Have a Happy, Homey New Year!

So, what are you doing for New Year's Eve?

Better question. Do you really care?

When I met my husband, Marty, and we were dating, on the second date, he asked me out for New Year's. I thought he was a little cracked.

It was July.

Later, he confessed that he didn't want to take any chances of someone else slipping in ahead of him.

He didn't know that there was no one beating a path to my door. Never, ever before had anyone ever asked me out for New Year's Eve. I was 50. 

This has never been a problem. I have never felt deprived because I have spent 50 New Year's Eves on my own, usually alone, or with one of my dogs. Often, I feast on a big bowl of popcorn and entertain myself with an old movie, or better still, a good book.

On several occasions, I've spent a few hours kibitzing with a friend on the phone. Occasionally, I've watched on TV as "the ball dropped" in Times Square, but more often I'm sound asleep long before midnight.

The point is, I have never been particularly excited about celebrating New Year's Eve the way most people traditionally do. Making merry. Dressing up. Dining out on exorbitant, outrageously-priced, often mediocre restaurant fare. Drinking too much. Whooping it up with a bunch of strangers. Pretending to be having a grand old time.

For one thing, I don't drink.There's nothing more boring than watching a bunch of people get silly and inebriated. 

What's even worse, is that everyone is trying so hard to have a good time. The expectations always outstrip the reality. It's usually a big disappointment according to most people I know who "go out on the town on New Year's."

Isn't is just another night of the week? Especially when it falls on a Wednesday?

I suspect, although I could be wrong, that many people may scale back on their New Year's celebrations this year and perhaps re-think how to spend this night. Just as many people have carefully reflected on the meaning and values of Christmas gift giving and refocused on the people they love and care about more than the presents they may have, in years past, cost them outrageous amounts of money. 

You cannot help but give this some thought.

Marty, if you want to know, has never "taken me out for New Year's" because I've never wanted to be "taken out." I prefer small intimate gatherings at home and that's how we have spent our eight New Year's Eve's together, thus far. This will be our ninth. We either have a few people in or visit friends. At most, there are four or five couples. This year, there will be six of us, not all "couples," either. Six good friends.

We have a pot luck dinner which is always more delicious than anything you can buy in a restaurant. This year, Thai food is on the menu and I'm making Pad Thai. 

What's best about spending a quiet New Year's with friends at home is the feeling of warmth, closeness and camaraderie.

There are no extra-special expectations and we're never disappointed.

If you're a list-maker, here is a list of 10 good reasons to reframe your New Year's Eve and celebrate at home:

1. It's warm.
2. The price of drinks is right. 
3. Ditto for the food, which if it's home made is far better than anything you'll find in any restaurant.   
4. There are always second helpings. 
5. There's no chance of colliding in your car with a drunk driver.  
6. You can go to bed at 12:01 a.m. or at 11:59 p.m. – and skip it altogether.
7. You don't have to get all dressed up – no tuxedo rentals, no sequins – you can spend the evening in your p.j.'s all night. 
8. You can sing  Auld Lang Syne at the top of your lungs even if you can't carry a tune.
9. You can go onto the Internet and really celebrate New Year's – around the world, in every time zone. You'll be up all night. You'll be New Year's Eve'd-out but it might be fun, for a change!
10. In the quiet of your home, you can spend a few solitary moments reflecting back on the past year and think about how you can make 2009 a little better, in whatever way that's meaningful for you.  

I wish you health, most of all. Peace of mind. Happiness of heart. Calm. A year of sweetness. In Judaism, we celebrate New Year's in the fall. We cut up apples and dip them in honey,to symbolize a sweet New Year. You could try that, too. If nothing else, it tastes delicious.

Be well. It is an honour for me to be able to spend time with you here. To communicate with you. To share with you. See you in 2009!

Reinventing yourself...

The other day, I read a story in The New York Times about how a woman, an assistant vice president at Deutsche Bank for eight years in New York until she was suddenly laid off in July 2007, completely reinvented herself. 

Today, Chiara Sforza is a full-time dog walker and pet-sitter. And she couldn't be happier. For now, at least. Who knows what lies around the corner. The economy, after all, will eventually rebound.

What's intriguing is that she finds dog walking more gratifying than working in the corporate world because the dogs "are so appreciative of the simplest things you do for them. No matter how bad my day may be going, when I walk into a home and the dog is so happy to see me and gives me kisses, it puts a different spin on the day," she said.

As the owner of two dogs, I can certainly attest to that feeling judging by the commotion that erupts whenever I walk in my front door after being away for a few hours. But what struck me most about this story was the way Sforza reinvented herself. Dog walking in New Jersey, after all, is a far cry from the world of high finance in Manhattan. 

She didn't just decide one day out of the blue to walk dogs. It was a process. She arrived in her current position after several months of unsuccessful job hunting and repeatedly being told that she was overqualified for other similar positions. When her unemployment ran out she had no choice but to find another means of income. That's when the dog-walking gig turned up.

Funny how that happens. Strange, but it often does.

