Happy Anniversary, "Coming Out Crazy"...

We're two years old today. I cannot believe it and what an education writing this blog has been for me.

IN THE BEGINNING...

On April 9, 2008, I posted my first blog, called Welcome to Coming Out Crazy – and we weren't even live and on line, right at the beginning. (Now everything I've ever posted is archived and online.)

I was just beginning to toy with my own blog and didn't really have a clue about what blogging and the blogosphere was all about, when Brandie Weikle sent me an email asking me if I'd be interested in blogging about mental health for a then-new website The Toronto Star was building called Healthzone.ca.

I just reread that opening post. When I think back to what I thought I would be doing, I'm shocked at how much I've learned and how innocent I was.

As I mentioned, we were not interactive, like we are now. Any feedback came via email that went either to Brandie or directly to me. Our correspondence was strictly one-on-one and a ton of work. 

POSTS FROM THE FIRST FEW MONTHS AND OUR FIRST AWARD

At the beginning, it was just a trickle, but the initial reactions were positive and I kept plodding on writing about some of the topics I'm passionate about – like labeling, language, lessons we can learn from abroad, Recovery and Denial, mad pride, madness and more, "framing" or "the 'S' word", ECT and other current therapies, mental health in the workplace and suicide. 

I shared stories, like the challenges of living with my pregnant Dandie Dinmont terrier bitch, Lucy – who is not pregnant again, I'm sad to report. And this one I discovered on www.TED.com by Sir Ken Robinson. I called it Shall We Dance. 

On October 22, 2008, I turned 60 and that morning, we won our first award as one of the Best Bipolar Blog on the Web Award! We won another in 2009.

Most of all, I was learning how much I didn't know and how much more I wanted to know. I made some enemies, but more friends. I began to familiarize myself with the other mental health bloggers on the Internet – and there are millions of them all over the world – but mainly from the U.S., in England and Canada. 

I quickly discovered that there were very few newspaper mental health bloggers at that time – besides Liz Spikol in Philadelphia, who writes about her bipolar disorder. I've linked you to other bloggers who have intriguing ideas to share. The more we can share, the more we can learn from each other.

In Canada, to the best of my knowledge, I'm still the only person writing regularly and candidly in a major daily about my personal mental health issues, my recovery, and mental health and wellness in general. If not, please let me know who you are, where you are and join our conversation.

I wrote about one of the most remarkable psychiatrists I've ever known, about schizophrenia, about depression, about my teaching, how I came out in class to my students about my mental health issues, about my hearing loss, about how friendship heals, about "living out loud", about my ongoing battle with food and my moods, about letting go, about stress and about hope.

And I wrote about you. 

And Angela and her electroconvulsive therapy, which will be finishing very soon. And I'll be reporting on that, rest assured. Will she need maintenance ECT? I'll keep you informed.

Yet, I've just scratched the surface. There's so much more.

I answered your questions, or tried to, and I explored some of the issues in your comments. I've come to care about you, became acquainted personally with some of you, and even met and befriended some of you.

Now, because of this blog, I have new friends and I'm so grateful to you. This is a dialogue. I thrive on your input. Yes. I live for your comments.

I'VE LEARNED SO MUCH FROM YOU...

I learned so much about you and from you. 

How much you need to share, to speak about your personal pain, your traumas and psychic scars, your stresses and anxieties, your feelings of abandonment and loneliness, your fears and frustrations trying to find compassionate listeners who will help you develop the tools for living meaningfully, instead of or in addition to dispensing medications.

And I've made lots of mistakes. One worked out wonderfully. As a result, I met psychiatrist Ron Pies, a professor of psychiatry at Boston's Tufts University and the S.U.N.Y. Upstate Medical University in Albany, N.Y. He has generously helped me with much of my research and become our resident expert and my friend. 

From the beginning, and especially after we moved to Typepad in June of 2008, I began to dream of creating, here, a safe and supportive virtual community, where you can share your stories, perspectives, complaints and opinions openly with me and each other.

And once I began linking, I began to love sharing all I was learning with you, too, by giving you sources and seeking out the best references I can find for you. Dr. Pies calls me a "public educator" but we're all educating each other, contributing to a body of knowledge here that can help challenge discrimination and prejudice with information and discussion. Openness. Coming out and staying out comfortably. 

Changing the landscape about mental health. Though change doesn't come easily and there's always resistance. We must keep trying.

