Canadian parents are easy on their teens

If your teen is laying it on thick about how everybody under the sun has a later curfew and more daytime minutes, put this in your back pocket.

Canadian parents are lenient compared to those in Italy and France, according to a new study published in the Journal of Adolescence. Italian parents were rated by their adolescent children as most demanding and authoritative. Parents in France came somewhere in the middle.

The relationships between teens and their parents were compared by researchers from the Universite de Montreal, who chose the three countries because they share Latin language, Catholic history and are all advanced industrial societies.

"Our study found Canadian parents to be the most tolerant," says Michel Claes, the psychology professor who was lead author of the report. "They had less rules and less disciplinary actions. Canadian mothers and fathers were seen as less punitive, less coercive and more tolerant than French and Italian mothers."

Research was conducted by asking adolescents in all three countries to answer questionnaires about both their emotional bonds with their parents and the amount of behavioural control imposed upon them.

The Italian parents were deemed more likely to take punitive actions when rules were broken, and had less tolerance of teens socializing with peers. "They uphold family regulation and require their adolescents to ask for authorization until a much later age," says Claes.

Claes reasoned that Canadians have a democratic view of education that promotes independence and negotiation, while those in European counties may emphasize respect for authority and obligation to the family.

So back to your negotiation with Junior about whether his friend's older brother is a suitable chaperone for a co-ed sleepover. Maybe tell him he's welcome to move to Italy, where he'll surely be too busy helping mom can the tomatoes?

More parenting news worth checking out today:

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Back-to-school guide

Comments

[www.aggraygate.blogspot.com]

Now I don't feel so bad ;)

[Robert Wills]

I am a retired teacher. I found over many years that parents more and more tried to become friends with their teens, rather than to parent them. They were more amd more hesitant to say "No". It was easier to give in than to make a stand. It was most often the children of immigrants who were told "Listen to your teacher." Non-immigrant parents were considerably more likely to take the child's side without really hearing what the teacher was saying. It is very very difficult to be a parent today, but too many parents look for the easy way out.

[Helen Hanratty]

I too am a retired teacher. I have four children all of whom are now adults. When they were teenagers and would whine at me for being "the second-meanest mother in the neighbourhood" I used to tell them that if I didn't love them I would be always saying "yes" to them. It's a whole lot easier to say "yes" than to say "no". BTW - I never did manage to outdo my neighbour who constantly won the "meanest mother in the neighbourhood" award.

[taylor]

This might explain why a certain group of children are graduating on top of their class in university while others aren't. Kids lack the experience to make sound decisions so if parents who know better do not want to set rules to guide them on things like their studies or tardiness or how to take care of themselves then its those same kids who 10 years later will be wishing their parents was a little more strict or at least demand a little more. Once they leave the nest nobody will be holding their hands so those parents better prepare to have their kids blame them for all their shortcomings in a few years.

[Andy]

Canadian society is much less of a rat race since high school. In places like France, with graduation/admission test determining a very big part of the success in life, with the cult of "elite institutions", there is a huge pressure on kids to do well in high school just because its nearly impossible to catch up afterwards. In Canada, there's much less the cult of "elite institutions", not to mention that transferring between, say, University of Guelph to University of Toronto is relatively painless if the grades are high enough.

Guess what? It's healthier that way. I know a lot of people here who switched in their mid-careers to a different path that felt fit them better and are happy about it. I know quite a few people who slugged through high school and turned out to do great in advanced courses in college. I also know quite a few people who did spectacularly in high school but failed to perform in college, in particularly - at advanced level.

Life is about being able to figure out the rules yourself and be able to adapt to them, not about just following the path blindly. At year 4 of college it doesn't matter quite as much how well you did on that history test in high school, in particular - if you major in biology.

[Gary]

Reminds me of Russel Peters comedy sketch: Canadian parents, please beat your kids, they're being left out from the immigrant kids. I don't really condone beating your kids, but it's true that Canadian parents are too easy on their kids. Time-outs? Stand in the corner? These aren't real forms of discipline. It's no wonder I usually see these kids swear at their parents and show a total lack of respect to others.

[Jackie]

This is very true. Canadian families are more linenant on their children, they rather be their best friend than give them discipline with no rules. Growing up I didn't have any allowance I had to work and make my own money working at stores.I had a very strict curfew even till this day I have a curfew and I'm 24. If I talked back swore or fought with my parents I would get a beating because to them I would be disrespectful. Today it is very hard to discipline children especially in Canada. Now I see why my friends say it is difficult to raise them in Canada

[Levi @ Turning Winds]

Personally, I would rather impose strict rules to my kids rather than be lenient to them. It's not wrong to establish a friendly relationship between you and your teen but it is also important to let them realize that you're still their parent who knows what's best for them. If they do something wrong, reprimand or punish them fairly. Kids should know good values at home and being lenient doesn't help achieve that.