The point is, in the current economy, a lot of people, perhaps even you, may find yourselves in similar situations. It seems to me that rather than getting depressed and burrowing under your covers, hiding from the world, you can embrace the possibilities of a completely different career. Treat it like an adventure. I did a few years ago. If you receive a settlement package, you have the luxury of doing just that.

Far from being a full-time print journalist in a world where newspapers appear to be turning into anachronisms – in 2009 The Christian Science Monitor is suspending its print edition and publishing only on line – I found myself teaching a subject I had never dreamed of at a community college that's 10 minutes from my house. Not journalism. What a joy! Good-bye to the 90-minute commutes downtown, too. So long, stress! 

Did I plan on becoming a college "professor," which is what we're called? No. Not in my wildest dreams. But, I did stay open to all kinds of possibilities, networking all the way. While pursuing freelance writing opportunities, one half of a Women's Studies course fell into my lap. 

Was it luck? You betcha. And timing, which is everything. I was scared to death, but I said "yes" without blinking an eye, when the course was offered to me. Since then, that half of a course has led to other full courses. And a fabulous and fulfilling second career.

Do I make the same salary I did when I was working full-time at The Toronto Sun. Not by a long shot. But I'm so much happier. So much less stressed. So challenged. I haven't felt as good in years. And although this sounds corny, when you love what you're doing, the money you make isn't an issue.

Especially if you're willing to live on less and adopt as your mantra – "To know you have enough is to be rich."

It's amazing how much you can economize when you have to... and you don't even miss it.

All I'm suggesting is that perhaps thinking creatively about other new vocations you can try or love to do might lead you in a new direction. One you can't even imagine. Try brainstorming with yourself. What are you passionate about? What are your skills? What have you always dreamed of doing? Think. Fantasize. Speculate. Go wild. There are all kinds of ways to approach what might seem like a potentially disastrous situation. 

And different jobs meet different needs. A lot of this is all about attitude.

I have a cousin who loves creative writing. She's had several books published, but they don't earn any money, so she writes book reviews. Her real income, however, comes from a 20-hour per week job selling subscriptions for the National Arts Centre in Ottawa, where she lives. She's passionate about the arts, so it's an easy sell. She enjoys it, and she's very good at it. Between her pension and a reasonable weekly salary including regular bonuses, she has enough money to live on and allow her time to devote to her writing. And she's one very happy lady.

Reinventing yourself, I think, is one way to consider taking charge of your life if you're suddenly laid off. The world is changing. Resilience is one key to success. Be prepared. Update your resume. Start networking with everyone you know. Follow the threads. Keep an open mind. Most of all, think about the kind of work you would love doing.

Be positive. And go for it!

Malcolm, myths and a bit of holiday optimism...

First, I want to wish you a wonderful holiday. A warm, fun-filled, happy time surrounded by your friends and family and people you love and who love you.

Most of all, I hope you are not alone. I will repeat a value here, something I tell all my classes because I know it to be true, at least it is for me. It may sound corny, but I really believe it. People are the world's greatest resource. So I sincerely hope that during the next few days, you have one or two special people you love and trust close by and that you thoroughly revel in their camaraderie.

Now, for the "myths" of my headline. These first came to my attention last year when The New York Times Health writer Tara Parker-Pope listed the seven medical myths that even doctors believe reported in the British Medical Journal. In case you're curious, they are:

1. People should drink at least eight glasses of water a day. 2. We use only 10 percent of our brains. 3. Hair and fingernails continue to grow after death. 4. Shaving hair causes it to grow back faster, darker and courser. 5. Reading in dim light ruins your eyesight. 6. Eating turkey makes people especially drowsy.

This last one leads to my next list, again, thanks to Tara Parker-Pope, from a new study also published by the BMJ of Festive medical myths by the same researchers, Dr. Rachel Vreeman and Dr. Aaron Carroll of the Indiana University School of Medicine. They carefully scoured research in the medical literature but found no supportive evidence suggesting that any of these six "myths" for the holiday season are true.

1. Sugar makes kids hyperactive. 2. Suicide increases over the holidays. 3. Poinsettias are toxic. 4. You lose most of your body heat through your head. (Actually, you lost only about 10 percent.) 5. Night eating makes you fat. (Eating more calories than you burn at any time of the day or night causes weight gain.) 6. Hangovers can be cured. (The only way to avoid a hangover is to drink little or not at all. Sorry.)

Now that we've taken care of the "myths," let's move on to "Malcolm" as in Malcolm Gladwell, staff writer at The New Yorker, author of three best selling books, who also happens to be an optimist. And if ever we needed optimism, this is the year for it. 

You may be wondering why Malcolm Gladwell and why now? Well, I'll confess, that since September, I've read nothing but academic literature related to the courses I teach at Seneca College. Since my marks were submitted last Monday along with my addendum for next term and the promotion meetings were last Tuesday, for the first time in months, I've been thoroughly free for the last few days to luxuriate in some recreational reading. 

Namely, Malcolm Gladwell's latest book, Outliers: The Story of Success, and now his first, The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference. His second book, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, is sitting next to my bed waiting anxiously to be opened. 

