Game Day: The Monster's Turn

It's amazing what a thrilling, come-from-behind victory can do for the psyche.

I woke up yesterday feeling like someone had removed a brick vest from my torso. I couldn't stop smiling. I loved everything and everybody. The universe was an awesome place.

My wife at 6:45 a.m.: "Don't forget to take out the recycling."
Me: "Sure thing, honey! No problem! Love you!"

An editor at 10:35 a.m.: "We're looking at early deadlines for your Living column until Christmas."
Me: "Great! Sounds like fun! I love early deadlines!"

Friend at 1:42 p.m.: "Hey, can I borrow your minivan this weekend? I need to move a dresser."
Me: "Borrow it? You can have it! I would love to never drive that minivan again!"

It took more than 24 hours to finally tumble down from my zombie high. But now that the whole four-power-play-goals-in-one-frigging-period is starting to fade, let's get back to business.

The Devils, off to a hellish 5-11-2 start, lug their dull pitchforks and fiery contracts into the ACC this evening. Jersey, once a defensive juggernaut, has given up 59 goals in 18 games.

More troubling, they aren't scoring.

Just like the Leafs and San Jose, Jersey has been shut out three times already. They are the only team to average fewer than 2 goals per game (1.83). And they have a -26 goal differential, second worst in the league. (Take a bow of shame, Edmonton.)

Put it this way: The Leafs, also red light challenged for much of the year, have played one less game and scored seven more goals than Jersey.

What does this all mean? Who knows.

On paper, though, the Leafs should be able to build on the momentum generated Tuesday night. As Moe Green noted in the comments yesterday, wouldn't it be great to venture into Montreal this weekend on a mini-high? But over the years, how many times has a beleaguered team sauntered into the ACC and stolen two points?

What we do know is this: Jonas Gustavsson will get the start after J.S. Giguere left the Nashville game with a minor injury. Jiggy, the elder statesman in net and vocal leader in the room, will be resting his troubled groin for 1-2 weeks.

And so with James Reimer getting the call as back-up, it's now The Monster's Goose's turn in the spotlight (see comment/suggestion below from Moe Green re: new nickname). This is the Big Chance he's no doubt been dreaming about while perched on the bench for two-thirds of the still young season.

Gustavsson made three heroic saves on Tuesday night in the 13:09 minutes he played. He looked as sharp as he's been during his five starts this season (1-3-1). Personally, I believe he will emerge as a force over the next two weeks and possibly even change the workload balance for the entire season.

That said, the Leafs may need to tweak certain aspects of their game when playing in front of him. So yesterday, in between high-fiving the mailman and regaling my cats with stories about the '93 playoffs, I spent a few hours studying Monster Goose game tape.

Here now, four humble suggestions for his teammates in advance of tonight's game:

1. COVERAGE: CLOG THE CIRCLES

By my count, 53 per cent of the goals scored against Monster Goose this year have come from cross-ice passes. He's a great goalie when he's square to the play. He's almost unbeatable on first-wave shots during a rush. But when he's forced to make quick, lateral movements, he often gives up the short side or top corners. So tonight, man-to-man coverage inside the circles will be critical.

2. TRANSITION: LIMIT HIS PUCK HANDLING

On at least seven occasions, the Leafs have slipped into serious trouble after Monster Goose touched the puck behind his net or on the right side. Usually, this has only resulted in sustained pressure by the opposition. But one time, a Monster Goose clearing attempt led directly to a goal by Florida's Bryan Allen. So the D needs to communicate even more than usual tonight. The wingers need to pick up their men on the backcheck. And Gustavsson needs to minimize his direct involvement in breakout plays.

3. TIMING: BEWARE 'THE THREE MINUTE WINDOW'

In four of his five games, Monster Goose has surrendered a goal within three minutes of the start or end of a period. In two games, the opposition scored with less than 50 seconds left in a period. Why this may be happening, I have no idea. But if the Leafs are to win tonight, they must be hyper-vigilant during the game's sleepy and frantic bookends.

