A Mad Miscellany

Hello everyone!

I am pleased to announce that I'm feeling much better. In fact, totally better. After five consecutive weeks of weekly therapy sessions with Dr. Bob and some time, reflection and a lot of "processing," I seem to have weathered the bumpy patch in my recovery journey and arrived at a better place – a more peaceful place. More self-accepting.

When I left his office on Monday, I felt light and buoyant. I didn't book another appointment for next week, but rather next month. I didn't make any notes and didn't have any homework. This latest layer of the onion has successfully peeled away. I've shed a few tears and now I won't be seeing him until the end of July!

The passage of time was very healing. And YOU had a lot to do with my progress, too. More than you know. I am very grateful for all your supportive and empathetic messages and comments. Though I was feeling very isolated and fragile, I knew I wasn't alone. This doesn't happen to me very often. Most of the time I have to grapple with the manic end of the spectrum. 

So, now I have a renewed sense of purpose. And a plan. No matter what happens, I am determined to carry on and succeed and I'm looking forward to either exigency – and prepared. 

Today, I'm simply going to share a miscellany of thoughts with you. A little grab-bag of ideas. A gallimaufry, if you will. I hope you don't mind.

1. The television show Mental is off my list. We are no longer recording it and I'm no longer interested in wasting my time watching it. Last week's episode, quite frankly, was so outlandish, I fell asleep. About a young boy who was obsessed with a video game show. Too silly for words. Too bad. It would be lovely to see a network television show, or better still, something on HBO without commercials, that focused intelligently on emotional and mental health difficulties. This one isn't it. 

2. I have been asked to participate or be interviewed for a documentary film called "The Bipolar Project" – that's the working title. I'm hesitating, though. I have done these filmed interviews before and I've found you're at the mercy of the filmmakers and their own visions and biases. They can make you look and sound like anything they want. Editing can distort any message.

Gianna Kali who has an excellent bipolar blog called Beyond Meds had a similar experience recently with 20/20 and she declined as well. For similar reasons.

My husband, a professional screenwriter and producer doesn't agree. That's okay. We can agree to disagree. Quite frankly, I'm not that anxious to "get my message out" when it will be in the hands of a couple of Los Angeles documentary filmmakers with whom I am not familiar and may not be "my message." Especially as I am anti-label, as you all know so well by now.

So, I won't be headed for stardom this time.:-) Also, and this is really the clincher. I am evolving all the time. If I say something on film in July, chances are I might have moved on by the film is completed and released in two years. You never know.

This blog has seen an evolution in my ideas. I think that's healthy. I welcome change and I'm always learning new things and exposing myself to new ideas and perspectives.

3. And speaking of labels, Mad Pride Week in Toronto is from July 13 to July 19, 2009 and it begins at 3 p.m. on Monday, July 13 with a DSM Bonfire:

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or DSM "we are mentally ill if we are addicted to coffee – Caffeine-Related Disorders, page 231. Having struggles reading – Reading Disorders, page 51. If we don't think we are crazy then we are suffering from Non-Compliance with Treatment, page 739.

Who else is there?

"Enough with the labels, bring on the marshmallows!" The organizers of this years Mad Pride Week invite you to a symbolic bonfire "where we burn labels and all words that limit who we are as human beings and celebrate our abilities."

Although there will be no real fire, there will be hot chocolate and a sing-along.

Have a look at all the Mad Pride Day Toronto activities planned for that week. Subscribe to the Mad Pride Toronto Blog and stay in touch with people through Facebook by searching for Mad Pride Day Toronto.

I'll keep you posted here, with notices of different activities during that week. Just mark your calendar! Stay tuned. 

Consider using the word "madness" and "mad"... it's quite common in Britain. Lately, I've been listening to Madness Radio – voices and visions from outside mental health. Have a look and a listen. You might find these weekly interviews by Will Hall, who has a diagnosis of schizophrenia and is in recovery, utterly fascinating. Gianna Kali was interviewed in February about her experiences coming off 30 different psychiatric drugs and last week's interview with Jacqui Dillon director of the England's Hearing Voices Network will open your eyes to ears to new perspectives and alternatives to traditional ideas about this challenging issue.