Why am I devouring Malcolm Gladwell with such voracity? 

I've always liked his writing in The New Yorker. He's fascinating to read. Thoroughly engaging. He hooks you in a split second. He's a masterful story teller, especially with a seemingly endless repository of short, riveting, anecdotal tales that he artfully integrates into his prose to illustrate his points. And these points, by the way, are based on his expert, exhaustive research which he translates, popularizes and organizes, so that everyone can easily understand and use ideas. They become part of our vernacular.

Gladwell has a nice voice, too. He's open and easy and charming and affable. I like him. Businesses also like him, though I wouldn't call his book "business" books. Nevertheless, Google and Microsoft, to name a few, love him so much, they pay him $40,000 a pop to hear him speak. He's become a pop culture phenom and his books take me into other worlds but keep me tethered tightly to this one at the same time, so I learn lots. And I love learning.

Most of all, Malcolm Gladwell is an optimist. In a February 5, 2006 profile by Rachel Donadio in The New York Times, he said, "I'm by nature an optimist. I can't remember the last time I wrote a story which could be described as despairing. I don't believe in character. I believe in the effect of the immediate impact of environment and situation on people's behaviour."

That's hopeful, isn't it. Change is possible. We can change. That's what he's saying. 

Because he's an optimist, and a great writer and journalist, I'm using Malcolm Gladwell as my holiday tonic, this year. He's good for holiday chitchat around the Christmas dinner table. That's why I read his most recent book, first. Obama's election certainly raised my spirits and now Gladwell is keeping them up there. 

I believe you have to work on your mind and mood, just like any other project. If you want to learn a sport, you have to get yourself in shape and learn the rules of the game. And practice. If you want to look nice, you take some time at it. Practice.

Your mind and mood are no different. I think we a have profound responsibility to ourselves. We have to do things to keep our minds in festive shape. Good shape every day.

So, thanks to Malcolm Gladwell's optimism coupled with my own – I've always considered myself a cockeyed optimist – I'm staying upbeat and buoyant this holiday. It's contagious. If you read The Tipping Point, you'll discover how trends, like viruses, are contagious. (Try yawning in a group and see what happens.) Trends start small and spread. Some become epidemic, like the flu, except they don't necessarily hurt you. They can make a difference. Sometimes huge differences. And I'll leave you with that, for now.

Stay warm. Button up. Be well. Have a Happy!

Down for the holidays...

This year, you may not be anticipating the holidays like you have in the past. Or, if you usually find them stressful, 2008 may feel like it's pushing you right off the stress scale.

Many of you probably and understandably feel a little depressed. The economy is gasping and rasping. Headlines are painful to read. There's no ho-ho-ho or good cheer in the news. How can you feel joy when so many people are losing their jobs, entire industries are tottering on the brink of bankruptcy and stores are empty. Rumour has it that even Santa is tightening his belt in his North Pole workshop and has laid off 10 percent of his elves. 

About 1.1 million Canadians are diagnosed with depression every year, and 35 per cent of those diagnoses are made in December, according to social psychologist Dr. Richard Earle, managing director of the Canadian Institute of Stress. 

But not all of these cases are serious, chronic, big "D" depression. Some are temporary. 

"We all slide in and out of depression and anxiety and other moods all the time. Much of this is caused by uncertainty in our lives and sometimes that uncertainty can even be energizing."

But at other times, it can be overwhelming, especially during the holidays when too many uncertainties collide, as they seem to be right now. When words like "Recession" and "Depression" have economic clout as well as emotional punch, what then?

"We're all on a stress roller coaster right now with all the pressures of shopping and preparing for the holidays, especially this year," Earle said. Living with so much uncertainty is becoming commonplace and it wears on your psyche after a while.

Add all your concerns about your family and how to handle gift-giving when money might be tight, entertaining and other holiday traditions that might not be quite as lavish as in the past. In the back of your mind, you may be feeling overwhelmed.

Earle has a few good, common-sense suggestions for ways to override some seasonal stresses by re-framing the way you choose to celebrate the holidays. 

"You can spend a lot less money and still make your gifts special by personalizing them," he said. "Be creative."

Make cards, design your own gifts, pay more attention to thoughtful gifts, and gear down your expectations of a "perfect" Christmas, he suggested. Be realistic and responsible. Focus on family, friends and the fun of getting together – not the presents – sharing time together. 

If you're going to give gifts, make them experiential. A movie or a play, a scheduled coffee or lunch date, a dinner party (and make it a potluck) in January and February, after the holidays, when there's nothing much happening.

Earle said that for some people, however, these uncertainties can be so overwhelming that certain behaviours may warrant a visit to your family doctor, especially if the following signals last for two weeks or more. It's a good idea to take stock and keep an eye on how you're feeling:

 

• having problems with sleep – either sleeping too much or not enough

• experiencing chronic aches and pains more frequently or severely

• muscle and joint pain

• feeling unable to enjoy everyday pleasures

• feeling unable to concentrate or focus as well as usual

• having fatalistic thoughts

One myth about the Christmas season is that suicides peak, but according to Tara Parker-Pope's Well blog at The New York Times, "suicides are more common during warm and sunny times of the years, studies show. There is no evidence of a holiday peak in suicides." 

