Game Day: Beware the Flying Waffles
In 1988, after the Leafs were demolished 8-0 by Detroit in a playoff game, fans inside Maple Leaf Gardens hurled pucks, hats, cups, trash, and even a few jerseys on the ice.
"The way they acted, it looked like they were throwing in the towel," said a rattled Todd Gill at the time. "You get Coke splattered in your face and you get change rung off your head – from your own fans!"
At least the 1988 Leafs didn't have to worry about getting nailed with airborne breakfast entrées. After Thursday's woeful loss to Philadelphia, someone in the stands decided to leggo his eggo in the general vicinity of the 2010 Leafs.
"Who brings waffles to a hockey game?" wondered Colby Armstrong the next day. "Had we won the game, was he going home with soggy waffles? I don't know. I don't appreciate it, really, a guy throwing waffles at me as I'm skating by. I don't know if the guy was aiming for me or whatever, but who knows? The guy brought waffles. I don't know what it means. I don't know what this all means."
So heading into tonight's game against Montreal, make no mistake: If the Leafs underperform for a third consecutive game, they may find themselves on the receiving end of more hostility and, by extension, more edible projectiles.
Now, obviously, it's never wise to throw anything on the ice. It creates treacherous conditions for players, officials, coaches and other fans. If you're caught chucking foodstuff, you will be ejected. Depending on the severity of the incident, you could also face prosecution, which is not a conversation you want to have with a future employer.
"Have you ever been charged with a crime?"
"Absolutely not. Well, yes. Just once. It was 2010. The Leafs were losing 9-1. They were 0-6 on the power play. They missed the net 143 times in the first. I couldn't take it any more. So I dropped Tomas Kaberle with a candy apple."
Boys, come out flying tonight and you won't have to worry about ducking a bagel with cream cheese. But come out stale and flat and it could get downright messy out there.
That said, I have just obtained a list of every food item that can purchased inside the ACC tonight. I have done this for one reason: I do not want to live in a world where a hockey player on my favourite team ends up missing a few games because of a vegetable stirfry mishap.
Leafs? Win! Please! Just win! But if you lose, and you lose ugly, I have spent a few hours this afternoon calculating incoming threats based on primary vending area, price and aerodynamics.
Here now, The 20 Most Dangerous Concession Stand Threats Inside The ACC:
1. Reuben Footlong ($9.75): "12 inches of big hurt."
2. Platinum Chicken Wrap ($8.95) "A long-range missile."
3. Beef Dip Panini ($8.95) "Wet, hot and capable of reaching terrifying speeds."
4. Smirnoff Ice Cooler ($6.95) "Stealth and lethal."
5. M&M Pretzel ($4.85) "Boomeranging salt abrasions."
6. Evian 500 ML ($3.95) "Unsatisfying but deadly."
7. Snickers King Size ($3.75) "Packed with peanut shrapnel."
8. Wally’s Giant Cookie ($6.50) "Deceptive weapon looks like a puck."
9. 2 Chicken Souvlaki Sticks ($6.65) "Capable of impaling."
10. Tallboy Can ($9.25) "The bunker buster of beers."
11. Caramel/Fudge Drumstick ($4.75) "Deliciously pointy."
12. Jumbo Pickles ($3.32) "The stink never leaves a victim.”
13. XL Hot Smoothee ($2.11) "There is no escape from the splatter.”
14. Pizza Dog ($6.25) "A nefarious hybrid."
15. Skittles ($5.75) "Capable of taking out an entire bench."
16. Pulled Pork Sliders ($10.75) "Greasy mayhem."
17. Burrito ($9.25) "A short-range torpedo."
18. Pizza Pizza Chicken Hot Sauces ($1.00) "May cause blindness."
19. Fresh-Cut Curly-Que Fries ($4.38) "Unpredictable flight patterns."
20. Itzakadoozie ($3.75) "There are no words."
MAIN PHOTO: PHIL COALE/ASSOCIATED PRESS