4. DISCIPLINE: STAY OUT OF THE BOX

Here's something else to consider: 40 per cent of the goals scored against Monster Goose this season have come when the Leafs were shorthanded. Jersey, despite its ongoing problems, still has players that can burn you with the extra man. And if there's such a thing as karmic balance and retribution, the Leafs may find themselves on the receiving end of more calls tonight after their PP bonanza against Nashville. In short: No stupid penalties, please.

PHOTO: CJ GUNTHER/REUTERS

Game 17: Don't look now... THEY'RE ALIVE!

In the future, if I ever have grandchildren, they will hear about tonight:

"It was Tuesday, November 16, 2010. I witnessed a zombie uprising. Dressed in blue shirts, seemingly buried and gone, this army of undead fiends clawed through the dirt and back into my heart."

People, what just happened? I'm still twitching. What did we just watch? I swear to God, if Ashton Kutcher is hiding behind my couch and getting ready to Punk me, there will be hell to pay.

The early parts are fuzzy but here's what I seem to remember:

Nashville was winning 4-1 at 4:41 of the second period. The ACC, never a boisterous place at the best of times, was downright funereal. Ron Wilson, never a smiley fellow at the best of times, looked like a man who had spent his entire life calculating pi only to discover he made a mistake on Day 3.

The Leafs were giving away the puck the way fringe religious groups give away pamphlets outside the Eaton Centre. Mikhail Grabovski appeared to be either, a) in the midst of a total mental breakdown or, b) playing for the Predators without telling anyone. Brett Lebda was doing the breaststroke at the blue line instead of corralling the puck, which led to a shorthanded goal. J.S. Giguere was getting razzed.

The situation was so dire that I nearly called 411 to track down Dion Phaneuf.

Brrring. Brrring. Brrring.

"Dion? I hope your leg is feeling a bit better. But, listen. This is urgent. You need to get down to the ACC right away. You need to firmly grip one of your crutches and start whacking your teammates upside their muddled heads."

Then without any warning… the zombie uprising!

The Leafs scored four unanswered goals. Correction: The Leafs scored four unanswered power play goals. And just like that, instead of forgetting the first half of the game, I couldn't remember the eight game losing streak that preceded it.

It was a surreal sight, this zombie uprising.

The crowd erupted into a Standing Dazed Ovation. Every single player on the Predators’ bench looked like his jock was suddenly soaked with Tabasco Sauce. And one can only imagine the high-priority emails that suddenly boomeranged inside the bowels of VTech Canada: "ARE YOU WATCHING THIS HOCKEY GAME? IT'S INSANE! WE’RE GOING TO GO BANKRUPT AFTER GIVING AWAY ALL THESE POWER PLAY PRIZE PACKS!"

The Leafs won 5-4? Really? This is what you're telling me?

Versteeg scored two goals in less than a minute? Clarke MacArthur recorded three assists in one period? Nikolai Kulemin scored his fifth goal of the season? The mighty Luke Schenn pulled a Bobby Orr, deked a defender and banked one off the inside post for his first of the year? This is what happened tonight?

People, I am going outside to strip off my clothes and dance in the rain. And if I see any of these magnificent zombies, I will rip out my brain and let them feast until sunrise. This is how grateful I am for tonight's win.

In the immortal words of Bob Cole: "This has been an unbelievable turn of events!"

PHOTO: I HAVE NO IDEA... THE LEAFS WON 5-4, YO!

Four radical ideas to fix the Leafs power play

The Leafs battle the Predators of Nashville this evening.

And as The Star's Kevin McGran reports, there is renewed emphasis on special teams, especially the power play that is now 8 for 68 on the season.

"Our power play is not working," said Ron Wilson. "We've got two goals from our defence all year. So we're trying to get a little more offence."

Wilson is putting Kris Versteeg on the blue line. Will this help? Maybe. Hopefully. It seems like a reasonable move. But what if reasonable is not enough at this point?

With this in mind, here are... "Four Radical Ideas To Fix The Sputtering Power Play."

