Game 34: The Perfect Storm

During tonight's 4-1 victory over a team of narcoleptic mimes in New Jersey sweaters, I spent several minutes Googling "tug and pull."

I think it was in the third period. Maybe it was the first. Anyway, a commercial for Gillette's Fusion ProGlide had just aired and I was convinced the copywriter had slipped a sexual euphemism into the ad: "It glides for less tug and pull."

Oh my God, I thought. Are they now using shady massage parlour lingo to sell disposable razors? Really?

Then a few minutes later, I realized my mistake: No, no, no. That "special service" at a massage parlour is called a "rub and tug," right? It's not a "tug and pull."

It was one of those games, you see, where the mind was free to wander.

Outside the Prudential Center, a huge blizzard created wintry chaos. Inside, the "crowd" – official attendance was 5,329, which means they must have accidentally counted everybody's toques, scarves and gloves as separate people – created an atmosphere usually reserved for municipal bylaw hearings.

The narcoleptic mimes, the apocalyptic weather, the empty seats, the post-Christmas sleepy mood, all of this combined to create a perfect storm for the home team.

And if the Leafs ventured into this perfect storm with any silly ideas about freezing up and blowing an easy game, as they have this season, Jersey was simply having none of it.

Nope. Nothing doing. You guys from Toronto, here's the deal: Just find a way to broach the vertical walls of snow and we will give you the two points, no questions asked. You want our skates? You want our sticks? You're welcome to have that stuff as well since we won't be needing it any time soon.

I'm not taking anything away from our magnificent Leaf bastards. All I'm saying is the Fusion ProGlide has five blades and I probably wouldn't have noticed this if we were playing Pittsburgh tonight.

The Leafs started strong. They weathered a few shifts in the second when the narcoleptic mimes awoke briefly to do a so-so impression of a once powerful hockey team. They capitalized on their chances, benefited from steady if unspectacular goaltending, went to the net, got a couple of lucky bounces and deserved to win and smile during their four group hugs.

But, really, you could teach 20 adult baboons to skate, arm them with brooms and they would at least take this Jersey team to a shootout nine times out of ten. I witnessed more intensity in the stores earlier today while attempting to purchase a new camera on Boxing Day.

So let's just be grateful for this late Christmas gift and leave it at that.

Let's tip our hats to Colby Armstrong, who scored the first and last goals for the visitors. Let's nod in the general direction of John Mitchell, who banged in a rebound. Let's give a thumbs-up to Nikolai Kulemin, who wristed a shot past the shaky mime imposter with "BRODEUR" emblazoned on the back of his jersey.

If the Leafs only played the Devils this season, they'd now be a heavenly 34-0. But they don't and so this win, while wonderful and desperately needed, does not amount to very much in the grand scheme of late 2010.

What happens next, when the opposition is made up of professional hockey players and our minds are not free to wander, that's what really matters. I'm happy we won. But this perfect storm had zero tug and pull.

 

 

  Ilya Kovalchuk, trapped in a glass box.

Comments

[moe green]

Oh I'm a seer.

[Simon]

Am I the only one laughing every time they say McBain?

http://www.shellen.com/gallery/rainierwolfcastle-aka-mcbain.gif

[Pyramid Power]

What an electrifying rush by Kessel. Almost had the hattie there. Phil looks great tonight.

[Sensi-Bill]

Just learned, via a tweet, that TONIGHT (Dec. 28), Wade Belak just received his FIRST penalty minutes of the season. Certainly NOT the Belak I remember.

VM Replies: In fairness, he's only played 7 games this season.

[moe green]

I like Versteeg tonight. Also Kessel. Grabovski, even Kaberle. But does Phaneuf look "off" somehow? Is it just me.

[moe green]

It should be 6-3 Leafs by now. It isn't. I still say (pray) 5-3 with an empty netter!

[Sensi-Bill]

BTW, the more we sell the game in the United States Of The Almighty Dollar, the better the TV deals and thus more TV revenue to share. And the more bums we help put in American arenas, the less we have to subsidize struggling franchises south of the border. IMHO.

[Sensi-Bill]

Still 3-3? Then my (favorable) prediction of 4-3 Leafs, in overtime or a shootout is still in the running, though having neither team score in the third
period looks improbable.

