You...

If you read the comments to this blog with any regularity, you know that I am enormously grateful for your feedback. They are a rich dialogue between you and with me, because I try my best to answer as many comments personally. Often, ideas evolve through the comments that further the discussion in the main posts. They're synergistic. Like brainstorming session because your ideas and reactions and experiences are so stimulating and inspiring to me.

WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T BE HERE

The main point is, without you, I wouldn't be here. And between you and me, I love being here. This blog is my passion. I love writing it. It's the most satisfying journalistic experience of my 38-year professional journalistic career. (I started young, very young. Trust me.)

You, as veterans of the mental health system, know more than most people - especially doctors and psychiatrists and neuroscientists - about how it feels to be on the other end of a "notebook." Collectively, your expertise, your insights, your experiences in the mental health world is monumental. 

So, today, I'm going to muse about why, share the spotlight with you, and share some insights that have come my way in particularly in personal correspondence from those of you who struggle with and have learned so many "truths" travelling along their roads to Recovery, but are a little shy about being in the limelight.

I REMEMBER HOW ANXIOUS I WAS COMMENTING FOR THE FIRST TIME

Believe me, I empathize. I remember how anxious I was commenting for the first time on Liz Spikol's high-profile and multiple award winning Philadelphia Weekly bipolar blog The Trouble With Spikol. 

Liz hooked me immediately because she used to post short videos of herself and she seemed so friendly and down-to-earth and lacking in ego, which she is, by the way. But she also has a huge following and she monitors her comments, so I didn't know if mine would make it. This was nerve-wracking for me. 

At the time, I knew nothing about blogging. It was in April 2008, just after we launched HealthZone and Coming Out Crazy - this link is my inaugural post, which ran on April 9 of that year.

Back then, I was just getting my feet wet as a blogger. (Until I began blogging, I had never read a blog and knew little about the blogosphere. In our embryonic days, we were not live and interactive, so being interactive and engaging publicly and openly with the Internet was scary. I didn't know, then, that the blogosphere could be very forgiving, but at the same time, risky, too.

You put yourself out there, less so in The Comments, than in my main posts. Still, it's a daunting experience until you've done it a few times. As Malcolm Gladwell asserts in his controversial, highly readable and bestseller Outliers, The Story of Success, it takes practice. Not 10,000 hours, but a few.

This week, one of my regular "anonymous" readers sent me the following note in response to Wednesday's post.

"So sorry to hear you are still under the weather, but I hope you can give in to your 'rest' regimen. Thank you for your most recent effort on your blog, despite ill health.

"A HOT BATH AND GREAT LITERATURE AS A SLOW CURE FOR DEPRESSION" 

"I had a laugh about you mentioning the comparison between diabetes and depression, often put forth by every garden variety shrink. I had a similar experience with a well-meaning but distinctly insipid psychiatrist, soon after returning from living abroad. I told her I was a great follower of The Greeks. The Greeks suggested a hot bath and great literature as a slow cure for depression. 

"I find at the depths of sadness, one must go inside oneself, that the remedy comes from within. We slowly come back to our essential self or soul, and there we find peace.

"Yet in our rapid age, no one seems aware that quick cures are often only superficial. So far, I have avoided antidepressants, yet I suppose they work for some people. I think I am with Tennessee Williams who reportedly once said, 'If I lose my demons, I may lose my angels, too.'"

In a subsequent note that arrived a few minutes later, this reader added:

"Couldn't resist firing off this quote to you. Seemed somehow relevant in the light of my last message.

"'All great truths begin as blasphemies.' This, from George Bernard Shaw. I guess he was a bit of a contrarian, and somehow when I question the status quo on mental health I feel like one, too. Something to ponder. I found it an interesting quote."

And ponder, I did. I love pondering.