1. Force Tomas Kaberle To Shoot

Financial incentives? Electrodes implanted into his helmet that zap his skull every time he dishes off one too many times? I don't know how you make him shoot more, but that's exactly what needs to happen. On the power play, watch what opposition skaters do now when Kaberle gets the puck. They start drifting to cover Leaf players on the periphery, knowing he's going to pass instead of shoot. And sure enough, that's what he does. But if he just started cranking out a few low and hard drives, the Leafs could create some odd-man havoc. They could bang in a rebound. They could force defenders out of box formation and generate chances for wingers in the high slot. Or, who knows, maybe one of those drives would turn into a lamp-lighter.

2. Plant Mike Brown In Front Of The Net

Look, I know. Mr. Fu Manchu is not a natural goal scorer. So on one hand, wasting a power play spot on him seems idiotic. On the other hand, he's fast, he ventures into corners, he fights for possession and he's one of the only Leafs who's willing to park in front and take the abuse that comes with creating a screen. The key to putting a grinder on the PP is to finesse the quadrant flanks. You want radical? How about a forward line of Brown, Mikhail Grabovski and Phil Kessel? Then on the blue line, instead of Versteeg, you pair Kaberle with Nikolai Kulemin.

3. Drop Phil Kessel To The Point

It's true: the hidden danger of putting a purely offensive forward like Kessel on the back end is you suddenly spike the odds of a short-handed goal. But you know what? Right now, Kessel isn't getting open like he should. Right now, it's easy for penalty killers to shadow him in the bloated ring of bodies churning around the circles. So if you put him on the point, one of two things could happen: 1. The other team will be forced to keep someone up high, which will create more room and chances for the three Leafs down low. Or he'll get a chance to use his big shot without anybody harassing him. Win-win.

4. Set Up Plays From Behind The Net

One of the things the Leafs haven't attempted very much this season, on the power play or at even strength, is getting a forward behind the enemy net. Gretzky, Lemieux, Gilmour – this was a standard play once upon a time. Now it seems radical. But when you have a player behind the net, you're essentially forcing defenders to turn their backs on everyone out front. You create "pivot" chances and disrupt defensive flow. You also make it impossible for the goalie to read the play.

As I say, these are radical (read: asinine) ideas. Sorry. But the Leafs have lost eight games in a row and I'm getting a little desperate over here.

***

Reading the comments from yesterday's post, I was reminded of this.

Come on, people! Look at what's happening to us. Sixteen games into the season and we're already turning on each other and wagging our blue-and-white foam fingers in all directions?

It's the diabolical media that's responsible for the Leafs ongoing woes! If the evil media wasn't always conspiring to manufacture negative consent, if the media wasn't always running people out of town, this team could just relax.

I hate to break this to some of you but there is no media conspiracy. There isn't even a homogeneous "media," but that's another debate. As for the alleged negativity, you know what would happen if the Leafs won the Stanley Cup? The media would benefit from unprecedented interest. A winning hockey team would be good for the media. Period.

No, wait, the fans are to blame! Fans should stop supporting the franchise whey a lousy product is offered. Fans should exhibit patience and stop panicking.

Well, which one is it? Aren't these ideas mutually exclusive?

Leaving all of this aside, let me state something for the record: I want the Leafs to win. I am biased in their favour. I would like nothing more than to wake up each morning, throw on my Kordic jersey and write a super-positive post that's brimming with gushing praise about the team I have loved for as long as I can remember.

You think I enjoy beating up on these poor bastards when they're already down? I don't. I hate it. It makes me queasier than green tea and, trust me, that's really saying something.

But here's the thing: The Leafs are now 5-8-3. They are in 27th place. If they lose tonight, that futility streak will extend to nine games in a row, something that hasn't happened since the 1985-86 season.

At what point is blind love just blind?

Apologies for this extended soap box lecture. I guess what I'm really trying to say is this: Can we all just get along?