It will open your minds to new realities.

New possibilities.

Take care. And stay cool. Summer has finally arrived. Enjoy!

Comments

[Parkdale Madder]

Speaking of mad...In the last few months, since discovering Sandy and the transformative power of media and writing with respect to shedding light on issues related to mental illness, I've been adjusting to life within these mental health knowledge networks here in Toronto. Not sure if anyone is aware but the Consumer Survivor Resource Centre of Toronto has a bulletin newsletter (of which I am a contributing writer) based out of CAMH that is a must-read for anyone in this community. So consider me an aspiring affiliate syndicated journalist of Coming Out Crazy. LOL. That said, other things coming up...

I hope I can use this space to remind everyone about Mad Pride 2009 coming up July 13th to July 19th. "A week long festival of arts, education and heritage activities which recognize psychiatric survivors, consumers, mad folks and others for the purpose of community development, rights awareness and celebration. All events are free."... I'll try to bring you some comments here from some of the organizers involved if I can get a few words with them in the coming days. The Mad Pride Organizing Committee still needs organizational help for the annual bed push (where we march as psychiatric survivors/satrys/satyresses) as part of the celebrations and awareness festivities. Contact Ruth Ruth Stackhouse of The Friendly Spike Theatre Band (416-516-4740, friendlyspike@primus.ca) to help volunteer and spread the word that as survivors, we can manage and recover just fine, thank-you.

[Deb]

I'm glad to hear that you've come through the other side of your difficult period. That is good to hear.

I do understand about not wanting to commit to a docum. It really is out of your hands, and yes the message the film-makers tell could be quite quite different than what you want to say.

Happy summer! Stay joyful and I will try to, as well.

[Gianna]

so glad you're feeling better...

I couldn't even watch the first whole episode of Mental...ugh!

I love Madness Radio!! I've listened to a whole bunch of them and yesterday I went through the entire archive and downloaded about a dozen or more to iTunes to listen to when I get my IV therapy...I have to sit in the docs office for 2 or 3 hours at a time so it's a great way to pass the time! I've never heard an interview that didn't totally captivate me.

and thanks for the mention. I have to say the video you linked to of me was really a bad day (menstrual stuff--after a string of days I lose perspective---but it magically cleared up all of a sudden---you ever deal with that??!!)...in general I'm so much better...still to early to tell if it's gonna continue trending that way but my energy/lack of pain/nausea etc is certainly suggesting such...

peace.

[Sonia]

Hello Sandy,

I screened "Shielded Minds" - a collaborative work documenting the relationships young Canadians build as they learn more about the successes of Aboriginal Nations, individuals, schools, communities. The young people go on a road trip in the Canadian Shield to visit various healthy Aboriginal communities. Roots Canada and University of Toronto faculty work to show how our schools are missing the point in educating the next generations about healthy and successful members of our society.

Your column this week reminds me alot about the young people from the documentary - some were in attendance at the screening. Comfort zone, making sure their message got across accurately to a broader audience.

I am happy to hear that you can grow new onions in your garden. I am struggling with the roots of one of my own, not quite ready to peel it.

While I may have had very limited interaction with the world of psychiatry, those few have left their mark, and if in town, plan to attend Mad Pride Week events for the first time ever.

I look forward to seeing you there

[Carolyn]

I'm glad you've come through your bump renewed! I tend to have two major episodes a year. I had one earlier this year, and I would check your blog everyday for the glimmers, the little things that make surviving the next couple of days seem possible. You and everyone else here gave me many glimmers, and now I'm "well" and preparing for my upcoming wedding to a wonderful man, which means I'll be on my honeymoon during Mad Pride week--throw something in the bonfire for me.

[Tammy MacKenzie]

Hi Sandy,
Glad to "hear" things are better for you!
I think you have a great point about the doc interview - good for you!
Have only been able to pop into your blog lately as I have been been going crazy with my insanely busy schedule and sure wish I could go mad in TO next month!
Hmmm... maybe I could start one in this area...
HMMM...!!!
Part of my very busy life has been around the spoken word poetry competitions that wrapped up with our Finals friday past.
I did my Slam version of "Coming Out Crazy", and "Break The Silence". I won.
Another lady who made the team did a piece "I Am A Mental Health Consumer"!
:-D
Next stop, Victoria BC.
Need to go check out the Mad Pride site now, will write you soon!
Take care, Happy Summer,
xo Tammy

[Sandy Naiman]

Hello Everyone!