If you're feeling depressed, Earle stresses that you don't need to see a psychiatrist.

"If someone has a panic attack, it doesn't mean they have an anxiety disorder. It means they've had an anxiety episode. There's no reason to catastrophize a feeling or experience that is stress-related," Earle said.

When you visit your family doctor, who has an overall picture of your physical and emotional health, he is far more likely to be able to spend some time with you, Earle said, "in talk therapy or cognitive behavioural therapy, and be able to help you in re-framing your situation so you can begin to feel better.

"As well, your family doctor may prescribe a medication, which I consider a tactile tool – not a life strategy. By staying in touch with your family doctor, there's a good chance you can get through any seasonal depression, and only take that medication temporarily."

Don't forget the special people in your life who can listen to you. Really listen. Make time to spend a few quiet moments with them. Be good to yourself. There are all kinds of strategies for weathering the holidays and spending quiet time with someone who cares about you and understands you is, perhaps, the best gift you can give yourself.

You deserve it.

Following the threads...

You never know when someone's going to change your life. Hand you an amazing new opportunity. See something in you that you don't even see in yourself.

Let me tell you a story.

On International Women's Day, March 8, 2007, I walked into the office of a woman named Paula Gouveia at Seneca College. She's chair of the School of English and Liberal Studies.

Paula is young, brilliant and very funny. With a stellar academic career.

I was hoping she might hire me to teach and somehow, we clicked. Our conversation was sparkling and engaging. 

Let me scroll back a bit.

A few weeks earlier, I had reunited after 39 years with George Scott, my first journalism teacher. I had graduated from Seneca in 1971 from a now-defunct program called Applied Communications Media. 

He's still there as an International Student Advisor. We had lunch about a month after I left my full-time senior reporting post at The Toronto Sun after 30 years. There had just been a major layoff, like the one this week, but not as bad. I couldn't work there anymore. The stress was killing me.

I admit, my decision to leave was a little impulsive. I thought I could make a living by freelance writing. I quickly discovered most magazines were a very hard sell and didn't pay enough to support me and my family. Top price, if you're lucky? $2 a word. 

So, though I had a few assignments, I was "on the market."  I just had no idea what market. At lunch, George said, "You should be teaching here." This was a bolt out of the blue. I taught journalism at Humber College, years ago. I guest taught at Centennial College once a term for a friend. For four years, I taught at the Learning Annex.

What could I possibly teach at Seneca, where there's no print journalism course? Mainly broadcast. I had loads of radio experience, so George said he'd shop my resume around. Of the four different chairs who received it, only Paula responded. She heads the school that offers all the electives offered at Seneca. 

I believe in following the threads. No matter what. You never know where they're going to take you.

So, on that dreary March afternoon, for some reason, Paula offered me a teaching position. On the spot. After one hour. Not in journalism, but the second half of a Women's Studies course in July and August. Three hours a week for seven weeks. 

I couldn't believe it. It wasn't a living, but it was a start. Paula saw potential in me, I never dreamed I had.

I should explain that during my tenure at The Sun, I wrote almost exclusively about women. I created a column in 1980 called Women on the Move. Each week, I profiled women in all walks of life and celebrated their achievements. I interviewed many of the leading feminists of the day. The late, great Laura Sabia, a leading Canadian feminist, was a columnist in my section. I interviewed Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, who "ignited" The Second Wave of the contemporary Women's Movement with her book The Feminine Mystique. When I think about all the women I interviewed, it amazes me.

Bella Abzug (in person), Camille Paglia, Naomi Wolf, Ms. Magazine founders Letty Cottin Pogrebin and Robin Morgan, Susan Faludi, Susan Brownmiller, plus dozens of outstanding Canadian women, Marilou McPhedran, Marcia McClung, Helen Lucas, to name a few, all change-makers, activists who dedicate their lives to women's rights. 

Also, while working full time, I did graduate work in Women's Studies at York University during the 1990s "for the pure interest of it, for fun," although I never completed my M.A.

When I got home after that interview, an email from Paula was waiting:

"It was a great pleasure meeting you this afternoon. I had been feeling a little down before you arrived but believe me, I was feeling completely energized after you left and I credit that to your words of wisdom."

My "words of wisdom"? Our interview was magical. I felt it, too. 

Paula has vision and courage. She knew my mental health history. I never keep it a secret. Yet she saw beyond it and gave me a chance to prove myself, just as The Toronto Sun did in June 1977. There's no greater gift than someone taking a chance on you. Offering you new opportunities to grow and develop.

Paula has unfailing patience, too. I've made every mistake in the book. During the last 18 months, she's taught me lessons I will never forget. 

Teaching is learning. You don't just walk into a classroom and become a teacher. She taught me how, in a myriad of ways. It was hard going, at times, but her door was always open.

And I loved it.