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

For the last few hours, I've been traveling back, touring the archives of this blog. I'm amazed at how much territory we've covered. 

And how much more we must cover.

As a little anniversary gift to you, the links above will take you back, too. To some posts that were never on line and are now available as well as others you may remember.

So, I'm wishing you a Happy Anniversary, too. Because without you, I simply couldn't do what I do.

Finally, I want to give special thanks to my editor Brandie Weikle. She not only edits me and all of HealthZone brilliantly, but also ParentCentral, where she writes a charming and informative blog about raising her two adorable young sons, Cameron and Alister. Their cute kid quotes of the day are guaranteed to give you a lift.

Her guidance is invaluable. She works like a trojan and she is endlessly patient with me and my occasional emotional outbursts. Brandie, you're a dream of an editor. I adore you!

I want to say a special thanks to the powers-that-be, and all the editors and moderators at thestar.com for having the wisdom and courage to launch a mental health blog. It's crucially important to give all health issues fair treatment, time and space ~ physical and emotional and mental. It's validating for us and empowering for everyone touched directly or indirectly by mental health issues. And we're all touched in some way, somehow. No one is immune.

With heartfelt thanks and gratitude to all of you.

So far, it's been a fascinating ride – not without a few bumps, mind you. I learn lots from those bumps.

So, here's to continuing on our journey of discovery and self-discovery together for another year ~ in health.

Speak soon.

Hugs to you all!

Comments

[Wendy Love]

Congratulations on two years of great articles. I remember the first time I found you, I must have read for an hour or so.... Keep up the great work. I will keep visiting.

[Julie]

what a two years it's been.....i don't remember exactly when i started reading you, but i eagerly await every new blog. i've learned so much. and of course, made a new friend in the process :)

you are a truly special lady, sandy!! here's to many more years of writing and sharing and learning.

[Sandy Naiman]

Hi Julie and Wendy,

You both touch my heart with your kindness and good wishes. You have made my day and I truly appreciate your kind comments.

It's been a glorious two years and I've learned as much from the writing and the researching, as I have from the dialoguing.

So, here's to a rosy future for all of us. I'm a much wiser person for knowing you and everyone in our little community.

Sending hugs and heartfelt thanks. We'll speak soon!
s

[susan]

Congrats! For pushing me to be a better writer/ blogger and being a pretty cool woman as well. Next time we see the same Broadway play on the same day at the same theatre, maybe we can actually meet?

LOL. Love you Sandy!

Susan Schechter

[Peter]

Fantastic blog - keep up the great work Sandy!

[Sheila]

Sandy, you are not the only one who enjoys writing on your blog. It is a great outlet for many of us. The weeks when you are busy and don't have the time to talk to us are difficult for me and that may sound strange to some, but not to everyone. I find myself sometimes checking daily and asking myself "where is she?" I know I have to be patient, you have a busy life, but sometimes when it seems to be the only connection I have when I am in my "misery" state it is difficult. I look forward to reading & relating to what others have to say. I like having a safe place to "come out" on. It is difficulty living in the silence of my depression.
So, a big thank you to you - Sandy, you have helped me get through this winter - it's been a tough one for me.

[Sonia]

Happy Anniversary,

I don't remember the first time I read your blog, or the first time I commented on your blog, or what it was about - I do remember the sensation of "finally, here's a place where I could speak up" ... and that feeling has only but grown.

Thank you, and may the awards publicly remind you of how many of us feel privately - grateful for your courage, your healthy team in creating this interactive blog, and your sense of humour.

[Sandy Naiman]

Hello Susan, Peter, Sheila and Soni,

First. Can you feel me blushing? I’m utterly overwhelmed by your generosity and kindness.

I hope you don’t mind if I answer all of you, individually, in one comment. (I’m still way behind in my end of term marking.)

So, here goes:

To Susan,

I cannot believe it’s been two years, but it has.

You can be sure that the next time I’m in Manhattan and at a Broadway show and you’re in the theatre with me, I will be sure, without a doubt, to meet you. Even if I’m not at a Broadway show – if I’m in New York, we will arrange to have lunch or a cup of coffee together. I promise, without question! And even without meeting, we have our friendship. True? And it’s very special to me.

To Peter,

I am so happy you like my blog and I will do everything I can to keep it up. Promise.

To Sheila,

I am deeply touched by your connection to this blog, to me and to our community. Your words mean so much to me. I will do everything I can, not to take time off, so you can feel you have a safe place to express yourself openly and honestly – to feel accepted and in caring and compassionate company.