PHOTO: COLIN MCCONNELL/TORONTO STAR

When ex-Leafs are cured of blue-and-white disease

Last night in Chicago, with 27.8 seconds left in overtime, Viktor Stalberg deflected a shot to give the Hawks a rousing victory over Anaheim.

Stalberg, exiled from Toronto on June 30 after a trade for Kris Versteeg, now has 6 goals and 4 assists this season. He's chipped in two game-winners, racked up 36 shots on net and is even getting time on the Hawks' first line.

Brian Burke, in Chicago yesterday for a USA Hockey symposium, was at the United Center. When Stalberg was informed of this ironic fact after the game, he grinned and said: "That obviously makes it a little bit more fun. It's fun obviously to show him a little bit but he's a great guy and I have nothing against him."

Riddle me this: Why do ex-Leafs flourish when they leave town? And is it my imagination, or does the opposite hold true far less frequently? Since you started following this team, whenever that was, how many times has an ex-player made you wince with regret?

Do we have to start making voodoo dolls of ex-Leafs? Hey, Nashville is in town tomorrow – quick, someone jab a needle into that Wade Belak doll to prevent him from getting a hat trick!

I know Chicago has a top-notch medical community. But how on earth did they manage to cure Stalberg's blue-and-white disease and then infect him with the red fever? After a terrible training camp, he's getting nothing but raves in the Windy City.

And you know what? Stalberg isn't the only ex-Leaf who is tormenting my soul these days.

What? Pavel Kubina has more assists than Tyler Bozak? Excuse me? Jason Blake has more assists than Phil Kessel? Come again? Ian White has as many points as Fredrik Sjostrom, Colby Armstrong, Carl Gunnarsson, Michael Zigomanis and John Mitchell combined?

Look at this blended scoring chart I hastily assembled this morning while sipping Bourbon out of an old Palmateer mug. Apolgies for the formatting – I actually spent 40 minutes trying to get the damn columns to line-up properly! – but here are Toronto's top scorers and the current point totals of some ex-players who've been traded over the past year:

 

  PLAYER                                    GP        GOALS            ASSISTS       POINTS

1. Clarke MacArthur                        16            7                        6                       13
2. Mikhail Grabovski                       16            3                        8                       11
3. Matt Stajan (CGY)                     14            1                         9                       10
4. Viktor Stalberg (CHI)                19            6                        4                        10
5. Phil Kessel                                  16            8                        2                       10
6. Lee Stempniak (PHX)               17            5                        4                        9
7. Nikolai Kulemin                           16            4                        5                        9
8. Niklas Hagman (CGY)               16            4                        4                        8
9. Tomas Kaberle                            16            0                        7                        7
10. Kris Versteeg                              15            2                        5                        7
11. Tyler Bozak                                 16            2                        3                        5

 

People, I know it's Monday. I know the Leafs are nosediving through an eight game losing streak and in grave danger of becoming squatters in the NHL basement. In the East, all that separates the Leafs from the lowly Islanders* is two points.

I don't mean to depress you any further but, holy hell, how do we explain all of this? And last question before I go top up this mug: Why aren't the new Leafs depressing fans in their old cities?

UPDATE 1 P.M.: *And now the Islanders are doing something about it. Coach Scott Gordon was "relieved of his duties" earlier today.

PHOTO: ASSOCIATED PRESS

Game 16: When life gives you lemons, don't let one of them squirt through your legs

Everybody okay this morning? Silly question. Leaf fans are always okay in the morning.

You know why? Because the Leafs don't play hockey in the morning!

No, by now, we understand the rules of engagement. We know the universe takes perverse pleasure in putting our modest expectations in a vise-grip. We know crushing, demoralizing, soul-sucking losses, like last night's 5-3 defeat to Vancouver, are part of the equation.

We know there will be moments, like at 13:36 of the third, when every single molecule in our bodies will suddenly feel like this:

 

Then like this:

But then we go to bed and wake up looking like this:

I call that last expression, "Whatever, universe."

