Lessons on the course of life...

Yesterday classes ended for the Fall 2009 term at Seneca College where I teach part-time. My course is called "Leadership in Society," but I wasn't feeling very leader-like. 

I was feeling more like an "academic assassin" akin perhaps to how the George Clooney character, Ryan Bingham may at times feel as the slick corporate assassin (read "professional downsizer") in his latest flick Up in the Air.

With one difference. Clooney's character is a shark.

I'm a swan. At heart, and mine happens to be soft. 

As a teacher, this combination is killer.

Normally no one arrives early for my Tuesday 8 a.m. classes, except me.

Yesterday's was different.

Students were lining up to speak to me. Their two major assignments were due in class – worth 50 percent of their final mark and without which they automatically fail the course. This was an extended deadline. Their last chance. 

They came early to negotiate, request, plead, beg and appeal to me for time, but time had run out. In most cases, all they needed was an hour or two to polish and print their papers in the library where the printers are located. It doesn't open until 8 a.m. That was easy. I gave in because I'm human. After all, what's half an hour in the large scheme of things?

But one student was in big trouble. I knew it and he knew I knew it.

At 4:22 a.m. yesterday morning he emailed me during an "all nighter" he wrote, struggling to catch up on all his overdue assignments in my class and others – "urgently needing to meet" with me.

He came 15 minutes early – he rarely ever attended these early morning classes. He looked sad, exhausted and contrite. Sheepish. Guilty. He seemed like the compulsive gambler (think Owning Mahowny) who has finally run out of all his credit options and is desperate for more credit when he knows the bank has gone dry.

He didn't deserve more than a few hours. Certainly not days. He admitted that he would try to finish two major assignments, but I sensed he knew it was futile.

That's when I had to morph from the soft-hearted swan into "the academic assassin" for the first time in my two-and-a-half year teaching career.

"You're going to fail the course if you don't get these papers in today," I said, reminding him of the promotion policy of the course and all the extended deadlines he had already missed. "You had weeks. You procrastinated." 

"I know, Miss. It's my fault. I'm sorry," he kept saying.

"You have a time-management problem. You can get help with that. It's probably too late for this course, but if you've learned a lesson and if you get that help, this isn't a loss, it's a win in the long run."

(Who doesn't have time management problems, these days, especially at this time of year? Talk about stress!)

The first day of every term, I stress that there are no real mistakes, if you learn something from the ones you make. This encourages risk-taking. Creativity. Right brain thinking. 

How much do you learn from what you do right?

But I bet you never forget your major mistakes and if you're smart, you only make them once.

For this fellow, failing my course on the last day of term ranks as a big mistake. The mother of mistakes. A doozy. He needs it to pass. He'll have to make it up. 

I kept thinking that "Failure is the mother of success." One of my favourite old Chinese sayings.

Trying to soften the blow, I said he'd be welcome in my class in January if he wants to give it another shot. He already has the textbook – though I doubt he ever opened it.

He could skip this last class, I told him. "Take the extra time and see if you can finish these papers." He skulked away to the library. 

At the end of the day, he never handed in any of his overdue assignments or his two required papers. He missed this final deadline. He failed. Perhaps I failed him.

Some "academic assassin" I am. Was I right? Was I fair? Did I commit yet another new mistake? Did he learn anything? What did I learn?

I was sleepless last night, tortured by the possibility of my killing this student's academic spirit.

You must be wondering what all this has to do with mental health and wellness. 

The answer is – everything.

Comments

[Aurelia]

The solution had to come long before your course, so don't feel bad. Handing in his assignments late would not change his future course, or help him. Frankly, your course on leadership, or all the lectures and teaching in the world won't help.

You list every symptom, (on purpose?) of ADHD. Late start mornings, procrastination, poor time management skills, all-nighters filled with panic, sheepish excuses, because of course, he has no idea that he has it. No clue. Undiagnosed and unmedicated, he will stumble through life and it will never end well.

If you truly care that he succeeds, get him a referral to a doctor who can assess him, and hopefully give him some medication, and tell him about http://www.additudemag.com/ and all the resources they list. He might not have it, he might have something else, but---even you could tell this boy was different Sandi. He wasn't the kid who screwed up the printer, or the kid who attended every other class but not yours.

I hope he gets help. He needs it desperately.

[Andrew McDonald]

How many times do we all find oursleves in this same boat? How often to we wonder 'did I just cause this person harm by being too hard?

Conversely do we ask: did I hurt this person by eing too easy on them?

As the father of a 2 year old I face this battle every day.

I don't have all the answers - but the thought that makes things easier is: we can only control our own actions, deedsn thoughts and intents.

You've fulfilled your role as a teacher and a role model. Has this young man fulfilled his role as a student? No. Emphatically no.

If you had offered more chances and granted more time would you be fulfilling your role as a teacher? No.
Would this have enticed this student to complete assignments on time the next time around? Likely not.

The way that this student perceives your actions is up to HIM. He may lose his academic spark. He may go on to pursue is doctorate in Leadership at a prestigious school.