At the same time, it’s a little worrying to me that you feel so isolated and silenced when I’m not always here. I wish you had some other resources at your finger tips to resort to when you’re feeling down and lonely.

Think of how much you’ve accomplished with your candour and honesty, here. Your comments are wonderful.

And you’ve weathered the winter. That, alone, when you’re feeling depressed, is a major achievement. Now, it’s spring, and you can go for a walk and feel the sunshine on your cheeks (with sun protector, of course) and the wind ruffling through your hair. You can smell the earth and see tiny spring flowers poking their tenuous heads up through the hard earth.

Good things are on their way.

I’m so heartened to hear I've been a help to you, but you also helped yourself because you had and have the courage to speak up here and that’s a crucial beginning. If you speak up here, there are other places you might try.

Think about it and remember how much your words have brightened my day.

And Soni, all the way from Southwest China…

Thank you for the anniversary wishes and the support. You have become a vital lifeline for me, with your wisdom and insights, which are always fresh and intriguing. You have shared your courage and spoken about things so many people can barely whisper. You’ve added a richness to our conversation that never ceases to inspire me.

You give me hope. I think you give all of us hope.

I am very grateful to you, to all of you.

And I send you hugs and affection. You've given me more than you will ever know.

xox

Speak soon…

[Peter Greene]

Hi, Sandy. Came across your blog flipping headlines. Good on ya.

I was unsure about the title at first, but did a little self-check, noted that I self-describe as crazy on a frequent basis myself, and made the link to my own supertouchy jealous irritability (peaking manic phase, plus you get headlines).

Glad to see something public and publicly acceptable up and flying on the topic. Enormously glad. You should get more headlines. Usually the only mention given is when something goes very publicly wrong for the ill person. I'm pretty new getting help but not new to being mentally ill (bipolar/schizoaffective) - in my family, nothing is allowed to be wrong with you, in a sort of complicated way. Lives can be destroyed through simple inability and lack of desire to face the complexity and pain of dealing with a loved one who is very ill. What you're doing here is very important and very courageous, and you're succeeding at it.

I was institutionalized and diagnosed as a teenage poet (a disease in itself, but that was just a grammar artifact there) - but after that, was not informed of my diagnosis by my guardian (or psych, for that matter), and didn't get any medical help (quite the reverse, really - released back into the problem environment with no followup). It took twenty-one years and a lot of ruined life relationships for me to seek help, and to start recognizing myself as a human being again. As someone bipolar yourself, I bet you know how big the icebergs hiding under those last two sentences are.

Thanks again - I'll bookmark, and be flipping through (as well as getting your new stuff auto-fed to my Google reader dealie-thingy, if I can figure that out).

ps - I wasn't really jealous of your headlines. I love seeing other writers succeed - we'll take over the world some day, and then there will be: no time for war, at the cost of the coffee ALWAYS being cold by the time you just finish that last bit of proofing of scratch down that couple of lines that turn into twenty. If you want some nice fresh Canadian poetry, you can follow my name home from here (i think it makes a link if i fill in the line here)

[Sandy Naiman]

Hi, Peter...

Forgive me for taking so long to get back to you. The last few days have been pure "madness"...

First, thank you. Your encouragement means a great deal to me. You have no idea. I will keep on trying to do what I do. Trust me. I'll keep "up and flying" though I know you don't mean, manic. That kind of flying isn't very good for me and it saps my productivity.

Speaking of courage, it's very courageous for you to write so candidly and I'm honoured that you felt you could share as you have. That takes enormous courage. I think we all give each other courage, here. That's what the meaning of this community is. To know this is a safe place and you can be open and accepted wholeheartedly.

And you are.

I visited your blog and you have a lovely face, by the way. I haven't had time to concentrate on your poetry yet, but I've bookmarked you and I intend to go back. Soon.

My sadness is that it has taken you so long to find the help you need, but now, you have. Stay in the present. Relationships are so geared to timing. You are and always have been a human being, but it's hard, as you say, to recognize that sometimes. I know.

It's taken me 50-years of psychotherapy and still counting to recognize that and there are times I forget. As for writers. Don't you think we're also righters? I love to play with that one. I admire anyone who can write poetry. What discipline! What precision! I'm in awe of you.

Stay well, Peter and I really loved your comment.

All my best to you.

sln