During the summer of 2007, Paula asked me to teach the whole "Women in Canada" course that fall. And in November 2007, she asked me to develop a new course called "Leadership in Society" — to teach students the value of giving back to the community to "make a difference for the greater good." 

This past fall, I also taught a course called "Success Strategies for College," a required course for all incoming business students.

Several weeks ago, Paula announced she is leaving Seneca to become Dean of Liberal Arts and Sciences at Humber College. A wonderful move for her. I know Humber's gain is our profound loss. 

After 10 years at Seneca, and four short years as chair, she's engendered a wonderful spirit of warmth and support in our department. I will never forget all her life lessons. And the laughs we shared, too. 

For so many of you looking for new jobs, follow the threads. Be hopeful and stay positive. Attitude is everything. Be willing to try something new. You never know what opportunities lie ahead of you. Who will see potential in you that you don't see. What vision they will have. 

And Paula, I wish you all the best in your new post as Dean. You are the most efficient administrator I've ever met, another one of your many gifts. Humber will love you, with your sparkle, your brilliance, your endless ideas and most of all, your vision.

 

Thank you for taking a chance on me. For handing me a new life. A new thread. I'll never forget you! 

All the best.

"Forget about dieting and get off your ass!"

Oh, if only she would do it. Just resign herself to her gorgeous curvaceous body with her glorious smile and her splendid soul.

I've been reading about Oprah Winfrey's weight. She's back up to 200 lbs. She's very unhappy about it. She will probably try to lose her 40 lbs. again. And regain it. Again.

How I know that feeling. 

So, I was thinking. 

What a gift Oprah would give millions of women and men if she could just say, "who cares." And accept herself as she is. How I wish she could decide it doesn't matter anymore. How I wish she just stopped dieting and obsessing and started loving who she is. As she is.

How liberating that would be? 

If Oprah announced, as my family doctor is fond of telling me, "Forget about dieting and get off your ass!" Now, that would make the world a much happier place.

Yo-yo dieting is more dangerous than being 20 or 30 or even 40 pounds too heavy. You can be fat and fit. Better to stay where you are and walk for 30 minutes a day. It's good for your head, heart and soul.

So, Oprah. Why not give it a try?

It has taken me years. Too many years. But I've finally come to the realization that I'm not going to diet any more. It's a losing proposition. Eating is a pleasure, but when I'm dieting, it's always riddled with guilt. No more.

For about four years, I faithfully attended Weight Watchers and lost oodles of weight. Even became a Lifetime Member. I was able to maintain my svelte silhouette and my size six for about three seconds. Then it all started to creep back. 

This has been the story of my life. Yo-Yo dieting. Up and down, thousands of pounds. I'm a stress eater. Bread is my drug of choice. 

Now, I've decided that it doesn't matter anymore. Who cares? 

I've been where Oprah is. Down and up. Higher and higher after being lower and lower. I have all the gorgeous clothes in my closet that I will probably never again be able to wear.

And I repeat, who cares?

One of the joys of turning 60 is that I made a conscious decision not to let the scale run and ruin my life. It dispenses just numbers, after all. Only numbers. When it comes down to how one feels about oneself, numbers mean nothing. My husband is 12 and 1/2 years older than I am and as far as he's concerned, I'm his "child bride." Eternally, a "young lady."

You cannot beat that!

But weight. That particular number has plagued me ever since I mysteriously gained 60 lbs. in six months following my fateful stay in a psychiatric ward for observation at the age of 14. After an orderly sexually assaulted me. I repressed that memory for years. Eating became my defense. It's a scenario all too common. Build a wall around yourself so no one can get in.

I must admit that I don't love the way my body looks, but it's mine and I know how to dress it. Red is my favourite colour. 

Also, I've discovered that the greatest accessory in the world is a smile.

One more thing.

Researchers are increasingly confirming that one's body weight, like one's height and the colour of one's eyes, is genetically predetermined. At least, in part. 

Trying to look like the models we see in magazines is futile. They don't even look like they do in print, thanks to computerized photo enhancements.

If I was 5 feet, 10 inches tall, I'd be stunning. But I'm not. Just 5 feet. Even.

So, I wear trousers with elasticized waists, jackets, great accessories, shawls, scarves and that sensational smile that people remember more than any extra avoirdupois.

Give yourself the greatest gift of all. Self-acceptance. Be good to yourself.

You deserve it. So does Oprah!

The dope on celebrities and their mental health...

The other day, I read that PsychCentral has launched a new blog called Celebrity Psychings, about the mental health issues of the famous — Hollywood stars primarily — "because they have the ability to reach an audience who ordinarily might not even think about (or recognize the legitimacy of) mental health concerns," writes psychologist John M.Grohol.

Tara Parker-Pope announced this in her Well blog at The New York Times and invited comments, so I decided say my piece.

I wrote that my concern was the way most news commentators sensationalize mental illnesses when they report them. Rarely do they show empathy or sensitivity. Remember the feeding frenzy they had when Britney Spears was having her problems earlier this year. This is entirely unfair. Cruel and inhumane. Mental illnesses can be devastating and the way the media covers them is anything but instructive or educational. People were joking about her. My heart was breaking for her.

