Parenting tip of the day - put down the Taser

I hope you'll agree that in the spirit of Friday it's entirely appropriate for me to offer this as today's parenting tip:

If your children act up at bedtime, don't resort to Tasering them.

A police officer from Arkansas apparently used his Taser to subdue a 10-year-old girl after being called to the house by the mother because the child refused to go to bed.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that we don't necessarily need to call the cops when our kids are resisting bedtime.

There have been times I've been alone with my two boys during bedtime when I would have been quite happy for the authorities to show up, flash a badge and speed things along a little. Perhaps a short speech slightly fudging the law ("Now, young man, you KNOW children aren't allowed to be awake past 8 p.m.") would open up a little window of Me Time in the following few evenings.

I say this having heard all manner of bedtime inflating excuses from "I'm lonely" to "My ear is hot," "I forgot to tell you something," and "I miss my other jammies."

I haven't called the police. Yet.

A letter to Santa

Here's Cameron's letter to Santa:

 

Anyone else planning to get maximum parenting leverage out of that festive threat, "Santa is WAAATCHING....?"

Thinking I'd get it established with 2-year-old Alister, who has just absorbed the concept that he could ask for something from Santa, I said, "And Santa wants you to eat a good lunch and dinner." Cameron piped up, "And he wants you to not hit Cam. He doesn't expect you to be perfect, he just expects you to be good."

What would I put on my own letter to Santa? Perhaps that's a post for another day.

What do your kids want for Christmas, or whatever holiday that your family celebrates?

Parents, what do you want?

Parenting tip of the day

Where do babies comes from?

If you haven't got this question yet, you will. Maybe not later this afternoon after daycare pickup, but perhaps sooner than you expect.

It may not be phrased exactly as above. The first iteration I ever got was when we told Cameron, then age 3.5, that we were expecting another baby. With one inhale of happy surprise, he blurted out, "How did the baby get in there? Was it in there when I was in your tummy, too?"

Luckily for us, it was easy to answer question number two and leave question number one for another day. But when Cameron began to have a lot more to ask around age five, it was time to explain some of what goes on with sperm and egg.

Years ago I remember an expert telling me that when it came to the mechanics of sex, little kids could simply be told that when they wanted to make a baby, a mommy and a daddy do "a special kind of hug." I filed away that little phrase and it came in handy, striking the right sort of balance between total mystery and potential gross-out.

This is the beginning of a conversation that sets the tone for openness about sexuality down the road. At least I hope so.

Andrea Gordon's feature today, What teens are thinking about sex, tells the tale of 24-year-old author Shannon Boodram raw and real collection of essays on early sexual experiences. It's called Laid: Young people's experiences with sex in an easy-access culture. It's worth a read whether your child is anywhere near their teens or just out of the womb.

Whether you start with words like "a special kind of hug" or something else, let's hope you're starting a discussion that will be revisited and built-upon for years.

Cute kid quote of the day

"I hope Santa doesn't get the H1N1." - Cameron, age six

Parenting tip of the day

This comes from psychologist and parenting author Alyson Schafer.

It's been on my mind for a few weeks since she mentioned it on Twitter.

Schafer said that children have "mirror neurons" - wee synapses in the brain that read the emotions and stresses on our faces, and sort of take them on as their own.

It's something I've been trying to think about in my interactions with the kids. I've had mixed success, of course: I don't know many things that are harder work or more patience-trying than some of those long evenings with the kids. But I've been trying to repeat the phrase "mirror neurons" in my head when I'm responding to a meltdown or a complete refusal of dinner. Sometimes those two words help me to realize my forehead is all crumpled up in consternation. Lots of times I forget and respond more emotionally than I should.

Maybe I'll write the words "mirror neurons" as a message to myself on the kitchen blackboard, next to the grocery lists and phone messages. Because it's pretty much as important as remembering to pick up a bag of milk.

Yesterday's tip.

Previous tips.

Kid quote of the day

Cameron, 6, on trying to complete his worksheets in school:

"I'm trying REALLY hard not to be silly but I just can't STAND it!"

Parenting tip of the day

Picky eater? One of my boys is like that, too.

Registered nutritionist Lianne Phillipson-Webb of Sprout Right, shared a great tip when we were chatting at the Babytime show.