Please forgive me for taking so long to respond to your thoughtful and insightful comments. I'm going to answer all of them here, but one by one, and I hope you don't mind my doing so. It's easier than six different comments. So here goes.

1. To Parkdale Madder: I'm thrilled you're here and adding information about Mad Pride Week activities in these comments. Particularly pleased that you've mentioned a good newsletter for us to have a look at and here's the URL: http://csinfo.ca/bulletin.html

Here's the URL for the Wellness and Recovery Newsletters, which are available in PDF format. Well worth reading.

http://csinfo.ca/wellness.html

Volunteering for Mad Pride Week might be a great way to be more active and give back to the community. This kind of community service is a win-win-win! Good for you. Good for the Mad Pride Week Organizers and good for the community as a whole. Also a lot of fun. I recommend it.

Contact Ruth Ruth Stackhouse of The Friendly Spike Theatre Band by phone at 416-516-4740 or by email at friendlyspike@primus.ca

Thank you so much for adding this information and opportunity to our community. Feel free to share anytime.

2. Thank you, Deb, for your support of my position on the documentary. I know this is a good decision for me and your agreement reinforces my confidence in that decision.

3. Dear Gianna. I loved your YouTube despite your concerns about it. And I, too, love Madness Radio. Great idea to download through iTunes. Then I can listen to it on my iPhone when I'm out and about. That never occurred to me. As for your question about the causes of my "bad days" – gladly, I no longer have to worry about hormones. Just other "situational" concerns, but I'm really a great deal happier and at peace with myself and I wish that for you. I know you're on the right track and I'm so proud of you.

Recovery, like life, has it's ups and downs. All of us are vulnerable to those. That's life. You sound wonderful and I love reading your "Quotes of the Day" and all your posts. Your journey has been a remarkably treacherous one and I am utterly in awe of your energy and ability to give back and to inspire everyone who reads you.

Thank you for sharing here. It was a pleasure to refer people to your blog. You have so much wisdom to share.

4. Sonia, my heart is with you as your wrestle with the roots of "your" onion. You cannot rush or force the layers to come off. They seem to peel away in their own time. Psychiatry is no prerequisite for this process. It is about our journeys to self-awareness and peace. Ongoing. That is why I love the therapeutic and healing process. You have your own healing journey to follow and my heart is with you. Thank you, as always, for sharing so thoughtfully and enrichng our dialogue.

5. Carolyn. Mazel Tov on your impending nuptials. I am so happy for you. What a wonderful way to spend Mad Pride Week – on your honeymoon. I want to give you a little gift. Actually, it popped up in an email from my husband this morning. It's my little wedding gift to you.

"I have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness, that which to me, is the only sensible way to love."
— Francois Sagan – the French playwright, novelist and screenwriter who was married twice, loved driving sports cars, was friendly with Truman Capote and Ava Gardner and was addicted to prescription drugs. Nonetheless, she was a prodigious writer and among her many novels are "Bonjour Tristesse" and "A Certain Smile," which were both made into films.

I wish you every happiness, Carolyn. I will be thinking of you and if you can be as happy in your marriage as I am in mine – we're about to celebrate our ninth anniversary – you will live a blissfully happy life.

We have only two rules in our house. "I cook and he cleans." And, by far the most important rule of all. "No Secrets. No Lies."

Live. Laugh. And love, always!

6. Tammy, dear. I'm thrilled to hear how well your poetry slams are going. Congratulations on your big win on Friday and you'll love Victoria, B.C. It's by far the prettiest city in Canada. Happy Summer and take some time for yourself. It sounds like you need it.

Hugs to all of you and again, thank you for your words, your wisdom and your willingness to share here in our community. I am so grateful to all of you.

xox
sln

[A]

Ah, of course it's the week I'm out of town...