You should be proud of yourself for doing right......and that alone (I hope!) Will allow you to sleep well tonight.

[Julie]

you absolutely did the right thing. it doesn't surprise me that you're agonizing over it - because i know how kind and giving you are. but you are right - people need to learn from their mistakes. and he probably doesn't realize it, but you are doing more and teaching him more by sticking to the rules, than you would be by giving in (again).

i work with children and teens, and one of the major problems that i see happening very frequently is that the consequences of their actions are never reinforced. they become used to being able to talk their way out of situations they have created, without ever learning the true meaning of a rule or a deadline. what happens to these young people when they get into major trouble? they fold, unable to cope.

you have done a good thing. even if it doesn't seem like it.

[Kate]

Sandy- you have such a big heart!
I am an adult who has returned to school fulltime.
I have my own issues to deal with as do many of my classmates.

I have straight A's and get everything in on time. Students have to play by the rules. Those of us who work hard despite our own personal obstacles feel the unfairness of others who get extensions for reasons other than emergencies.

You did the right thing. He is responsible for his actions or inaction.

[Deborah]

As professor myself (and a colleague of Sandy's), we can't save their lives. We can only give them strategies and guidance to survive. In college, or university, it is up to them.

Being a successful student is a process and like a chain of events, when one or more of the links are not fulfilled, then the process will not be successful or extremely weak to the point that in the next level, the student will not survive.

When assessing students, it is important not to just consider them "passing" the course, but will they survive the next round and these are the skills that we teach: what do they need to know for the next term and more importantly, what do they need to know when they get out in the "real world" where they are few second chances. When those second chances appear, it's during the first three months of probation of any job (by law I believe) and if they can't handle those first three months, then they are gone. (Interesting how probationary periods for employment are the same length as college and university semesters???).

And I end, what is the connection to "mental health?" Like Sandy said - everything! Becoming and being functional has everything to do with one's mental health.

Enjoy your time off Sandy.

[Sandy Naiman]

Hi Aurelia, Andrew, Julie, Kate and Deborah,

I've been following this discussion, but too busy to sit down and respond. A good thing, I think, because I would not be able to sum up my reactions nearly as wisely and as eloquently as Deborah – and I am not sure we're acquainted, but it's lovely knowing that you're a member of our community here at "Coming Out Crazy."

I'm thrilled and fascinated by all your observations... with one caveat.

I would not, could not, will not and I'm not qualified to even speculate about whether my student has a psychiatric diagnosis or not. I wouldn't even go there.

We have a very fine counselling office at Seneca with qualified psychologists and other specialists, capable of assessing and referring students for all manner of accommodation. We even have a program at Seneca called Redirection through Education for students with psychiatric and psychologist issues.

That is not my job. Quite frankly, this particular student never spoke up in class and rarely attended, but he wrote very well, when he did hand in assignments. He just consistently failed to read the texts and thus consistently failed pop quizzes. He's smart but not willing to put in the work.

I feel very supported by your assessment of my treatment of this young man. Very grateful. You are right. He is immature, irresponsible and his actions speak louder than his words. One thing Kate picked up on, too, is that I do care about my students. I make sure I have contact information for them and that they can reach me 24/7 if needs be by email. I make myself available to them outside of class, if they need me, but they have to be willing and able to communicate their concerns.

I'm a teacher, not a mind-reader.

Now, because it's 10:22 p.m. on Thursday night and I am about to write my post for Friday (tomorrow) I must sign off.

You are very sentient. All of you. Each comment of yours sheds a different and valuable perspective on this most challenging aspect of a teacher's work – evaluation. It's trial by fire every term. It doesn't get any easier. I learn to know my students. They write reflections and journals that I alone read.

They are all ages, races, ethnicities, and they are in many different college programs from Early Childhood Education to Business Administration to Firefighting to Fashion Design. They range in age from 17 to 65. Some are retraining, some are not interested in going to work at all.

Evaluation is extraordinarily trying because they are all so different. Unique individuals with very complicated lives. Different, but equal. In the end.

So, as Deborah knows, these are difficult days for us, until final marks are in on December 18 and Promotion Meetings are finished on December 21. Then we will be able to rest. Oh, and did I mention that my Addendum for the Winter 2010 term is also due on December 18?

Timing is everything and on that note, I bid you all sleep tight as I work into the night.

And send you my heartfelt thanks. You are dear, dear friends.

Be well.

Hugs and speak soon!

[Carolyn]

I hated profs/teachers who gave extensions. Despite, a physical illness, a serious mental illness and other issues to boot I got in every paper in on time, everytime, no extensions. I graduated on the deans' list and in the top 2% of my Bachelor's of Education. The same rules apply to everyone. At my university if you had extenuating circumstances like a serious illness, death in the family, you were eligible for an extension but you had to ask a week before showing some responsibility. By going loosey goosey with the rules you are teaching these kids that a sad face (manipulation) can make everything alright.

In the working world, you hand in assignments late you get fired. Better fail now, then when he has 3 kids at home and has to tell his wife he got fired.