Phil Kessel wiggles out of his slump and scores on the power play? Fredrik Sjostrom tips a shot from Francois Beauchemin? Mikhail Grabovski continues his recent sharp-shooting? The Leafs finally score three goals and it’s not enough?

J.S. Giguere flubs a long shot that squirts through his pads for the winner? The Canucks get a fluky empty-netter as the Leafs are pressing? Nazem Kadri, ushered into his first game of the season on a tsunami of hype, loses control of the puck on an odd-man rush when the score is tied at three in the third?

Whatever, universe.

So I'm not going to whine this morning. You know? I'm just going to embrace that third emoticon and glance upward at the heavens with Zen-like calm.

I'm not going to accuse the Canucks of engaging in the kind of hammy theatrics you usually find inside a prison acting class. I'm not going to say they should consider signing the Olsen sisters if they're ever in the market for another set of twins.

(I mean, has anybody checked on Christian Ehrhoff? Is he permanently disfigured? The way he jumped into the air and collapsed in a heap at 9:09 of the first – which resulted in a cross-checking penalty to John Mitchell and led to Vancouver's first power play goal – I just assumed he was actually shot with a harpoon.)

I'm also not going to say the Leafs played a good game. They did. But I'm not going to say it because, at this point, I'm getting tired of saying they played a good game and lost. I'm getting tired of searching for branches of hope in the wilderness of despair.

Here's the thing: Vancouver is a great team. And great teams finds ways to win games they don't always deserve. The Leafs, meanwhile, are... are... what the hell are they?

Cursed? Doomed to perennial gloom? Always on the cusp of just getting better? Maybe next week? Maybe next year? Maybe in 2183 after we're all dead?

I have no idea.

What I do know is this: Not-so-great teams find ways to lose games they deserve to win. And as fans, there's not much we can do except say, "Whatever, universe."

Where is the intensity?

"Who did this?"

My mechanic asks this question while inspecting a driver’s side mirror that is now dangling precariously. His eyes have narrowed. His voice is strained.

"I have no idea," I reply. "We left the car on the street and someone must have passed too closely and knocked it off."

"People are unbelievable today," he says, shaking his head and taking two steps back. Then pointing at the mirror: "This is unbelievable!"

Frankly, the situation seemed rather believable. Dude, someone hit my car. It's no big deal. Now how much to make it right?

But this is why I like my mechanic. He is intense. He glowers. He gets worked up about things I take for granted. He gets lost in small details. His game face is his only face. He gets so utterly consumed with the task at hand – the problem, the remedy – that he simply leaves no room for ambiguity or error. 

This is unbelievable! Here’s what we do. We put two screws in the bottom and seal the plastic casing with high-grade silicone. The power cables are still fine so this is cheaper than replacing the whole mirror, which is what most places would try to do. Unbelievable.

I spent several hours yesterday re-watching game tapes from this godforsaken skid.

The Leafs have lost seven consecutive games. Over the past 40 years, the team has only dropped seven (or more) games in a row on eight occasions.

Before the season started, so much was made about "culture change" and the war on blue-and-white disease. Complacency and entitlement, this was the enemy. An absolute insistence on winning, this was the new attitude.

So here we are and what gives?

Yes, the Leafs are not scoring. Yes, special teams are dismal. Yes, within the realm of possibility, both of these problems can be remedied. Or as Ron Wilson says, this team can win again.

But you know what struck me while re-watching tapes? The lack of emotion.

It was breathtaking and baffling.

By all accounts, the guys in the room are concerned with winning. What's increasingly troubling, though, is how unconcerned they seem with losing.

Kris Versteeg has a Stanley Cup ring. His teammates gravitate toward him. He really does seem like a terrific guy. But as a fan, honestly, this quote from yesterday’s practice made me cringe: "I've played this game my whole life and if you can't have fun and enjoy the game because you lose a couple of times, then maybe you should look for something else to do."

What? Lose a couple of times? Fun? What?

Then there was this quote from Brett Lebda: "We're not finding ways to find pucks and put them in the net. And that can wear on you. Especially in an eight, nine-game losing streak, whatever we're on right now."

