In which we learn: Can Ryan Lochte act?

An all-star cast of British actors Patrick Stewart and Simon Pegg and Olympic champion Ryan Lochte hams it up shamelessly in a new video guide to ticket scalping at the London Games.

Stewart kits himself out as Fagin, complete with overcoat and fingerless gloves, as he sleazes his way across London bilking Olympic fans. Charging American tourists $1,200 each for tickets is called "Yankee Pankee," he explains. Then comes the biggest prize of all -- Lochte, who has a dumb smile and his swim event pass.

The Funny or Die video ends with a pale and skinny Pegg in Lochte's Speedo on the starting block.