Poor-sport parents? Get a hold of yourselves!

Hockey moms and dads? I've got some bad news. Your kid isn't making it to the NHL.

I know. It's hard. Maybe if you hadn't gotten the mumps in grade 11 you might have made that triple-A team, and who knows where that could have led you. Maybe you could have been the NEXT BIG THING.

But nothing that happens in your child's novice/atom/peewee/bantam/midget game is going to change that.

And whether your daughter is in the starting line or whether your son stays on the pitching mound for the whole ball game? That's also not going to make it any better. And it's going to have ZERO bearing on his or her potential for a professional career.

It's time Canadian parents reexamine their relationship to their children's sporting lives.

What are your expectations and are they realistic?

According to a new Ipos-Reid poll, more than half of Canadians have witnessed abusive behaviour at a children's sporting event. For the purpose of this research, the scope of abusive behaviour at a game was narrowed to physical of verbal abuse of a coach or other sports official. (It didn't even count mouthing off or fighting among other adults on the sidelines!).

This survey of 23,351 adults in 22 countries determined that Canada is the fifth-worst country for hot-headed sports parents. It's embarrassing, but sadly not that surprising.

If you're foaming at the mouth because junior got a penalty, I'm afraid you're overdue for a trip to Mrs. McTherapist. Or maybe you need to download some anger-management sessions and listen to them in the van on the way to the game.

Here's a list of jobs for you as a sports parent:

1) Get your child to the game on time (or find a suitably undrunk alternate for same).

2) Bring or buy snacks.

3) Lace up/tape up gear as needed.

4) Shut the hell up.

Of course that's not quite all. You need to sell wrapping paper or magazine subscriptions or sides of beef or whatever. And you need to toss the ball around with your child or take shots on him in the driveway or participate in whatever other kind of practice is required. You need to coach your child on what it means to be a good sport, and mostly you need to do that by example. How can you expect your kid not to punch another child's lights out when you just lost it on Alpha Dad from the opposing team?

And if you can't manage to behave yourself for the sake of the kids or the other adults, do it for yourself!

You could have a heart attack out there, man.

Comments

[Brian Robert]

I remember reading a quote on the back of Starbucks cup once: "Give me world politics, gender politics, party politics, or small-town politics ... I'll take them all over the politics of youth sports."

A Seattle, Wash. councilor, Brenda Stonecipher, made me recall my three years on a baseball executive, and laugh to myself sadly.

There's more drama and backstabbing behind the scenes of amateur sports than a Survivor episode. Quite possibly the roots of this abusive behaviour at games. I spent three years as a member of a baseball executive. That was enough for me. I even outlasted my mom who spent one year as a volunteer when I was playing ball.

We left probably for the same reasons. I often joke with my dad, who was president of the association at the time I was there, that I could write a television show with the fodder reaped from in-fighting.

I played baseball in the league from ages 9-15. Umpired there since I was 11, and did so for about 18 years. My dad, a lifetime member of 20+ years, albeit without the heart he once had because of inflated egos, has seen it all.

One executive member funneled funds off of equipment sales and an apathetic treasurer turned a blind eye. The embezzler was told to pay back what he had taken, but once his cheques started bouncing nobody went after him, not even the new treasurer and president.

One coach, vocation: police officer, threw a baseball directly at a disobedient kid's head. The kid took it in the face because the coach called his name just as he threw. Still no reaction from most executive members.

That gent caused further problems and was later booted off the exec and barred from the league. He and his wife would later get barred from another association.

Parents get on executives and then act like they're trying to reclaim Omaha Beach. It was exasperating for me because I just wanted to help with the small stuff.

I faced critiquing about my work with the association on a weekly basis from one gent who had his finger in every pie. I will admit that being in my early 20s I had everyone trying to "guide" me. I experienced ageism because of my youth. My lack of allegiance, and sticking to my duties had to have rubbed some groups raw.

The critiquing got more frequent, and after three years of listening to all the things I was doing wrong in my volunteer position, I left.

Additionally, listening to pro-select folks fight with pro-rep, pro-house league parents, friends becoming enemies over being omitted from the rep coach selection committee I grew tired of the stupidity

Hockey is no better. I didn't play hockey but my dad loved the game so much he volunteered to coach teams he didn't have kids on. Some parents didn't like him so they almost went as far as filing false child abuse charges.

I don't know why people would go to such lengths to destroy another man's life just for coaching a bloody rep team.

The screaming, the fighting, the character assassinations, the bad-mouthing of officials - which I have observed increasing more so over the years leading to my departure from umpiring - it's not just on the field. It saturates every element of minor sports from what I have seen.

It's alarming because while these parents massage their egos real issues like Graham Jones get missed or run the risk of people turning their heads.

I'm not being dramatic. I'm being brutally honest. Minor sports are about the kids enjoying themselves. Competition is great. I'm all for it. Still parents lose themselves in the miasma of power they get.

I go home to visit my parents and I still hear my dad complain about who hates who, who's backstabbing who in the baseball association. These are grown men with a few women scattered in acting like a bunch of brats in a school yard.

Whenever my dad brings up the executive, I respond with a flat 'Oh,' then change the subject. Why he stays involved, my guess is because he loves sports. I share that same love.

I'm sure other parents, volunteers do too, but they have a funny way of showing it.

[Adrienne]

I think there's something more important than anything you've mentioned here.

You have to touch base regularly with your kid to make sure he/she is a) playing because he/she wants to play and b) having fun. If your kid is playing just to make you happy, getting them to the game on time, snacks, and equipment are the least of your concerns.

[Jim M]

This post should be displayed in hockey arenas around the world. Or maybe just the top ten "hot-headed" provinces. Since the volatile parents also bring video cameras with them (hoping to catch some carnage for posterity, presumably), YouTube has quite a few hockey horror picture shows featuring many Sarah Palin-esque pitbulls in action (male and female). Personally, I didn't feel much like singing O Canada after hearing the audio portion of this video (foul language warning): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2woX5B2MX4 But the NHL audience seen in the next clip proves that hockey fans sometimes raise their voices for worthy causes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7TgDanmWkg :)