What? Whatever you’re on right now? You don’t even know how many games you've lost? Shouldn't you be acutely aware of this fact? Shouldn't your stomach feel like it's filled with molten lava as you painfully relive every minute of every loss every morning?

People, I don't know. I just don't know.

Like my mechanic, Darryl Sittler used to get worked up about small things. Like my mechanic, Wendel Clark's eyes often narrowed as he patrolled the wing, delivered thundering checks, dropped the gloves and unloaded his howitzer of a wrist shot.

And if there were a way to bottle and sell intensity, make no mistake, Doug Gilmour would now be richer than Bill Gates. They didn't call him "Killer" because he told funny jokes in the room.

This is a young team with lots of new faces. They genuinely seem to like each other. They are bonding and adjusting to life in the biggest hockey market on the planet. They are breezy bordering on carefree.

But here's a radical idea: Instead of having fun, how about getting angry? Instead of seeing the big picture, how about focusing on the small details? Instead of rolling with the punches, how about throwing some, figurative or otherwise.

It's time for everyone to put on their game faces*. It is time for this team to get consumed with the task at hand.

 

*Dear Leafs, for examples of intensity and game face, please refer to this video:

 

 

PHOTO: DANIEL HULSHIZER/ASSOCIATED PRESS

Game 15: Someone bring me a bucket

At some point in tonight's 4-1 loss to Florida, TSN's Pierre McGuire used the term "bad puck management" to describe the Leafs.

I think it was in the second period. It might have been the third. Tough to say, really, since by then I was sprawled supine on my daughter's Strawberry Shortcake mat and wearing my wife's Pure Relaxation 1000 eye-gel mask.

Anyhow, here are some other terms we can now safely add to the McGuire lexicon: "bad desire," "bad finishing," "bad backchecking," "bad pinching," "bad shooting," "bad passing," "bad energy," "bad luck," "bad opportunities," and just plain "bad."

Bad, Leafs! Bad, boys! Bad!

What in God’s name is going on here? Why does this team even bother taking sticks on the ice? Why not just wear top hats and silk gloves and skate around with jazz hands?

At least that would be vaguely entertaining.

After 15 games last season, the Leafs record was 3-7-5. After 15 games this season, the Leafs record is 5-7-3.

Two points. TWO POINTS. The year-over-year gain for this rebuilt team is two-freakyass-points from The Great Disaster of ’09? Are you kidding me?

And you know what?

Last year, the team was never shutout in its first 15 games – not once. This year, the team has been shutout THREE TIMES. And if Mikhail Grabovski hadn't one-timed a shot past Florida's Tomas Vokoun at 13:35 of the third tonight, it would have been FOUR TIMES.

You know things have lurched well past grim when opposition fans can be seen yawning seconds after their team scores: "Oh, did we get one? That's nice. Are these other guys okay? They don't look so good. When does this game end? I want to get home and catch-up on Mad Men."

The Leafs offence is so unfathomably, impossibly anemic right now that, as the game grinded onward, McGuire even sounded bored. Usually he sounds like a braying jackal. But near the end, as my heart ached, as my eyes tingled from the mask, McGuire sounded as if someone shot him in the throat with a tranquilizer dart.

We've now had two droughts that rival anything in the Sahara.

The first one was, what, about 167 minutes between goals? This most recent one was, let’s see, about 142 minutes? That adds up to more than 5 hours of game time without scoring. How is this possible at the professional level? I'm pretty sure I could centre a line between my mom and dad and put up better numbers.

People, I feel sick. I apologize for my exasperation. I'm sorry for SHOUTING. I bid you and yours a peaceful night.

Last one to bed, please remember to turn off the lights.

PHOTO: STEVE RUSSELL/TORONTO STAR

"That's not good enough."

I recall watching the Leafs skate one morning this summer.

It was late August, around 9:30 a.m. at the MasterCard Centre. Since camp had not started yet, this was an optional skate. In fact, the players each chipped in a few bucks for the ice (as per NHL policy) and as a game of intramural shinny broke out, the only thing on the line was breakfast and bragging rights.

