Game 40: In praise of a good, old-fashioned thrashing
Good morning, Leafs Nation. Correction: Great morning.
Actually, what time is it? WHAT? Wow. This recap is late. I've been too busy skipping and smiling and dancing around like that guy from those Viagra commercials.
Good morning, good morning, it’s great to stay up late!
Good morning, good morning, to you!
I just went downstairs to change the settings on my PVR. I usually save a recorded game for a week in case I need to reference a play. But last night's merciless destruction in Atlanta, yeah, that game shall be saved... forever.
 9 goals
 9 consecutive goals
 5 power play goals
 4 goals during one five-minute major
 6 goals and 10 points for MacArthur, Kulemin and Grabovski
 Atlanta goalies changed 143 times by coach Captain Picard
 Total ass-kicking
That game was beyond surreal. It almost felt fictional, a deranged movie-of-the-week that was written and directed by two intoxicated Leaf fans after a bender:
Fan 2: "Cool. Then the good guys go like batshit crazy! They score on almost every shot, as if their sticks have magical powers!"
Fan 1: "Awesome. And let’s write SIX goals into the second period scene!"
Fan 2: "Is that believable?"
Fan 1: "No. But it's our movie. We can do whatever we want."
Fan 2: "Who should play Ben Eager?"
Fan 1: "Who cares. We'll just get some meathead from the local pub."
I apologize if there was a delay in moderating comments last night. Instead of checking frequently, I was standing in front of my TV, numb and drooling, as the good guys ran up the score and shocked the tens of fans inside Philips Arena.
I wanted to pity those small children waving their pathetic, "Let’s Go Thrashers!" placards as the clock ticked down. But I was doubled-over and laughing uncontrollably.
And did you see the expression on Bill Watters’ mug when the second intermission started? Priceless. After predicting a big and easy win for Atlanta, Wilbur looked baffled and in considerable pain, like someone trying to count backwards from one million after getting smacked upside the head with a frying pan.
One million... Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand... Nine hundred and – I like Grabovski! Really! I change my mind – ninety-nine... where was I?
Will we ever see another game like this one? Statistically speaking, probably not again this season. Or next. Or the one after that.
So I hope you enjoyed a sight and situation that was beautiful and special and rare. Game 40 was like finding a four-leaf clover just as Halley's Comet streaks overhead and Sasquatch wanders into a clearing to reveal next week's winning lottery numbers.
Congratulations on the incredible passing and shooting, gentlemen. Have fun in LA this weekend. Go nuts. You've earned it. No, seriously, I want to write stories next week about how Colby Armstrong got tanked at a Sunset hotspot and then peer-pressured James Reimer into geting a bulletproof vest tattooed on his chest.
And you know how Ron Wilson was explaining skewed numbers for special teams in yesterday's post? Get this: Before the Leafs annihilated Atlanta, the road power play was ranked 29th at 9.5 per cent. It's now at 14.8 per cent.
It catapulted up to 21st spot overnight.
Don't look now but those magnificent Leaf bastards are 3-1 in 2011. With a bit of luck against Boston, they would be 4-0. And over these four games, they have scored 21 goals. To put this in perspective: They scored 19 goals between October 18 and November 13.
Yes, after living by candlelight for most of this season, we are now experiencing a power surge. Sing along, won't you...
PHOTO: JOHN BAZEMORE/ASSOCIATED PRESS