YOU GIVE ME SUCH RICHES

See? You give me such riches. This is just one recent example. I have dozens in my inbox. I hope one day this exquisitely enlightened person will be able to make the leap into the Comments so her wisdom, insight and literary largesse will be seen and shared with everyone in our community. So she can engage with all of you who are similarly thoughtful, understanding, empathetic, in endlessly diverse and fascinating ways. Experts on mental health and wellness and Recovery.

Now, you know why I am so beholden to you. All of you. Why I thank you constantly.

I'll rest my case. And rest, too.

Have a great weekend. For me, school starts on Monday morning at 8 a.m. I have much to do. I need my energy.

Be good to yourselves and speak soon.

Comments

[susan]

Sandy,

Has it been almost 2 years since you started blogging? Time flies, doesn't it? Well, you might be grateful for US, but we are grateful for YOU.
Thank you for being such a good friend, and a caring soul. And a doggie lover.

p.s. sorry I missed you in NY- some day I will get to Toronto!

[Sandy Naiman]

Dear Susan,

Thank you for this charming comment. You know, it was through Liz Spikol's blog that I found yours ~ If You're Going Through Hell Keep Going – http://ifyouregoingthoughhellkeepgoing.blogspot.com/ – and I'll never forget reading one of your stunning accounts of how you almost died as a result of being incarcerated in a New Jersey State Mental Hospital.

You, like so many members of our community, are a wonderful award winning blogger and an animal lover. You post fabulous YouTubes like your most recent "Bit of Laurie and Fry on Psychiatrists," which certainly did make me laugh. And laughter is such a tonic for the head, heart and soul.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4Sw4z8YXmg

Plus all your insights, your pictures and your extraordinary writing ~ all your various pics about your kitty Holly and stories of her adventures. I love your blog. And your passion.

We are a community. A community within the larger bipolar blog community within the larger international mental health and recovery community. We educate each and learn from each other. You've been at this far longer than I have and you are quite a seasoned veteran of the blogosphere.

So we need each other and help each other. We subscribe to many sources and share information. We support each other. We sometimes even pick up the phone and talk to each other, a special treat.

That's what I love about blogging. It really is a global community as McLuhan envisioned (sort of) though not without its dangers. But I choose to focus on the positives if I can, even on deadly serious issues. And I love to throw myself into research. We all have our own special niches and we all collectively create a fabulous crazy quilt of ideas and expression, support and information exchange. A rich and exciting, fascinating and stimulating ongoing dialogue.

I think we have so much in common and Toronto is but an hour from Newark by plane. It was a shame we missed each other that day, but truly, we had so little time. We'll get back to NYC ~ our favourite city in the world.

We'll meet.

I promise!

In the meantime, thank you for your support. Your wisdom. Your knowledge. Your kindness. Your sweet soul.

Stay healthy and have a good 2010!
xox
s

[K.M.]

HI Sandy!

Such a lovely blog entry- you are grateful for our feedback, and I am so grateful that you have created this blog and bravely put yourself out there.

Like you I just love Liz Spikol. I appreciate her honesty and wonderful sense of humour.

I understand when people are reticent about divulging their personal experiences with depression/mental illnesses. I am that way myself so I admire those, like yourself, who speak out.
The stigma is overwhelming. It took me a very long time to even talk about it to my family. I had to educate them on depression and how telling a person who is suffering from depression to “snap out of it” is just not a good thing to say (ya I had to start with very basic stuff).

My doctor also compares depression to diabetes and I so agree with Gardiner who said:
“I have never met a diabetic who felt ashamed or fearful to admit to anyone that they were in fact diabetic.”

I do feel very cautious about what I tell people, even friends, however at the same time I am very proud of having come so far, overcome so much and, well this may sound very Pollyanna-ish, but feel fortunate to have this struggle because I have emerged stronger and with a lot of knowledge about depression and an enormous amount of empathy for others with similar struggles. I also value every happy moment in life and I am grateful as meds, exercise and a bunch of other things all work for me.

It’s been a journey and continues to be- to learn what works, to understand this illness, and for me it also meant understanding the things in life that are most important to me, having a purpose and goals, learning to take risks and finding joy in even the smallest of things.

