Chewing the fat about Fat Talk...

On our first week at Weight Watchers, I lost 2.8 lbs. and Marty lost 4.6 lbs. 

On our second, I lost .4 lbs. and he lost .6 lbs. – the morning after a seven course dinner the night before.

As of last Sunday, week six, I had lost 6.8 lbs. and he had lost 7.6 lbs.

So on we plod, turning every meal into an exercise in higher mathematics, discussing weighing, measuring, calculating and counting the calories, fat grams, dietary fibre and points-values in every mouthful we eat. 

He refuses to measure. I weigh every milligram. He loses like a dream. I struggle. We're doing this for health reasons. High blood pressure and cholesterol. Yesterday, we joined the Fitness Club at our local Community Centre. We're adding regular exercise to our healthier eating regime. 

I'm a Lifetime member of Weight Watchers. I've fallen off the wagon too many times to remember. Yet, even at my goal – 128 lbs. – I still felt fat. I always feel fat. That's how I see myself. Even in a size 6.

This brings me to the subject of Fat Talk. All that diet talk I was just doing? It's a form of Fat Talk. And it''s a bore. I've got to stop!

A few weeks ago, during the Second Annual Fat Free Talk Week I was so stressed out, I couldn't get my head around posting about my life-long weight problem. Or my negative body image.

Today, I'm feeling better. So, I'm revisiting this spiny issue now.

Do you know I have never met a woman who likes her body? Tall. Thin. Elegant. Beautiful. They all have some problem with the way they look.

Fat Talk promotes our collective negative body image. It dangerous.

Are we all doomed to feel Rubenesque in a thin-obsessed, air-brushed, digitally-manipulated, Photoshopped world? 

Being aware of Fat Talk and stopping it demands more than one week a year. It's a huge issue. It's everywhere. You can't avoid it. It insidiously feeds mental and emotional health issues that devour our sense of self-worth. Worse, it can be deadly. Increasingly, the lives of children and teenagers are threatened by eating disorders.

Obesity is deadly, too. Fat and Fit? How do you begin to like the way you see yourself in your mind's eye?

I'm the Queen of Fat Talk – I Fat Talk to myself all the time. Whether the scale says 128 lbs. or  242 lbs. As a chronic Yo-Yo dieter, I'm always in flux. Losing or gaining. Never maintaining. 

Fat Talk is my constant internal dialogue.  

"Do I look fat? Oh, God, look at that bulge showing. I feel like a blimp. I don't want to see that person. The last time I did, I was 40 lbs. thinner. What will she think? I look like a whale. A petite whale. I can't stand the way I look. Keep smiling, Sandy, maybe that will distract people from your hugeness."

That's what happens when you've lived for years being assaulted by external "Fat Talk."

"You have such a pretty face," people would often say to me in my youth. At 16, my father bribed me with a new car, if I'd lose weight. Another time, with a trip to New York and a new wardrobe. I dieted. Lost. Regained more. Felt worthless. Unloved. Hideous.

These days, one of my students says at the beginning of each class, "I have to ask. How much weight have you lost now? You're looking better every day." That's perfect example of Fat Talk.

Stupid me, I tell her. And the whole class. What's worse is that I feel flattered. I like it. I've been socialized and brainwashed into believing that if I'm not slim or slimmer, I'm deficient. No good. Fat and Ugly. Always "fat and ugly." 

I do this to others, too, reinforcing a damaging value I detest. 

When I like someone, I don't see extra pounds. I see the person I like. I see their eyes. Their smiles. All the characteristics I love about them. Yet, when we engage in Fat Talk consider the consequences.

Someone says, "You've lost weight. You look great!" What they're really saying is that you didn't look great before. Your value as a human being is gauged by your size. Your shape. Your thinness. That's the implication and it plays havoc with your self-esteem. 

You can't escape advertising, marketing, Hollywood, and the media. But you can devalue it. Beauty is relative. Arbitrary. Who makes the decision? 

You can become more aware and Stop Fat Talking! To yourself. And to others. You can help begin a paradigm shift. Starting with yourself. 

Change the record. Break it. Don't only comment on what someone looks like, comment on other facets of their character, accomplishments, intellect, skills, activities and abilities. Be positive about people and about yourself.

On November 2, PsychCentral launched a new website called Weightless.

It's "about well-being, not weight; about fostering body image regardless of your size. It's about exposing women's magazines and so-called experts, when they're touting unhealthy tips and promoting restrictive standards," psychologist John M. Grohol wrote in this introduction.

So now, besides all the global awareness raised by Dr. Carolyn Becker, the founder and one of the researchers of the Reflections Body Image Program and the sponsor of the Second Annual Fat Talk Free Week, you can begin to work on your own body image issues. You can begin to re-educate yourself every day.

You can start to feel good about who you are, just because you're you! 

Let's face it. The holidays are approaching.  Party Time. Socializing. Every event revolves around food and everyone wants to feel beautiful. For too many years I cloistered myself at this time of year because I felt self-conscious about the way I felt I looked. No more.

I'm starting now. Let's all start to stop the Fat Talk.  

There's so much more in this world to talk about, don't you think?

Comments

[Carolyn]

It's funny, I stopped dieting a while ago after reading one of your posts. I said to myself "I'm not going to weigh myself, deny myself or workout to the point of exhaustion" Instead I started making healthier choices, walking/running with my dogs everyday and doing strength training when I had time. I don't know how much weight I've lost (it doesn't matter) but my clothes fit better and I feel better. When I used to weigh in it was never good enough, 1.5lbs was .5 lbs too little and then I would binge on the disappointment.

I'm happier this way. It's more health focus then weight focused. 135lbs (my former goal) means nothing if I don't feel myself at that weight

[Sandy Naiman]

Carolyn, you sound amazing. I hope I can take my own advice and be as stunningly successful as you have become.

Thanks for sharing your healthy attitude and your vitality. It jumps off the screen.

I've discovered that feeling great tends to make you look great, somehow. I'm not exactly sure how that works, but I know it to be true. It's like being honest and having no secrets and no lies. It's liberating.

And being free-spirited is tremendously appealing and engaging. You tend to focus outward, rather than inward. I'm aiming at that. Good for you!

Best of luck.

Enormous thanks for candour and energy. It feels contagious.

Speak soon!
xox
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