[Pyramid Power]

Kessel coming oh so close. Again, I am so proud of our magnificent bastards for showing such energy tonight. We deserve a win.

Let us see if the hockey gods award the Leafs the rightful win.

GO LEAFS GO!

[moe green]

How big is this kill.

[Sensi-Bill]

Everybody must be watching the game. LOL (Just called it up on radio here on my iPad) (Thanks Santa)

[moe green]

My guttyworks have gone all squirty. We NEED this one.

[moe green]

What a give away! Was that Komisarek?

[moe green]

Oh no... how can that be a penalty? OMG.

[moe green]

Is this a comeback or the night the season actually dies?

[moe green]

You can't miss that many chances. They say Gustavsson had no chance on it, but guess what, Ward stops those. So does Thomas. Here we are guys, this is the season.

[Sensi-Bill]

@Moe We the only two still posting?

[moe green]

Well guys, enough of the "tired" BS. Tired. That's nonsense.

[moe green]

Well that's it folks. The dream of a meaningful second half is dead. With a reasonable goalie we win. We don't have one. It disgusts me that the Canes win this. What a pointless effort both literally and figuratively. Boooooose!

[moe green]

I dunno Sensibill, but i've had it. My spirit is dead. If Burke was gonna make a move he waited too long. Boo Wilson. Boo Burke. Boo Leafs.

[moe green]

They are actually criticizing Grabovski after this game. Are they nuts!

[moe green]

I think everyone has died inside tonight. They all know it's over SensiBill.

VM Replies: I'm definitely staring at a blank screen over here.

[Pyramid Power]

Booooose! That says it all Moe. We're done.

Great effort but not good enough. I was a very worried Leaf fan going into this season re our goalkeeping. It would appear that we need to look elsewhere for quality goaltending when it counts the very most.

Goose made some nice saves no doubt. But not good enough. Ward was better. Where have we heard that before? The other goalie played better than our goalie despite our team playing better than their team.

It is just sad. I long for you Cat. I long for you Cujo. I long for you Eddie.

Gustavsson not the answer. Tough loss at any rate and we played well enough to win. Gutsy effort and fortunate goal by the 'Canes to win it late.

Oh well. Canada won today. And the Canadiens lost. I take some small measure of solace in that.

[moe green]

I am dead sick of watching this team under-perform to this extent. If Burke was gonna do something, why did he wait until it was too late? Why? Why even say it at this point? It makes him sound desperate and not very smart. The trade freeze is over. Does he have anything or was he just blowing smoke? I say smoke.

[moe green]

The problem is I don't know how to make it fun anymore. Why did Burke say he was going to make a move if he isn't? The trade freeze is over. Why wait until it's too late? I just don't understand.

[Pyramid Power]

Burke said he would wait until the four games after the Christmas break to make moves.

Trust me Moe: moves are a comin'. But really we did deserve to win that hockey game. Would it have mattered if we had won as in a shot at the playoffs? Very, very, very unlikely. Just another painful loss and another reason to be a deeply disturbed saddened Leaf fan.

It is getting beyond embarrassing how bad we are now. The Bruins are well on their way to a lottery pick this year. Sad and even more sad when one considers Toronto is truly Hockeytown.

[moe green]

Not enough Pyramid. USA is going to dominate hockey for the future. I wish it wasn't true but we all know it is. Women, Under-19, Juniors and eventually the Olympics too. It's simply a matter of money and population. Plus they are rewarding skill not brawn in US hockey. That is surely the future.

Just like the NHL. Why hasn't a Canadian team won a Cup since 1993? Statistically we should win one every five years. It could be many more before we get one. Why? Fluke? I think not. Why do all the big free-agents sign with US teams? Sedins are the only exception I can think of. Even when we sign a free agent we always overpay. I'd hardly call Kessel a "big" free agent. He's an overpaid mini-one.

I am sad. I am moving to Los Angeles in a couple weeks so that's a big plus. At least I can start to watch some good hockey again. You know they don't get much more blue and white than me and even I am starting not to care anymore. Thanks Brian Burke and Ron Wilson and MLSE for knocking the care out of me. Good luck with the rebuild or whatever you're calling it these days.

[moe green]

I know Pyramid, I hear you. I didn't know he was waiting the four games - I didn't hear that. I guess I was just desperately trying to keep hope alive. It is surely dead now though. But why bother with a move now? Seriously, the season is over.