That goes for this blog, too, I'm afraid. It's more celebrity gossip than thoughtful commentary. But it's early yet. It may change.

Written by Alicia Sparks, Celebrity Psychings focuses more on the scripted mental health issues of the stars and the characters they portray on TV — like William Shatner's character Denny Crane with his slowly progressing "Mad Cow" or Alzheimer's Disease on the sadly now-defunct "Boston Legal," or the peculiar sexual hallucinations of Izzie and the ghost of Denny on "Grey's Anatomy."

As it happens, Shatner's character was brilliantly played and realistically scripted. David E. Kelly weighed in on current, hot-button and thorny subjects on his show that few writers have the courage, skill or insight to do. He did so satirically and yet with extreme sensitivity. And he did his homework. A rare synthesis. "Boston Legal" was, as far as I'm concerned, the best series on network television. Bar none.

As for seriously initiating any real discussion on mental health issues through the dramatic escapades of the characters on most other network dramas? Give me a break. I'm sorry. This is poppycock. 

Scriptwriters write drama. (I know. I'm married to one.) That's what they're paid to do. Drama may intersect with life, but with major detours for entertainment, humour, action, suspense and intrigue. It's larger than life. It's fiction. It exaggerates. It fantasizes. It's not supposed to be true-to-life. It's not documentary or even docudrama. It's not news. And quite frankly, to liken the mental health issues covered on network television dramas with the real thing is dreaming. These shows barely resemble in any way how it feels to live with a serious mental health problem. That would bore people to death.

Do these shows serve to enlighten people about mental health issues? Do the stars who play these characters have any credibility if they decide to discuss the characters they portray? Carrie Fisher has a long history of a bipolar disorder and substance abuse. If she wants to discuss her memoirs, good for her, but she's in a minority.

I haven't watched The Treatment, but I suspect this is not the way most psychiatrists or psychologists behave. 

Living with a mental illness isn't anything remotely like it is on the boob tube. Or even in films, although Rachel Getting Married is a rare exception. It resonates because of the depth of its characters and the relationships it explores. Is it realistic? Does life happen this way? No. It's a drama. But it furthered the dialogue.

If Alicia Sparks wants to do her readers justice, she might consider writing more thoughtfully about mental health issues instead of taking a superficial "Entertainment Tonight" approach. She might investigate substance abuse issues that seem to plague many high profile people who live in the spotlight in Hollywood — not just the characters they play. 

Are these celebrities any different than the rest of us, besides being more glamorous and having more money? Perhaps they can afford to get help that may not be as available to us common folk. But they cannot escape the spotlight when they're down. And it's relentless. Impossible to escape. Harsh. Glaring. Heartless. They have the means to indulge in excessive behaviours. They live rarefied lives that may not seem real. But they're no more immune when it comes to mental health problems and emotional trauma than the rest of us. 

They may not be as happy as we may think they are. Too many talented young stars, like Heath Ledger, die by apparent accidental overdoses for no apparent reason.

Yet how many people silently struggling with mental health issues really talk about it, honestly and openly, thoughtfully and sensitively? How many get the kind of support and help they need to prevent what happened to Ledger? And is Alicia Sparks going to further the dialogue with any kind of depth? 

We'll see.

Odds and Ends

Hi there...

You can blame me for all this snow! I decided to buy my 1999 Honda Accord snow tires two weeks ago and I've been praying for snow ever since. So, it's all my fault. (The tires are wonderful, by the way! What a difference.)

Today, I'm sharing some intriguing bits and pieces with you, plus doing some shameless self-promotion.

First...

I want you to read Tara Parker-Pope's Well blog today in The New York Times — When the Whole World Mumbles. This is exactly what happened to me four years ago, except my hearing loss was so severe, I had to be fitted with behind-the-ear hearing aids. The neat little triangular ones that fit almost invisibly inside your ears were not strong enough for me.

I opted for colour. The right one is red. The left one is blue. My late father was a boater and his mantra on the high seas was "Red Right — Left Blue". Why not wear your hearing aids like fashion accessories. Like eye glasses. 

But on a more serious note...

If you wish to sound "out of touch with the world" and slightly bonkers when conversing with people, struggle with an unaided hearing loss. Answer questions in completely inane ways. Feel completely excluded at dinner parties. Drive your family crazy by constantly asking them to repeat things. Forget television and especially medical shows. When doctors are wearing masks and you cannot lip read, you will not understand a thing.

And yes. You probably lip read, but unconsciously. You don't even know it. 

I'll never forget informing a friend that I was going to be getting hearing aids. "I thought hearing aids were for old people," she said.

Not any more... 

Every time I stand in front of my classes or I make a speech, I pull out my hearing aids and do a little hearing loss advocacy. In other words, "TURN DOWN THE VOLUME." When I was first diagnosed with my hearing loss, which is genetic, I discovered that once the little follicles in your ears are damaged by loud noises, like music cranked up to ear-splitting volumes, there's no going back. 

Audiologists are predicting a generation of people in their 30s and early 40s needing hearing aids because of the damage they're inflicting on their ears with today's with booming music.