The mood was decidedly upbeat that morning.

There were some nifty moves, some dazzling saves, some over-the-top goal celebrations. There were no coaches on the ice – just young players looking forward to the start of a new season, young players hoping to etch greatness on a clean slate.

So when J.S. Giguere blasted his teammates last night after losing to Tampa, it was more than just a wake-up call. It was a clear sign the room, once relaxed and confident and upbeat, is now teetering on the brink of internecine dysfunction.

Giguere: "We had a big opportunity at the beginning of the game, a 5-on-3. When you get those chances at the beginning of the game, you've got to bury one, you've got to score. You've got to get something going. We couldn't manage. We just weren't ready to compete. We played better in the second and the third, but that's not good enough."

That last phrase seems to surface every decade in Hogtown:

"We're dissatisfied with the number of goals we're giving up. If it keeps up we will be finishing up in the seventh or eighth position in the overall standings and that's not good enough." – Coach Roger Neilson, after a 7-6 loss to Washington in 1978.

 "We're trying our best and if that's not good enough it's up to someone else to do something about it. We're trying our best and that's all we can do. If the fans want to react to it, that's up to them. They paid for their tickets, but I still think it's horseshit." – Borje Salming, after an 8-0 playoff loss to Detroit in 1988 prompted Leaf fans to litter the Gardens ice with debris.

"I was satisfied with our effort but if we're satisfied with going on the road and losing, that's not good enough." – Coach Tom Watt, after the Leafs lost three straight on the road in 1992, fading hopes for a playoff spot.

"Goal slumps don't bother me, never have… We probably had five or six good scoring chances in our last game, we just didn't finish. When you're losing, that's not good enough. We have to find a way to play better." – Shayne Corson in 2001, while in the midst of a 30-game goalless drought.

 

You know what's really not good enough? Some of the dubious numbers this team has "earned" over their first 14 games in a 30-team league: 

• GOALS PER GAME AVERAGE: 2.21 (League Rank 29)
• POWER PLAY: 12.1 per cent (League Rank 23)
• POINTS: 13 (League Rank 25)
• PENALTY KILLING: 78.3 (League Rank 25)
• GOALS SCORED IN FIRST PERIODS: 8 (League Rank 27)
• 5-ON-5 GOALS: 23 (League Rank 21)
• NUMBER OF TIMES SHUTOUT: 3 (League Rank 30)

 

It's hard not to feel a little sorry for Jiggy and The Monster at this point. I mean, they can stand on their heads and juggle Ginsu knives for 60 minutes and it won't matter one damn bit if the team in front of them can't even score a single goal.

And you know what's truly frightening? As the Leafs get ready to take on Florida tonight, as the team struggles to turn around a season that has gone from magic to misery over the past 10 games, nobody seems to possess a blueprint that will fix this crumbling mess.

I know it's still early. But inertia is no way to get out of a vortex.

 PHOTO: CHRIS O'MEARA/ASSOCIATED PRESS

Game 14: Ah, never mind

How is everyone tonight? Pleasant evening?

That's nice.

Why yes, it is getting cold out there. Bundle up. The guy at the corner store said it was "frilly," which I think was an accidental portmanteau between "frigid" and "chilly" but who the hell knows.

Did I ever tell you guys about the dream I once had about Halle Berry?

We went out on a date. First we started at Home Depot, where she helped me pick out a pressure washer. Then we ended up at The Keg, where we washed down slabs of red meat with those oversized cocktails.

When our server named Wregget said they were out of maraschino cherries, Halle freaked out and turned into Storm from X-Men. She started eye-zapping other patrons into blocks of ice. She created tornados in the bar area. She was out of control, so I bailed.

That was such a weird dream. How could Halle Berry know so much about outdoor power tools?

You know what else was a weird dream? The Leafs first four games this season.

I mean, there's no possible way that was real. It was some kind of mass hallucination we experienced together for eight crazy days and nights, right? It's now some kind of false memory, right?