I miss having a good goalie too. And what about Phaneuf? Is he really sunk to this level. Is he on drugs? Or worse, alcohol? He really seems to be a horrible addition to the team. Does Burke need to torpedo this defense again? Seriously, can Beauchemin and Komisarek do it? Phaneuf? Gunnarson? Is Schenn regressing again? Didn't Vinay say he was third worst in giveaways this year? Third worst? And he's our future. Wow.

[moe green]

To all who remain: what kind of moves can Burke make? Who do we have of value who he can trade for any real assets. Can he get a second for Beachemin? I guess, but a crappy one. Who can we trade? I am confused at what kind of moves could be coming. is he gona trade out best players and get some dreck back? I am afraid I just don't see it. Maybe restock the cupboard with picks for Beachemin, Phaneuf, Komisarek, Grabovski, Kulemin?

[moe green]

It's just more MLSE bull. Burke sold a bill of goods to the board and they bought it. He told them they could rebuild without tanking. So this is what we get. A crap team with a bunch of nobodies in the minors. This is absolute BS. Who we gonna call up, Joey Crabb, Hanson? Is he the future? Right. We have heard this nonsense all before all our lives. Burke is no more honorable than JFJ. He works for MLSE. Plain and simple. Don't let the bluster fool you. He's a lawyer - it's what they do. Burke is here for the beer even if he himself doesn't believe it.

[Hoofheartz]

Once again a goaltender who doesn't play for the Leafs has won a game for his team. Well done Monstrosity. On another note and certainly a recurring question, what is it going to take to sit, trade or banish that useless Komisarek from the Blue and White? How could the entire Leaf management team so seriously over estimate this clowns' skill level?
@Moe, BB may have to use the addition by subtraction ploy and simply get rid of Komisarek for whatever he can get in return. Same can be said for Mitchell and Beauchemin. On the other hand I think it would be a huge mistake to get rid of Grabovski. He seems to be getting better every game out but maybe thats his way of increasing his trade value to get out of TML hell.

[Alecia]

For the record, I cheered so hard, my head is still throbbing.

[TG77]

I am no fan of losing to a team who is not too far ahead of the leafs in the standings but I actually feared the Leafs pulling off a 4-0 stretch over the next 4 games and putting a bandaid over a bad team. Burke can't live with this team, Wilson can't and the fans can't but like Moe I wonder what kind of return you can get for asse(t)s that are currently on a 28th place team. I missed the game, missed the devils game too so I honestly can't make any statements on what happened but it sounds reasonable to let Reimer play. It sends a clear message to Jonas that he can't just expect to be sent out there if he is basically going to be the reason for a loss. I am not sure what to think of Jonas to be honest. I look at his ability to make some incredible (usually pad) saves but other times he looks, for lack of better word, just spastic in net and way too much herky-jerky movement out there. He played really well down the stretch last year when it really didn't matter (so again hard to say what that meabs) but then went onto play great for Sweden in the worlds. I am in no way giving Jonas an excuse but does it not seem like his record is much better when he is the #2 behind Jiggy. Last year, his streak of 7 straight wins was while rotating in and out with Jiggy. This goes back to a previous post by Vinay, some consistency would be great. The Leafs don't put things together on a nightly basis. Kessel scores 2 tonight, the PP clicks and they still find a way to lose.

As for right now, I figure if I am going to watch a hockey game, it should be our juniors. Kassian is a man amongst boys and I hate to see the Czech player get hurt but it was basically a 230 pound man barreling into a kid. The Czechs actually played quite dirty in my opinion from that point on which I guess makes sense on some levels. You see a teammate go out on a stretcher and you are getting pummeled on the score board. The slash by the goalie on Foligno could have ended very badly. I guess the one downer of watching the world juniors over the years is seeing all these great young Canadian prospects and none are Leafs prospects and the year the Leafs prospect (Pogge and Rask) stole the show, neither of them are with the Leafs now. Yay.

[TG77]

On a completely unrelated note, Jordin Tootoo (he captured Canada's hearts with the world junior performance quite some time ago which made me think of this) has entered the league substance abuse program. I hope he is able to come out of it stronger. I am also happy the league has something like this in place.