Mental health is a holistic. Mind-Body-Spirit. Take care of yourself. Have your hearing tested.

On another note...

This week, Philip Dawdy at Furious Seasons posted a critique of psychiatry from Gene Combs, an Illinois psychiatrist and associate professor of psychiatry at Loyala University in Chicago. The post, titled Psychiatrist Slams Psychiatrist is quite long and I'm not going to reprint it here, but I urge you to take a look. 

Combs said, among other things, that he's "very cautious about using the word 'Bipolar' in reference to anybody, adult or child, these days. The label used to have a meaning, but now, in my part of the country at least, it is being applied to anyone who shows any strong emotion in a way that causes anyone discomfort."

I asked psychiatrist Ron Pies to have a look and here's what he had to say on that point. He began by agreeing that "psychiatry is in a good deal of trouble these days," but then went on to say, "I'm not in full agreement with Dr. Combs as regards bipolar disorder. It is probably true, that in some settings, the diagnosis is made on the basis of very little evidence, and often in the context of a 15- or 20-minute evaluation by a non-psychiatrist. But it is also under-diagnosed in some settings, usually because the doctor has diagnosed unipolar depression and has not carefully considered bipolar spectrum disorder."

I mention this to alert you to the intrinsic problems with psychiatric diagnostics. Combs is critical of the DSM, and so am I.

Pies suggests that "many problems with psychiatric diagnosis these days are less the result of the DSM or particular researchers than the massive distortions of the physician-patient relationship, owing to what I would call 'mismanaged care!' It is ludicrous to believe that anybody — even God! — could make an accurate assessment and diagnosis in a 15-minute meeting with a patient!"

I mention this to alert you to the fact that you shouldn't allow anyone to railroad you or someone you care deeply about into any health diagnosis without a great deal of investigation! This is as true for cancer as it is for a mental health issue.

As you know, I am really averse to diagnostic labels in mental health because they can be so damaging. And also, because so many people can and do recover if they can find support outside of the psychiatric paradigm. Or at least, in addition to it. Have a look at the Family Outreach and Response Program in Toronto and The Krasman Centre. There is so much work now being done in mental health recovery all around the world, but it doesn't get equal time in the mainstream press.

And it should. It's high time it did! 

Dr. Pies and I do not always agree on this, but I stand firm. Hope is as healing as any drug or diagnosis! Hope is what mental health recovery is all about! Mainstream psychiatry isn't big on hope. Just drugs and treating symptoms. I believe we deserve a lot more than that, but we do not always get it.

Also...

Tomorrow, Thursday, December 11 at 10 a.m. on her BlogTalkRadio show Igniting Imagination, Nellie Jacobs is featuring me on the topic "The Power of Possibility." Mental health and recovery will be front and centre and you can call in during the last 15 minutes — here's the number: (914) 338-1449. Nellie is a dynamic interviewer and I have no idea what's going to happen. Anything is possible! By the way, all these shows are archived, so if you aren't around at 10 a.m., you can tune in online anytime you like.

Finally...

My Field Note in the January 2009 issue of The Walrus is now on the newstands, but not yet online. It's about mental health recovery — a small slice of life in a Pathways to Recovery meeting. 

The sky is falling...

Oh, my, my, my.

I didn't know I could be so busy. As I recall, the beauty of daily newspaper reporting is that you can leave it at the office at the end of a day.

No such luck if you teach at a college or university. This is the end of the term. The marking is piling up. Everyone is behind. More to come next week, after exams. My students are wandering around like zombies. Living on no sleep and too much coffee.

Like me.

In my other life, I'm a part-time "professor" at Seneca College. I taught four classes this term — 10 hours per week.

I feel completely done in. I want to run away from my life. My living room is covered with paper. I cannot see my dining room table. There's no escape. I cannot think about anything else. 

Except the state of our country. And that's really depressing. But I don't use antidepressants. They don't work for me. They make me manic. 

Last night, Rachel Maddow, one of my two favourite MSNBC news commentators called Canada "a banana republic." (The other is, of course, Keith Olbermann.)

Forget politics for a minute. 

What about all the recent news in the U.S. media about the unethical behaviour of well-known psychiatrist Dr. Fred Goodwin. He's considered a leader in the treatment of bipolar disorder and he used to host The Infinite Mind. His show on PBS, but not produced by PBS, was instantly cancelled after this story broke.

It seems he is one of a cadre of leading experts, like Dr. Joseph Biederman and others, who strongly endorse the use of certain medications for the treatment of bipolar disorders. Biederman advocates the treatment of childhood bipolar disorder, in itself a controversial diagnosis. They're all on the take from the drug companies that manufacture these drugs. For millions! 

If you want some interesting reading, have a look at what PsychCentral psychologist John Grohol and Philip Dawdy of Furious Seasons have said about this. These issues, by the way, are Dawdy's bread and butter. He's a superb journalist, who has a bipolar disorder diagnosis and specializes in Big Pharma and the whole drug scene in mental health. He works completely independently and leads the pack, including the dailies, in his coverage. 