OK so this sounds really Pollyanna-ish but I think I am a much better person now since getting help for my depression and getting through a really tough time. I have grown so much in so many ways.

Thanks for your blog, Sandy! Keep on writing and connecting with us! I love reading it and I love your wise words and warm heart!!!!

Cheers,
K.M.

[Sandy Naiman]

Hi K.M.

Guess what! I LOVE Pollyanna and I'm Pollyanna-ish all the time. Nothing wrong with that. Don't apologize for recognizing that recovery is a wonderful, enlightening and exciting journey to be on... I couldn't agree with you more.

As for disclosure or "divulging" as you say, do you know what my psychiatrist Dr. Bob said recently... (and I plan to post about this, but here's a 'trailer' for you). He said that he believes today that in most workplaces of any size, corporations, large companies, that disclosure to the right person will more often than not have a positive outcome. (That "right person" would be a senior person in Human Resources, for example.) Not necessarily your immediate superior.

Human Resources personnel are far more knowledgeable and trained to understand mental health issues and how they can be accommodated in the workplace. But this is another story.

As for friends and family, education, as you say, is the key. And discretion. You do what you feel comfortable doing at the time. You should feel proud of yourself and what you have accomplished. Think of how you've evolved and grown and how you've become more empathetic and compassionate. You seem to really like the person you've become. That's cause for celebration! Bravo!

I'm often asked, "If you could go back and change your life, what would you change?"

That's a no-brainer for me. Nothing. I love the person I am. And I wouldn't be that person were it not for all my experiences and all the hurdles I've had to jump and the lesson's I've learned. I have found peace of mind through being entirely open. "So secrets. No lies." Open and honest communication is a gift. I've been working on it all my life, through my therapy and with all the "processing" I've been doing for the last 49 years. I also trained in communications, too.

You are extraordinary. You've gained such insight through the work you've done to understand your depression and "process it." To face it head on with your friends and family, as well as your therapist ~ who is only human, after all. I think we educate them, too! (That, too, is another story, for another day.)

Recovery is all about making meaning of one's life, whatever that meaning is ~ and it's different for everyone. Because we're all different. All unique. As for "stigma" ~ a word I rarely use and have written about many times ~ instead I say "fear, ignorance, negative stereotyping, unnecessary barriers, prejudice and discrimination."

You're fighting that through the "educating" you're doing. Keep it up!

With education comes knowledge and knowledge, especially SELF-KNOWLEDGE is empowering.

Keep it up! And thank you so much for your kind words about "Coming Out Crazy"... I am deeply appreciative.

Be well. Take care of yourself and keep going, one step at a time.

All my best for a safe, healthy and exciting 2010!

Cheers,
sln

[Sonia]

Hello Sandy,

Great news: the access to the blogosphere has been resumed, so here I am. I truly enjoyed reading this post today. It is timely. Technically, tomorrow morning from 10-12 is my last teaching engagement this term. My exam is this evening, and then, three days of marking exams, submitting paperwork, etc. So, I look forward to a bath with literature of any kind.

Look for my comments, as I read in the backlog of blogs posted since August 2009 (before I left Canada for my current position here, in southwest China).

Sonia

[Sandy Naiman]

Hello Soni,

How wonderful to have you back ~ even though you're far away geographically, you've been close to my heart ever since you left and I'm utterly delighted that you can access the blogosphere again.

We all miss your insights, dearest Soni.

I can see you're still up to your eyebrows in teaching and marking and all those mind-numbing duties that we teachers must perform. However, I will look forward to your comments as soon as you have a minute and to hearing more about your adventures in southwest China and the demands of teaching English to classes of 200 university students.

I will never complain about having too many students in my classes and I won't even tell you how few I have. My classes are seminars compared to yours.

Take care dear friend. All my best to you!

And please stay healthy, above all else.

Hugs to you and Mikey,
xoxox
s