: I’m just glad I didn’t go with “Allen Funt” over Kutcher. But I love your idea and can’t wait to work “Balki Bartokomous” into a future headline.

[Robert]

Perhaps we should ask the officials to dress in blue and white. Four five on threes while the locals did much the same but, no penalties. What?

[Al]

ok, now that makes two of us :(

and yes wallpaper... apparently it's making a comeback. For certain rooms. At $350 per linear foot shipped from England.

But I digress... Go Leafs Go!

[Nik Culoman]

Here is my assessment of the officiating in most NHL games....They suck! I don't care what team you cheer for...You will win some and loose some depending on the night.

How many times have the Leafs seen the lion share of the penalties called against them?? To many to count, how many times have we the games go the leafs way?? Too many to count.....The problem isn't a bias towards one team or another just poor refs.

Had the game gone the other way for the Leafs people would be on this team for loosing again, and playing a dirty game and blowing a 4-1 lead....The fact that the calls went their way, and they came back to win.....People are on them for that...

So I post an interesting question to everyone...When does this team earn credit for a win?? Get the benefit of the doubt like so many other NHL teams get?? When should we stop complaining over wins???

No matter who your favorite teams are...Ask yourself how many times your team has caught a break against another team and won a game for it......

[Frank Svatousek]

I think the answer is a team stacked with Canadians. We play with more heart.
No panic trades.

Frank Svatousek

[Al]

Oh, and it has to be said... Gino Reda's "Movember" moustache... jesus christ man, SHAVE THAT THING OFF. It makes me physically ill to have to see it during the intermissions.

It looks like he picked up a dead squirrel that just thawed out of a snowbank, covered it in pubes, and glued it to his face. Right before he went bobbing for turds in a tub of ugly.

VM Replies: Oh, man. I may get in trouble for approving this comment but I don't care. Comedy gold.

[Peter]

@Vinay I think I saw you last night while I was doing the monster mash down Yonge Street. If they finish in a playoff position I'll be getting the standings tattooed on my arm.

VM Replies: I'm holding you to this. And you'll also have to write a guest post about your new tattoo come April.

[Nik Culoman]

VM why haven't you commented on my posts?? What do like it how people get on you no matter what you write good or bad?? Funny sounds familiar what I have been saying about your so-called Fan Blog....No matter what this team does, someone needs to take your shots....

You could have been constructive and reported on the successes of lastnight's game...But you choose to write some sacrastic dribble on the team.....You, should be ashamed of yourself....

I still love the comment you made on one of your posts that says it pains you to bash this team...Yet you had a perfect chance to rally the troops behind the Leafs with a constructive blog...But you choose to reduce yourself and show your true colours...

VM Replies: No disrespect intended but, honestly, I have no idea what you're going on about. If that post wasn't positive enough for you, seriously, don't waste your time here.

[JERMAC]

All last night proved was the fact that if the other team plays shorthanded often enough the leafs might make the season interesting.

[Nik Culoman]

In response VM: You missed the point of my ranting..I have done it purposely and with a reason. You have ridden this team into the ground lately, I thought I would call you out the same way...No matter what you have written, even if I agreed with it, I was going to attack you in the same manner that you and other media outlets have gotten on this team.

Like you would like people like me to give you some slack, why not give this team some slack..Why not have written a constructive piece a end to a loosing streak...The explosive offense that was shown in the 2nd period?? There were mistakes, yes....But one should never complain over a win...

You and the media hold a lot of responsibility in what you write and how you write it....I wasn't the only one to have called you out on your ex leafs' stats.

Now that you know my reason for attacking you no matter what you write, I will go back to enjoy your blog...Because as a Leaf Fan No MATTER WHAT....I will go back to calling you out should you start to slip again in your reporting.

VM Replies: Sweet mother of God. Called me out? YOU WERE WRONG! Anyway, Nik Culoman, I'm glad you're sticking around and I shall sleep with one eye open this evening knowing you are watching my every move.

[j-rock]

This blog is one of the few highlights in what is shaping up to be another season of frustration and disappointment.

VM Replies: Thank you, j-rock. But don't let Nik Culoman hear you say "frustration" and "disappointment."

[leafland'r]

@ Culoman Re: VN not electing to "rally..." or be positive. I think you may have missed something. Please read into the pleasure implied in the byline and the paragraph, "People....win". He seems elated to me ( and likely to 99.9% of his Fan Blog fans)

[Hoofheartz]

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that every single "plan the parade" comment is made by some asshole ________ (insert team here) fan? Personally, I don't ever recall saying that nor have I actually heard any other Leaf fan uttering that phrase. Mr Kuloman, I must say I'm pretty tired of your definition of what a fan is supposed to be. Having actually been alive the last time they won a Cup and having endured the ensuing years of futililty, I'd say I've earned every right to chastise, berate or boo them whenever the hell I want to. BTW, you do understand that this is a "fan" blog and not a Star reporter reporting on the game. If you want that, read something by that pacifist Cox.

VM Replies: It's not a comment thread until Hoofheartz jumps into the fray. I know you're not watching the Leafs anymore. But you need to watch Saturday.

[80s Leafs]

Yes, let's hope on Saturday that Price and his cheesie 'stache sees Brown's handlebar up close and gets completely rattled.

I believe Culoman has been sniffing too much of Al's wallpaper glue...or at least the glue used to hold that squirrel on Gino's face.

VM Replies: Someone needs to Photoshop a squirrel onto Gino's face. Please.

[Nik Culoman]

HoofHeartz, since you seem to remember the last time the leafs won the cup...Tell me how many of those same players are on this year's team???

