Hyper Parents & Coddled Kids

We've been using the phrases "helicopter parents" and "hyper parenting" for a while now. We know most kids are over-scheduled and over-protected. We enjoy tsk-tsking at the notion of the parent who runs interference for her child all the way through university. A Time magazine feature The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting was full of delicious anecdotes about these incredibly micro-managing parents and their terribly indulged offspring.

The CBC's upcoming documentary Hyper Parents & Coddled Kids - A look inside the frenzied world of parents who over-protect, over-indulge and over-schedule their children will mine some of the same territory when it airs Feb. 4th at 9 p.m. ET.

Here's a clip:

Even if we don't throw $7,000 birthday parties, I believe we can still see some of our own parental anxieties reflected in these over-the-top cases. The parts of us that wonder if maybe we too should be grinding our own flax seeds, getting up at 6:30 on Saturday to out-dial other parents on registration day, or squeezing in some extra French lessons between karate and piano. It's worth reflecting on how broader psycho-social factors have brought about this type of parenting and how those affect all of us. It's worth considering how this approach to our kids will affect their ability to cope without when they're full grown. And it's also damn entertaining to witness extreme parenting at its height.

I'll be writing more about this once I've watched the full-length screener, but meanwhile, mark the calendar for Feb. 4th so you can catch it yourself.

Some more interesting stuff on the way we parent:

What's good about 'bad parenting'

The end of Supermom

Parenting trends: Hot news from the home front

Newsflash: Your kid's not special

Bringing baby up 'badly' on purpose

Comments

[Maria]

Keep in mind that when tv shows or documentary's like this are done, they are only showing snapshots of their lives. Those snapshots are likely to be the most exaggerated instances of their lives, and not an accurate account of their family life and / or parenting.

[Charles Farley]

I'd love to watch this but our son has hockey until 10 and our daughter has dance until 9. Any chance there will be a rebroadcast?

[LovesReadingComments]

I think most people who criticize today's parents don't have kids. If they do have kids, I can't believe they have time to comment. Even providing basic needs takes all day.
Why are people so critical of parents trying to do their best? If someone doesn't want to grind flax seed, than fine, don't. If you want to, do it. In a way, this is people trying to tell people how to raise their kids. It's another way of saying "don't spoil your kids!" BORING.
I think it speaks to peoples lack of confidence that they would care if someone was an attentive loving parent, or did things differently. SPARE ME. DON'T PERPETUATE THIS STUPID MYTH.

[Brandie Weikle]

I'm considering grinding flax seeds for my kids' banana muffins. My kids are in extra-curricular activities. I dressed a turkey breast between breakfast and leaving for work. I'm actually not suggesting that any of these things are bad or even that I'M not a hyper parent at times. I just think, hmm, maybe the $7,000 birthday party is a little competitive. Or that maybe that it's a little much to complain to your child's university professor if he doesn't bring home an A. Knock yourself out with flax seeds and the grinding. Go Omega-3 fatty acids!

[LovingMom]

So what if parents want to grind their own flax seeds? Or even throw a $7000 birthday party? Its their kid - and I am sure that any time a parent does these things it is because they care for their kid. I think this is infinitely better than not caring for your kids

[Edward Smythe]

What's the big deal? $7K does not seem too out of line from what a decent party would cost.

[Brandie Weikle]

But it's for a one-year-old!! Honestly, if you've got that much money to spend on a party, set it aside for her wedding, or a family vacation when she's big enough to remember, or wait, how about donate it to Haiti? (Clearly, this party happened before the earthquake, but you know what I mean.)

[Amy @ Muddy Boots]

I haven't seen the doc so can't comment on it, although I do agree about the whole hyper/helicopter parenting.

In respect to the 7K birthday party, isn't that common in some cultures? Maybe south-east Asia or the middle east? I remember my aunt and uncle talking about a first birthday they'd gone to that was like a wedding reception (!) and it being traditional for the first birthday.

That being said... $7,000?? Seven. THOUSAND. Dollars?!? Yikes.

[Ken E]

As a father of two small boys, I have learned some things about being a parent.

The first is that, as the article points out, many people just love to tsk-tsk and sit in judgement of other parents if they see an unruly child in public, or hear of some parent doing something that we would not even consider doing ourselves such as an outlandish birthday party.

But the reality of the situation is that parenting is very much like driving. Everyone thinks that they, and only they are REALLY REALLY good at it and everyone else is a complete moron. The reality of it is, we're all clueless and just doing the best we can in whatever situation we're in.

And it's not as if this is a new phenomenon. I get an email sent to me every few months that is a paragraph that says something like "THE KIDS TODAY ARE RUDE AND LAZY AND THEY DON'T RESPECT THEIR ELDERS and blah blah blah blah" and the joke is that at the end of the paragraph, you find out that it was written by Aristotle or someone six thousand years ago. So really, kids have been obnoxious brats since the dawn of time.

LITERALLY since the dawn of time.

God himself had two kids. Gave them everything. They lived in paradise. It could not have been better. And God asked them both one thing:

"Hey kids...if you don't mind....please don't eat the fruit off of that tree over there."

And we all know what happened. So the moral of that story?

Even God himself could not control his kids. So what the heck are we supposed to do?

And God's grandchildren? Well I believe one killed the other. And the story goes that it was something about jealousy but having two boys, I would bet $100 that it was more likely something about one stealing the other's toy, or one farting on the other's head or something along those lines and a murdering is what finally resulted.

So again, kids have been out of control since the dawn of time. All the judgement and tut-tutting does nothing to help. We're all just doing the best we can.

[guy]

I like the Chinese custom of not celebrating one's birthday until your parents are deceased. The big celebrations are reserved for turning 70, 80 etc. Kids in China don't typically have birthday parties - it's considered disrespectful to one's parents.

[girl]

All i'm saying is parenting not easy....
Every child is different & developed differently.

TV shows like this are only showing snapshots of their lives on TV not the reality..

All I say Do your best!
Stick to day to day -basic stuff...keep it simple & easy.

Rest all depends on the destiny........
TC

[mirai]

"I like the Chinese custom of not celebrating one's birthday until your parents are deceased. The big celebrations are reserved for turning 70, 80 etc. Kids in China don't typically have birthday parties - it's considered disrespectful to one's parents."

I've never heard of that and I'm ethnically chinese. My parents (originally from China) have always celebrated every single birthday my siblings and I had when we were kids. I guess they are westernized immigrants.