Did you have a good Christmas? I hope so. Now, you're probably recuperating. Relaxing or Boxing Week bargain-hunting. Having fun. Movie-going. Just hanging out with friends.
Meanwhile, I've noticed that traffic is very light here right now. It died down on December 23 and it's stayed quiet. Commenting has fallen off completely. I think that's a good sign. Better to spend time with people you care about, people who love you, going out and about in the "real" world" instead of staying glued to the "virtual world" of your computer.
And you know what? I'm exhausted. I've been flying off the handle at Marty lately and he doesn't know why. Exhaustion. That's why. It's more insidious than sleeplessness.
Considering that I taught all last year (2008-2009), finished a book during my two months off in May and June 2009, taught all summer and then started again in September and as you know, had a disastrous marking period this term.Then there was Christmas. Now, I'm simply running on empty.
Utterly worn out and worn down.
So, I've decided to take a wee break. I feel I need it. I'm bone-tired. With New Year's Eve looming and another late night, my body and my mind are desperate for some real rest, relaxation, recharging, refreshing and recuperating.
I call those the five "R's" of holiday recovery. (Yes, recovery has many facets.)
I've learned to be able to hear my body and to recognize its signals of potential exhaustion. Lack of sleep is a serious trigger for me. But what causes the sleeplessness? That's the key. I must understand that, too. It takes insight. If I ignore those signals and those reasons, I can run into real trouble. Mainly mania – big time. Better to prevent than to treat. Head it off at the pass. Call Dr. Bob. But psychiatrists need a holiday, too. So I'm taking it out on my closest substitute. My darling husband. We've talked about it.Also, I've learned never to make New Year's Resolutions. They're too breakable. (Although last year, I did make one and I managed to keep it about 99.9% of the time. I resolved not send "forwards" – you know, those cute emails saying or mildly threatening that if you don't "forward" this to 2,500 of your closest, nearest and dearest friends in three seconds flat, you'll wake up dead tomorrow, or some such.)
Well, this past year, I didn't. I ignored them. And guess what? I'm still here!
Mind you, this was a pretty stressful year for me, but I really learned a great deal from all the major mistakes I made, so I suppose all that stress was worth it.
Anyway, that's one resolution I enjoyed making and keeping. But the others, like losing 400 lbs. by mid-April, or working out 17 times a week. I didn't make those resolutions and I'm doing fine without them. And without the guilt that goes along with them.
Speaking of which... I want to share with you a few little things I've learned in 2009. I've learned to stop doing two things:
1. I've stopped worrying. It serves no purpose and it's a waste of energy.
2. I've stopped feeling guilty. For the same reason.
My husband rarely ever worries or feels guilty and he's a most calm and peaceful human being. A veritable rock. My rock. So, after nine years of marriage, I thought I'd try it and it works. Instead of worrying, I've learned to make lemons out of lemonade. Gallons of it.
If I find myself feeling guilty, I remind myself that this completely wasted emotion can be resolved if I try to do something about it.
Apologizing is a great way to start. I've learned how to apologize with meaning.
1. What I did was wrong.
2. I feel badly that I hurt you.
3. How do I make you feel better?
And now, I'm going to end this post with my wishes for you.
Try to ensure that, not like me, you give yourself the greatest of all gifts. Time. To refresh, recharge, rest, relax and recuperate. Not just now, but throughout the year.
Enjoy that time. Feel good about it.
As for 2010, I sense it's going to be a good year. I'm going to try to make it good. And I wish that goodness for you, too. That desire and that determination to participate and partner in the goodness that 2010 is going bring. If you help it along, you can almost bet that you'll have a good year.
One never knows for sure, but taking action and doing things to bring about change cannot hurt.
Most of all, I wish you health. Without it, what else is there?
Have a healthy 2010. Be safe. Be well. I'll be back next week. Now, I'm going to relax for the rest of the day. I'm not going to do anything. No work. No shopping. No nothing.
For the next week, nothing. Nothing at all.
Finally, I want to thank you for all you have done to make Coming Out Crazy live. Without you, we wouldn't be here. You've shared so many wise and thoughtful insights here, enriched what begins as a monologue and turned it into an ongoing dynamic dialogue. You're honest and candid and courageous. You help to heal everyone who reads you. You inspire me. You challenge me. You keep me in my thinking and growing and evolving.
I couldn't write here week after week without you and I want you to know how grateful I am.