So the Tampa Bay Lightning won a hockey game tonight by a score of 4-0. I'm not sure who they played against but it wasn't the team that won those four games we all imagined together in early October.

No, the team Tampa beat tonight did not skate. They did not forecheck. Their special teams were about as special as the colour black at a goth concert in Eastern Europe on a school night.

What Tampa's opponent did do astonishingly well was give the puck away, fan on shots, miss the net, miss their hits, break out of their zone at the wrong time, inadvertently block their own shots at the right time, give up odd-man rushes, shoot high, shoot wide and, in general, look like a team that is now trapped inside a pitch-black tunnel that's sealed shut at either end and quickly filling up with rat-infested water.

Playing a lousy game against a team that has the league's top scorer, a guy who can do this, that's just suicide.

People, it just feels so frilly inside Leafs Nation. I don't mean to bring you down. But it feels like we're slowly turning into blocks of ice as we watch this team chip away at our patience and goodwill, one frustrating shift at a time.

Anyway, I'm tired. Let's sift through tonight's wreckage in the morning.

PHOTO: FOX PUBLICITY

Guest Post: What If The Leafs Biggest Problem Isn't Scoring Goals?

Shorthanded Shortcomings

BY KYLE BOSLEY

How many times has it happened in this young season? The Leafs, with all the momentum heading into the final stages of a game, lose in less than impressive fashion.

Since their 4-0 start, they have gone 1-5-3. That record is eerily close to the record from the dreadful start of last season. So I think there is reason to be a little concerned right now.

But the reason for this current slump isn't just a lack of production. It is also terrible penalty killing.

Two of the last three games were lost as a direct result of a poor PK, which has plummeted from Top 10 all the way down to 21st in the league at 79.6 per cent. The PK bottomed out at 24th after the Washington game. Or consider this: In the Leafs last 9 games, only the Sabres and Rangers have been held without a power play goal.

Part of the problem has been a lack of truly brilliant goaltending, as both The Monster and Jiggy have been doing their best headless chicken impressions at times. Sure, on Alexander Semin's power play goal there were some strange bounces. But Monster wasn't even remotely close to making it back in time for a critical save.

With both goalies often caught out of position, you have to wonder why this is happening. The answer: The opposition have been allowed to move the puck around freely and with no pressure.

Early in the season, the Leafs did not allow any open passing lanes. But that changed with John Tavares’ OT winner and it has continued right through to the 3-2 loss to Ottawa when the Sens scored two power play goals in the second period.

Right now, opposing teams are granted time and space to cycle the puck at will and the result has been ugly. Not even cross-ice passes, through multiple defenders, are being stopped.

When the PK isn't to blame for a loss, it has put the Leafs behind early (Boston, October 28) or has brought talented teams right back into the game (Pittsburgh, October 13).

The most pitiful shorthanded performance by far came last Tuesday against the Senators as the Leaf penalty killers – possibly not expecting much from a team that considers Alex Kovalev to still be a major scoring threat – decided to play follow the leader.

Just watch how instead of reading a rather basic cycle, the defenders chase the puck from man to man. There was no serious pressure applied and no real attempt to cover the next pass.

With at least three games lost due to bad penalty killing this is where the Leafs need to focus on improvement right now. This was the Achilles heel of Toronto last year and has proven very costly so far this season.

To get the PK back on track, the Leafs need to:

1. Press the attackers, not the puck

2. Read the play, not just react

3. Disrupt the passing lanes

4. Block shots or get out of the way (goalies can't stop what they don't see)

With the Leafs taking on Tampa tonight, some simple alterations could help shut down the Lightning power play. This is a critical task when you're up against Steven Stamkos, a sniper who now leads the league in goals, points and power play goals.

However, if the PK current trend continues and improvements aren't soon made, this season may already be lost.

 

Kyle Bosley, born with blue in his veins and hockey in his heart, is the creator of The 5th Line Centre, a Leafs blog he runs while living in hostile Senators' territory.