The whole pot of tea

I've made a promise to myself. At least once a week, I'll brew a whole pot of tea. And I'll drink it while it's still warm.

It's an incredibly mundane resolution, but it represents so much more than just the caffeine indulgence.

Monday to Friday I make single cups of tea, puttering around before leaving the house for work, juggling loads of laundry and breakfast requests. Sometimes I boil the kettle several times before actually remembering to pour it over the tea bag in one of my favourite blue mugs. Just as often, it gets cold while I make "eggy sandwiches" or oatmeal.

At the office, I buy a second cup of tea at the little tuck shop on the first floor of the Toronto Star building. I usually only manage to drink half or two-thirds of it before it gets cold.

But my new aim is to slow down long enough to (almost) single task as I drink a few cups of tea. For the last two weekends, I've headed to my home's enclosed porch to drink my pot of tea while reading an actual book or newspaper. Not on my laptop. Not on my iPhone. Instead, on my bottom under a blanket (while the mornings are still cool), for the duration of approximately three cups.

As parents, the idea of a few moments to read and sip a favourite hot drink can seem so elusive. Granted, it's easier for me to accomplish this than it is for some. I no longer have a baby who needs to be breastfed every few minutes. Because I share custody of my kids with the boys' great dad, I have a some structured time in my week when I'm not with them (painful at first, but something I've come to appreciate for its silver lining).

However, I maintain that it IS possible for anyone to slow down long enough for a pot of tea or a second cup of coffee. Maybe you'll still have munchkins running around. Maybe you don't have a partner with whom to trade off, or perhaps you're just so in the thick of baby care or early-morning hockey practices it doesn't seem realistic. But all of us can make a choice to indulge in something small and virtually free. If you're on your own with tiny children, maybe you'll have to get some help from the Backyardigans while you sip and read (or have a hot bath or whatever would feel good for you).

What strikes me, though, is the number of people who do share parenting with a partner, but who don't seem to be able to break away for the shortest amount of time. There's a complex matrix here of attachment, guilt, control and inertia. We don't think we can slow down so we don't. But we're actually just making choices to keep doing things the way we always have. And we can make a different choice to grab a little time for ourselves.

Sometimes it appears as though spending every second engaged with the family or our household chores is the noble thing to do. It's hard to get away from that to-do list and the urgent demands of a little one seeking someone to be Mater to his Lightning McQueen. Perhaps it would help to think of the time we carve out for ourselves as insurance against losing it on our kids when we're frustrating and can't bear to listen to another squabble or colicy cry. Because there is absolutely a cause-and-effect relationship between utter lack of personal time and our patience and tolerance.

So let's do this together. What would recharge you just a little? How can you make it happen?

 

Comments

[Jess Bennett]

I like this idea a lot. It's a small thing, but a very conscious decision - and one that can slowly impact the way you might approach other tasks in your life. It's fitting that tea is your selected medium for recharging since tea is filled with so many beneficial nutrients and has a calming effect on the body.

I will join you with your weekly pact to drink the whole pot, Brandie!

[Heather]

I'll join you in your teapot promise! I'm reading your post and seeing myself. The lukewarm half cups of tea scattered around my house show people exactly where I've been all day. I'm a bit better on the weekends but still guilty of multi-tasking. Starting today, full pot, single enjoyable task.

[Jen]

Loved this. How true that in many cases we are the ones who have the power to take these moments, and yet again and again we don't take them?

I have two kids, 6 and 2, but I also have the power to arrange and rearrange my schedule to fit things in. It's easy to forget, but the power is mine.

My small graces are making time to read books again, sitting in coffee shops instead of grabbing drive thru, and getting pedicures once the warm weather arrives. I also get a sitter two afternoons a week so I have time to run errands quietly and alone, and to dip into my small indulgences when opportunity arises.

We need to enjoy these things. It makes us better people, and better to those around us.

[Brandie]

Thank you, ladies. Let's stay in touch about how our teapot efforts are going. As I approach the end of my weekend, there's a bit of mess on the kitchen counter, but I'm still happy that I began my day with a pot of tea and a book. In case you're interested, I'm reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, which has clearly got me thinking the things -- little and big -- that impact life satisfaction. Thanks, again.

[Kristin]

Tea is almost a religion for me; I only buy good loose leaf I use a pot with a diffuser (the same one in your picture!), I time the steeping so it's perfect and I use a tea warmer so that I can slowly enjoy the whole pot as I work or read or if I'm really lucky settling in with a good radio show. I find that having that sense of ritual and paying it the attention that I do (I have different mugs I like for different teas for crying out loud!) helps me to feel like I am prioritizing myself and my self-care.

The other day my 4-year-old and I were talking about our "favourite questions" and we decided that mommy's favourite thing to say is, "when I'm finished my tea". Someday we will share it and have after school tea time but for now, it's all about me.

[Brandie Weikle]

That's a sweet story, Kristin. Thanks for sharing. You're inspiring me to do a little better at saying "when I'm finished my tea." I longed for more tea time during Monday's rush this morning!

[blakeroo]

I'm in. No more re-nuked cups of coffee for me (I know, horrors).

I'm just emerging from the toddlerhood stage in our house. Like Jen, I've been hiring a kid up the street to watch the girls while I go for a run, putter around or run errands. And for the first time in far too long, I'm reading novels.

Thanks for the inspiration, Brandie and friends of Brandie. I'm off to find a teapot.

[Brandie Weikle]

Let's all say no to re-nuking our coffee/tea! We can DO this!

And I applaud you and Jen for hiring someone to help out so you can get a bit of sanity. It's SO important. Aren't our kids just a little bit cuter when we've come back from a run/massage/coffee shop. (The massage-cuteness correlation seems to be most profound.)

[Darleen]

I agree with this completely! I am now a grandmother, but when I did have 3 young daughters at home, I always found 15 minutes here or there for myself, and found it necessary. I recall being asked when I had time to read as much as I did - always maintaining my 1 novel/book per week. I answered - "don't you go to the bathroom? " - meaning that in the bathroom I did find time to read, but also the fact that you do take time to pee, so make it a fact of life in your routine. There are lots of times to have a cup of tea and finish it or read (if that brings you joy) - with young children. I found it also taught them that they could do something for 15 minutes on their own. And TV was not the babysitter :)

[jansen]

Waking up in the morning and taking my son for a walk along the beach followed by a nice cup of green tea does wonders for recharging my batteries.

[ana]

hi kristin, first time commenter here. i can relate to what you wrote, it seems like such a simple thing! i'm known for having a cold, half-empty cup of tea left somewhere around the house. it seems the only time i can really enjoy a cup of tea is at the crack of dawn before anyone is awake (but at this time, i need a coffee!) or after everyone is in bed (and i have to stick to decaf herbal tea or else i'm up all night too!).

thanks for the reminder to not just seek out solitude, but to reassess why we seem pulled in so many directions sometimes, and what we can do to slow things down a little.

[sunyjim]

The solution of course is a tea warmer or a tea cosy.
I am very lucky to have a tea cosy from an Uncle filled with the warmest goose down. The cosy combined with a Chinese iron tea pot I found at HomeSense, I can come back and enjoy another hot cup of tea 4-5 hours later.