For some really riveting reading, go to Dr. John Abramson's website or pick up a copy of his book Overdosed America. I met and heard this Harvard-trained family physician present at a mental health conference here last May. He spoke brilliantly about his research into how drug companies conduct their research, and even more distressingly, how they promote their products to physicians.

If you really want some distressing reading, have a gander at the affidavit of Abramson's Ontario Supreme Court appearance last May, when he testified against CanWest Media Works Inc. on behalf of the Ontario government against allowing drug companies to advertise on Canadian television. Like they do in the U.S.

This is really depressing.

Who can you trust these days?

Compared to what's happening in modern medicine and especially with the use of psychiatric drugs, Canada's crisis in leadership is entertaining. For the first time, in my memory, people are talking passionately about Canadian politics — not just complaining about how boring it all is.

I practically incited a riot in my Leadership class yesterday when we staged a class debate.

Amazing!

Have a great weekend and "see you in the funny pages!"

Storme responds...

This just in from Storme ...

"I've been trying to create a response to your powerful blog but I can't seem to be able to find the words for an intelligent yet eloquent response that will truly represent and paint a picture for your readers."

On Friday, Nov. 21, I posted the story of a young Toronto woman calling herself Storme, who was brutally and sexually attacked — raped — by a superior on the job five years ago. It was the first time she had ever spoken publicly about what had happened to her. Since that post, which received several comments, she has received dozens of personal emails from friends and friends of friends who have also been raped, but who cannot "find the words" to contribute to this online discourse.

I'm going to post Storme's message here, so you can "hear" her voice. If her words resonate with you, perhaps they may help you to "find the words," too.

If you were to pass me walking down the street or in a mall, you wouldn't likely even notice me, let alone think to yourself, wow, that chic is really screwed up. You might notice my eyes, my smile perhaps, or my crazy hair, but otherwise, you would see an average everyday person.

The difference between you and I is something you cannot see, no matter how hard you look.

The only real difference is invisible because it exists deep inside me. I am shattered into a million pieces. The "storme" is raging. My mind is in complete and utter chaos. My brain's chemistry is flooded and altered by just about every PTSD, depression, anxiety and sleep medication you can safely be prescribed.

They buy me time ... to gather my thoughts and emotions long enough to formulate an idea and if I'm lucky, get it down on paper so I won't forget.

In my eyes, I am far from heroic. My greatest gift is also perhaps my biggest flaw, but I WILL NOT GIVE UP!  I believe in standing up for what you are entitled to, in this case, my human rights and the rights of others. 

To hell with breaking the silence... SMASH IT TO SMITHEREENS. I'm making noise.

Speaking out is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and you're right, I'm not alone. I believe the Canadian stats suggest 1 in 4 women will be raped in their lifetimes. These are only the "reported" rapes. Most are never reported to the police.

Telling your story doesn't mean you have to report your crime. The system often rapes the VICTIM, not the perp, but that's a whole story in itself. It means taking a step forward in your own life to step out of the darkness and desperation you often find yourself in.

For those of you who are not quite ready, you'll get there, slowly and painfully. And in the interim I will continue to help fight the battle for you. 

You'll always have a voice, so long as I live.

Special thanks to Sandy, for giving me this opportunity to speak and be heard. I'm no hero, Sandy, just a survivor like yourself and so many others.

NEVER give up the fight...

The other day on CBC: Radio One I heard Stephen Lewis discussing the global crisis of violence against women. He mentioned the work of Eve Ensler, most famous for creating and performing The Vagina Monologues. 

Since her 1996 off-Broadway, award-winning solo performance of all the monologues in The Vagina Monologues — based on 200 interviews she had conducted with a variety of women — Ensler's play has become a theatrical, sociological, world-changing though-not-fast-enough phenomenon. A metaphor for sexual violence against girls and women that resonates deeply, instantly and universally. 

At a 1998 sold-out benefit performance on Valentine's Day in New York in support of local anti-violence groups, V-Day was born. Since then, The Vagina Monologues has been translated into 45 languages, performed in over 120 countries and filmed for HBO. It's a catalyst that's helped millions face their personal pain.

You see this happening in the stunning 2003 documentary Until The Violence Stops that chronicles how Ensler, V-Day's iconic founder and activist spreads her vision of "a planet in which women and girls will be free to thrive, rather than merely survive."

V-Day is a now global movement, a vibrant website and a foundation supporting anti-violence organizations by "helping them to continue and expand their core work on the ground, while drawing public attention to the larger fight to stop worldwide violence — including rape, battery, incest, female genital mutilation or FGM, and sexual slavery — against women and girls." 

For 2009, V-Day's Take Action campaign is to "break the silence" and focus worldwide attention on the ongoing political atrocities in the Democratic Republic of the Congo where "rape is used as a weapon of war to torture and humiliate girls and women. This systemic sexual violence and femicide destroys them and their entire families and communities."

Everyone, anywhere can get involved. At any level. Even V-Men. 

Changing the world starts with awareness, raising your voices, breaking the silence, and speaking out! 

Like Storme.