If your answer is well "0", how can you hold this group responsible for 40 some old years of loosing?? To that affect, How many players on this team have played more than 4 seasons on this team?? That answer becomes 1, and even he can't be blamed for 40 years of loosing either.

This franchise has gone down not because of this year's team, but because of mismanagement. Maybe we should come down to your place of employment and boo you, heckle you and even berate you....Because some no talent monkey before you screwed up on the job way back before you were born..Does that make sense to you???

These are kids, most of you have forgotten that and they are playing in one of if not the hardest markets to play in....All I am saying give these kids some time..Patience and show them the respect and loyalty that you would want as a youngster coming out and playing your heart out for the fans.

[Nik Culoman]

Don't get me wrong, I want to see this team win a cup and frankly win every game...But at the same time, it isn't logical nor fair to berate these kids who are trying, who are skating their tails off each night to win each game.

To hold these kids responsible for 40 years of loosing isn't logical either, I expect and want them to win, and I know the slow and steady process will work. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor can a loosing franchise like this one be turned around in 2 years. The rushing to trade this player or that player would have seen Schenn get traded last year, and how many of you would still trade Schenn today?? Very few to none of you.

Burke has it right when doesn't leap at every trade proposal some armchair gm has from his living room. What about this thing called the Salary cap, do you know how many fewer trades have been made each year because of it?? So trades aren't an option in this new NHL.

I am happy with the progress of this team, and I think they will get better with time. All of you of who are berating them today, will be saying...Wow, what a great team they are and how they "always" believed in them and knew they were going to win...

Like I said earlier, A fan is one who stands next to his favorite team when they are winning, and behind them when they are loosing.

[Hoofheartz]

Nk, you keep referring to the "kids" but I have more of an issue with Beauchemin and Komisarek than any of the so called "kids." Why Beauchemin is never held accountable by Wilson never ceases to amaze me. Can you honestly tell me that you think either one of the 2 is worth the money they are making. A friend of mine is a diehard Habs fan and generally they're just plain obnoxious but he did tell me that I wouldn't be impressed with Komisarek and you know what, he's right.

Vinay, I'm back to watching (for now). My son gave me crap for losing faith and besides, although I want the Leafs to win every game, I especially want them to win 6 in particular.

[Nik Culoman]

People always complain about the money players make.....Did it ever occur to you that all these players are making wayyy tooo much money for what they do? These guys get paid more than Doctors, Teachers, Police, Firefighters, ect. these people do more for society than some NHLER...

That is an issue with society and not some professional hockey player...What if I paid you to do a half ass job and paid you millions to do it...Would be the one who turned that money down??? Would you be saying to Burke, Hey no I don't need your millions each year...You keep it...

Money, isn't the issue...and yes there are issues with this team that need to be ironed out...But I am sure Burke is working on somethings that we haven't even thought of....It will come as a surprise....That I am sure!

[Todd Burry]

Just want to say that I really love this blog. I'm a Toronto expat living in Montreal and it can be damn tough to be a Leafs fan over here.

It's extra frustrating that Montreal essentially built the best parts of their team from the UFA pool in the same year that the Leafs tried to strike in free agency. Is there ever going to be another UFA year with the likes of Cammarlleri, Gionta, Gaborik, and Hossa?

PS: As a technical issue I wonder why the sports section links to your main blog instead of an article's permalink. I sometimes don't notice a new post because it always appears read. Have you heard this before?

VM Replies: Hmmm. I'll have to check with our web gurus in the morning. Thanks for pointing this out. And it's great to hear from a Leafs fan living in Montreal! (I keep hearing from Habs fans living on my street.)

[Pyramid Power]

Michael Cammalleri. Ouch!
Approached the Leafs after scoring 39 goals with the Flames, was rebuffed and quickly signed with the Canadiens.
Good Toronto lad that I am personally acquainted with having played summer shinny hockey with him along with my son years back at Chesswood and Westwood arenas in Toronto.
Burke says nay to Mike and then goes and trades for Kessel.
I still like the Kessel deal, but will always wonder if Burke will horribly regret not signing Cammalleri who reached out to his hometown Leafs and was rebuffed.
Had we signed Cammalleri we would have the league's leading playoff goal scorer last year in our lineup along with likely either Tyler Seguin or Tyler Hall.
That kinda hurts even though I love Kessel, and think he is still likely to hit the 40-50 goal mark this year.
@Todd Burry I have a diehard Leaf friend trapped in Montreal too. He is in pain and tries hard to avoid confrontation with Habs fans. Not easy. My sympathies go out to you.
Luke Richardson and family: my heartfelt sympathies to this ex-Leaf and his extended family through these horrific times. I cannot even begin to imagine the agony they are going through, and makes me cherish my 17-year-old daughter all the more.
Good luck to him and his family through these perilous times. I do not know what else to say regarding all of that as it is too awful for me to even reflect on in any depth.
Hope the Leafs win one later tonight in honour of Mr. Richardson and his family. I am sure he would like that even though he is now employed by the Ottawa Senators.

[Hoofheartz]

VM - you have Hab fans living on your street? Well there go the property values!
Nik - thanks for your social commentary on a hockey blog. It certainly opened my eyes, (along with my morning coffee).

[sum1]

"Ron Wilson, never a smiley fellow at the best of times, looked like a man who had spent his entire life calculating pi only to discover he made a mistake on Day 3."

lol! One of the funniest lines of print I've ever read - VM, you're amazingly talented, glad you're doing this blog. I used to read your movie reviews just for your writing because I never really was into movies.

VM Replies: Thank you, sum1. I appreciate your kind words.