When you're making a fruit smoothie, try this veggie sneak: Throw in a handful of baby spinach leaves. Pulverized by your blender, the offending greens disappear, particularly with a mix of colour-rich fruits such as blueberries and raspberries.

My 2-year-old has not been noticing that his "Lightning McQueen" novelty glass contains spinach-enhanced smoothie each morning. If you're able to get your child to drink a smoothie, take advantage of the opportunity for covert nourishment!

Here are some more nutrition tips from Lianne.

Read yesterday's "tip of the day."

Not sure how to make a smoothie? Check out the Star's recipe data bank.

Please share your parenting tips and tricks by commenting on this post.

Life in plastic

As if pregnant women needed anything else to feel guilty about.

The latest news on the harm that plastics can cause children is in today's piece on fetal exposure to plastics in utero. It suggests that boys exposed to the plastics known as phthalates during pregnancy will display fewer masculine behaviours during play.

This was a relatively small study, and I'm not sure what great tragedy it is that these boys engaged in slightly less gun play than others. But it does add to the growing body of evidence that plastics exposure is just not good for us at all.

Other recent stories on plastics include this one on how exposure to bisphenol A during pregnancy can lead to more aggressive behaviour in girls. These are from a different family of plastics, but how confusing is that? Less masculine behaviour in boys and more masculine behaviour in girls? (That's assuming we equate aggressive with maleness, which is not necessarily fair.)

And we've also had:

Bisphenol A can build up in babies

Are household items poisoning us

Plastics have been on my mind recently, particularly because I'm in the middle of a big purge of toys and baby equipment. As my friend and I were hauling large plastic toys and baby equipment to her van the other day, I couldn't help wish I'd known as a first-time mom what I know today. That a lot of this would seem very wasteful and unessential with a few years parenting experience under one's belt. That a firm conversation with grandparents is in order to minimize those super-size, stage-specific toys that won't endure. And most importantly, that hundreds of micro-exposures to plastics could have negative health repercussions that we're just beginning to understand.

But to those expectant moms now looking askance at their shower curtains and linoleum floors, please don't freak out, berate yourself and call a contractor on the same day. You've got enough to endure without the comforts of sushi and shiraz.

That said, I think I'm going to get serious about replacing my Tupperware with glass containers. Not because of this article, but because the overall picture does not look good and hasn't for some time.

This Christmas, I'm also discouraging new plastic toys that aren't a part of my sons' current obsession with Lego. I'm quite certain that my grandchildren will play with the Lego.

I can't say the same of the made-in-China plastic doctor's office (complete with defibrillator paddles and pretend IV pole), cute but long forgotten.

Parenting tip of the day

Here's a school-lunch cheat you might like to copy on a hurried morning.

When I'm in a local bakery, I've been grabbing a stuffed croissant as an occasional sandwich boredom buster for my son in Grade One.

It's admittedly a bit of a treat because of the high fat content (though Cameron is so skinny he has a little 6-year-old six pack), but there's goat cheese, spinach and roasted red pepper inside. Pickier eaters might prefer ham and cheese, or even the variety stuffed with a sausage, which kind of makes it like a big, portable hot dog.

I've been picking these up about once a week. The cost is around $2.50.

What are your lunch-box secrets?

Girls have a right to ice

It's been an important day for Toronto girls who play hockey.

 

Threatening the City of Toronto with a Human Rights complaint, the Toronto Leaside Girls Hockey Association scored a victory in a nation-wide and decades-long fight for equal access to ice time.

Citing costs of $1 million in ice time rented mostly from private arenas, the organization alleged there was systematic discrimination against girls who play hockey. Traditionally girls hockey leagues have found themselves coming a distant third in priority sequence for access to rinks, after boys' hockey associations and adult men's teams.

My colleague Jennifer Wilson-Speedy, yourhome.ca editor and hockey player, remembers playing at 10 o'clock at night after the local Old Timer's team was finished. Coming after boys and beer leagues? That's simply not acceptable.

And today David Miller agreed.

He said men's leagues would have to move over so the City can address the imbalance.

Good for these girls, and good for the hardworking association president, Ron Baker, who stood up for their rights.